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WWF Byte This! by E.C. Ostermeyer




This WWE Byte This! report for Friday, 10 May 2002 is brought to you by Unca Ed, who reminds all of you gentle readers out there to please keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle until the ride comes to a full stop!

Before the

Opening credits

We get a "Get the "F" Out!" commercial denoting the brand name change.

Little old ladies with chainsaws and gasoline.

Vid clip shows Vinny Mac and his goons on Smackdown "getting the point" across to HHH.
The lesson takes several tries before HHH finally does "get the point!"

"Brand new set, brand new logo, brand new feel," says host Kevin Kelly, "and it's been all sanitized for your convenience."

"Huh?" asks Dr. Tom Prichard.

Kelly makes a $20 bet that Dr. Tom will be the first one to screw up on the new company name. Dr. Tom warily accepts.

First topic is the "Hair v. Hair" match between Edge and Kurt Angle at the Judgement Day PPV.
Kelly says that Hulk Hogan had a good time taking over that "bald" gimmick that Kurt Angle was pushing, even to the point of saying that, if Edge didn't do the job on Kurt Angle, it looked like Mother Nature would.

The "Hell in a Cell" between HHH and Chris Jericho is next up.
Dr. Tom says that HHH has been in four of these "Hell in a Cell" matches, and that experience may tip the balance in his favor.

Time for Droz's Two Cents, Darren Drozdov's weekly review of all things Raw.
(Droz will be handling commentary on the Raw brand, while Tazz will do the same for the Smackdown brand.)

Droz says that Ric Flair's turn on last Monday night's Raw was defensive in nature.
"He wanted to keep control of Raw," says Droz, "and felt it slipping from him and into Steve Austin's hands. Therefore, he made a tough, but really the only decision he could under the circumstances."
Dr. Tom asks Droz if he thought Flair could change his spots?
"He's been around a long time," says Droz, "Sixteen times a Champion. It wouldn't surprise me."

Next topic is The Big Show's comments about his turn to the NWO.
Droz says that he needed to do what he did more, as Big Show saw it, as payback for Vince "holding him back."
Dr. Tom says that Big Show is just plain wrong, because everyone gets the same opportunity, and Big Show is just looking for excuses for blowing his.

But the really big story this week is the firing of both Scott Hall and Mr. Perfect.

Droz says that the loss of Hall is a real dent in the NWO, Hall being one of the founding members. He looks for Flair to take up the slack.
"Both Hall and Mr. Perfect will be missed," says Droz. "Let's hope they learn from their mistakes, and maybe, just maybe we will see them back."

Kelly says Abercrombie in the Chatroom doesn't have to keep typing the same stuff over and over on what JR said about the firing, thank you very much!

Steve from Long Island wants to know the panel's thoughts about the firings?
Dr. Tom says that sometimes, you get more than one chance in the WW-er... E. And sometimes, if you blow your shot you are out.
"I've blown my shot more than once," says Dr. Tom, "but the company always took the time to help me get back on my feet."
Droz says that WWE let Hall go "to give him a shot of reality, to have him realize just what kind of opportunity he had."

The topic of Hogan's "mechanical trouble" with the Undertaker's bike comes up. Droz says that he thinks 'Taker put the whammy on the bike for a while, but Hogan got the last laugh backstage with that eighteen wheeler!

Droz leaves, and Dr. Tom wants to know if there is an "Outthink the Fink" question this week? (He pronounced it "Outfink the Think!")
Kelly says sorry, but no, because Fink's not there this week.

"Well, I've seen Howard Finkel wandering the halls today," says Dr. Tom, "and he just doesn't want to come back here. I think he's got some kind of grudge against me..."

We then get about five minutes of Kelly filling the air with the by-now standard potshots and snide comments about Big Country's Mom, finishing with one about her doing the haircut routine on Michael Hayes.
BC actually chuckles at this, then recounts the story of the time he took Hayes home to meet his parents, and what happened.
"With Hayes, once was enough with my family," laughs Big Country.

Tazz is on the phone. Miserable as usual.

He had a lousy time on vacation last week. Seems he didn't go to Newark like he planned, but got carjacked and "taken for a ride all the way to Chicago."

We get a picture on the chyron of the luscious Torrie Wilson shedding her geisha look on Smackdown, and Tajiri going ballistic in the process. Not surprisingly, we get five minutes on Torrie Wilson's attributes from Kelly.
"Cole and I are both married men," says Tazz, "we can still look at stuff that prime!"
Kelly wants to know if Torrie has ever had a bowel movement, she's so perfect?
This stupid comment of Kelly's gets bellows of outrage from Dr. Tom and Tazz and the Byte This! Studio Audience.

Once again, "Hair v Hair" is the next topic.
Kelly says that Edge bald looked like the guy on the "Alien Nation" show.
Tazz says Michael Cole combs his hair with a fish.
Tazz says his own haircut is his gimmick by choice.
Tazz says that he could wear his hair as an afro.
Kelly says that the afro would work if Tazz used an orange pick with it.

Speaking of afro's, everyone comments on D'Von's new look, and what a great match he had with HHH.

(We get the sound of Tazz's dog (Zeebo?) sneezing in the background.
Tazz says his dog has got allergies.)

Tazz then makes a REALLY nasty comment about pimply-faced Internet geeks.
Kelly says that Tazz had better get started composing an apology to pimply-faced Internet geeks now.
"Ahhh, dammit!" says Tazz, morosely.

About Randy Orton's debut, Tazz says that Randy is going to be a huge player in the business, if he takes his time and doesn't get ahead of himself.

Tazz's take on "Hell in a Cell" has the edge going to HHH, even though Tazz is hoping that Jericho does get the win.

In response to Kelly's question about Kurt Angle's Olympic dream, Tazz thinks Kurt Angle's decision to go for Olympic Gold in 2004 is a good one, "although Kurt should realize that he has nothing to prove at this point."
"But he's very, very competitive," continues Tazz, "and I think he might be getting the itch once again. But I sure wouldn't tell YOU if I knew that he was."

Kelly asks why, and Tazz says that he's down on the whole Internet this week because of the "Spiderman" push that seems to be everywhere.
"Peter Parker is a punk!" says Tazz, as BC gives Kelly the "Wrap it up" sign.
Tazz spots this, and says BC's gonna get clobbered for getting him out of his morning shower with a damn cell phone call earlier today.

Kelly is impressed with the number of people Tazz has ruthlessly buried in this segment.
Tazz, unfazed, says that only the Internet geeks get all bent out of shape these days, and who cares anyway?
Kelly promos Tazz's upcoming Canada tours in Quebec, Halifax, and Cornwall this weekend, and Smackdown's taping in Montreal on Tuesday.

Just like last week, Tazz cuts out, but this time so that the team can hook up with Scotty Too Hotty.

Dr. Tom says BC's got pics of what Kelly and he would look like if they did a "Hair v. Hair" match.
Kelly wants to see what they look like
The displayed chyron pics are brutally nasty, and get hoots of mirth from everybody in the studio.
'Chromedome' Kelly looks like he sets off pipe-bombs in the midwest.
Dr. Tom looks like he just escaped from a "Star Trek" set.

Scotty Too Hotty is next, live on the phone from San Antonio.
He is recovering from surgery having had his C5, C6, and C7 vertebrae fused together, (this is the same surgery that Chris Benoit had.)
Kelly asks what caused Scotty to opt for the surgery at this time?
"It was due to twelve years of getting beat up," says Scotty, who sounds like he is really into the painkillers as a result of being under the knife.

Scotty recounts how he got the injury.
"I missed four months last year with this thing, but I got better. Or so I thought. Then at a match in Laredo, Texas, I threw a punch. I felt something pop, and couldn't lift my arm."
Scotty says that Dr. Youngblood did the surgery and that he's the best.

Kelly asks if Dr. Youngblood does quantity discounts?
Scotty says that he and Lita were asking the Doc about that just the other day.

In response to a Chatroom question about how the year is going for him, Scotty says that he's had a year of ups and downs. A big up was the birth of his daughter.

Kelly says what the prognosis for recovery is?
Scotty says six to nine months.

Kelly asks if Scotty's seen Albert's new look?
"He's still fat and bald, right?" says Scotty with a laugh.

Dr. Tom asks what Scotty will do with the time off?
Scotty says he's spending a lot of time with his family, and has especially enjoyed being with them at Disney World.
"You will find no bigger mark for the Mouse," says Kelly, "than Scotty Too Hotty."

As Scotty leaves, Kelly asks Dr. Tom if there is anything the wrestlers can do to stop the apparent epidemic of neck injuries?
"Just stretching and keeping fit," says Dr. Tom, "making sure you practice and keep up your ring savvy, and then know how to fall properly."
Kelly touts the idea of a website for the fans to leave best wishes for the injured WWE wrestlers like Scotty, Lita, Kane, Chris Benoit, etc.
Dr. Tom says that's a good idea, and tells Big Country to get on with it.

We take a break, and watch a video of Edge and Kurt Angle agreeing to the stipulations of the "Hair v. Hair" match.
"If I beat you, Kurt," says Edge, (doing the hair-clipper routine,) "R-R-r-r-E-ee-E-r-r-e-EEWWwww! All gone! After Judgment Day, Kurt Angle will be Red, White, and BALD!"

And here's Edge, live on his cell phone since the long line phone service in his area is down.

Edge says that the Backlash match he did with Kurt Angle was a straight-up wrestling match with no extra gimmicks.
"The fans really dug what we did!" says Edge.
Kelly says it was about time Edge was allowed to go out and be Edge.
Dr. Tom says that Edge was almost being typecast as a tag team member.

"Yeah," says Edge," like from now on, Toby McGuire will always be Peter Par- !"

"Oops, my dog just jumped into the pool!"

"I couldn't have done this without the help Kurt Angle provided," he continues, "Kurt is a real pro."

Kelly asks Edge's thoughts about the brand extension.
"Like a lot of the wrestlers, it's helped my career, and my confidence," says Edge, "Take Smackdown last night. I had a lot of fun working with Hulk Hogan. I am a huge Hogan fan. Well, I went back to the video library and found some of the things he said that maybe the fans hadn't heard in a while, things like the "Great White Shark" comment, and the "titanic arms" thing. It was really cool being in the gorilla pose with Hogan, and then listen to the reaction the crowd gave us. Gave him, really. Hogan's just grooving on the adulation the fans are giving him."

As regards his own chances of being bald, Edge says he has an odd-shaped cranium.
"The concept of 'Bald' and I don't go too well," he says, "but it seems that's all the fans have been talking about. I go down to get gas, and the people I meet, that's all they are talking about. 'Hey, man, you gonna lose your hair?' they ask me. 'I dunno,' I say, 'I guess we will just have to see."

Edge and Kelly ask about who Edge would like to see bald?
Edge says he'd like to see Chris Benoit.
And especially Vince McMahon.
"Just to see what he'd look like without that pompadour haircut he's always wearing," laughs Edge.

Ronnie from Tennessee calls in, and tells Edge he's gonna be the winner on Judgment Day.
Ronnie tells Edge that, if he, Ronnie, takes over WWE, he'll be sure to give Edge a BIG raise.
Edge just about cracks up, but says thanks.

The next caller, Shevaun, says that Edge is her favorite performer, the best since Shawn Michaels. She then asks who would be the one dream opponent that Edge would want to wrestle?
Edge says that Shawn Michaels tops his list, followed by Bret Hart, and Hulk Hogan, Chris Benoit, and HHH.

Tamaryn from Memphis calls in to ask Edge who he misses travelling with since the Split?
"Tommy Dreamer, Bubba Ray, the Hardys and Lita," says Edge, "nowadays, at the PPV's, it's like coming back to school after summer vacation."
Kelly tells Tamaryn to lock her doors because Mike Tyson's coming to town. Tamaryn says she's bought a brand new security lock.

Kelly segues to the topic of motivation, and what makes it tough for wrestlers to stay motivated.
"It's tough for me just to be leaving home each week, " says Edge, "it's tough just walking out the door. Once I'm out, though, I get excited because of all that's going on. It's going good at work, and so it's going good at home. I can't complain too much."

Dr. Tom asks how Edge's mom liked him working with Hulk Hogan?
"She thought it was great, just a lot of fun," says Edge.
Kelly recounts some background on how tough Edge's mom had it keeping the family together when Edge was coming along.
"It was really worth it, though," says Edge.

Brian from Long Island asks how Edge feels he has changed since his debut?
"It's like night and day since my debut in 1998." Say Edge, "I've gotten smarter, and learned from the other guys like Hunter and the Rock. Lately, I've been studying the Japanese wrestling tapes, some of the stuff from All Japan. What they do is more physical, plus it's slower and more deliberate in the moves and holds delivery. I'm trying to incorporate some of that in what I do in the ring."

A Chatroomer asks how Edge likes the "Tough Enough" show, and the concept?
"It's not as tough as what Dr. Tom and I went through when we were coming along," says Edge, "but it opens the fans eyes as to just what it takes to be a successful wrestler. Take Maven for instance..."
"Boy, there's one guy who's got everybody snowed," sneers Kelly.
"I knew we'd get an Al Snow mention today," says Dr. Tom with a laugh.

Kelly asks Edge's thoughts on the Chris Jericho/HHH "Hell in a Cell" match?
"It'll be really intense," says Edge, "both HHH and Jericho will be pulling out all the stops to win that bout. Comparing it to previous "Hell in a Cell" matches, I don't know how it will measure up to something like Undertaker v. Shawn Michaels, which is probably the best one ever done, or Undertaker v. Mankind, the one that scared everybody so badly. We will just have to see how it goes."

Kelly and Dr. Tom thank Edge for coming on the show today, and wish him good luck with his career, especially in his "Hair v. Hair" match at the Judgment Day PPV.
Edge thanks them and leaves the show.

Kelly says that Dr. Tom should take some credit for Edge's career, having scouted Edge when he was first coming up.

A Chatroomer (Abercrombie again?) says Dr. Tom should get his hands in the air because he looks like he's playing with himself.
Dr. Tom's hands shoot up into the air in response.

More chyron shots of Kelly and Dr. Tom in bald mode, and then (yikes!) we get Paul Heyman and the dreaded skullet!
Dr. Tom says his own bald-o pic makes him look like Doctor Evil.
"One Me-e-e-l-yun dollars!" mimics Dr. Tom, which cracks up the whole studio.

Next week we are in for a treat.
In addition to the Friday show, Byte This! will air a special two hour pre-Judgment Day show just prior to the Sunday Night Heat show. The show will air on Sunday from 5-7 PM.
Big Country says he will have Phil Spears out there doing interviews. Kelly asks if that involves Spears nailing former WWE employees who don't work there anymore?

Kelly shills for the Judgment Day PPV about four more times, then asks Dr. Tom what he's getting his mother for Mother's Day?
"I got a big surprise planned for her," says Dr. Tom.
"That's usually code for "I got nothing, yet!" sneers Kelly.
"Nonono, I really do have something great planned," says Dr. Tom.
"Yeah, sure," sneers Kelly.

Next week's guest is scheduled to be HHH.

We close with the "Hell in a Cell" from Armageddon 2000, between Kurt Angle, Rikishi, Steve Austin, and the Undertaker.

You will believe a Samoan can fly!

See you next week.

E.C. Ostermeyer
[slash] wrestling

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