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/22 April 2000

ECW Hardcore TV


Guest columnist: Tanvir Raquib


Hello, I'm Tanvir Raquib and I guess I'm recapping ECW Hardcore for this week.

CRZ doesn't seem to have a weekly Hardcore guy, so I guess I'll step up to the plate during my Spring Break to contribute to the site. I'll accept any gifts, donations and the like from you, Chris. And that goes for the rest of you, too!

I also recap WCW Worldwide on the site. It's actually very intellectually stimulating doing the recaps. I usually have to search within the dark recesses of my mind for creativity or just trying to be different from the recappers (or reviewers, if you will) that I've read throughout my couple of years on the Internet.

I might not be doing this Hardcore recaps for too long; it depends on my liking to the show and whether I have the desire to recap TWO shows. I do need some form of a life, I think. Anyways, this is your opportunity to jump on the [slash] bandwagon. You think you can recap a Paul Heyman produced show? Do YOU think you can make the show seem more entertaining than the show just by a few typed words on a keyboard? Well submit one, damnit!

Anyways, I can't string together a Worldwide Recap this week for some stupid ass reason with my tape. I taped it after Hardcore and now it's not even there. Hey, it's my Spring Break, I might as well live a little, right?

My ECW Hardcore Recap (or wow, Tanvir contributes for 2 Weeks In a Row!)

Clips of Scotty Anton vs. Rhino and the subsequent Rob Van Dam save from this week's ECW on TNN.

Opening Montage featuring: Mikey Burns Money! Fred Durst! RVD! TAZ(z)!

After that confrontation with Rhino, Van Dam addresses the fans who chant "RVD!" and "Whole Fucking Show!" Anton sits on the corner Raven-style. He looks a little bummed. Van Dam says that although he can't have 5 star matches, he going to give a shoutout to all the hardcore fans. Van Dam plays to the crowd, while the crowd chants "RVD1" and "Whole Fucking Show!" once more. Van Dam says St.Louis is a kickass town and he appreciates the appreciation. After another sentence of crowd pleasing/ sucking up, "Walk" plays. Van Dam plays to the crowd some more; he claps hands and such. As we see all of this post-interview banter, Joey Styles talks about Van Dam's opponent at Hardcore Heaven, Tajiri turning over the belt at Cyberslam and Dreamer vs. Tazz at Cyberslam. Sell us that damn website, Joey!

Joey Styles officially welcomes us. He pretty much says the same thing he said when Van Dam was clapping hands with the crowd just before.

Arenan Dates, Plugs for the website, hotline, video game and the ECW Hardcore Heaven 1999 Tape Permeate Our Screen!

Roadkill gets the biggest pop during the pre-match introduction. Fans chant "Where's my pizza?" and subsequent smartass claps. When's this match beginning? OK, here we go.

Guido and Doring to start. Lockup, to the groin, break, Guido with a chop, shoulderblocks and kick. Whip by Guido - reverse - Guido up and over Doring. Guido ducks clothesline and gets a crucifix pin for 2. Both men get up. Doring runs the ropes and ducks the clothesline, he bounces off the other ropes and gets a shoulderblock. Doring mocks Guido with the rude Italian gesture, he runs the ropes, Guido tries for a leapfrog, but Doring with a boot to the cajones. Doring mocks Guido in pain and hits the BareBack. Guido tries to pull himself up, but can't. Doring pulls him by the legs out of the corner. Guido crawls for the tag to Big Sal. Crowd aniticipating Sal's enterance into the match. Perhaps they notice the size difference. Big Sal mocks Doring's dance moves. Doring going through a "feeling out" process, as Big Sal goes for a bearhug, Doring ducks, bounces off the ropes and hits a shoulderblock that doesn't faze Big Sal. He just doesn't move at all. He's bigger, ya know. Doring with a clothesline, but Big Sal still ain't moving. Doring runs the ropes, but Big Sal gets a one handed choke. He basically pushes him over to Doring's corner. I think he wants Roadkill to come in. Yup, and so does the crowd. Doring points to Roadkill and tags him in. Big Sal with a confident look on his face. Crowd chants "Fuck him up, Roadkill, Fuck him up!" with the subsequent smartass claps that are restricted for the ECW fan to use. They lockup and Big Sal pushes him down. Roadkill examines the situation as Styles comments on Big Sal's strength. Roadkill tries a shoulderblock but Big Sal is fat, so Roadkill falls backfirst. Roadkill thinks and then runs the ropes - ducks Big Sal's clotheslines and hits some punches. Roadkill whips Big Sal to the ropes - Stinger splash! Roadkill with the 10 punches of facedom. Roadkill goes to the outer canvas and hits a springboard clothesline. Big Sal goes outside , which gives Roadkill the opportunity to hit the Thesz press from the apron! Crowd with the "ECW" chants! Roadkill with a whip -reversal -Roadkill crashes into the rails! Big Sal runs right into him! Ouch. Big Sal tosses Roadkill back into the ring. Guido takes advantageby stomping on Roadkill. Wha, Guido got in with no tag? Guido with a whip - reversal - Uranage by Roadkill! Guido rolsl out of the ring this time. Big Sal goes over to console his Italian buddy, which gives Doring the opportunity to hit a SPRINGBOARD PESCADO off Roadkill's back! Roadkill looks on from the second rope, Guido climbs in the ring behind Roadkill's back and hits a Russian Legsweep from the 2nd rope! Cover for 2. Roadkill kicks out. Guido whips - reversal - spinebuster/clothesline combination by Doring and Roadkill. Doring didn't really connect with the clothesline in all actuality. Doring covers for 2. Doring argues with the ref for a second and stomps on Guido. Doring with punches - whips Guido - reversal - Big Sal with a knee to Doring's back from the outside. That's not every nice,! Guido with a boot and climbs up the ropes. Guido hits the top rope legdrop. Covers for 2. Guido with a snapmare and a STIFF dropkick to the face. Putting on the caps lock is used to emphasize something. Really! Guido with a unique cover for 2. Tags in Big Sal. Big Sal with punches and hits the belly to belly. Tags in Guido. Styles acknowledges the teamwork between the FBI. Guido with the scoop slam and spits in Roadkill's direction, which brings him out. Ref attends to Roadkill's complaint. Guido with an elbowdrop from Big Sal's shoulders! Big Sal on the second rope and hits a heabutt to Doring's shoulder. Guido back in to cover for 2. Guido with a stomp and chokes on Doring's throat with his shin. Big Sal throws in a chair. Guido with a kick and goes for the Moritatio, but Doring gets in the ballshot and the Reverse Russian Legsweep on the chair! Both men are down. They both crawl and tag their respective partners. Roadkill with the punches! Clothesline for Little Guido! Back to Big Sal with more punches! Guido tries for a boot, Roadkill blocks and spins Guido around, Doring with a boot for Guido! Doring with a whip onto Big Sal. Doring Irish-whips Roadkill into the FBI! Roadkill witht he wheelbarrow hold on Guido (you call it), while Doring hits the tope rope legdrop! Roadkill covers for 2, Big Sal saves. Big Sal with stompes. Doring grabs the chair and heads to the top rope. Doring hits the chairshot from the top rope. Big Sal is down. Roadkill going up top and HITS the splash on Big Sal! Covers...1,2,3! (9:18)

During the post-match celeberations, DA BALDIES hit the ring and beat down our heroes. Actually, it's Angel and Devito. Flapjack for Doring! Charishot for Roadkill. Devito with a moonsault on Roadkill with a stacked chair on top.

Arena Dates and Local Commercials Permeate our Screen.

Bawitdaba! We see KID KASH on the way to the ring. Plug that website, Joey! And plug the arena dates, Joey! And plug the merchandise catalog, Joey! Do you think he plugs a little too much even for a wrestling company?

SUPER CRAZY hits the ing to some Mariachi type music. Crazy holds up a "SUPER LOCO" sign. Clap dem hands and gimme dem face mannerisms, Crazy!

Plugs for the Hotline, T-Shirts, Video game, and PPV Permeate Our Screen.

Crazy panders to the fans. We get the standard "Walk around the rings" feeling-out process this time around. Reversal of wristlocks and such to start out. My PBP sucks. Mr. Shannon does it better than me, no doubt. Now, we have some prelim moves, pauses and appreciation from the crowd. Oh, we're having THAT kinda match. Crowd chants "Su-Pa-Cray-Zee" also complete with the smartass claps. Show Kash show LOVE, will ya guys?! Handshake, Kash takes over with punches,chop, whips - reversal - backdrops Crazy to the outer canvas - Kash hits the springboard dropkick! Kash hits a SPRINGBOARD PLANCHA as well! Kash tosses Crazy back in and covers for 2. Kash with some shoulders to the gut and a chop to Crazy, who's straddling in the corner. Thumb to Crazy's eye. Whip - reversal - running clothesline by Kash. NOW Kash gets some love. Nice. Now let's get his ass over so he can jump to the WWF and have Jakked classics with Taka. :) Kash tries the huracanrana, but Crazy hits the Powerbomb. Crazy with the springboard moonsault and covers for 2. Crazy with the "Diez Punches" spot. Crazy whips Kash - Kash ducks the clothesline - Kash quickly climbs the ropes and hits the DOUBLE SPRINGBOARD CROSSBODY! Kash covers for 2. Crazy with a kick and a Quebrada. Crazy covers for 2. Crazy tries the 3 Consecutive Moonsaults, but Kash gets the knees up on the third try. Kash with the chop - whip - reversal - Kash with a kneelift - Powerbomb countered by Crazy's rollup for 2. Kash counters with HIS OWN rollup for 2. Kash misses a clothesline, so Crazy lands a nice ole kick. Crazy setting Kash up for.....a LONG ASS BRAINBUSTER - covers...1,2,3! (5:28)

Arena Dates, Plugs for the ECW Hardcore Heaven 1999 tape, Hardcore Hotline and Local Ads Permeate Our Screen.

Joey Styles introduces Lou E. Dangerously and the New Dangerous Alliance, who are in the ring.

Lou E. butters up the crowd, citing the successful sports teams, but he realizes that St. Louis is a city of losers. He is the hottest entity in wrestling, so he says. He tries to say his name but the crowd interrupts with an "ass-hole" chant. This crowd finally lets up and he finally tells us his name.

Arena Dates and ANOTHER website plug Permeate Our Screen!

I'm tired and lazy. This IS my spring break. Plus, this is the last match and it's not that great of a match. We ALL know Nova and Chetti are gonna win, right? And we ALL know we're getting the obligatory catfight between Electra and Jazz, right? And we ALL know CW Anderson has to carry Bill Whiles' fat pathetic ass in every single match, right? I hate Bill Whiles and right now, I wanna relax. See? Me putting myself in front of [slash]. CRZ is never gonna mention me in a recap. (Who are you again? - CRZ) Damnit! Oh well. As long as I contribute every week with something I guess it's all good.But I'm no Butch Rosser, now that guy deserves the push, CRZ. (Who's this Ross guy now? - CRZ) Now hook his ass up with the plug, homes!!! Anyways, I know CRZ likes to stress the match times so (6:28 I believe).

Arena Dates, Plugs for the Hotline and PPV.

Joey Styles shills the TV Taping at Poughkippsie for us NYC fans. MISERLOU!!! The Impact Players miserlou us with a NYC-specific interview. Cyrus and Rhino miserlou us with the same. Rhino is fuckin' SCARY when he stares in the camera with the wet haired Sabu look. Hopefully, Ross will sign him up. I'd like to see him hook up with the Blue Meanie, just for the contrasts in character. Raven and Francine (with no makeup) miserlou us. Francine actually looks more attractive without the makeup. Some girls are like that. Paul Heyman miserlous us with a final annoying interview shill us on the Poughkippsie taping. Move away from the camera, Paul. I don't wanna see your teeth. Nooooooo.

I'm done. Thanks for reading.

Tanvir Raquib
[slash] wrestling
Increase the Peace, you Lowlife!

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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission