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Rebecca Cerese

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REBECCA'S RANTS

Hey All!!! It is now under 2 weeks till Summerslam, and I am getting so excited I can barely stand it. Besides the PPV really shaping up to be something great, I will be hanging with my 3 favorite women, Sharon, Heather and Jen. I just know we are going to have a total blast, and watch out world because the four of us together will be a sight to behold. I mean the hormone power alone is probably enough to power a couple of small states. So I fully expect to raise some hell! We are also going to meet up with my friend Lewis and his crew, and I heard they are a bunch of hellraisers themselves, so lets see if we can't get ourselves into some trouble.

Onto the rants:

Let me start off by saying that Kurt Angle has quickly become one of my favorite WWF superstars. I don't know exactly when it happened, but Kurt is definitely my true American Hero, and my hand picked choice to walk out as champ at Summerslam...its true, its true. Lets take a look at the accomplishments listed in his sweet as hell promo from RAW and evaluate just how far Kurt has come in 9 short months...

As my friend Ryan said in a recent email to me, Kurt Angle is the fastest rising superstar in WWF history and I have to agree. He went further to say that if there was a rookie of the year award it would go to him without a shadow of a doubt, again I have to agree. In his short tenure in the WWF, he has been Intercontinental champion, European champion...holding both of these titles at the same time I might add, and the King of the Ring, which he won in very decisive fashion against Rikishi. The man is golden on the stick, his interviews are some of the most entertaining segments on WWF TV, and he is really good in the ring as well. He is already in the Main Event, and he is also in the best storyline on WWF TV right now, and that is of course the love triangle between Kurt, Steph and HHH. I swear if the WWF were eligible for Emmy's HHH and Kurt should at least be nominated for their awesome acting during this story line. Every time HHH sees Steph with Kurt you can see the fire in his eyes, and Angle's puppy dog eyes, and clueless fašade are under scored by that evil smirk that makes you think, hey maybe he really does know what he is doing. I have to say, this storyline is one of the major reasons I have been looking forward to WWF TV the last few weeks, and I certainly hope it all leads to Kurt walking out of Summerslam as the Champion of the WWF. I think there is a really excellent chance of this happening as well, and I will be there to see it.

Side Note: In the new issue of RAW magazine (with the delicious Hardys on the cover I might add) there is an excellent interview with Kurt Angle. He talks in depth about the Olympic trials, the Olympics, and how he got into the WWF. It is a fascinating look at the fastest rising star in the WWF. I highly recommend it. More on other articles later....

So I got a lot of similar comments after my last column, basically slamming the booking of the Benoit/Rock match. I actually meant to touch on this in my last column but it totally slipped my mind. This whole Rock is indestructible thing totally sucks. It would be so much better, and make both wrestlers look better if it actually appeared that Benoit could actually maybe win against the Rock without Shane's help. I still like Benoit with Shane, but I just wish Benoit was able to hold his own like we all know he can without Shane's help every two seconds. That being said it looks like I will have to wait for my rematch between Benoit and the Rock, but instead I get one of my other favorite rivalries, Jericho vs. Benoit. When these guys square off against each other it is just red hot intensity, and it rules!!! I loved how they set it up a few weeks ago. Jericho gets the clean pin, cuts the scathing promo on Benoit, Benoit just destroys him, and Jericho misses a week of work. When he comes back, he is out for Benoit's blood, and he even destroys Foley's office, demanding a match. So on Raw we get a brutal surprise attack which leaves Benoit lying, and then a vicious crossface on Jericho that looks like it is ripping his body in half. To say that their match is going to be intense is an understatement. I predict many brutal chops and an incredibly stiff 16 minute affair....and the only problem I am going to have is who the hell to root for....I think I would have to go for the man with the most evil grin....Benoit!

Now onto my three favorite teams...allow me to vent for a minute. I know I have said it before, but it is really starting to bug me how Christian never actually wrestles anymore. It seems that in the WWF there is no middle ground. Either you are all sports entertainment or you are a superb wrestler. There are times when some people cross over and do both but it is rare. The cocky heels work well for them, and I am glad it has gotten them so over, but it is really starting to get on my nerves. A once great wrestling team now can't even put together one offensive move. What the hell is that? They go out there, get their asses kicked and then DQ themselves. I miss watching Christian actually doing some moves, doing his plancha...something. Now he just jumps around in chicken suits and looks like he couldn't wrestle his way out of paper bag...and I resent this, I really do.

The best part of this TLC match is Christian and Edge will be forced to return to their old ways and actually pull out a few moves. I mean I hope the WWF powers that be don't choose to make them look foolish...I can't imagine it. So I am hoping for an incredibly solid match, where everyone stays safe, but we get to see some very cool spots. I can't imagine what Jeff Hardy is going to attempt to try to top his 20 ft ladder swanton bomb from WM 2000. I seriously hope he does nothing to try and top it, but knowing how Jeff loves to be the center of attention, I can't imagine he wont' want to pull something special out. Couple that with the fact that Summerslam is in their home state, and not only do I see the Hardy brothers stealing the show, I see them walking out with the tag team belts. And you know what I got to say about that...it's about damn time.

So what about the Dudleys...the Dudleys have proven that they certainly don't need the titles to be over, and even though I know they will wear Tag Team Gold again sometime in the near future...Summerslam is going to be the Hardyz time to shine! But somehow I suspect that someone is going through a table...

The last match we know about for sure is Tazz vs. Jerry the King Lawler. I have to say I am shocked by how compelling this storyline is to me. I must say I just love trash talking Tazz...now I read somewhere, and of course it might just be one of those stupid internet rumors, but that they want Tazz to play more of a cowardly heel, and up till now he has refused, thinking that it would ruin his human wrecking machine image. Well I agree with Tazz 100%. Cowardly heels have their place, but so do bad ass heels, and because of his character and his size, Tazz needs to be a bad ass hell to be taken seriously. My hope for Summerslam is that he will beat the living hell out of the King leaving him a battered and bloody mess. Then every time Tazz comes out to wrestle, the King will cower behind the announce table. This will help Tazz get over, and if he continues the brutal verbal assaults that are his strong points, he will be either totally hated, or totally loved in no time.

So those are all the matches we know about for sure...here are some matches that I hope get booked:

Val Venis vs. Eddy Guerrero for the IC belt: In my opinion Val Venis is the worst IC champ of all time. Whenever I think he can't get any worse he does something like come out in plain white tights and white boots to no crowd reaction and sucks all the heat out of the room. I don't know what it is, but since the haircut and hooking up with Trish Stratus, Val sucks even worse than he used to. So like I wrote last week, I am hoping that they sign a match with Val vs. Eddy, and they give the IC belt to Eddy. Since Eddy has started doing his frog splash again, he has gained a new electricity in the ring, even more than what he had before. He can bring back the same prestige to the belt that Benoit did when he held it. I am a sucker for the belts meaning something, and right now it doesn't seem like any of the belts mean anything anymore. I think that by putting the IC belt on Eddy, the tag team belts on the Hardys and the World title belt on Kurt Angle, the belts will once again be worth something...

Speaking of worth something, it would be nice to get the women's belt off Stephanie as well...I am actually really surprised that Mick Foley hasn't exacted some sort of revenge on Steph by making her defend her belt more often than he has....I hope he signs a women's match for Summerslam against Lita, and Lita actually pulls out the victory after beating the crap out of Stephanie. We've already seen how two of the McMahon's can bump, so how about a third.

Random thoughts:

I think the Smackdown your vote campaign is great. I think it is important for more people to get involved by voting, and I think the WWF is doing a great thing by getting their fans registered to vote.

Along those same lines, I have to say it is mind boggling to me that the Republican's and the Democrats would have professional wrestlers at their conventions. Just goes to show you how far reaching the influence of the WWF goes, or how manipulative the McMahon's can be. I think it might be a little bit of both.

Also in RAW magazine was an article on Saturn, where it talks about why his eyes are crossed like they are. When he was a kid evidently his stepfather used to beat the living crap out of him, and his cross eyes are from nerve damage suffered from those beatings. Also he has problems hearing in one of his ears for the same reason. I just have to say, kudos to Perry for overcoming these odds and making something of his life, and maybe we should all think twice before making fun of his eyes the next time.

I was so ecstatic to see Kane turn on his brother. I mean it was only a matter of time till UT turned on him, and for once it was Kane who did it first. I love it. I wish they could have done something more original than the chokeslam through the ring though...I mean didn't Big Show do the same thing to the Undertaker. Anyway I hope that this actually mean they are planning on doing something interesting with Kane in the near future. I feel like a broken record, always hoping that Kane is going to get pushed...he never does...and now it seems he is back in feud with his brother.

I have to say the stink face on Road Dogg on Raw was hilarious...it seemed to go on forever...now I read that it was actually a rib on Rikishi's part and that he and Dogg are good friends...well that's hilarious!!! That was the most brutal stink face I have seen excluding the one to Trish Stratus which was still far and away the worst. This was close though....I can't wait to see where they are going with this super exciting "friendly" rivalry between the two members of the greatest tag team ever to grace the WWF ring. I mean if they weren't tagged up either one of these guys could go for the IC belt or hell even the World Title belt....aaahhhhhhh....sorry about that J.R. took over my body for a minute and I started uncontrollably shilling two guys who suck but want us to believe they are all that...well guess what they ain't. I swear if I read one more Ross Report online or in RAW magazine that makes a comment like this I think I will scream!!!!! Admit it, I had you going there didn't ? You thought I had lost my senses there for second huh....NEVER!!!!!!

Does anyone miss the no selling, can't make a move look good, get winded from walking to the ring Big Show? I certainly don't!

I would love to see more of Chaz and D'Lo, how about get them into a half decent rivalry?

What about Dean Malenko? He has the James Bond persona but no evil villains to battle...hell he has no one to battle!

Steven Richards plays his RTC leader role to perfection...it is actually frightening to look in his eyes when he speaks. I just wish he actually managed some half decent wrestlers. They should actually put someone cool in his stable, someone with moves...or let Steven actually wrestle. I was cool to see the Stevie-kick though...that move rules!

I can't wait to see Raven in the WWF...I definitely think they should pair him with Saturn, and they should definitely not give him a manager. Raven is a leader not a follower!

Man, my column sucks this week...sorry, I guess I am having a bit of writer's block. I promise I will try better next week. Until next time dear readers....

Rebecca Cerese
[slash] wrestling

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