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WWF Excess by cfgb




Here I go making promises that I won't stop recapping Excess, then I promptly beg The Cubs Fan to do the week with Raven, and don't recap last week. However, I do have a good excuse, really! I was at my parents place for the weekend doing some work, and I DID tape it. However, as explained in the Excess report I did (from the previous week) on Monday, there was a chance the audio wouldn't agree when I put the tape in MY VCR. Well, I was right - it didn't agree with me. So basically I have a show based on talking with no sound. I suppose I could recap the recaps, but what kind of recap would that be?

Mind you it WAS only Jim Ross, so maybe it was fate.

I'll recap that show next time I go up there - but lord knows when that'll be. I have no excuse to go there until at least Christmas right now.

Also, for those who've been asking (okay, a whole three people) what my follow up thoughts were to RAW after I tore into the WWF last week about their treatment of Foley among other things - you'll get an answer. Last week I just decided to sit back and watch things happen and try not to be over opinionated. I'll say this much right now though - Vince McMahon giving Mick Foley the chance to say goodbye on television the way he did was classy and was a very sad segment all in the same. Vince ending with "Have A Nice Day" actually lead to me feeling kinda happy and sad all in the same. I dunno, maybe I care far more about these athletes than I really should - and realistically I should be trying to create these bonds with people I know In Real Life.

Unfortunately everyone I know In Real Life sucks, so I'll stick to the wrestlers. ;-)

The End Is Here! They've started every show this week with this sequence.

Vince McMahon offers Kurt Angle the title belt, but Ric Flair rains on his parade announcing he's part owner. Vince makes faces.

Welcome to WWF Excess! He's Jonathan Coachman *groan* and she's Trish Stratus lookin' absolutely smokin' in that outfit. She's back after a week in the Bahamas. She's also the new WWF Women's Champion! I called it at the PPV, which I went PERFECT on with my predictions, aside from the Battle Royal, but I DON'T count that because no one told me anyone could come in who wanted to.

Stacy Kiebler is here tonight. Say, hasn't she been on Excess before? A quick look at the archives reveals that yes indeed, she is the first double guest first appearing on September 22, 2001. A show that's been on the air all of 3 months, and we already have overlapping guests.

Let's go back to RAW where Vince McMahon fired Paul Heyman. Heyman attacks JR that makes him My New Favorite Person, except JR has to be made to look good, seeing as how he's a former main eventer and all. (I'd look it up - but I BELIEVE he tagged with Steve Austin in the fall/winter of 1999) Security drags him off kicking and screaming to the end. Jerry Lawler returns and all is right with the WWF. The smarks of the world can say what they want, but casual fans are more likely to watch Lawler over Heyman. Commentary goes a long way - at least *I* believe it does. Heyman can go manage or something.

Coach mentions it took all of 2 minutes to let loose his first puppies. Trish was glad to help out. Giggle. *sigh* Let's just go back to RAW.

Shane admits Vince is a better man. Stephanie meanwhile takes it like a real man, and puts all the blame on someone else. I've gained respect for her! She's young, she's na´ve, and she's history! All we needed was the "nah nah nah nah...nah nah nah nah...hey hey hey...goodbye!" Vince must be upset that someone other than himself is slapping around Linda or something.

Trish doesn't feel the least bit bad for Steph. They make fun of the fact she has to do stuff for herself. Then Coach adds "poor Shane". The hell? That wasn't part of Shane's character at all moron!

Commercial break.

Stacy will join us shortly, we swear!

Mr. McMahon was riding high after Survivor Series. He was very appreciative towards Kurt - and since Austin was nowhere to be found he stripped him of the title. Let's watch that.

Kurt and Vince stand in the ring on RAW. Vince presents Kurt with the World Title belt - when IT hits! CRZ knows what its real name is, I'll just call it Theme From 2001 myself 'cause it's easier, and Ric Flair walks out! My prayers have been answered and The Man is back! Lawler whines about Flair getting a local cheap pop. Oh lord, what do YOU call it in Memphis King? Flair tells McMahon he bet on a winner and is the new part owner of the WWF with 50% of its stock. Austin interrupts the party and beats the piss out of Kurt to the delight of millions. Highlight of the interview? Flair telling Kurt he doesn't want to win the title like this and Kurt saying "yes I do!". It's a good thing they had all that beer ringside incase Steve turned face.

There was another champion after Survivor Series as well named The Rock. He used to be the WCW World Champion, but because it's associated with WCW it's been renamed the WWF International World Gold Belt or something. It'll be traded among the top names in the WWF, and mean nothing! Well, not really. If we head on to Smackdown! we'll find out why.

Vince and Flair set up three big matches at the PPV. Rocky vs. Jericho for the World Title, Angle vs. Austin for the WWF World Title, and the winners of those matches will unify that belt. Everyone's been saying it for months, but I had remained optimistic...until now. WCW indeed did go down with a whimper rather than a bang.

Coach says they set up two great matches for Vengeance. So which match will suck? They set up three...

Stacy is coming, Stacy is coming!

Commercial break.

Trish Stratus gave Ivory some Stratusfaction and was given a belt in exchange. It was nowhere near as hot as I made it sound.

Trish says, and I quote "wherever you want it - I'll be there." HOT DAMN! Of course she was talking about a match. Anyway, let's go to Smackdown!

Trish and Stacy have a food fight, then wrestle around in some brown colored water that the announcers claim is gravy. If that's REALLY gravy, then the people who made it really need to learn the difference between add 8 cups of water, and add 8 litres of water. Trish retains this "wrestling" title with a Steiner Recliner. Is that a sign of things to come? Will Scott Steiner be wrestling in gravy in the near future?

Coach wants to talk about the match itself with Trish's opponent. Let's bring her out, Stacy Kiebler!

Trish says something stinks, so she forces Coach to stand between them. Coach wants to know what it was like to fight in a gravy bowl? Stacy says it was real gravy, for real, because she saw them making it. It went with the Thanksgiving theme. Trish offers theme matches to anyone who wants one. Christmas, Easter, whatever. We have lots more to talk about (their breasts I'm sure) when we come back.

Still to come, Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage at Wrestlemania 8. Go figure. I watch this match 2 nights ago, and they air it on Excess.

Commercial break.

The Lugz Boot Of The Week - Jeff Hardy is a retard.

Trish says if Jeff wasn't such a moron Stacy wouldn't have a job. So because the Dudleys have titles, Stacy gets to stay. If I'm an Alliance member, I claim a position as Dudleys manager, because as we saw on Smackdown! they're allowed to wrestle!

Coach says Stacy doesn't have a lot of friends. However, when she and Torrie Wilson WERE friends they did a photo shoot together in lingerie. Let's watch that.

Stacy and Trish wear clothes that show off their...shoulders. They were licking lollypops and acting innocent, but then it got aggressive. Torrie got on Stacy's nerves so she had to whack her. Then they attacked with pillows. For a serious fight, they sure are posing and grinning about it a whole lot. Both girls choked on the pillows. This will be the perfect stocking stuffer for any guy (or girl).

Coach drools over RAW magazine. Trish yanks it away and heads to the e-mail.

Stacy, I saw you in the Macy's Thankgiving Day Parade, riding on the WWF float. You looked great and I was wondering if you had a good time? Jordan New York City

Stacy had fun. Coach had fun. Thanks for asking.

Stacy, I'm so glad you didn't get fired after Survivor Series but what's with hangin' with the Dudleys? They've put so many women through tables. Aren't you worried for your safety? Judy Stillwater, OK

Stacy's not worried just yet because she has protection, but she might be put through a table someday. They could turn on her tomorrow.

Stacy, The highlight of every WWF event is seeing you come out to the ring in those tiny skirts with those long legs. Have you ever measured them? Just how long are they? Cliff Trenton, NJ

Cliff is probably one of those people who is directed to my homepage through google looking up Stacy Kiebler Nude (you wouldn't BELIEVE the number of hits I get from that - and putting those words in this column will definitely make it one of the more popular ones).

Coach happened to bring along a tape measure. He's going to measure how long her legs really are. 41 inches is the answer. (That's 3'5" for those playing at home) Trish tells us to come back for more Excess.

Commercial break.

Thanks to all the WWF fans who ordered Survivor Series, and if you didn't, go to

They thank Stacy Kiebler for stopping by, and Trish is happy she's gone.

Kurt turned on his Alliance friends at the PPV and rejoined the WWF. Let's look at that.

Rocky is in "talk to the hand" mode when Kurt speaks to him. Hello, guy who made it happen, Kurt is right here! Don't go there girlfriend. The jist of this is they don't like eachother. I smell our PPV main event right here.

They had a match that night. Rocky won with a fluke rollup. Good match. Jericho ran in after the bell and put a Liontamer on Rocky. There will be hell to pay according to JR. I get the feeling hell is what they use for currency around there, because I never hear about there being bills to pay.

'Tsupwit Chris Jericho? We'll find out when we come back!

Commercial break.

The Hardy Boyz (hey, they promised Chris Jericho when we came back) have issues. Why did Trish come out of the same room as Matt? Because they dress together, duh! There's a home video about these feudin' brothers.

They air a bunch of clips from the video. I'm not kidding. They give away about 7 minutes from the show! Anyway, if you want to see what goes on in their lives, pick up the video.

It's time to start shopping for the holidays. Trish gives Coach a copy of Leap Of Faith on both video and DVD. How sweet. Speaking of sacrifices, here's that song everyone's talking about!

A recapping dream - music videos = fast forward.

Commercial break.

So many Alliance members lost their jobs at Survivor Series, except those who used to work for the WWF...I mean those who held belts. And William Regal was given a pass because of what he did on RAW.

The ass kissing segment. Lawler saved this one HUGE! Try picturing Heyman calling this segment. It's not pretty.

Coach is falling over laughing! Trish heard that it's how Coach got his job. Coach says there's only one person at this table who's seen Vince's ass. So he DID kiss Vince's ass? Oh, he's calling her a whore, sorry.

On Smackdown! Steve Austin says Regal's breath smells like an ass. Oh the hilarity. In retaliation all those former WWF guys who jumped to the Alliance and are once again employed in the WWF beat up Austin.

What does Ric Flair have to say about all this? We'll find out on RAW probably.

Commercial break.

Things between Rocky and Chris Jericho are not okay. On RAW Jericho attacked Rocky again. Mr. McMahon isn't happy with Rocky these days, so he got stuck in a handicap match with RVD against the Dudleys and Jericho.

This match was okay. Jericho pins Rocky with the Rock Bottom. I always wondered if that would EVER work outside of screwjobs, or worked screwjobs.

Check out your mailboxes because Rocky is on the cover of TV Guide.

Commercial break.

Ric Flair made an impact when he revealed he's part owner. However, it's not the first time. He's a former WWF Champion!

What's up Coach and Trish, I'm so excited to see Ric Flair back in the WWF. Would you be able to play on his matches in this week's from the Vault? I was hoping to see his match against Randy Savage from Wrestlemania 8. That battle was awesome. Tony Peoria, IL

Coach shocks the hell out of me by offering a backstory! Flair claimed he'd had an affair with Liz, and along with Mr. Perfect promised they had some sleazy pics of Elizabeth. So Savage had a lot to fight for in this match on top of the WWF Title.

RANDY SAVAGE vs. RIC FLAIR (for the WWF World Heavyweight Title)

Wow, I'm still in shock Coach actually said something knowledgeable. It also means I don't really have to educate you in this spot, so ummm, what else can I say? Heenan and Monsoon are a great commentary team, and this match rules on about a million different levels.

You can e-mail your suggestions at

Coming up Mick Foley goes to Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.

Commercial break.

Not everyone wanted to be part of the WWF. Mick Foley has been very unhappy. Let's see what happened on RAW.

Here's that segment I touched on at the top of this show.

Coach promises Foley will keep busy. Let's check out the celebrity edition of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. I am SHOCKED that the WWF is actually on a working relationship with someone who won't appear on TV for them anymore. Absolutely shocked. Foley doesn't think he'll make the hot seat particularly quickly based on rehearsal. Also on rehearsal he almost fell out of the hot seat. He figures he'll be the laughing stock. Martina McBride disagrees and says he knew what he was doing. William Baldwin wants to wrestle Foley. He's a big fan of Kurt Angle. Paul Rodriguez says stuff, but I'd rather mention what a dumbass he was on The Weakest Link - so this probably won't be any better. Jon Favreau saw Beyond The Mat and thought it was touching. Foley hopes at 36 years he knows some obscure trivia questions. Everyone thinks he's a smart guy.

Trish wonders who his lifeline is. Coach ruins the Al Snow joke by saying "probably not Al Snow" in a REALLY obnoxious voice.

Coach promises there's still tons more Excess. There's 5 minutes left in the show, so I really have a hard time believing him.

Commercial break.

Time to look ahead. On SNH, APA vs. Palumbo/Gunn, and Lita vs. Jackie. Plus on RAW, Flair will probably be there. Goodnight!

[slash] wrestling

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