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Hello again gang. It's Michaelangelo again. Hope you all survived the stupidity that is April Fool's Day. I think it's the Internet that made me hate that holiday, since now morons can globally play lame ass jokes on the unsuspecting sheep of the world.

But I'm not bitter.

Anyway, this week I am happy to announce that WCW did not run a live event. In preparation for the 15th "new era" in the past 10 months, Eric Bischoff and Vince Russo took the week off to prepare new angles and storylines. While I doubt the brief hiatus will help, I am happy that I have one less show to recap.

So, this report contains only WWF GBU's. Yeah!

Some brief words on Wrestlemania: Most of the matches were great but the ending to the main event sucked. 

That's all I have to say right now. I will reserve the rest of my comments for my audio show at the end of the week.

Oh? What audio show? well, it got kind of an anticlimactic debut because of my poor timing. I sent CRZ the link on the same day he left for vacation, so it only got posted a couple of days ago. Please, take a moment to check it out and tell me what you think. You can get to the link here. Please check it out, bookmark it, and send me some feedback. Count on a new show being uploaded every Friday night (even if CRZ's page does not show an update).

Well, before we get to it, let's crown our weekly Monarch of Vague References. This week, the winner is Brian Dermody, who got four of five correct. Here is his e-mail:

From: B Dermody
Subject: The ol' college try 

A shot at your vague references.

1. Time has told. Sounds like Aaron Sorkin. 'The American President'? 'Sports Night'? 'West Wing'? Maybe Yoda
2. Hachi Machi. 'The Critic'. The legendary, wonderful, short lived 'Critic'. 
3. I say I'm dead... 'The Crow'. Thanks imdb, I saw that movie once 6 years ago.
4. Still a hottie... Simon & Garfunkel. More Simon than Garfunkel. 
5. 'No!' Marcel Marceau, saying the only line in 'Silent Movie'
6. Hmmm. No idea. Let's say Homer Simpson. It worked last week.

A shout out to the five burros,

Good job, Brian. You got Numbers 2, 3, 4, and 5 correct. That's good enough for a crown.

The ones he missed:

BAD: DDP on the new WCW Movie: "Ready to Rumble is like Wayne's World meets wrestling." Whenever you compare a new film to a popular old one, it usually means that the new film is not really all that good. Time will tell. "Time has told!" (Vague Reference)

WOW: Trish Stratus and her two not so little friends (and I don't mean Test and Albert). "Are those things on or am I wasting my time?" (Vague Reference)

The first is from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. Rufus (George Carlin) says it to the villain at one point. The second is from the Tom Hanks classic, Bachelor Party. Tom himself delivers the line to a hooker'

Before we continue, let me just apologize to Butch Rosser who should have been named as one of the Samurai of Vague references last week. My bad, Butch. Rock on!

I have changed the format of the Vague References to make the game a bit harder. How so? Well, I will not identify the references. You will have to find them yourself. Do your best and send your guesses to Good luck!

The Good, Bad, and Ugly for April 3, 2000


ON THE FENCE: Wrestlemania overall. I thought the show lacked the energy that is what made some of the past shows so memorable, but had some really great matches. Honestly, I did not like the total absence of serious one-on-one bouts and the booking of the main event was totally unacceptable for a PPV of this magnitude.

BAD: Not another "evil Vince and Shane" angle. Christ. The talent roster is packed to the gills, why do we need to elevate McMahon and his kin any more? 

BAD: Shane versus the Rock? Oh boy. 

AWFUL: Stephanie as the WWF Women's champion. Just when Jackie was giving that title credibility, they go and completely tear it all down. 

GOOD: Stephanie selling last night's Rock Bottom and People's Elbow. She took it as well as I have ever seen anyone take it and I was proud of her.

GOOD: Stephanie's over-the top whining over her attack from the Rock. It's just hammy enough to be arrogant.

DECENT: HHH's little tirade.

I HOPE...that this segment doesn't go 20 minutes. I am tired of these long-drawn out openings.

GOOD: Vince with the hug to Stephanie. He makes a gentle, tender gesture look sinister. Gotta love Vinnie Mac.

I GET THE FEELING: That Vinnie Mac will be turning on Shane very soon.

BAD: Vince refusing to explain his actions last night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who really cares, anyway?

GOOD: Gotta admit, I liked Vince's accusations of the people in LA. "You're just a bunch of phonies!" Funny how true that really is.

FUNNY: Vince calls for the bleeper button which is about 2 seconds too late to catch the word "assholes." Ha!

JESUS CHRIST: Now we have The Rock versus Vince McMahon. God damn it.

BAD: Why did Vince say that he wants the Rock out of the WWF? Didn't he say that was "bad for business" just a couple of weeks ago?

GOOD: The card. Jericho and Guerrero, Benoit and Tazz. I like it.

BAD: Why did they give Jericho the European title? It seems like a demotion of sorts...

NICE: Eddie counters the powerbomb by rolling over Jericho's back. Looked sweet. Be the ball, Eddie, be the ball.

NOT BAD: This match. Not as good as some of the wars these two guys had back in the day, but I liked what I saw.

I CAN SEE IT! She's gonna turn on Jericho! I can see it! Here it comes!

YES! There it is! WOW! Eddie gets the European title! Holy crow! The Radicals have three titles! 

HOT: Chyna with the little Hootchie shake. Yeah baby, you bought it, so shake it!

HARD TO WATCH: Stephanie asking Vince to allow HHH to take on Rocky. I mean, it was funny, but for some reason, this time, the hammy acting did not sit well with me.

QUESTION: Are X-Pac and Road Dogg really even part of DX anymore? What about HHH? I am so confused. 

PUT UP OR SHUT UP: Trish Stratus. Either take it off or get out of the ring. I'm tired of female valets with all tit and no talent. She can't work the mic, she does nothing at ringside to contribute, and she isn't really that good looking anyway. Lose her and give me Lita!

A REALIZATION: I may be a little behind here, but it Road Dogg isn't in a Hardcore match, he sucks. I know, I know. You knew all along. What do you mean slow of mind?

BAD: Can't anyone kick out of that lame X-Factor move? Why does X-Pac always have to win? Fuck you Waltman, I hate your skinny ass.

GOOD: Angle going Backlund on Finkle. I may have some interest in him now.

INTERESTING: What is going on with the McMahons tonight? Where is Linda? It's all so seamy! 

WHY: Does Tazz have an Intercontinental title shot? He hasn't won that many, what do I know?

GOOD: Benoit coming out independent of the Radicals. Turn him face and have him break off...let's move this push to the next level!

NICE: Beautiful sharpshooter on Tazz! Wow, he's twisting his ass like a pretzel!

BAD: Benoit needs Saturn's help to win. Bummer.


WHAT? The Big Show going Hollywood? If he comes out wearing a feathered boa, I am going to start watching RollerJam instead.

GOOD: I am not a fan of heel Edge and Christian personas but at least they are getting mic time, and it isn't half bad.

HMMM: It would seem that the Dudleys are the face team here. What a pop they got for the 3D on Edge!

GOOD: WWF's public service announcement warning kids off trying dangerous stunts. Seems to be more effective than Brian Knobs telling kids to "use their heads."

AMUSING, BUT NOT GOOD: Eddie and Chyna in the low rider. Uh...why did she join him? Why didn't she do it last night? Are they going to explain it? Who's wine? What wine? How the hell did I die?

FUNNY: Okay, Show, you got me. That imitation of the worm was quite hysterical.

WHAT? Too Cool interferes, and costs Rikishi the match. What was the purpose of this segment? 

AH: Looks like Show is going to "try to get over" by spicing up his ring persona. Okay, I'll bite. Let's see what happens now. I tell you this much, though, if he ends up another "Akeem, The African Dream," I will be vomit repeatedly into my pillowcase.

GOOD: Looks like Vince is setting Shane up for a beating tonight.

COOL: The Big Show comes out and dances like a fool, but manages to get the crowd behind him. "Go Big Show!" Good luck with the face turn, Paul.

GOOD: Rocky's line about the "infamous penis implant of 1991." Good line.

BETTER: Rocky's latest interviews. They've been more serious and intense as of late. He should start to think about some new catch phrases now.

BAD: Too Cool making fun of the Show. Keep these assholes away from the mic. Talk about horrible! This segment took five minutes of my life and I want them back...ah forget it, I'd probably waste them anyway.

EH: Hardcore versus Crash. I am trying to care...I really am. Nope...can't do it.

INTERESTING: Crash regains his Hardcore Title. Why? Methinks last night's title change was not really supposed to happen and this is the band-aid.

BAD: Crash being attacked by the Posse again. I don't recall him issuing a 24/7 challenge this time around.

GOOD: Shane being legitimately nervous about his match with the Rock. I liked HHH's comment about being "careful." Well, I laughed.

GOOD: Show pulverizing Sexay. I would place Show's head firmly beneath the white hat on that one, since Brian was making fun of him earlier.

GOOD: Angle wearing rubber gloves when fighting Val Venis. Nice touch.

GOOD: Angle versus Venis! This is a great match!

GOOD: Val is still the best seller of the DDT that I know. He looks like he was planted.

WOW: Angle wins clean. Nice.

I CAN SEE IT NOW: Shane is dead meat. His father is going to take his ass out.

BAD: Kane versus Bull Buchanan in the last 20 minutes of the show? What the hell? (No pun intended.)

OH NO: Not a Bossman/Kane feud! Fuck this.

BAD: The main event. This whole angle leaves a really bad taste in my mouth. This match is can call almost every spot just before it happens. Not impressed.

GOOD: At least Shane didn't get punked by his father.

OVERALL: Well, I can't say I cared much for this RAW. It would seem that Vince took the low road and gave us a PPV that was more of a carousel than a rollercoaster. He must have figured that without Nitro, he could put on Chester McCheezington all night and still get the ratings. The matches were uninspired, the wrestlers looked tired, and the main event was forgettable. All in all, a D for effort.

Well gang, it's a short one, but a good one. Please, please, please take the time to listen to my audio show linked above and shoot me an e-mail that I can read next week. Do it, and help out your fellow mark.

Questions, comments, headache? Write me at All letters will be answered or bagged and tagged.

I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while.

[slash] wrestling

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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission