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Rebecca Cerese




Hey All! Feeling a little somber today remembering the passing of Owen Hart. Sharon and I were discussing how we felt the days following the horrible tragedy, and I have to say till this day it remains one of the most horrible and senseless tragedies I have ever heard tale of. So today I want to take a moment to remember the man who literally gave his life to entertain us. We still miss you Owen.

Onto the rants:

I am feeling somewhat uninspired today but with the WWF coming off a very entertaining PPV and the AWESOME return of the Undertaker I wanted to get in my two cents worth, so here goes. Oh yeah, if you haven't already you should go check out Marvelous Martin's awesome recap of Judgment Day...and oh yeah, me and Sharon got shout outs when X-Pac went through the cool is that. Awesome job by the Marvelous one so go check it out.

Highlights of the PPV and RAW:

1. X-Puke going through a table: As I just mentioned above the amount of sheer joy I felt was unmatched, ok maybe Sharon matched it, when X-Puke went through the table. And even though stupid DX pulled off a bullshit win at the PPV, it did not take away from the bliss I felt watching X-Pac take the bump. But wait it got better:

2. The return of the repackaged bad ass biker Undertaker: Man oh man, when that freaky music hit, and UT came out on that bike I was marking out like a maniac. The crowd was red hot for it as well, which always adds to the excitement. I happened to be watching the PPV with some giant Undertaker marks too so it was a good time all around. I always loved the biker look on the UT, and to see him fully embody this character now makes me a happy camper. Not to mention that he looks fine as hell...something about a man in leather riding a still my beating heart. I'll tell you something else, I saw Jeff Hardy riding his bike wearing leather before RAW a few weeks back and it was almost too much for my heart to take...but I digress...its those damn hormones again but that's for another column...but where was I....oh yeah the return of the oh man, that was exactly what the Iron Match needed. I must say as much as I bitched and complained about the match, it wasn't quite as painful as I thought it would fact I have to give Rock and HHH both props for going out there and surprising me....I still would have preferred a shorter match, and time for the awesome Hardy Boyz to have a place on the card, but didn't suck...and the end really made it. UT looks to be in great shape, and did I mention he was looking fine as hell...oh I did...sorry. Suddenly the Main Event got a lot more interesting. We'll see how UT's new character translates in the ring...and by the way where is Kane?

While my hormones are ragin....

3. HBK in those little biker shorts made the hour long match seem to speed by. Nothing like a little eye candy for the ladies...Smuggling banana's indeed...

4. X-Puke takes a giant Chokeslam by the returning repackaged bad ass biker Undertaker: So many things about the Undertaker's return ruled, but best of all was seeing X-Pac get the one handed chokeslam which saw his body crumple up like an accordion when it hit the mat.

5. Eddy vs. Dean vs. Perry in a three way dance: Everything about this match rocked, except of course for the crowd...but these guys came up with some beautiful moves for those of us who cared and were paying attention. I was paying attention, and Saturn's double suplex, Eddy's brain buster, Saturn's frog splash, and everything Dean did were all greatly appreciated by me. Eddy picks up the win with a little help from Chyna and this leads to:

6. Eddy vs. D'Lo on RAW: I have been waiting for this match up for a long time, but with D'Lo being punished for some imaginary crime, I didn't think we would ever see D'Lo on RAW again, and certainly not against anyone great like Eddy. My one big complaint...well two...not enough time between these two...who I might say clicked very well together, as I knew they would, and of course the lame ass interference by the talentless, why are you still on my TV Godfather. Get D'Lo away from the Godfather and into a feud with someone who can match him in the ring...namely Eddy Guerrero. Let the battle of the frog splashes begin (if Eddy will ever do it again).

7. Christian/Edge and Kurt Angle - the triumphant trio: I don't know what genius put these three together but it works oh so well. Both their "Kentucky jug band", and "the Big Choke" Poses were damn hilarious. Christian continues to blow me away on the mike...and he wasn't looking too bad in that basketball jersey either...and Kurt Angle is just a natural. My biggest problem, besides them losing to Too Cool which just makes my blood boil is the fact that now that they have these larger than life characters, they don't seem to do any real wrestling anymore. One of the reasons I love Christian so much is because I think he is one of the most solid in-ring workers on the WWF roster. Suddenly now that he has a character, all of his moves seemed to have gone bye bye. I hate this. I can understand cheating to get the win, they are heels, that is what they do, but I am a little sick of this "getting their asses stomped by Too Cool everytime they go out there and mounting no offense to counter it" thing that is currently going on. I think it's just that I hate this rivalry with Too Cool. Edge and Christian should be feuding with the Dudleys and the Hardys. That is what I want to see. So either give the belts to Too Cool already (which I certainly don't want to see in any way, shape or form), or lets move on to getting Christian and Edge back to the wrestling and back to the feuds that made them famous.

8. The battle of the two Chris's aka "Whose chops look like they hurt more?": What to say about this match. I was blown away by it. Every time these two meet in the ring it seems to get stiffer and stiffer. This was by far their stiffest contest to date. It has come to my attention that is seems that both Chris's almost seem to enjoy the pain that comes from fighting each builds up a fire within them and takes them to that next level. That is what happened here. I mean the end of the match had me wondering if Benoit had finally snapped and choked out Jericho for that's stiff...and Benoit going over clean was just huge...gotta love it, and gotta love the whole "Stone Cold Steve Austin, he didn't give up, but he passed out" ending. At least I did.

9. Big Show gets hit in the head with a cinder block: I've read a lot of people dog this match (Martin hated it) but I kind of liked it. I thought having Shane, I mean Simba hit Show over the head with a cinderblock was awesome. I heard that Paul Wight is out for 6-8 weeks. I wish him a speedy recovery as his character was just starting to be sort of interesting.

10. Buh Buh getting the X-Factor through the table from the top rope: Ok, so I hate to have any move that X-Puke does as a highlight, but I can't help it. This spot was redeem myself, the main reason this spot was awesome was because Buh Buh sold it like the MAN that he is, and made it look devastating. I still think there is something terribly wrong with the Dudleyz being over as faces, esp. because this seriously limits Buh Buh mike time, and the man delivers some of the best heel promos of all time. That being said, its is kind of cool to hear 10,000 people screaming out 3D when the Duds get in position...but I still would rather them be heels.

Speaking of X-Puke, he gets yet another place on my highlights list:

11. X-Puke getting his clock cleaned by the Rock and a very large steel pipe: I have to admit I think I went back and watched X-Pac get hit in the face by the pipe at least three times. It was just such a beautiful shot, and SO deserved. Yes, as CRZ pointed out it was very reminiscent of what HHH did to Kane on X-Pac's behalf, which makes it even sweeter, because finally X-Puke gets a taste of his own medicine.

12. Elroy...I mean Crash Holly confronting the ApA and then getting his ass handed to him by Bradshaw: This whole segment was damn hilarious..."I spoke to my mommy and daddy and they told me it was a breech of contract", pouring the beer on Bradshaw's head...Farooq's "don't hurt him, he's just a boy" to Bradshaw just kicking the living shit out of Crash. Hey since when did I get so sick that I can gain such joy in watching someone get there ass kicked...aaahhhh wrestling, its good for the soul.

13. Rock stalking the McMahon/DX regime like a silent assassin: On RAW the WWF did the impossible. They made me care about the HHH/Rock rivalry...and believe me that is no small feat. Although it was kind of a rip off of Austin stalking the McMahons, it was still cool as hell. I liked the new kind of insane edge the Rock showed last night, and seeing the McMahon/DX regime finally getting their asses kicked ruled! I hope the Rock continues with this new character, limiting his interviews, and letting his actions speak louder than words, except of course if his actions involve not being able to take off his own shirt because he forgot to undo the buttons.

Ok, and since I just like to bitch sometime here were the low points:
1. The Hardy being freakin bumped from the PPV, but yet we get a night of Brisco running away from the Headbangers: all I have to say is What the F*ck? I will never understand why the Hardys got bumped from this PPV. And then we get them back on RAW and they job to T & A and their stupid "I don't like the Hardy Boyz," valet Trish Stratus. Ok, so I don't really understand what is behind this depush of the Hardys but I don't like it one bit. As a self proclaimed gigantic Hardy Boyz mark...the future tag team champions of the WWF deserve better than this. Vince makes them on their days off go around Raleigh hyping Summerslam, doing photo shoots, but yet doesn't give them a spot on the PPV, then jobs them out to T & A. This is just wrong. I hope this is all leading to an angle where the Hardy Boyz snap from being overlooked, and go on a freakin rampage where they start beating the hell out of all the tag teams till they finally take on Christian and Edge in a Hell in a Cell (hell Matt mentioned it on a radio show I heard him on) for the titles winning them at Summerslam with me, Sharon, Heather and Lewis in attendance. On a positive note...I thought the Hardys were looking mighty sharp on RAW this week, and Jeff Hardy had a fire in his belly that seemed to be lacking the last few weeks, and Matt looked awesome and fired up as usual.

2. The Pedigree to HHH on top of -though it was supposed to be through the Announce Table: Holy shit, the Spanish announce table stayed in tact, but the regular announce table got destroyed...well sort of... I have to say this spot would have been one of my highlights if it had actually worked. HHH took the pedigree like Foley did, no knees, just face first into the table. Unfortunately the table decided not to cooperate and didn't break. You could tell that Rock was pretty concerned as he quickly covered up HHH with his arms and asked him if he was ok, and HBK came running out of the ring to make sure as well. OUCH that looked ugly.

3. Dean Malenko leaving with the Hoes: Anything having to do with the Godfather just sucks ass, but to have Dean aka THE MAN leave with the hoes was so stupid and degrading to Dean. Boo hiss for whoever wrote this into the storyline. How about give the guy a good storyline to help get his character over, not a lame ass one like this.

4. Hardcore Holly running in to interfere in a perfectly excellent wrestling contest between Val Venis and Benoit: I don't really like Val, but I have to say he is a talented wrestler...him and Benoit were putting together quite a little contest when stupid Hardcore comes out to bust it up with a stupid chair. I guess they want to save this feud for later on, but still it was quite frustrating. Also why did Y2J come out and just pace around without saying anything. And why didn't he run to the ring to beat on Benoit...why did he only seem to care about Hardcore. You know what I think would be cool, make Benoit and Jericho become friends, one of those mutual respect angles that my friend Tom loves so much (not). Have them be friends, and kick everyone's ass in the WWF together, then a few months down the road they can have a falling out and feud against each other again. Just an idea that popped into my head...

Ok, so as usual I have gone on long enough...I think a little later in the week, Sharon and I are going to try and write a column together...I'm sure its something that all you guys will want to read until then...

Rebecca Cerese
[slash] wrestling

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