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WWF Classics (UK) by Ian Mowat





  • Remind me to never have Ric Flair represent me in any draft that I'm involved in.

  • Originally aired Dec 1987.

  • The recognised symbol of excellence in sports entertainment is, without any shadow of doubt, no question about it, the 'oh so shiny' WWF logo.

  • We are still in the Omaha Civic Auditorium in Omaha, Nebraska. In this town Mayor Dullan was impeached for riding his horse through City Hall, but was later re-elected. That was in the 70's, right?

  • Bobby and Gorilla welcome us, and Gorilla's tinted glasses make him look a bit like a paedophile.

  • This would be the opening montage then. Oh yeah.

  • Coming up this week we have Sam Houston Vs Danny Davis, the Bolsheviks, Ted DiBiase, and Koko B. Ware tagging with JYD. Monsoon labels JYD 'special'. Darn Tootin'!

  • To begin, however, it's Bam Bam Bigelow Vs Brian Costello. Before we get going the announcers tell us about a big Battle Royale that Bam Bam won, and how we can read about it in the new edition of WWF magazine. Collar and elbow tie-up to start. Bam Bam hits a forearm and an elbow to set up a fast normal suplex, or a slow snap suplex, depending on your point of view. A diving headbutt, a slam and a fist drop are next, and then we get a big thrust kick. After receiving a punch, Costello manages to duck a clothesline, but gets creamed with a back elbow. A press slam is sandwiched by Bigelow headbutts. The Bammer then does the clap the hands while the arms squeeze the head thing. They did that in an advert here about ten years ago, and a bunch of kids (myself included) copied it, leading to eardrums getting busted and the advert getting pulled. Anyway, a slam and the slingshot gets the win. 0 for 1. Bigelow went through this in 1st gear. After the match Bam Bam does an almost Fresh Prince handshake with Oliver Humperdink.

  • This week's special update with Craig DeGeorge isn't really very special at all. He recounts the Dream Team break up at WMIII, and then shows us the ending of their Superstars match last week, where the figure four injured Beefcake's leg. The only new bit of information is a post match interview, where Brutus, being helped by a trainer promises some revenge. Craig can't really summon up any enthusiasm for it.

  • Next match now. The Bolsheviks Vs Brady Boone and Jim Evans. The Russians are announced at 806lbs. Nikolai is fat, but holy hell that's exaggerating things. Fatty Nikolai sings the anthem and the crowd says 'boo'. Volkov begins with Boone, and causes my jaw to hit the floor by doing a spin kick, albeit to the mid-section. Boone is then whipped against the ropes and comes back with a dropkick and some punches. This jobber offence is killed big time by a clothesline that Boone attempts to sell 360 style. He fucks this up and lands right on his head! Boone may well have been injured as he tags Evans in straight away. Nikolai takes over easily with double axe handles, an eye rake, and a gutwrench suplex. Zukhov comes in, hits a backbreaker and does the pick up on 2. He tags Nikolai back in and they do a mistimed double backdrop, causing Evans to land square on his arse. Nikolai then does his bitchin' butterfly suplex, but Evans, who obviously has no idea how to bump, lands BADLY on his knee. I think he's injured there. Nikolai goes for a forearm as Slick appears in the corner to tell us about how he'll win some Slammys. Zukhov comes in hits a big boot and gets out. Nikolai pulls off a belly to belly, despite Evans being almost dead weight. Tag to Zukhov as he kicks Evans to the corner and goes to the top rope to drive Evans head to the mat with his knee. Evans is either shit scared or in lots of pain by now, and sells it as gingerly as possible. I don't even think his head hit the mat. Thankfully that's enough. 0 for 2. Fair enough Boone made a mistake, but Evans was way out of his depth here. When the first thing went wrong he was a drowning man.

  • Backstage, and Mean Gene is with Mr Fuji. Gene says Fuji's men sometimes go nuts he trains them so hard. Fuji concurs. Demolition turn up and Smash declares that they're ready to go to the top. Ax states that as per Fuji's instruction they've put 127 people in hospital. It would have been 128 but one guy got lost under the ring. Ax is hilariously funny. He called Gene 'Howard' again, as well. Jericho should be paying him royalties or something. Tony Skee-a-vone. That was my favourite.

  • Now it's a gay, gay, gay, Slammy promo. It advises us to join 'Hulk and the gang'. Piss off.

  • Its main event time as Danny 'Huge Cock' Davis takes on Sam Houston. Houston gets two rights before the bell, then we have roll around brawling. They go in and out of the ring with this four times, with Houston banging Davis's head off the apron, being the only thing resembling a move. Fuji has some comments about his displeasure concerning the Million Dollar Man's attempt to buy the title. He also says Killer Kahn should be the champion. Please God, no. More hugging in and out of the ring until Houston accidentally (while clearly looking) elbows the ref. Young Sammy then goes after Jimmy Hart and Davis clobbers him with the megaphone. Hart throws Davis and Hebner back in, and Houston gets counted out. Post match Houston comes back in, hits some rights and OH MY GOD A HIPTOSS! After the match we GET A FUCKING MOVE! Houston then does his stupid dance. 0 for 3. That may well have been the worst match I've ever seen. Truly awful, it actually made Kennel in a Cell look like Bret Vs Owen. The whole match took around four minutes, and didn't have a move in it.

  • Mean Gene is with Jimmy Hart this time. Jimmy is delighted at procuring the services of Greg Valentine, and here comes the Honky Tonk Man. Honky's girlfriend is doesn't like how Elizabeth looks at him. He promises to Shake, Rattle and Roll Liz. He also describes himself as 'the total entertainment package', to which Gene gives the camera a knowing look and says 'you're brutal on that guitar'. Gene rocks.

  • Our next match is Strike Force Vs Dusty Wolfe and Steve 'Aw Jesus Pat, you could at least use some lubrication' Lombardi. We are informed that SF's tune 'Girls in Cars' is up for a Slammy. Martel and Lombardi start with a collar and elbow tie-up. Rick grabs an armbar, which gets reversed into a headlock. Lombardi then rams Rick's head of the buckle and goes back to the headlock. Rick flips out of this and does a cartwheel, which for some reason makes Lombardi back off. It works, as Steve gets a kick, a forearm, and engages in Canadian head to buckle action. Martel jumps over Lombardi following a whip, and successfully attempts a hiptoss. Tito is tagged in, and hits the deck as Wolfe is tagged in and tries a blind charge, only to be nailed by Martel on the apron. Tito does a backdrop and a dropkick to both Wolfe and the illegally interfering Lombardi. A fireman's carry on Wolfe is turned into an armbar! Yay, Strike Force armbar! Martel comes in and SF do a double punch. Rick has his own armbar, which he manoeuvres into a northern lights suplex, still with the armbar. Wolfe breaks this off with an eye poke, and tags out. Lombardi gets armdraged into an armbar. Tito is tagged and he comes in with to tope rope double axe handle on the arm... and grabs an armbar. Rick comes back with an elbow to the arm and an armbar. This gets broken with another eye poke. Oh no! The game is up for SF. A wicked new counter to 80% of their offence has been found. Wolfe comes in, but Martel dropkicks both of them simultaneously. Outstanding. Tito comes in with a clothesline on Lombardi and a forearm to Wolfe. Martel is back to finish with a spinebuster into a Boston Crab, which he does successfully. 1 for 4. Strike force are just great (despite the armbars) and the jobbers more than held up their end too.

  • It's time for the Craig DeGeorge on-stage interview. This week it's with Ted DiBiase. Ted points out the new WWF magazine, where he bought the cover. He just re-iterates that he's going to buy the title, as the crowd have a weak 'Hogan' chant going on.

  • Down at the ring again we find Dino Bravo Vs Leapin' Lanny Poffo. Dino has a new manager - Frenchy Martin, and a new theme tune - the Marseilles. Play up that French Canadian stuff, its money in the bank. Or not. For someone who's gimmick revolved around reading poems, you'd think Poffo would be a bit better at it. Collar an elbow tie-up to begin. Bravo works into an armbar, and throws Poffo down. Dino gets going with stomps, a head to the buckle, chops, a whip to the buckle, a clothesline, and an elbowdrop for 2. A gutwrench suplex is followed with two forearms to the back. Poffo reverses a whip, gets in a hiptoss and some kicks and punches. Martin turns up with some comments intimating that Bravo chose him because he knows it all. In the ring Bravo reasserts himself with a knee-lift and a sidewalk slam. The finish then comes with a side suplex. That's a bit of a lame finisher. Post match Poffo is thrown out of the ring. 1 for 5. A bit too short for the point, although Poffo bumps well and I like Bravo quite a lot.

  • Craig DeGeorge hangs about with Koko, who is very excited about singing at the Slammys.

  • This links to Koko B. Ware and the Junk Yard Dog Vs Terry Gibbs and The Greatest Jobber Of All Time BARRY HOROWITZ. The jobbers don't get announced, which pisses me right off. Barry begins with a headlock on JYD, but his attempted shoulderblock is no sold. JYD gets an armdrag, and Koko comes in with a dropkick. Gibbs is tagged in by Barry, and gets in a knee and a shoulderblock. Koko fights back with an armdrag and a slam. Barry is back in and a collar and elbow tie-up lets JYD in with a slam. Jimmy Hart appears with comments that Honky is a better singer than Koko. No arguments here, Colonel. Gorilla tells us Vince McMahon will sing at the Slammys. A performance that turned out to be as hilarious as it was drug fuelled. Koko is back in to drop a beautiful brainbuster on Barry for the win. 1 for 6. Excluding the finish that was both 'bo' and 'ring'.

  • Gene is once again backstage, and he's joined by Rick Rude. Rude says his goal is to knock off Hogan, but he accepts that Paul Orndorff will be more than just a stepping-stone. Gene says he's been getting complaints that Rude has been breaking up families all over the country. Rude says women call him 'The Gift'. Why would they write to Okerlund about it?

  • Next week we'll see One Man Gang, the 'If You Only Knew' video, the Hart Foundation, and Brutus Beefcake.

  • As we go we get to see a sign saying 'Hulkamania, money can't buy it.' And that's your lot.

    Overall: Strike Force keep saving these shows. Apart from them the ring action either blew hard or was just boring. Words can't describe the awfulness of the Houston/Davis match, and Jim Evans did not belong in a WWF ring. Out of the ring Ax is quickly becoming my hero. Next week we could find out who wins the Slammys and hopefully get some footage of Vince singing, so join me for that. Join me.

    Ian Mowat
    [slash] wrestling

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