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WWF Byte This! by E.C. Ostermeyer




This is the WWE Byte This! report for Friday 3 May 2002,and I'm "Easily Corrupted."

Before the

Opening credits

We get a video of the Hogan Y2J match from last night's Smackdown show, where Hogan gets his once more from the Undertaker, and HHH gets in the save to prove he's still a face.

Your hosts are Kevin Kelly and Dr. Tom Prichard.
Both are back from a busy week of work at the WWF tryout camps in Cincinnati and Louisville.

Kelly says of the opening clip that it's almost as if Miss Cleo was on Smackdown, what with the Undertaker showing up as everyone predicted.

Kelly and Dr. Tom both give a shout out to the hopefuls who came out and gave their all for a shot at the big time.
"Nobody left any trick in their bag this past week," says Kelly.

Dan, a regular caller from Chicago, says that he thinks Steve Austin is really a secret member of the NWO, trying to make Ric Flair look bad.
"If you look at the camera angle they showed on Raw, there was no way that Flair could have called the match any other way." says Dan.
Kelly says that Flair will get his chance to redeem himself in Austin's eyes when he, Austin, and Bradshaw do the Six-Man match on the upcoming Raw show.
"Austin's looking forward to getting his hands on that turncoat Big Show," says Kelly.

Kelly and Dr. Tom shill the upcoming Insurrextion PPV, and where you can see it.

Dr. Tom and Kelly whine to Big Country about how they can't get assistants like Stacy Keibler.
Big says that Byte This! Phone Guy Matt Duda got a bunch of stuff from Ronnie from Tennessee, including business cards, and that picture Ronnie had made with Dwight Yoakum.
Lo and behold, here's Ronnie himself, who says he wants to take over the WWF from Mr. McMahon, to which Dr. Tom says that maybe Ronnie ought to take some baby steps right at the start.

Ronnie says he wants it all, and right now, because he doesn't like the way Mr. McMahon does things, or how he treats his wrestlers.
Kelly says that if Ronnie becomes the boss, he could have Stacy Keibler working for him.
Ronnie says thanks, but right now, he's got a crush on Kellie Thornton, an actress on the "Passions" soap opera.
Ronnie then asks if WWE will be in Knoxville any time soon?
Kelly says if they are in Knoxville, Ronnie will be their special guest.

The Chatroom says that if BC's Mom lost a "Hair v. Hair" match, she'd look like Butterbean!
Big Country makes noises like a ruptured accordion.

Droz is off this week, and Tazz is "At The Beach" at Newark, NJ (?)

Next caller wants to know why the Lou Thesz tribute took so long to get posted on the WWE website?
BC says that the package was so big it took longer to edit than normal.
Kelly says that you can't do justice in honoring guys like Thesz and Wahoo McDaniel within the bandwidth confines of the website.
Lots of sneery comments from Kelly, mostly at Big Country's expense for about five minutes, before Kelly gets around to shilling today's Classic Clip, SummerSlam '98's Hair v. Hair" match between X-Pac and Jeff Jarrett.

Not surprisingly, this leads to discussion of the "Hair v. Hair" match between Edge and Kurt Angle.
Kelly thinks that Kurt Angle would be known as the "Propecia Kid" if he loses.
Dr. Tom says that Edge may be a bit disoriented if he lost all his hair.
"With those ears of his sticking out," says Dr. Tom, "he'd lose his aerodynamic stability, and start wobbling al over the place."

Live on the phone is Rob Van Dam from the Raw "Insurrextion" house show in Birmingham, UK.
It's about 9:30 PM their time, and the house show is still going on.

RVD critiques his match at "Backlash' with Eddie Guerrero.
"It was more his night than my night," says RVD. "A lot of people thought we'd worked before in ECW, but Eddie'd left that promotion before I got started over there."
RVD than talks about being on the road, especially overseas, what with the time difference, the food, the scheduling, and all.
"It ain't the USA over there, is it?" snickers Kelly.

RVD and Kelly push the 7-11 Slurpee cups promotion, then Kelly asks RVD how it felt to be reunited with the Smackdown wrestlers at the "Backlash" PPV?
"I feel like the split has helped a lot of the wrestlers like Justin Credible, and Stasiak, who were sitting at home and now are getting extra exposure."

Kelly touts the WWE "Forcible Entry" CD.

Talk shifts to "The Osbournes" show on MTV.
Kelly wants to know what we'd see if RVD's home got the total TV camera treatment like Ozzie's house?
"What would that be like, RVD?" asks Kelly.
"B-o-o-o-o-r-i-n-g!" laughs RVD.

Dave from New York wants the "Hair v. Hair" match changed to a Hair (Angle) v. Skullet (Edge) " match.
Kelly says that Eddie G's mullet is the worst he's ever seen, saying "I've seen better ones at hockey games!"

Dave wants to know who else is coming up from the territories?
"Jamie Knoble for one," says Kelly.
"We grow guys like Knoble in a lab like hydroponic plants," says Dr. Tom, which gets a laugh.
"Does Josh Matthews from 'Tough Enough' still look good?" asks Dave.
"He's very ugly, ugly man," laughs Dr. Tom.

Dave kicks off, and we get Diamond Dallas Page, who says his "whole life is nothing but rehab now!"
Dr. Tom wants to know how DDP got the determination to get into the ring?
"I lived the 'pursuing your dream' thing myself," says DDP, "I wanted to do it as a kid, then got away from it for thirty years, and then came back to it. Now, I'm doing exactly what I want to do. Back then, when I tried out for Bill Watts, I had just torn my rotator cuff, and he turned me down. That was okay, because it gave me the motivation to succeed."

DDP says he should not have taken up the "Stalker" angle when he first started in the WWE. "I should have told him 'it's a great idea, but it's not for me!"

DDP talks about the neck injury he has on his C5 & C6 vertebrae, similar to Lita's.
"Bob Holly is one tough sumbitch. In that match, I misjudged a kick, and then got levelled with a clothesline from the fat part of Bob's arm. I didn't know where I was for a second. Then, later on, when I tried to pick him up, I jackknifed, hooking my feet over my head, and I landed right on the back of my neck! It really stung something fierce!
Next thing I know, Bob's hovering over me looking real concerned, muttering "Y'okay, Page? Y'okay?"
After the match, Holly told me he thought he tore his biceps on that clothesline of his. Holly said that the kick I gave him he felt all the way down into his d*ck. I thought that was a good trade-off, my neck for Bob's wee-wee!"
This gets everybody laughing.

DDP says that because of the yoga program he's gotten from RVD, he's more flexible than he was when he started, and that may have saved him from possible paralysis.
"It's something I preach to all the guys, this yoga stuff and all," says DDP, "and it's helped guys like Albert and Scotty Too Hotty. You can't fake gravity, can you Dr. Tom?"
"No, you can't," says Dr. Tom, "one of the most important things we teach the new guys is how to protect your body, to avoid getting seriously hurt."

DDP says he's due to undergo a spinal scan this week, mentioning that Jason Hervey (from "The Wonder Years") hooked him up with the neurologists in Alabama who will be doing the work.

Kelly and Dr. Tom wish DDP well, and he leaves the show.
Kelly asks Dr. Tom about the importance of stretching for today's wrestlers.
Dr. Tom says that, early on, wrestlers rarely went in for stretching exercises, but now they have become a part of the regimen.

We take a break and watch Stacy Keibler's recent "Successful Job Interview," with Vince McMahon.
Vince has a look on his face like a starving glutton confronted with a big plate of ribs!
Michael Cole says Stacy brings a lot of perqs to the table.
Tazz is busy making gurgling sounds like a coffee pot on high boil!

I agree with what Larry Zbyszko said of Ms. Keibler:
"That girl is 90% leg!"

"If anybody ever earned a job..." says Kelly, "she nailed that interview, didn't she?"
"If there was ever an interview that Mr. McMahon knew what he was looking for," says Dr. Tom, "that was it!"

Brian from Long Island wants to know if this will be Hogan's last run as Champion?
Kelly says yes, "if Hogan hadn't won on Backlash, he probably would be gone by now.
Dr. Tom says that fans may not have been liked back in the day, but the fans have to like him now, and they sure show it

Randy from Massachusetts wants to know if Goldberg's been approached yet?
Kelly says he has no info on that "at this time."
Randy asks if Hogan will be using the "Real American" entry music?
Kelly says probably. Dr. Tom says no.

Joe from Rochester, NY asks if Brock Lesnar is going to get a "Goldberg-style fast track push?"
"Not a chance," says Dr. Tom, "He's moving at good speed as it is. When he's ready, his push will be ready for him."
Joe then wants to know if Lesnar could beat Kurt Angle?
"Again, not a chance," repeats Dr. Tom, "nobody's better than Kurt Angle one-on-one."

Kelly's p.o.-ed because Stacy's running late, and takes it out on Big Country, who ain't having any of that nonsense from Kelly, thank you.

Casting about for a topic to fill the dead air, Kelly decides to bust up on the "Tough Enough 2 whiners, especially Pete, who ought to be run down by a pack of hyenas, or stuck in a pot by some natives. Teach him the real meaning of "going native!"

Blessedly, Stacy Keibler joins the show, live on the phone.
Dr. Tom thinks Stacy doesn't know who he is.
Stacy says she sure does.
Dr. Tom likes Stacy's belly button.
Kelly likes Stacy's legs.
Big surprise.

"Are you having fun?" asks Kelly, "or would you prefer to put on the boots and mix it up more?"
"I'm not interested in wrestling right now, although I feel I bring a certain something to the ring, even if I can't really wrestle like Jazz or Trish," says Stacy.

Kelly asks about how Stacy's handling a possible "hostile working environment?"
"Vince is so good at what he does," say Stacy, "I'm learning a lot from him. Everyone should have a chance to work with him. I love watching him as a character and as a businessman.

Kelly tells Stacy about Ronnie wanting to take over the WWE from Vince McMahon. Stacy says she will be sure to tell Vince about it.

Kelly asks how Stacy liked the Australian tour?
"I can't wait to go back," says Stacy, "We sold out a 55,000 seat stadium there the last time. If anyone out there wants to save their money, Australia is a great place to take a vacation."

Talk shifts to Stacy's appearance with Torrie Wilson on "Tough Enough 2."
Stacy says that the three girl contestants who are left each really want the contract.
Kelly says that they "should let 'em fight it out, with the winner getting the contract."

Shawn from California says Stacy's so gorgeous and so cute, and then asks if she's interested in Randy Orton?
Stacy says that Shawn should keep watching the show, because there should be some surprises in store for Mr. Randy Orton. " You know, Mr. McMahon saw my skit with Randy..." says Stacy, and leaves it at that.

Caller Allison from DC wants to know when Stacy will be getting back to wrestling?
Stacy says it should be soon.
Allison then says she's a former friend of Stacy's, but we get some "technical difficulties" and Allison gets cut off.
Kelly says that Big Country thinks Allison was a lesbian.
BC says lesbians and bisexual ladies are okay, to which Kelly declares that bisexual men are a SIN AGAINST NATURE!
"If you try it that way, EVEN ONCE, you are GAY. Not 'bisexual," GAY, GAY, GAY!" says Kelly, "That's my opinion!"

(In the background, you can hear Big Country making gurgling sounds again, as the phones begin to ring off the hook.
Dr. Tom's got a look on his face that says "What the f-?")

Under control once again, Kelly asks Stacy if she was old enough to remember when ZZ Top first did "Legs?"
"I was born in 1979," says Stacy, so I was three when the song came out. I met ZZ Top the other night, and he (he?) said "Now, she's got LEGS!"

Caller Julio asks Stacy's thoughts "on how her ring persona differs from real life, given that she has only dated four guys?"
Stacy has no problem with the role; in fact, she's having a great time with it!
Julio asks if she's still seeing David (Flair) anymore?
Stacy says that she and David are still good friends but no, they aren't dating anymore.

Kelly and Dr. Tom fall all over themselves thanking Stacy for being on the show.

Once Stacy leaves, Kelly and Dr. Tom get all freaky about the stuff they discussed with her, and whether or not she will tell Vince McMahon.

Kelly, in response to a Chatroom barb about his earlier heated comments on bisexuality, says that while men being bisexual is an OFFENSE AGAINST NATURE, (his emphasis) "We encourage the ladies to "play in both the American and National Leagues, if you get my drift."

More gurgles from Big Country, who is joined by Dr. Tom as well.

Back to business, as Kelly shills for Lita's appearance on the season finale of "Dark Angel." He then gets way pissed when BC corrects him in mid-sentence.

Dr. Tom says that he and Kelly ought to be a part of the next "Tough Enough" series.
"Imagine," muses Dr. Tom,"Beers with Big. Doing the 'Circle Game' with Al. Getting walloped by Hardcore Holly. Staying up all night with Ivory..."

"Ah," says Kelly, "the good life!"

Kelly and Dr. Tom wind up the show with the video of the "SummerSlam '98 "Hair v. Hair" match between X-Pac and Jeff Jarrett."

Next week's scheduled guest is Edge.

See you then.

E.C. Ostermeyer
[slash] wrestling

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