THE BROOKER MAN
Welcome once again to another exciting installment of TBM. Before I go any further I want to throw a mention out to somebody. Once again, this is my column and I can abuse it if I so desire.
Last week, The Brooker Lad, a.k.a. my not-so-little-anymore brother Kevin, managed to get himself an interview at the Royal College of Art & Design. For anyone not aware that is ONE HELL of an achievement in itself. Very few people get that far and I, for one, am backing you to go all the way bro. Well done lad, I'm proud of you.
Now that I've gotten the family business out of the way I can settle back into the warm leather armchair of self-righteousness and get this week's rant under way. Why a leather armchair? Because no one wants to sit on self-righteousness in hot weather either. Especially in shorts.
Have you ever gone out for a meal with someone that simply cannot be pleased. The second you walk into the restaurant the complaining starts.
"Oh I'd never usually eat here. I always go to XXXXX..."
The menu arrives in front of them and, after a few minutes of reading they look up with an expression vaguely similar to cat's rectum. A mixture of distaste and contempt. They call the waiter over.
"Why don't you serve Thai food?"
The waiter, having had years of practice, manages to stop himself from either rolling his eyes, laughing out loud or repeatedly banging your companion's head off the table as he says;
"We're an Italian restaurant, we serve Italian food. We don't get a lot of people coming in asking for Thai cuisine. Normally the large illuminated sign out front that says "Luigi's Pizzeria ( Parties catered for. )" is a subtle hint at that."
Your companion sighs, pulling an expression of such extreme martyrdom that you'd think the waiter had asked for a kidney transplant there and then. The menu is opened and perused again. Before you read this next line I want you to imagine that this is the most grating, self-righteous, pretentious "I'm doing you a favour pal!" tone of voice you have heard.
"Oh all right, if Italian is all I can have then I suppose I can eat it for you. I'll have the calzone. Tell your manager to start serving Thai food as well, it's a really poor reflection on your restaurant that you don't."
The waiter not so much writes but gouges the phrase "Calzone for the wanker" on his pad. He then smiles politely and goes off to slap the busboy around to clear the bloodlust. Meanwhile your companion spends the rest of the meal pushing the food around the plate, making little sighing noises and generally making you wonder how hard it really is to dispose of a body these days.
There's a certain group of people in the wrestling world that are so aggravatingly similar to this imaginary companion that I physically cannot stand to be around them whenever they open their mouths. These are the sort of people I mean:
The ones that go to a WCW card and spend the entire show talking about how the biggest names are all the WWF while trying to start a chant of "Rocky".
The ones that go to a WWF card and spend the entire show talking about how the big time ruins Indy talent while trying to start a chant of "ECW" whenever something more "Hardcore" then a wristlock happens
The ones that go to an ECW card and spend the entire show talking about how much better ECW was in the good old days while trying to start a chant of "All Japan" because "That's the only place where people really WORK these days".
The ones that go to an All Japan card and spend the entire show wondering why they can't understand the ring announcer.
Okay, maybe the last one isn't such a good example but I'm sure you see what I'm getting at. Some people are just never, ever happy with what they can get. The ones that are constantly moaning about the way that things are or were so much better in the WWF/WCW/ECW/'80s/'70s/Lou Thesz era. (Delete as applicable) but still gladly sit and subject themselves to something they claim to be vastly inferior.
Now don't get me wrong, I have absolutely no problem with people that happen to have a different opinion about something than I do. In fact, there's a lady out there called Jay and she and I disagree about practically EVERYTHING to do with the WWF from Mick Foley to Hardcore Holly and pretty much all that goes in between. The great "Tazz/Mr Wobble" debate is one that's never likely to be settled. Nor should it be. This world would be unbearably dull if we all had the same tastes.
The thing that I do have a problem with is hypocrisy. The people that sit in front of a show they claim to have no time for but still manage to "bitch, moan and complain" because it isn't something else they like better. I have some sage words of advice for these people.
If you don't like it then don't watch it. Don't cough up your hard earned money for tickets to the live events and then spend ages hand crafting signs that proclaim the fact you didn't want to be there in the first place. Don't spend hours of an evening sat watching the TV while muttering about workrate with visions of Mitsuhara Misawa in your head. Don't corner a group of young WWF fans and preach at them about Harley Race until their ears bleed and they want to bite you.
Go out and get the things you really want to see from wherever it comes. I hope you enjoy it and I'm sure you will. Just stop putting yourself through something that you obviously don't enjoy. More importantly stop putting the people that do enjoy it through having to endure the whole martyr act.
Unless of course, deep down, you enjoy it really. If that's the case then please just shut the hell up and enjoy the show.
Thanks for reading TBM, be sure to look out for The WWF Classics report also out fresh today and I'll catch you next week. Until then, keep it SMOOOTH...
What is it? It's the place for UK wrestling fans to get together and talk about the WWF, WCW, ECW or damn near anything that has the letter W in it in some capacity. It's Yahoo's number 1 UK wrestling club and absolutely everyone is welcome.
Every Sunday there's the now obligatory Sunday Night Greet (pun intended) when Nat and myself will be there to talk about anything and everything with anyone and everyone. 7pm GMT
Starting with No Way Out every WWF PPV will have match by match results posted by myself. I'll also gladly do WCW PPVs when the tight fisted millionaire bastards at Turner see fit to actually let us see them over here. If anyone wants to cover the WCW events then that would be much appreciated by the millions ( And Millions ) of UK fans.
There's also going to be the chance to trade tapes, merchandise and even your creations for WWF 2000, WCW Mayhem, Attitude and so on.
Who knows, if things take off we might even be able to get a few exclusive guests and interviews. ( How about it CRZ? ) Join in anytime, the more the merrier and I guarantee this is one club you will not regret being a part of.
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