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Gavin Armstrong

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All Hail The No Wrestling Soap Opera Wrestling Show!
 
"I thought that for the last couple of weeks, we were doing too much wrestling...We were becoming too much like a wrestling show"
Mr. V. Russo (WCW Live! 23/8/00)
 
I may have predicted it last week in my first column for the house of CRZ, but even I didn't think it would happen this soon. For W.M.O.W.S. fans (Wrestling Matches On Wrestling Shows) who still have a glimmer of hope for WCW programming under Mr. Russo, well the No Wrestling Soap Opera Wrestling Show will soon be upon us.
"YEAH!" I hear you all cry in anticipation. In these days of our lives it's exactly what we've always wanted. It's going to be bold and beautiful (I'm NOT shooting with ya. Honest!) . We get those shows in the UK now on terrestrial TV and let me tell you all that UK soaps having nothing, and I mean nothing, on US soaps (I'm shooting with ya this time. Honest!).
 
"...We were becoming too much like a wrestling show"
I still can't believe he actually said that!
 
And while I'm bitching about Mr. Russo and the lack of wrestling on his shows (soon to be none), I must also bitch about the WWF. There was less than 20 minutes of wrestling on Smackdown this week. Granted, they're heading into a PPV and the storyline stuff was really entertaining and all, but still! Less than 20 Minutes? Come on! We do not need another N.W.S.O.W.S. on our screens! Is Russo secretly booking raw as well? Can we please see match times increase after SummerSlam Mr. McMahon. Or should I say Russo?
 
Oh, and by the way, Mr. Russo let it be known on Nitro that he really doesn't want to be on our screens as often as he is. It's just that "THEY" keep on pulling him back in! Well I will now like to make a heart felt plea to whomever "THEY" are and ask them very politely to STOP PULLING RUSSO BACK IN! Thank you!
 
Changing the subject for a moment, but look who got beat with the ugly stick. Whom or what am I referring to? Well, it's Nintendo's new games console, which was unveiled this week. The demo game images look astonishing. The controller looks um...what can I say...interesting. But, I've got to say that it is without a shadow of a doubt the single most hideous looking games console I've ever laid eyes upon in my life (yes worse than the US SNES design believe it or not!). Gamecube? Maddencube more like! What the hell was Nintendo thinking? Click here for a look at this gaming monstrosity. Also, for a brief glimpse of the great games we could all be playing next year click here. See what I mean though? That's one Madden ugly bastard! I hope they redesign it for us western folk! Well at least the games will look great!
 
SummerSlam is just a few days away and on paper it looks like a potential PPV of the year (Oh crap, I've just given it the kiss of death!). Due to the beauty of satellite/cable TV, we here in the UK get to see WWF PPV's free (well apart from the standard subscription fee which not all of us pay *wink* No. No. I'm watching at my mum's house. Honest! Just forget I mentioned it!). It may air at 01:00am but that is a small price to pay for no adverts, non-edited (Bloody Channel 4!(UK terrestrial)) coverage with the added benefit of not having to pay $30 (about 20) to view it.
"I think you went in with unrealistic expectations sir"
These were the words my surgeon uttered after the plastic surgery only made a slight improvement in the size of my...um...thing...you know...OH NEVER MIND!
Anyway, this quote should also apply to wrestling PPV's. For example, My expectations for Wrestlemania 2000 and King Of The Ring 2000 were probably too high and I came away mildly disappointed (With King Of The Ring being the greatest let down out of the two in my opinion). When my expectations were lower however (e.g. Backlash, Judgement Day, Fully Loaded etc.), I seemed to enjoy those shows a great deal more than I expected. For SummerSlam, I have to admit that I may be going in with my expectations too high again, but this time I have a feeling that it will actually deliver.
You just get the feeling that something huge will happen in the main event after what occurred on Smackdown, and therefore this could be a fascinating match. Jericho/Benoit should be another classic (But can we please not have a Backlash type finish in this match WWF bookers?!). The TLC match will be amazing. They'll be looking to top the 3-way Wrestlemania ladder match so expect some crazy shit to happen. Oh and by the way, what are the odds of Jeff Hardy doing something completely sick even by his standards? Looking to the Tazz/ Lawler match, it will be interesting to see if/how the WWF puts Tazz over in this one as Lawler is a fan favourite. As for the rest of the card? Well as long as the top three matches deliver then I'm not really concerned, but I have a feeling that Shane will bump like a bitch to get Blackman more over with the fans in the Hardcore Title match. Nothing like having the bosses son as your biggest fan eh? (Apart from CRZ of course!). In the end, as I stated before, because of the lower expectations I have for the rest of the card, then it is always possible that I could be really surprised and entertained by any one of these matches. Which is always a good thing (Well maybe except for X-Pac/ Road Dogg ("Best tag team in the WWF" you know!) and Undertaker/ Kane. Oh and not forgetting Kat/ Terri!).
 
Wrestling Highlights Of The Week:
Lita: New WWF women's champion (WWF Raw)-About time it's off Steph. But get Mona in quickly!
Stephanie (WWF Raw)-I have to say that she surprised the hell out of me! DDT looked good to!
Mick Foley's promos (WWF Raw)-Just plain funny all show!
Edge & Christian explain the 'SWERVE' (WWF Raw)-That's how you cater to the net Mr. Russo!
Stevie Ray (WCW Thunder)-Sorry, I just find him funny! It's not a black thing either!
Jericho's 'Benoit's toothless head' promo (WWF Smackdown)-Very funny! His best WWF promo yet!
X-Pac did a J.O.B. (WWF Smackdown)-It wasn't in a singles match so I have to wonder what he was promised this time around because quite frankly THIS SUCKA   NEEDS TO KNOW!
Hardyz & Jericho vs. E & C & Benoit (WWF Smackdown) –Match of the week! Way to short though!
Stephanie (WWF Smackdown)-Say hello to Mr. Steel Steps! Another nice bump!
The Kiss! (WWF Smackdown)-Holy Damn!!! So you're "screwing" Steph at SummerSlam then Kurt?
 
Non-Wrestling Highlights Of The Week:
Company Flow~Little Johnny From The Hospital LP- Great hip-hop instrumental album!
Seven Samurai DVD-The original Magnificent Seven! Classic film!
Family Guy/King of The Hill-Best cartoon series' since The Simpsons!
Deux Ex (PC)-Best PC game of the year so far!
Guinness Punch-Killer concoction!
A recently discovered 4.20 ''All You Can Eat'' Chinese restaurant-Oh my stomach!
For those folk living in the UK with satellite/cable access, check out BBC UK Play and look for a show called 'Honky Sausage'. That's one crazy arse show!
 
The Official UK Charts 2000
Two new entries into the UK's official 'sUcKs Chart 2000': Entry #1 Entry #2
One new entry into the UK's official 'HeHe Chart 2000': HEHE #1
 
Next Weeks Column: From A Mothers Perspective (Conversion Of A Sceptic)/ A Big Show Review (Which was meant for this column but I was to lazy to start it. Sorry. Hold on a minute! I'm about to do a piece on Paul 'Big Show' Wight when I suddenly become too lazy to start it! Coincidence? I don't think so!) + How Sun Tzu's "The Art Of War" Applies To Wrestling
 
Gavin Armstrong
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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission