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WWF Excess by cfgb




New new new new New World Order!

It's ANOTHER edition of WWF Excess - and less than 24 hours away from No Way Out! He's The Coach, she's Terri. And we're 24 hours away from the New World Order.

TONIGHT'S SPECIAL GUEST: Jaqueline. She and Terri go way back to their PMS days!

You know what bothers Terri? Stephanie. You're not alone! Terri might be the she devil, but Stephanie's the devil. Why don't we go back to RAW?

Linda meddles in HHH and Stephanie's affairs - proving the doctor only really plays a doctor on TV. Yep. Flash ahead to the wedding ceremony, where HHH calls Stephanie a bitch. Vince tries to get even by BUGGING HIS EYES OUT and takes a Pedigree. Stephanie tries to get even by POPPING HER BREASTS OUT and takes a pieface.

Later on Excess, we'll get the whole HHH / Stephanie story. Ooh, contain me. Coach DOES have a present for Terri for later.

COMING UP: HHH vs. Steve Austin from last year's No Way Out. Please try to remember just LAST WEEK they SWORE up and down they'd only play Wrestlemania matches.

What was Goldust thinking attacking Rob Van Dam? On RAW, Goldust certainly got his - but you can bet this is far from being done. Goldust plays mind games Coach tells us, and Terri says "you need to ask me if he plays mind games?" Let's head over to RAW.

Christian and Rob Van Dam have a match - and it certainly was a match alright! 3 guesses who won. Goldust appears on the TitanTron and reminds us we'll never forget his name.

Hey, the WWF is back on Direct TV! So go order No Way Out.

Terri can't believe Spike Dudley keeps winning. She doesn't think he can ever do it - then does. There's also been a lot of turmoil among the tag-teams lately - which means we've got a tag-team turmoil taking place. Every time one of the 6 teams in the match gets eliminated, a new team comes in. The winner takes on the winner of the Booker T/Test vs. Spike/Tazz match. Booker T is HUNGRY for gold, if you get what she's saying. Let's go watch Booker T's commercial being made.

This is a big deal. He's the best seller and the #1 movie star in the WWF, says Booker T. The point of the commercial is there's your ordinary man, and then there's your HUNGRY man! Every single time Booker T goes through the door, it's been falling off the hinges. So they made it part of the script because they thought it was funny. He heads home to get his grub on. Booker T barks instructions - stating his next job is as director. The ordinary man tells us Booker T isn't the Scorpion King, he's the Lobster King. The day before he got the deal - he'd been eating a Hungry Man Chicken Pot Pie. Part of the deal is he gets a year supply worth of Hungry Man, so he'll keep getting his Chicken Pot Pie.

Steve Austin and The Undertaker have huge matches this coming Sunday, but on RAW they squared off with one another. Chris Jericho interfered causing a DQ, making the airing of the whole match kinda pointless - no? Coach says if he were Chris Jericho, he'd hold on to that title as close as he can.

If it looks good, you'll see it;
If it sounds good, you'll hear it,
If it's marketed right, you'll buy it;
But...if it's real, you'll feel it."
- Kid Rock

We get the n.W.o. version of the Lonely Road Of Faith video.

Terri wonders who's that tasteless to take apart the video. Coach doesn't care - and moves on to Rocky vs. Taker. Here's a preview.

Maven eliminates The Undertaker at the Royal Rumble, which lead to Rocky teasing Taker. Taker does NOT take kindly, since Rocky wasn't even in the Rumble. Everything's a big joke to Rocky, so he's going to learn it's not. Taker pulls out a lead pipe from his motorcycle and clocks Rocky. Rocky retaliated with a steel chair and Rock Bottom combo - leading to Maven winning the Hardcore Title. They aren't even yet, says Rocky. Taker rushes that interview and tombstones Rocky on top of the limo. "The beating will continue until I teach Rock the word respect."

Terri says if Rocky IS 100%, he's going to whoop The Undertaker's monkey ass.

Tough Enough 2 is on it's way, so here to talk about it is Jacqueline.

Big hugs all around! Jackie says it's FREEZING in the studio. On the first Tough Enough, all the trainers made a good team. They can expect a lot of hard work, but this time around the contestants are more advanced. Jackie hated seeing contestants leave the show, but you have to accept it's part of the game.

Jackie is proud of Maven - he's come a long way in such a short period of time.

Does she have any inside scoops or secrets to pass along? Well it wouldn't be a secret if she did!

Her fears in life? She HATES rats - and doesn't want to get locked up in a room full of them. The reason Coach brought it up, is because she along with 5 others were on Fear Factor. Here's a preview.

Jeff Hardy doesn't want to sound overconfident - but he expects to win. Lita isn't scared, but knows anything could happen. Test thinks he could be the first guy ever to chicken out of the first event. Molly thinks she'll be fine. Jackie wants to see who's the craziest of the group. The executive producer doesn't think these people know what's coming. They blind folded all the superstars and transported them to wherever they're going. The first stunt is going to be climbing up a ladder into a helicopter. Molly eats gummy worms incase they feed them worms. The next round is going to be drinking a mixture of stuff. If you look closely, you can see who advanced. Jackie, Molly, Matt, and Test are all standing around. Round 3 isn't shown.

Jackie says she can't swim - and when they did the first stunt she was scared to death. Knowing she couldn't swim, she was freaking out. The drink wasn't much better, and she names off a bunch of the stuff. (Bile, spleen, pigs brains) Test chickened out, and it was funny to watch.

Two months ago Jacqueline applied to get her referee license. It's challenging, and she loves a good challenge. It was completely Jackie's idea. Coach decides Jackie looks best in a referee shirt.

Jazz is very tough, and she's worked hard, but Jackie can't wait to get in the ring with her.

On the topic of women's matches, Coach saw a great one this past week. Let's go watch it.

Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson "wrestled". Stacy wins.

Jackie wants to get in the ring with those two and show them how it's done. She wants to teach them how to wrestle. Top contenders to the women's belt? Hah! YOU GO JACKIE!

Jackie has no problems with the n.W.o. as long as they stays out of the women's locker room.

Hey, that wasn't bad! One of the better guests they've had on. I'm as surprised as you are.

The Stacker 2 Burn Of The Week sees William Regal beating the piss out of Coach. Regal is my hero.

That was painful for Terri - because while Coach was out cold he couldn't get her a Valentine's Day gift.

Brass knuckles on a pole - Edge vs. William Regal, tomorrow night.

Austin and Jericho have issues. Maybe they oughta get that checked out by a doctor? Play Rob Zombie and look at clips.

We'll find out tomorrow night how upset Steve Austin really is. GO ORDER! PLEASE!

Since we are so close to No Way Out, how about showing the main event from last year's No Way Out. The main event was Triple H versus Stone Cold Steve Austin in a two out of three falls match. It was easily the best match of last year, if not ever!
Glenn Maurer
Boston, Massachusetts

HEY GLENN, THAT IS NEITHER A WRESTLEMANIA MATCH NOR WAS IT THE MAIN EVENT! The main event was The Rock vs. Kurt Angle for the WWF Title. Ever disrespect Kurt again and I'll go down to Boston and kick your ass!

Either way - here we go.

HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY vs. STEVE AUSTIN (in a 2 out of 3 falls match)

Great buildup, awesome match. Maybe I'll recap it someday. I don't have a copy - but I have friends who do, so if they're reading it, BRING BY NO WAY OUT. If you need a match rating, *****. Until they stop clipping these, I won't go blow for blow here.

When we come back, HHH / Stephanie / Kurt Angle, the story.

At Royal Rumble, Kurt Angle was eliminated by HHH, who wound up winning on that elimination. THIS IS NOT THE START OF THE STORY! THEY LIED! Go back to January 2000 when HHH kept booking Angle in tough matches, and Stephanie kept getting Kurt out of it. Retards. I'm not going to acknowledge this month long buildup. You have all sorts of great history, USE IT!

Terri doesn't think Stephanie will count the pinfall for HHH. She has 7 words for Stephanie, but can't say them on TV.

HHH *has* to win this match to go to Wrestlemania swears Coach. I don't believe him.

Terri went to WWF New York with Jerry Lawler on Valentine's Day. Some contest winners got to eat with the two of them.

Coach runs down the No Way Out card real quick. You know what happened - so you don't need to know this. I work on a need to know basis.

Here comes Terri's present... She's gonna feel very shallow when it comes out. It's a person. HEY! I know her! It's Brian Pillman's lovechild! Errr, I mean Terri's kid. Dakota loves the fact she can be on the show. (But it sounds like she's reading) Her favorite superstar is...surprise, surprise - Goldust! Terri says this is the best present ever. Dakota at age 7 is almost as tall as mommy.

And that's the show.

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