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WWF Excess by cfgb




Oh come on, you didn't actually expect me to stay on time two weeks in a row did ya?

Next time on Robot Wars, ROBOTS DO BATTLE while Joanie calls the action. Building robots is dangerous and should not be attempted with great care.

Vince McMahon wants Ric Flair to sell his stock at the price he bought it, OR ELSE.

Welcome to WWF Excess. He's Jonathan Coachman, she's Terri. I really think the studio oughta pay their heat bill once in awhile. Terri looks COLD, if you catch my drift.

TONIGHT: Sergeant Slaughter. Find out how he feels about his place in WWF history.

Terri continues to find a place for her hands. She wants to sit down. Coach has a place for her to sit down. This goes on for about 4 hours.

On RAW, Steve Austin and Kurt Angle had their best singles match together since Unforgiven - though with much better crowd heat. Austin absolutely destroys Angle with the Stunner, and wins his way to No Way Out against Chris Jericho.

Will the champion at No Way Out be Chris Jericho, or someone else? Later on, we'll see Chris Jericho vs. Maven.

STILL TO COME: Andre The Giant vs. Hulk Hogan from Wrestlemania III.

Over the last few weeks, they've talked about the marital problems between HHH and Stephanie outside of the ring. However, this week she caused problems inside the ring. This week, Stephanie sat down with JR. Terri storms off to find a chair so she can sit down. If you want the details, CRZ recapped this sit down segment brilliantly, including all of the important points Stephanie made. Go read his Smackdown! report.

We come back and Terri has a chair. Coach thinks HHH does cheat on Stephanie. Ummm, where's your proof? Coach hopes everything between those two come to a head on RAW. My god the WWF is filled with meddling assholes.

Coach and Terri continue to wonder if Jericho is going to have the title at No Way Out. Let's go watch that Maven vs. Chris Jericho match from RAW.

Jericho defeats Maven with relative ease (though a couple of near falls on the other end). Undertaker has a much easier time with Maven once the match is over, beating him into the ground, and then dropping him neck first onto a chair. I am really digging this feud. Taker is looking as vicious as he's ever looked, and Maven's getting a world of babyface heat in return. GOOD STUFF.

Terri wants Taker to leave her little buddy alone.

I will never get tired of that "Please Don't Try This At Home" PSA.

Kurt Angle recently shot a commercial for 1-800-CALL-ATT. Let's watch the making of this.

Kurt is asleep. Somebody wakes him up with a camera in his face to get an interview. There's a phone next to him. (He sleeps in red pyjamas with his medals on, incase you wondered.)

A maid does his nails, while he talks about doing the commercial. He loves stepping in for Carrot Top, who he feels is an idiot. (SING IT KURT!) He talks about the chambermaid. She's attractive, but she spent all day hitting on him to the point where he had to ask her to stop. She says he's full of himself and his neck is bigger than his head. The butler says he's one helluva guy. Backstage we see Kurt paying off the butler for saying that. As long as everyone gives a decent performance, Kurt will ascend the commercial to a whole new level.

Terri says it's all about dialling down the middle and pushing all the right buttons. (While touching Kurt)

The commercial airs. The punch line is:

Butler: Will that be all Mr. Austin?
Kurt: What?

Two weeks ago on Smackdown!, Kurt Angle defeated The Rock thanks to help from The Undertaker.

On Smackdown! this week, Rocky and HHH teamed to meet Kurt Angle and The Undertaker. HHH and Rocky got the win via DQ when Undertaker went nuts and beat the hell out of HHH with a chair. Rocky ripped apart the announce table, but took too much time and wound up getting his ass kicked. Rocky did manage enough strength to Rock Bottom the Taker through the announce table. In the ring, Kurt tries to break HHH's ankle with the Anglelock.

Terri says everyone's gone berserk. Hard to argue. What's going on? Up next, Slaughter is in the house, so Terri has to lose her chair and stand up in respect.

ATTEN-HUT! If Slaughter ever wanted a private, it'd be Terri.

What's his favorite memory in the WWF? One of his great moments, was his feud with The Iron Sheik. Allentown, PA is where it kicked off in January of 1984. (Shortly after Iron Sheik dropped the WWF Title to Hulk Hogan) That moment still sends chills down his spine.

Kid Rock plays, and we get a look at the WWF history piece again. I'll tell ya, the first time I watched the video, and music dropped at the point when Ramon, Diesel, then the New World Order come into the picture, I thought it was going to be a moment where they'd invaded the history piece and THAT really sent chills. This was met with an awesome reaction from the usual gang of RAW watchers at my place.

Sarge calls it a brilliant piece. The thing that stood out the most was seeing Peter Maivia, Rocky Johnson, and The Rock side by side, and has to wonder if we'll have a fourth.

Here's Vince McMahon's ultimatum from RAW.

On Smackdown!, Flair delivers his goodbye speech in tears to the WWF fans.

Terri has a new respect for Flair after that speech. Slaughter says most guys don't get that chance, to say goodbye.

One a plane, after doing GI Joe the movie, Slaughter ran into Richard Nixon. A security guy told him Sgt. Slaughter was sitting in front of him. Nixon said, he saw the pledge of allegiance in his home, and everyone stood up to do it with him.

He was at a ball for President Reagan during his second term. A security guard asked him to follow. Reagan saluted him, and thanked him for the pledge as well.

Mr. McMahon offered Ric Flair a pen to sign himself off. Jerry Lawler goes into serious mode, after defending McMahon for weeks. *sigh* Ric only gets through a part of his name, before Austin comes down and tells Flair to shove the contract up Vince's ass. And the McMahon beating begins.

Slaughter dreads to think of the New World Order coming into the WWF. They killed the WCW, and now they want to kill the WWF.

What does Wrestlemania mean to the Sarge? When you hear your music, and hear the crowd, it's amazing.

Sarge calls Andre vs. Hogan one of the greatest matches of all time. It was the torch being passed. It still gives him goosebumps.

Hey Terri and Coach,
What's the story? I would like to see a classic Hulk Hogan match for From the Vault. I would also like to say to the Coach... You are a SICK FREAK!
Gary Ward

ANDRE THE GIANT (with Bobby Heenan) vs. HULK HOGAN (for the WWF World Heavyweight Title)

I really doubt I can give much of a history lesson on this one, because if you haven't heard about it, you're not a wrestling fan. THIS is the definition of a big time matchup. I doubt it can ever be matched for this reason alone. Andre's goal was never to go after the WWF Title, until Bobby Heenan changed his thinking. Today, everyone's goal is the WWF Title. Not to mention, guys Andre's size are no longer unbeatable. Look at The Big Show. He's jobbed to half the roster over the last year. Don't concern yourself with workrate and garbage when you watch this one - just sit back and enjoy it.

Sarge is going to be at Fan Axxess, so if you live in Toronto, go down and see him.

Coach gets thrown a chair to sit down with Terri.

Goldust is back. "And no one is happier to see him back than me...NOT!" Oh Terri, come on...

Here's Goldust's promo from Smackdown! This Monday night, he will reveal who he's after. He will remember to never forget the name (bite, bite, bite) of Goldust.

Terri wonders if Coach can play Rollerball. Coach says no. Speaking of Rollerball, some stars from the movie showed up to hang with the APA.

John Stamos' wife downs a beer, Faarooq says DAMN!, Booker T has issues with LL Cool J, that guy from American Pie and Election kinda sits around doing a whole lot of nothing, and this led to a match somehow. Once again, the WWF shows how to use celebrities.

Last week, some fan won a Nintendo contest and played Super Smash Brothers with Stacy Keibler.

Tomorrow night, check out Sunday Night Heat. RAW is in Las Vegas, get tickets if you're in the area. And next week on Excess, Val Venis is in the house. She is Terri, he is the Coach. We'll see ya next week.

[slash] wrestling

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