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WWF Classics (UK) by Ian Mowat





  • Originally aired in March 1988.

  • The shiny WWF logo is the symbol of excellence in sports entertainment. Beeyotch!

  • We are RECORDED from the Viking Hall in Bristol, Tennessee, in what appears to be a tiny arena. Manager of said arena (Terri Smith) is proud to welcome the WWF, its fans, and their money.

  • Bobby 'the grey matter' Heenan, and Gorilla Monsoon welcome us to the show.

  • Montage is so old and boring. Can you hear me snoring, while your mum is hoaring?

  • This Week: Randy Savage, Million Dollar Man and Andre the Giant live interview, Jake Roberts, The Islanders and a Wrestlemania IV Special Report.

  • Brian Costello Vs Randy Savage. Savage comes out to a huge pop. They should think about putting the title on him you know. A collar and elbow tie-up is broken on the ropes and Costello takes Savage's head to the buckle twice, before Randy turns the tide with the same move. Costello is then choked on the rope, given a punch and an elbow, which gets Savage a 1 count. Savage throws the jobber out of the ring, clubs him, and then snapmares him back into the ring. Back in there is a slam to set up the Big Elbow, which of course gets the easy 3. 0 for 1. A very disappointing match for Savage, I'm sure he must just be protecting himself for Wrestlemania.

  • Craig DeGeorge Special Report. Craig talks of the wrestling and the mania to come. Of the 20-man Battle Royale JYD 'It's the best thing to have happened since my Momma gave birth to me!' and Harley Race '19 men will bow and beg' add their crappy two pence worth.

  • Watch Wrestlemania - because if the buy rate's poor we'll keep the title on Hogan FOR EVER!

  • Koko B. Ware and the British Bulldogs tell us that they are happy to have Frankie back after Bobby Heenan stole him and he'll be at Wrestlemania. WHEN THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN! There's hardly anything happens angle wise, and they just didn't tell the Challenge crowd about this one. Uh?

  • The Islanders Vs Dave Stoudemere and Mark Young. Tama and Young kick off. Tama with knees to the midsection and a whip of Young to the corner, but Young is up onto the second rope, and comes off with an impressive twist into a sunset flip. Off the ropes and Young lands a crossbody for a 1 count. Tama tags out and Haku unloads with a punch, and then into a headlock and once he's pushed out of that comes with a shoulderblock. Tama is back in with a chop and a slam, but his elbowdrop misses. Young tags out, and his partner grabs an armbar, but Tama fights out with an eye rake and a back rake. Haku comes in for a double headbutt. Stoudemere is shot to the ropes and gets his head accidentally caught between the top and second ropes. That was painful and its because the ropes were way too loose. Haku gives Stoudemere a backbreaker and then tags Tama in for the big splash and the win. 0 for 2. Not bad but not great. The ring crew should be shot though.

  • Mene Gene with Brutus Beefcake. Brutus says at Wrestlemania it'll be all over but the cryin' at Wrestlemania. Previously he had Honky who said that he had a day to tune each of the strings on his guitar for Beefcake.

  • Watch Wrestlemania - Or we'll make it so that you won't have to wonder if Kevin Kelly has Ginger Pubes or not!

  • Slick and Bob Eucker do another tragically bad piece of 'comedy'.

  • Hercules Vs Reno Riggins. Why do I know Riggins? What has he done? Do I just think I know him because he sounds like Scotty Riggs? E-mail me please. It's pissing me off. Anyway, Riggins's head is taken off the turnbuckle, and then he's thrown to the mat. A slam, and a snapmare are next from Herc. He misses an elbowdrop, but that will not faze the mighty Hercules! He's up with a right and an elbow, followed by a weird choke-come-armbar thing. Herc throws Riggins out of the ring and when he returns a massive clothesline awaits him. After that the torture rack makes the finish academic. 0 for 3. Standard Hercules match

  • Mene Gene hangs out with Strike Force, who tell us that they're not scared of Demolition, and the Demos (separately) where Ax promises 7 more nights of nightmares for Strike Force, and that if they don't turn up for the match Demolition will come round their house and beat them up. I love Ax.

  • Watch Wrestlemania - Or we'll choppy choppy your pee-pee!

  • Vanna White wonders what she'll wear at Wrestlemania. BRA AND PANTIES! (Shut up Jerry).

  • Mike Richards and Eric Cooper Vs Butch Reed and One Man Gang. Before the action Bobby and Gorilla both agree that if Gang and Reed met in the World Title tournament then Gang would win. Way to make Reed look like a threat boys. Cooper and Reed start. Cooper gets a headlock but is thrown off, he comes back with some rights but is cut off with a punch to the gut by Reed, who then stomps away and takes the jobbers head off the boot of Gang. Gang is tagged in and delivers some clubs and a choke on the top rope, which Reed takes over on the outside. Reed comes in and throws Cooper to tag in Richards, which he duly does. Richards gets punched and takes a facebuster, a clothesline and then a succession of short, quick rights as the commentators discuss the future possibility of Brutus Beefcake having to have his face re-arranged in the future. 'I'm gonna do you a favour. I'm gonna re-arrange your face!' Sid Justice - 1992. Spooky. Back in 1988, Gang is tagged in and wastes no time in delivering the Dominator, which is sold very well by Richards. 0 for 4. Three of the workers in here were performing nicely, guess which one wasn't.

  • Jake Roberts Vs Tom Stone. Jake grabs an armbar straight off, but lets go when Stone gets to the rope. They trade blows - Stone with punches, Jake with elbows. Stone grabs an armbar that Jake tries to armdrag out of, but Stone holds on. Eventually Stone is pushed off the ropes and is given a hiptoss. Jake holds control with a kneelift, and then works the knee with an elbow and a headbutt. Stone tries to kick off as Jake stretches his leg and manages to avoid a Jake elbowdrop. Stone then lands some forearms, but is caught with a short-arm clothesline, which Jake follows with DDT for the easy win. 1 for 5. Some very nice mat wrestling in there as Jake tried to get out of the armbar and Stone held on. Looked utterly different from most matches on Challenge.

  • It's time! It's time! It's Craig DeGeorge stage interview time! It's with Ted DiBiase and Andre the Giant. What? I've seen this interview like a million times! The usual ensues with Ted saying that the Hulkamorons have no faith in Hogan anymore and Andre promising that after Mania they'll still be calling Hogan an ex-champ.

  • Wrestlemania IV Special Report. With Okerlund this week.

    Gladys Knight and the Pips will sing America the Beautiful. How much would the current WWE crowd shit all over that?

    Jim Duggan says he's only focused on DiBiase.

    Don Muraco states that he'll be a new challenge for Bravo.

    Greg Valentine, in a delicious pun, tells us that he'll sink Ricky's boat.

    Randy Savage asks Liz if he's ready and she seems to think so.

    Robin Leech helpfully informs us that the whole world will be watching.

  • Watch Wrestlemania - we promise that we won't cancel any great matches you might be looking forward to, not like Edge and Jericho.

  • Some fans say that they'll be watching Wrestlemania on CCTV. What a great idea! Maybe I should do that? Hmmmmm.

  • Bam Bam Bigelow Vs Terry Gibbs. Gibbs in control at the start with an eye rake, a bite, a chop and some rights. The Bammer eventually has enough of this and starts hiptossing and throwing Gibbs about. Bam Bam with the falling headbutt, a slam and a kneedrop. Gibbs back up, but Bigelow has a headbutt, an elbow to follow. Next comes a whip to the buckle and a Stinger Splash followed by the diving headbutt for 3. 1 for 6. That was fairly poo.

  • Craig De George talks with Hogan who blabs generic stuff about beating Andre and winning the tournament.

  • Watch Wrestlemania - Come on! Ken Patera's on the card!

  • Next week: Strike Force, Jim Duggan, The final Wrestlemania IV Special Report, Rick Rude, and a live interview with Hogan.

  • The show then closes with the finishers of Savage, Tama and Bam Bam.

  • End.

    Overall: Almost everything sucked dick this week. The Jake Roberts match was good, and so was Ax's interview. Everything else was between average and awful. One more of these holding shows until Wrestlemania. Join me for that next week. Join me.

    Ian Mowat
    [slash] wrestling

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