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WWF Byte This! by E.C. Ostermeyer




This is the WWE Byte This report for Friday, 24 May 2002, and I'm E.C.

Prior to the

Opening credits

We get a tribute to Davey Boy Smith, followed by Vince's outstanding promo that he cut on Hulk Hogan on Thursday' Smackdown.
"I may retire, Vince," bellows the Hulkster, "but not before I get to kick...your ... ASS!"
We get five minutes of "Hulkamania Runnin' Wild," before Vince crawls (or gets dragged) back up the ramp.
"Hulkamania's gonna die," Vince shrieks at an enraged Hogan, "but on MY terms!"

Your hosts are Kevin Kelly and Dr. Tom Prichard.

Kelly says that Judgment Day was everything that it was cracked up to be.
"All the matches proved that the guys were ready to step up to the plate and deliver a solid program," says Dr. Tom.

We get some funny comments about Kurt Angle's new hairdo. Or the lack thereof.
"Is that Michael PS Hayes in reverse?" laughs Kelly.

Time for Droz's "Two Cents" Darren Drozdov's weekly review of happenings on WWE Raw.
Dr. Tom says that he's looking forward to Mean Gene Okerlund returning to WWE to host the new WWE "Confidential" show on Saturday nights.
We get a candid shot of Byte This techie Chris Vallo who is, ummm, "Hard At Work" in a stall of the WWE Executive washroom.

Is that PINK underwear there, Mr. Vallo?

Droz enjoyed Judgment Day, even the Main Event, but 'Hell in a Cell" made both the show, HHH and Chris Jericho.
Kelly says the atmosphere was outstanding.
Kelly touts Rob Van Dam's current push, and how great his performances have been.
Droz compliments RVD on winning the Undisputed Title only to have Ric Flair take it away from him.

Dr. Tom says that RVD and Eddie Guerrero needed a breakout match, each for a push to the topcard, and RVD got his with the shot he got at Undisputed Champ, the Undertaker.

On to the news of the new NWO, with Kevin Nash apparently rejuvenating that promotion.
Kelly says that the NWO players have great pride in the NWO, thought you wonder what's going to happen in the future.

Caller Jeremy from Massachusetts wants to know what match would be the best for Raw and for Smackdown?
Droz doesn't commit himself, saying that you never know on what night which particular wrestler is going to step up and just wow the crowd.
Kelly mentions several wrestlers like Brock Lesnar and Lance Storm, and mentions RVD once more. Both Kelly and Dr. Tom mention the upcoming "King of the Ring" PPV.
Droz wants to know about Kurt's new hair program?
Dr. Tom says that Kurt looks good, and no, he's not wearing a rug!
"Well, what about that high school head protector thingie he's wearing?" asks Droz. Dr. Tom pretends not to have heard.

With that, Droz leaves.
Kelly shills for the new show lineup for WWE that replaces the old "WWF Excess" show: "Confidential," and "Velocity/"

Caller Dan from New York wants to make sure that Mean Gene Okerlund gets at least one chance to interview Hulk Hogan just one more time.
Everybody agrees.

Dr. Tom says that Hogan can't retire because Vince won't let him.
"He walked out on Vince fifteen years ago, "says Dr. Tom, "and Vince won't let it happen again."

Dan says that Hogan should be given a match where he has to win in order to retire; that it would be a great ratings-getter.

The "Hulkamania" magazine gets a plug.

Kelly asks Dr. Tom if he's spent the twenty he gave him last time?
Dr. Tom gives Kelly "The Look," and says that he doesn't drink anymore, and as such can remember everything, including Kelly not paying him.
Kelly asks Big Country to front him the cash for right now.

Time for Tazz and "Tales from the Hook," who says that he thought that Kurt Angle got a special Rogaine shipment sent to his home in Colorado Springs, along with some Viagra, because of a problem he's got in that area as well.

Topic shifts to "Tough Enough 2" and how MTV gave the final cut away during the commercial.
Tazz says it was an MTV screw-up but things like that sometimes occur. Tazz says that Joey Numbers paid a "visit" to the technician responsible, and he's now swimming under Long Island Sound.
Tazz sums up the positive and negative aspects of the four remaining contestants:

1) Jake looks great, but has something lacking in the head.

2) Kenny played defensive back for UNLV, has a great attitude and works hard, he should rely on his endurance and speed to survive, almost the exact opposite of Jake.

3) Linda comes from a basketball background, super dedicated.

4) Jackie has the look, and the fitness background to match.

Tazz announces that June 13th will debut the "Tough Enough Reunion Show," with everybody from the "Tough Enough" series showing up, including the trainers and "Big" John.
Tazz says that he thinks that "Big" actually is the owner of WWE, having got it away from Vince.
Kelly asks if "Big" still has pictures of Vince and the goat?
Nobody laughs.

Kelly asks if the show will feature the one "Z" (bad) Taz, or the two "Z" ("good") Tazz showing up.
Kelly asks Tazz about Tazz's new "Tales from the Hook" articles in the WWE magazine?
Tazz says that he's now a writer, the "Edgar Allen Hoe" of WWE.
Kelly says that Tazz's first article on Brock Lesnar is great and tags Lesnar with his new moniker, "Vanilla Gorilla."
Tazz thanks Kelly, explaining how he took over Stevie Richards column after beating up Richards for it.

Somebody in the Chatroom says they saw Tazz at "Star Wars "Attack of the Clones" last week.
Tazz gets hot and says he only likes sitting at home drinking beer in his free time, and has no time for this Star Wars crap.

On a roll, Tazz also growls that the fan hopefuls have ONE WEEK LEFT to get their promo tapes in fort "Tough Enough 3." Hurry up, or get left behind!

Tazz leaves the show, and we get a video promo for new WWE Saturday night line-up: "WWE Confidential," and "WWE Velocity."

Our special guest is the host of WWE "Confidential," Mean Gene" Okerlund.
Okerlund says it's great to be back.
Kelly asks if it bothers Okerlund to be back in WWE?
Okerlund says not at all, that change is good, and he had a lot of fun helping turn WCW around in the 1990's. Now, he's back home.
Okerlund says he's delighted to be working with people like Hulk Hogan again, says Hogan has a lot of class, and that this should be the best way for Hogan to retire.

Dr. Tom says that it was great seeing Mean Gene at the Gimmick Battle Royal at WrestleMania X7, and asks what Mean Gene's been doing recently?

Okerlund says his restaurant chain is going great guns, plus he's been doing some voice-over work, and helping out with some "Classic Wrestling" shows.

Kelly asks what "WWE Confidential's" format will be about?
Okerlund says that it'll be like "we turn the cameras on ourselves and the superstars."
"Tough questions will be asked," says Okerlund, "This is not going to be a rehash of Raw and Smackdown. No subject will be off-limits. Even Shawn Michaels will be asked about the "Montreal Controversy" with Bret Hart and HBK's role in that incident.
Okerlund comments about "how today's wrestling is far above the smoky National Guard Armories we used to wrestle in," and "how much more professional the wrestlers are these days."

Okerlund briefly touches on Davey Boy Smith's passing, and "how some of the demons in Smith's life ended up killing him. We will not be holding back!"

Okerlund says that Bobby "The Brain" Heenan is doing well recovering from throat cancer and that we should be seeing him back in the ring before too long.

We do about three minutes plugging Mean Gene's Burger Stand empire worldwide. He's apparently got one on every US military base in the world.

Before Okerlund leaves, he wants to know if all Stacy Keibler has to do is tear the clothes off Trish Stratus to win the WWE Women's Title?
Kelly says, uhhh well, yeah!
"For some reason," says Okerlund, "that has sparked my interest in that match."
With that, Mean Gene leaves the show.

We get a video from Raw two weeks ago in Toronto, where they had the mixed-pair match for the WWE Hardcore and Women's Title both up for grabs in the same match.
Trish wins the Women's Title from a clearly injured Jazz, then tells partner Bubba Ray Dudley to "Get The Tables!"
Jerry Lawler screeches "Puppies!" so much that he almost has an episode.

Live on the phone is the lovely Ms. Trish Stratus, who says that winning the Women's Title in her home town of Toronto was just great.
Dr. Tom compliments Trish on her doing more "wrestling" than "catfighting."
"Catfighting just won't cut it anymore," says Trish, "what with the quality of these new WWE women's wrestlers. You get comfortable actually doing the wrestling, much more so than catfighting. When that happens, you don't want to catfight anymore."

Kelly says that Trish and the other WWE women wrestlers are taking the Women's Title to new heights, without it being a T&A-fest.
"If I can kick some ass as well as show some," laughs Trish, "that's okay in my book."

Trish says that the women's locker room has changed so much from the awful place it used to be.
"These days, we all have to do our thing, but still be professinal" says Trish, "we are tired at the same time, and we all get up and enthusiastic at the same time. We all help each other and it's great."

Kelly draws Trish's atrtention to the Penthouse/Anna Kournikova lawsuit, and asks how Trish would handle stuff like that?
Trish says that the 'Net is like that; it's a wild place, with all kinds of silliness showing up. You just have to take it in stride.
"Take those sites that say "Trish Stratus Naked!" Hilarious!" says Trish with a laugh, "It's just not me, first off. I don't look anything like that!"

Trish talks for a time on how successful she has been marketing herself on the 'Net.
In response to Dr. Tom's question, she says no, that she doesn't have time for a boyfriend right now.
Maybe later.
Dr. Tom says that having to deal with Paul Heyman's unwanted attentions can't be much fun.
Trish agrees, and we get the infamous Heyman "Skullet" pic on the chyron.

The "Currently Injured" list is discussed. Trish says she now really has to watch herself, and be sure her training is not missed, that it is so important.

Kelly teases Trish on the Toronto Maple Leafs being down three-one to the Carolina Hurricanes, ho ho.
Trish reminds Kelly that she always remembers who's been nice to her.
And who hasn't.
Besides, the Maple Leafs are just getting started.

Caller Dan from Chicago asks Trish who approached her to join WWE, and how it occurred?
Trish says that Edge and she were on some talk shows, plus her website exposure, got her the contract from Jim Ross.
She started training, ON HER OWN, even before she got the contract, preparing the way, as it were, and she never looked back.

The Chatroom asks if Trish will pose for Playboy?
Trish says it's not relevant right now for her career. The answer is no.
Kelly asks what if Hugh Hefner tells her he could write a check big enough that she would never have to work again?
Trish says she wouldn't accept it, because she loves what she is doing more than the money. "I can't sit at home and do nothing."

Caller Renee from Toronto asks who Trish trains with, to which Trish responds Fit Finlay and the other women in the division.

Julio from California is on the phone, supposedly, but all we hear is somebody serenading Trish.
Kelly says that Julio's the kind of guy who would serenade, wine and dine her, then get out the duct tape and the fishing line later!

(Fishing line?)

Joe from California asks which celebrities Trish has dated? Trish says she doesn't date celebrities. Too confining.

Kelly and Trish discuss how sad "Celebrity Boxing" was, and how everybody who participated seemed to be on skid row.
"I know," says Trish, "wasn't it just terrible? I felt so sorry for them all."
"Horshack especially," says Kelly.
Dr. Tom just about loses it right then and there.

Brian from the Chatroom asks how Trish gets over being tired, sore, hurt and just too busy to be a wrestler?
Trish says that it almost never happens, because she takes a deep breath and chills out, and realizes that she is having a great time being a WWE wrestler.

The Chatroom doubts that she is a true Toronto Maple Leafs' fan, and could she prove it by naming five Leaf's players?
Trish names five right off the bat, proving she really is "True Blue" through and through!

Kelly and Trish promo her "Bra and Panties" match on Saturday's Velocity show.
Trish gives the run-down as to where she will be this next week.
She then thanks everybody and leaves the show.

Kelly takes five minutes chewing out Big Country for not closing a microphone, and how he didn't get a chance to ask Trish "If They Were Real?!"

Kelly asks BC if Stone Cold Steve Austin will be on the show next week?
"Yes, definitely," says BC, "so don't keep cutting stupid promos on him. That's Stone Cold you're dealing with, remember?"
Kelly asks if Chris Vallo can sub for him, which of course, gets us the chyron shot of Vallo doing his business on the biffey once again.
"Who sat there before you, Chris?" asks Kelly, "a stinky-drunk Mall Santa?"
"Boy, lot's of beer and pastrami sandwiches have passed that way before you got there, Vallo," says Dr. Tom.

And on that somewhat queasy note, we close the show with a video from the WCW "Invasion" PPV, a tag team "Bra & Panties" match between Trish and Lita on one side, and Torrie Wilson and Stacy Keibler on the other.

Oh, and Mick Foley's the "Special Referee."
You lucky, lucky bastard, Mick!

"Why the hell am I calling wrestling moves in this match?" asks Michael Cole.

We were wondering the same thing, Mike.

See you next week.

E.C. Ostermeyer
[slash] wrestling

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