THE GOOD, BAD, AND UGLY FOR 9/25/2000

Mondays, ugh. At least we have wrestling waiting for us at the end of the day, eh friends? And on Tuesdays, you have the GBU to get you through your workday. Well, that's what I am told, anyway.

I am Michaelangelo and this is my column. Like me or hate me, I refuse to go away. Try and make me.

A couple of things to discuss off the bat here. I have gotten a few e-mails recently asking me how my column is written. I think that considering my absence and the fact that [slash] Wrestling has picked up quite a few new loyal readers while I was gone, now is the time for me to revisit the Good, Bad, and Ugly methodology.

The point of this column is simply to offer my personal and biased opinion on RAW and Nitro. I write the column from a laptop in front of the television as the programs are being broadcast live and write my individual thoughts as they come to me. It is dynamic and spontaneous. Tuesday early morning I proofread what I wrote, not modifying the ideas and concepts expressed, simply making grammatical corrections. So if I make a prediction early on in a show and it turns out to be wrong, I do not change my original thought to save face.

Why do I do it? Well, I decided that I wanted to join that collective scream that is Internet Wrestling Opinion and that there were plenty of guys out there who write recaps a lot better than I ever could. I toyed with the format and decided that a bulleted list of ideas, humor, and opinions would appeal to the short-attention-spans of the average Internet audience. Call it Crash-columnizing.

Besides, it's really easy to write.

I do not read any other recaps or Internet opinions until my column is done and sent to CRZ for publication. This way, I cannot be accused of ripping off anyone else's work.

That's it. That's the idea. I don't pretend to be impartial. I don't hide behind any kind of journalistic credibility. I am just a guy who spews his personal grievances onto a computer screen.

Whew. Glad I got that off my chest.

Okay, what else do I want to talk about? Oh yeah, the WWF Unforgiven PPV. Cyan Indigo and I ordered it on a fluke and, truth be told, I can't say I was all that impressed. Here are some thoughts:

• I am glad the Hardies finally walked away with tag team gold.
• The Rikishi/Guererro match was confusing booking. Is the big assed Samoan a heel now? 
• Raven's debut was cool and Shane's mid air beer spray selling the stunner was a moment for the ages.
• Not a whole lot was actually resolved. X-Pac and Jericho are still in a feud, I would hardly call the Angle/HHH match a blowoff, considering the ambiguity of the ending, we still don't know who ran Austin over, and the Rock still holds the title after a solid pinfall victory over Benoit.
• Speaking of which, damn those Dusty finishes. Will you give Benoit the belt and let him keep it for at least one day? Stop teasing us!

I suppose I should not be surprised. With the WWF moving to TNN, there still had to be plenty of loose ends to get us to tune in, or to call our cable company and complain if we can't. Fortunately, I get The National Network, so it's all good. Rest assured, I will be there tonight with my fingers crossed for a Benoit/Rock rematch.

Over in Turnerland, WCW has loaded up it's show in an effort to pull as many lost WWF fans as it can in to its viewing audience. I hear there is a Miss WCW contest promising "plenty of skin" as well as a match between Booker T and Vince Russo for the World Title. WCW has also hyped a main event that is so shocking that none of us will be able to keep from shitting a huge pile of poop right into our collective trousers.

Okay, so I embellished a bit there. Sorry.

The most we can all hope for right now is that Russo does not walk away with the World Title tonight. I don't care if Booker keeps it or not, just don't give it to Vinnie Roo.

Oh, and shove a gas soaked rag into Madden's mouth and offer him a cigarette.

Enough talk! Time for action!

The Good, Bad, and Ugly for Monday, September 25, 2000

WCW NITRO

GOOD: Russo's title shot has garnered attention and made people care. The degree to which we all care is questionable, but there is no small amount of interest in the Internet community about the possible outcome.

BAD: If he books himself to win, he will ruin any positive aspects that this angle may offer.

BAD: Borash as Russo's stooge. Ugh. What a waste. He actually used to be worth listening to on WCW Live and now he will end up as another of Russo's ruined failures like Mike Awesome and Kwee Wee. It just goes to prove that Russo has run out of real talent to fuck up, so now he is cannibalizing WCW.com's staff. Next week, he'll be destroying the careers of the janitorial staff.

BAD: Big Vito comes out to absolutely no crowd response at all. What a curtain jerker...jeez.

HEH: You just know that Vito's "sister" is going to be involved in this contest.

BAD: Hudson says that Johnny and Vito "had it out" when Johnny returned. Actually, if we remember just a couple of months ago, it was Vito who turned on Johnny first. Why should we have been surprised that Johnny did not want to help Vito on his return? Consistency, people! Look over at the WWF, they are revisiting and building to a final closure on an angle that is 10 months old, and are making sure to remember the events exactly as they happened to ensure that the outcome makes sense!

GOOD: A few stiff stick shots in this match. 

BAD: That's about all we get. Whack. Whack. Whack.

IF I MAY...let me predict the end of this match. Maria will be in some kind of peril, forcing Vito to quit. 

GOOD: Just because it's predictable doesn't mean it's bad. Rumor had it that the 1999 Royal Rumble "I Quit" match between Foley and Rock was going to end in a similar way. 

QUESTION: Is it considered lifting an angle if the angle was never used in the first place?

ANSWER: It doesn't matter because that's not what happened.

DUH: Maria actually rushes to the ring to protect her brother when he is getting beaten down. This doesn't seem right. Let's say you go to a football game and your brother is the quarterback. If he gets sacked a few times, do you run onto the field to try and block for him? 

PREDICTION: Bets on when she turns on Vito to join Johnny.

UGLY: Jeremy Borash. He looks like a Hobbit. "Frodo of the nine fingers, and the ring of doom!!!"

BAD: Anyone else want to shove Madden's sunglasses into his neck like that scene in The Godfather 3? Are you supposed to be cool, Mark? Let me clue you in on something, you aren't. You can wear sunglasses, an Armani suit, a Rolex, and be driving a Spyder, it would still make you miles from cool. Light years, even.

GOOD: Call me crazy, but David Flair has been entertaining me as late. I am not sure why. I guess, any Flair I can get is decent Flair.

BAD: Didn't the guy in the phone booth see the camera there? While we are on the subject, how did the cameraman know that David was going to stop at that particular phone booth, anyway?

TALL: Midajah's heels. Jeez, what are they? 18 inches?

GOOD: Steiner has blackened his chainmail wig. At least he has some color on his body now.

UGLY: We get a nice shot of Papa Pump's veins. Yegads. I bet his white blood cells are buff.

OH DEAR LORD: I cannot believe that Jeremy Borash is actually Russo's valet. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. 

BAD: Why the hell is Russo playing up to the crowd? He is supposed to be the heel here. He should be working them and insulting them.

SIGN: "Hogan made Russo."

BAD: Now Madden is a native New Yorker. You know, there is more to being a heel commentator than just agreeing with everything the heels say. I can't beleive Bobby Heenan has been relegated to WCW Saturday Night and we have to listen to this sea lion for two hours.

UM...what the hell is Russo talking about? Forget John Rocker and get back to WCW. Asshole.

GOOD: Goldberg is in the building.

BAD: Even though he "retired," he still needs security. What a wuss.

GOOD: Mike Sanders selling Bryan Adams' grab. 

BAD: Sanders saying, "I'm just the messenger" and then giving the camera a look. Methinks either a rip off or an obvious reference to "Just Joe."

UGLY: Konnan's duds. Egads. He looks like a piece of modern art.

GOOD: Leia Meow back again...and in a leather micro skirt and bikini top. Where does she find these clothes?

WOW: Shane's over the top rope bump through the table. Nice work man.

BAD: Their plan was to crash the battle royal? Wow, lotta thought went into that one. Guess that's what happens when Wrath is the brains of the operation.

UGLY: Adams nearly twists Juvi's head off with that swinging pancake. Yegads!

GOOD: Security macing Kronik. It makes sense, that is their job.

BAD: The other teams were essentially ballast in this match.

GOOD: Juvi, Rey, Jindrak, and O'Hare gave us a great show. Some of those spots were nice.

BAD: It looked like the whole Disco spot was blown. Juvy could not fall over the top rope and then I think he was supposed to make an attempt at a head scissors on Jindrak, but he blew that too and took an anticlimactic dump to the floor without the benefit of a camera angle.

BAD: The Whack Pack? These guys are a group of losers who have nothing better to do than be made fun of by Stern and his crew. Having them get mic time? Jesus. First of all, Stern has not been hot for years, second, most people don't know or care about this batch of morons. I would have accepted Jackie, Bababooie, and Stuttering John, but these idiots? 

BAD: Does WCW have any clue how morally reprehensible these guys are? Do they know that Hank is a drunk and Bob got the way he is by doing way too much crack a few years ago?

GOOD: Nash manages to save us from them...sort of.

BAD: Big Sexy's poor ass mic work. Put a little effort into your job, Nash. Oh, wait, if it involves a "job" you seldom have anything to do with it, isn't that right?

BAD: The ICP. Fuck these two assholes. They are making references to JCW wrestlers that nobody has ever heard of before. Wow. The ratings are just off the charts, aren't they.

GOOD: If they put Awesome over the clowns, that will be about the only thing that saves this segment.

BAD: Awesome actually selling the ICP's offense. This guy should be in title contention but he is driving the Partridge Family bus, wearing bell bottoms, and getting his ass kicked by two clowns. Jesus.

GOOD: The Awesome Bomb on the top of the bus. What made it doubly enjoyable was that Shaggy slid off the roof in what may well have been an unplanned spot. It looked like Mike tried to prevent it by attempting to grab his leg and nearly dropped him on his head! HA! FU ICP.

LOUD: Miss Jones' clothing. Yikes. Is that supposed to be fashionable? She looks like fudge swirl ice cream.

WHAT? Now the cameraman is in the car with David...and another one is waiting inside the Chuck E. Cheeze. What instinct. Sign these guys up for AMerica's Most Wanted and we won't need to have any more "dramatic recreations," they will be able to anticipate the criminals' every move and film them in the act!

GOOD: I have to admit, the ball pit spot was kind of funny. I guess I am a sucker for slapstick, no matter how lame.

SO...are we calling Miss Hancock "Stacy Keebler" now? 

GOOD: The Cat takes time to tell Madden that he hates his fat ass. Preach, brother, preach!

BAD: The Cat makes a classic mistake by saying that if Nash, Steiner, or Jarrett interfere, they are fired. So just about anyone else can get involved tonight without fear of retribution.

GOOD: As the NBT's coach, Nash has found a way to show up for work without actually having to do anything.

BAD: The Commissioner absorbs another beatdown. *Sigh* How many is that now? 50? Wow. I said it before, and I'll say it again, if I could pound on my boss without any sort of retribution, my office would be a very different place.

UGH! The Whack Pack. What a bunch of assholes.

DOUBLE UGH: Hank's shamble to the ring.

WOO HOO! Chae! Yeah baby! Whoot! Whoot!

GOOD: Women in bikinis. Call it the perv in me...or maybe the fact that I am a heterosexual male, but I enjoy beautiful, scantily clad women.

BAD: Madden's inane proclamation that each of the women is the winner the moment they remove their robes.

BAD: Doesn't what Duggan is doing constitute kidnapping? Eh. Wrestling logic. Can't figure it out.

BAD: Is it me, or is this whole thing poorly planned? It comes off like a train wreck.

HOLY JUGGS: Pamela looks like she is storing a few gallons of water in there for the winter.

BAD: Leia just lets Midajah scoop her up and slam her. It was as spontaneous as a well-planned vacation. Now that is lame. In fact, let me go so far as to say this whole contests was lame. Nice job hyping an event that was a complete waste of time.

GOOD: Goldberg nails Steiner during his interview. Let's keep things moving. Time to make up for that mess in the last segment.

GOOD: I like Disquo and I like him on the mic.

I WONDER...if his new partner is Alex Wright. Whoops here comes Steiner. I guess we will find out Wednesday night.

COOL: Goldberg/Steiner cage match. Why not? Seems fine to me.

GOOD: Decent match between these two. 

BAD: Steiner's face protection. What is he, trying out for the title role in the film The Black Mask II?

GOOD: Goldberg wins. Nice to see Steiner lose now and then. Not as satisfying as a clean pin, but we have to take our victories where we can.

GREAT: Jeff Jarrett is now my hero. He waffled Beetlejuice with the guitar...now get the rest of them.

NO: I will let all the other recappers come up with similarities between Beetlejuice and Gary Coleman and their involvement in WCW. I refuse to acknowledge it.

GOOD: Booker's catchphrases are beginning to catch on. I hear a handful of people actually repeating them.

INTERESTING: Rection versus Jarrett? Why?

BAD: How many times are they going to book Duggan and crew to get the better of Rection? Jeez, it's been two weeks...

GOOD: Sting and Storm. I can dig it. I can't imagine these too will put on a bad match. If it does happen to suck, it will suck because of bad booking and some lame run-in ending.

BAD: The announcers overselling "Sting's heart." Yeah yeah. We have heard it all before. Prove it, Stinger.

BAD: You know the matches are getting predictable when Stinger calls the splash before Lance is even slumped in the corner.

HAVING A ROUGH TIME: I am not sure how to keep reacting to David Flair's vignettes. The camera action is illogical, especially since it follows him as he practically breaks into a stranger's house! David's acting is over the top, sometimes in a good way, sometimes not. If they drag this thing on much longer, I may lose interest altogether.

BAD: Russo steals yet another gimmick, sporting full football gear on his way to the ring. *Cough normansmiley cough*

HEY: Where is Smiley anyway? He's the Hardcore Champ, isn't he?

GOOD: I have to admit, it was kind of interesting that Russo waylays Booker with the bat and rushes to the cage door immediately.

BAD: Booker needs help from all these other guys to beat Russo? Jeez. Nice way to push your champion.

EH: Luger returns.

BAD: In a show of complete illogic, Luger helps Russo. Weren't they enemies when last they met? Who the hell remembers, anyway?

WHOOOOO: Flair returns! Too bad he screwed up the figure four.

CHRIST: This match defines overbooking. All we need is for the New York Islanders to rush the cage to make things complete.

JESUS CHRIST: Russo gets speared out of the cage before Booker steps through the door. The spot was kind of cool, but what the hell? Is Russo now the champ?

AWFUL: They cut out before telling us who won the match. They hype the SHIT out of this thing and end broadcast without telling us who won? Bad taste in my mouth, folks. Bad taste.

I GUESS...that Steiner is fired. He interfered, so that's it for him, right? Isn't that what the Cat said?

OVERALL: There were a couple of decent matches in here and that's a good thing. However, WCW once again managed to fail to deliver on heavily hyped events. First off, the Miss WCW contest was a farce. The contestants barely did anything besides stand around in bikinis, a minor and illogical scuffle between Midajah and Leia Meow came off so worked that it was hard to watch, and the winner was someone who was not even entered in the contest to begin with. Russo's match with Booker was so peppered with outside interference and "surprise returns" that it was hard to keep up. Finally, WCW Live reported that the title match wasn't the main even and that WCW had something huge planned at the end of the show. That never even materialized. If there were less promotion around tonight's show, I would probably have liked it a lot more. Taken as the sum of its parts, this was a poorly delivered Nitro.

WWF RAW

COOL: The TNN logo. Looks kinda hip and happening. Must be great to be able to change the entire focus of a network just by adding one of your programs to it. Vince be the king.

BAD: A bit of an oversell of their first broadcasting on TNN. The "dawn of a new era?" I think not. The dawn of a new relationship with your network? For sure.

GOOD: Bringing Austin out right off the bat. Let's not pull our punches.

SIGN: "Benoit was screwed." If you held that sign, send me an e-mail and I will give you props!

GOOD: It is good to have Austin back. I have to admit. I did miss the guy.

GOOD: Austin on Shane and Stephanie: "For the sake of the human race, I hope that sumbitch [Vince] is shooting blanks."

BAD: Austin putting Nudeon over. Jesus, Dennis must really be over in the locker room.

BAD: Looks like Austin started to lose his voice a bit there at the end of his monologue. Sucrets, Steve!

GOOD: Here comes Mick. I look forward to a Foley/Austin exchange. I have had enough of Mick/Rock and Mick/HHH.

INTERESTING: Mick defying Austin and telling him not to go after all the superstars in the locker room. Could this lead to a stunner to our comish?

NOOOO: Benoit is out! He's stunner fodder! No! Chris! Go back to the locker room! Noooooooo!

GOOD: Benoit on the mic. He has improved!

BAD: Mick with the cheap face heat.

GOOD: He knows it's cheap heat and his gestures and facial expressions reflect it. If you're gonna do it, at least let us in on the joke!

GOOD: Benoit/Rock for the World Title tonight. Please give us a title change for our first RAW on TNN!

BAD: Angle comes out now? Jesus. How long is this going to go on?

GOOD: Maybe Kurt will eat stunner tonight instead of Benoit.

GOOD: No rematch for Angle. I paid for that match last night. Don't be giving it away for free.

UH OH: Angle getting in Austin's face. Did he ever watch any of the Rattlesnake's old tapes? You do that, it's a guaranteed ass kicking.

DAMMIT! Benoit takes a stunner. You jerky! Doh! Rookie mistake Crippler. I am so disappointed in you.

BAD: Yet another Kane/Rikishi match. If Kane dances with Too Cool, I may lose my dinner.

GOOD: Overall, it's a tolerable match...little heavy on the punching, but then again, what do you expect?

BAD: The ending of this match. What exactly was it meant to prove? Rikishi is a blatant cheater now? He and Kane are now going to feud? How does Showkishi fit into all this? Will Luke and Laura ever come back to General Hospital? How big a loser am I, really?

BAD: Austin confronting UT shows us how similar their gimmicks are. SOB? American Badass? Who can tell them apart?

GOOD: Mick's office is in the ladies room. Heh. Worth a couple of chuckles.

GOOD: E&C/Hardies ladder match. It's all good.

BAD: Okay not all good. Again, I just paid for this last night.

SUGGESTION: Henry Winkler should have come out of the can instead of Inga. I would have marked HUGE.

GOOD: Dukie from the Bud commercials showing up on Sunday Night Heat! Now that shit is funny.

GOOD: An ECW vs. ECW match with the Dudleys versus Tazz (and the inevitable appearance of Raven). Eee See Dub! Eee See Dub!

FUNNY: How The Dudleys are incredibly over, Tazz is finally on his way, and Raven was met with a monster pop last night while Mike Awesome is "that 70's guy." Heh. Spot the differences.

BAD: This match lacks all heat. It's a trip to the concession stand. Hurry up, Raven.

GOOD: There he is. He's getting heel heat now. Excellent. It is all proceeding according to plan.

BAD: The Boot of the week is a corkscrew asai from the top of the cage. Boot? More like a back of the week.

GOOD: Whe the fuck cares? It was a great move!

EXCUSE ME: I am going to watch this match now. See you when it's over.

HOLY SHIT! Spear from the ladder to a dangling Jeff Hardy! Jesus!

WOW: What a match. I'd dare say it rivaled last night's match in intensity and high spots.

BAD: Why put on a match like this now? It makes no real sense. It can't help viewership. I mean, anyone not tuned in by now isn't going to be tuned in anytime soon. These four have put themselves through enough for this company, maybe it's time to take it down a notch long enough for their cuts to close up.

GOOD: The Stooges are back. As long as they don't wear dresses, I find them amusing.

BAD: Austin threatens to "stomp a squealing worm out of their asses"? What the hell does that mean, exactly?

BAD: The new issue of Playboy has not arrived in my mailbox yet. Grrr.

HUGE: Chyna's breasts. Did she double the size of her implants?

HUGE-ER: The space between those mountains. It's the Grand Cleaveyon!

BAD: Slowing down the show and letting Chyna talk about her fashion and her appearance in The Star. Let's get to the wrestling already.

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER...when Chyna had a man jaw? She talks about being ugly and lambastes the Hollywood women for being too beautiful and being the kind of people who made fun of her when she was working her way up in the ranks. Excuse me? She got more plastic surgery than anyone in the WWF! I have no problem with her changing the way she looked to help her self-esteem, but don't go criticizing others for doing and being exactly what you are now. You're no better, hon.

GOOD: Great timing by the RTC! Well all right.

GOOD: Venis' diatribe about Chyna's Playboy appearance. I am not sure how I feel about him being in the RTC, but his mic work is right there.

INTERESTING: Eddie comes to Chyna's defense? Where is this going? Is he a face or heel?

GOOD: Angle going through the paper and pointing out that he could beat this year's Olympic hopefuls.

BETTER: His reaction to Trish Stratus. I liked the "medal between the tits" double-take.

BAD: Another rematch from last night? Jericho and X-Pac. Jesus. Why did I bother paying for this match?

WORSE: This is likely just a vehicle for X-Pac to get his win back from Jericho.

BAD: Jericho misses his springboard drop kick to X-Pac on the apron.

WORSE: Yep, X-Pac gets the win. Asshole.

GOOD: At least Jericho gets the last laugh.

INTERESTING: Jericho snaps and gives X-Pac the Walls of Jericho on the announcers table.

BAD: Stephanie is still the worst actress in the WWF.

BAD: After HHH does his spiel, Austin says essentially that either he is lying or telling the truth. Um. Okay. Nice deduction. So either the person who was driving the car that ran you over was a male...or a female. You're gonna eat cereal...or toast for breakfast.

GOOD: Rocky's fired up interview segment calling Benoit a punk. It's sweet because I can feel a win for the Crippler...he's due.

BAD: I know deep down that there's no way he's gonna take the title. Not tonight. *Sigh*

GOOD: Eddie uses Venis's tie as a weapon, making him the single smartest wrestler to face this group to date.

GOOD: It only takes one tie biel for Val to remove it altogether, making him equally as smart.

GOOD: Chyna pantsing Stevie Richards. Now that was funny.

UGLY: We get a good look at that crack. Egads. Still better than Rikishi I suppose.

GOOD: Crash can't get a drink at the WWF New York bar.

GOOD: Steven Regal again. Still not warmed up to his gimmick, but one of my readers sent me a letter asking me not to overlook his incredibly funny facial features. His response to Austin's theme music firing up is a testament to that.

AW: Poor Steven Regal. I almost feel bad for the guy. He was just trying to inject some culture into our lives and he gets a quick stunner for his efforts.

GOOD: Shane-o-Mac in my man Benoit's corner. The odds just shifted a bit in the Canadian's favor.

BAD: The crowd chants "Shane's a pussy." Did they forget Summerslam? I'd like to see you guys take that dive off the Titantron.

GOOD: I can't complain about the quality of this match. Benoit gave it his all, and I swear Rocky channels the spirit of every good Samoan wrestler when he is in the ring with this guy.

GOOD: Shane provides "constructive interference." His attacks are well timed and help add to the pace of the match, as well as give the crowd a chance to pop now and then

SHIT! Benoit JOBS AGAIN. Dammit. The only good thing that can come of this is a feud between HHH and Benoit.

GOOD: Angle and Benoit beat on HHH and Rocky. Is this officially a face turn for Hunter?

YEAH! Benoit gives Steph a headbutt! Point, winner, Benoit!

OVERALL: Fair effort tonight. There were a couple of really good matches (Hardies/E&C, X-Pac/Jericho, Rock/Benoit), and forward movement on some angles. I am not sure how much I care for Stone Cold's return, however. He seems to be doing the same stuff he was doing a year ago. Kick, stunner, pop. Maybe it's me, but I was hoping he'd put a little more effort into his return. I know his recovery is still not totally complete and he needs to take it easy physically, but I think perhaps we can see another side of Austin without him risking reinjuring himself. I am not sure what, but perhaps it's time for him to think about some sort of change.

Okay folks. Time to call it a night. See you next week.

Questions, comments, a glimpse into your own soul? Write me at michaelangelo70@hotmail.com. All letters will be answered or subject to abuse.

I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while.