You are here /wrestling
Guest Columns

Rebecca Cerese




Hey All! So just as a warning, I am feeling sort of down in the dumps and uninspired today so keep that in mind...why write then, well because thinking and writing about wrestling usually cheers me right up. Plus getting started is always the hardest I have the first couple of sentences written the rest should come easily...yeah right. First things first, I want to give a giant shout out to hour fearless leader CRZ for hooking my column up big time last week with tons of links!!! I felt so special, so thanks CRZ...but I also figured that I am worthy of some special treatment as this will be my 53rd column for CRZ...53...hell that's a lot of writing....I can't believe it. While I am gushing over that number I want to say Thank You to my bestest friend Sharon for inspiring me to send in that first column and for her constant support along the rock girl...

Ok, Sappy crap out of the way.... RAW was in full throttle mode last night...we had new haircuts, old faces (and breasts) returning, a night of victories for some censoring assholes, a birthday celebration, catchphrase infringement for the purpose of pissing off an opponent, a bloody if not somewhat anticlimactic steel cage match, the introduction of new merchandise, a sick Mrs. Helmsley, a super sweet slap to a certain degenerate who I hate, new formed friendships, and a pretty hot crowd. Raw was definitely kicking it. There were a few glaring omissions though...for example where the hell was Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko...way to keep the momentum going...Kane and the Dudleys were also missing in action as was Tazz and Raven, I mean you would think with Halloween coming up they would have had him come out and recite the Raven by Edgar Allen Poe or something. Anything,. But still not much to complain about.

Before I start on my wrestling rant, I just have to get something off my chest, and yes it is political in if you are not interested in what I have to say (yes, Russell this means you!) then don't read it. I found out last week that I would be unable to write in Ralph Nader as a choice on my ballot next Tuesday. We are supposed to live in a democracy yet, if I vote for the man who I want to vote for, it will not be counted as a vote for Nader due to a oversight on the part of the Green Party and the extremely fucked up election laws in this backward ass state of North Carolina that I live in. First off, NC is one of the only states that Ralph Nader isn't on the ballot due to the excessive requirement of 53,000 signatures being required on a petition to get him on the ballot, of which they were only able to get 16,000. You would think that if 16,000 people wanted someone on the ballot that they should be allowed on it. Secondly, a separate petition is required with 500 signatures to get a candidate to count as a write in vote, of which the 16,000 votes don't count. My question...what the hell is that all about? We supposedly live in a democracy, but yet, I cannot write in my choice for President and have it count for that man. There is something very wrong with this picture, and I cannot tell you how angry I am at this point. I am also pissed at myself for not getting involved earlier and finding out exactly what was required to get my vote to count, and help to pull it together. So I have been thinking of what to do, but seeing as there is only one week to the election I really don't have many choices...since I still do want to vote, I guess I will go to the voting booth and vote for my distant second choice, Al Gore. Whatever happens, I fear for this country if George W. Bush takes over, and sadly it looks like that is where we are headed.

Ok, that is the end of my political rant for now...everyone should go out and vote though, despite my disillusionment with the system right now, I still believe that it is important to express yourself through your vote...

Ok, onto wrestling....

First off, I want to touch on Sunday Night Heat which I loved. Jericho's...ahem...excuse me Moongoose McQueen's band made their debut, and I thought that they were absolutely horrible, but the whole Jericho's alter ego as this narcissistic, womanizing, mean, rock star is very humorous...not to mention he looked pretty damn hot...sorry, I can't help it, I am a woman after all...but my favorite part was Matt Hardy's little promo...I'm sorry, but in my opinion the Hardys, well at least not Matt, aren't as bad as everyone makes them out to be. In fact I absolutely adore Matt's little cocky attitude. I say let him loose on the mike, let him cut a live promo and see what happens. The Hardys will never reach their full potential till they are allowed to speak so let them far as what universe Jeff Hardy was in during the promo I have no idea, but I think it was definitely done for some purpose...what that is I can't figure out yet...

Ok, since I was robbed of my Benoit fix this week on RAW, I will hark back to last week, when that idiot Lillian Garcia messed up a perfectly excellent reunion between the two greatest technical wrestlers in the WWF by announcing the winner of the match as Chris Jericho, when there was no long haired blonde in in full bad ass intimidating heel mode, Chris Benoit confronts LILLIAN and delivers a promo that makes me feel all warm and tingly inside. The man just rules the world, and every week, I love his mike work more and more. So why in the hell was he left off Raw this week? I know that it was apparently the RTC show, but still, if you want to keep the "Radicalz" heat going...if indeed they have any, then you have to keep them on T.V. I certainly missed them , esp. Benoit and Dean, and I hope they make a return for Smackdown, or I will be very pissed off.

Aside from that little omission and the absence of my favorite brooding psychopath Raven, RAW just clicked for me on every other level. For one I thought the writing was absolutely fabulous, between the whole Birthday celebration with Edge and Christian, which more than once had me rolling on the floor, the little exchange between HHH and Mick which explored Hunter's rather slashy plans for a certain Olympic Hero, and of course the spectacular exchange between the Ayatollah of Rock n Rollah and the Rock, the writing and the delivery were all really great. Christian and Edge were given the night off from wrestling to celebrate Edge's birthday, but that didn't keep them from leaving their impression throughout the show. Edge + Christian + a kazoo + our favorite wrestling theme songs = entertainment. Ok, I know I am biased because I love Christian, but the guy has absolutely incredible comic delivery. It is amazing to me how comfortable he is on the stick, and how utterly fantastic he is on it. Go Christian...although there are definitely times that I sorely miss the quiet and mysterious Brood Member, he is so much better now than he was then...but I must say he doesn't do as many wrestling moves as he used to do...what happened to his super sweet tornado ddt? What happened to his running cross body onto his opponent in the corner of the ring? I really wish they would go back to some of how they used to be in the past, specifically in the ring, but I can't really complain because its great to see them getting so much air time...and they totally deserve it. Ok, so I am still waiting for my Christian shirt...I heard that he has one coming out in December that will just be him!! I hope it actually has his face on it...that's what I'm hoping anyway...but chances are it will be some heinously ugly color like oh I don't know yellow with a really weird symbol on it...what the hell were the marketing people thinking with that new shirt...YUCK!! As Sharon so appropriately pointed out, if I were Edge and Christian gave me that shirt, I would be is so incredibly awful....

The Hardys' shirt on the other hand is really cool, or maybe it was what was inside the Hardys shirts that made me think that. Matt and Jeff both come out sporting new and lovely hairstyles to compete in a very good six person tag match against question though, why the hell are they forcing Ivory to wrestle in a long skirt? I have never heard of anything so ridiculous in my whole life!!! It was an effort for her to even get around the ring...that is just wrong. I do love her in the RTC though...she is perfect, and her mike work is great. My question though, why feud the Hardys with RTC on RAW? As new tag team champions they need a few solid victories under their belts to build up their legacy. Instead they put them in the feud with RTC and have them put over RTC. I understand why Vince and company are putting them over, but I just think they could have done it without using the tag team champions. I had the same problem when they were using Edge and Christian to put over the Big Show. People should be putting the Hardys over, instead it seems that the Hardys are struggling every time they get in the ring, esp. every time they get in the ring with Lita as their partner. I mean they needed Crash Holly's help on Heat to get a win over T&A and offense to T&A, but the Hardys should be racking up clean victories over them...of course I still believe in the importance of the clean victory and most people do I will stop point is made.

Getting back to RTC for a blows me away how Vince and Company have turned these totally lower/mid card guys into one of the most over heel stables around. The boos these guys get are unbelievable. That is why I thought it was very smart to have them go on a big win streak on RAW this week. I especially liked seeing Stevie (with the help of super heel extradonaire Eddy Guererro) get a win over Mr. As...oh wait, he can't call himself that they need to find him a whole new gimmick instead of a supposed heterosexual man who is obsessed with asses...If you ask me I think RTC did him a favor, and in terms of the new look, I sort of like it, as much as I like anything with Billy Gunn anymore. So what the hell is the deal with him and Chyna..they are always all over each other. Are they just friends or is there more going on here. Personally, I see DX reforming somewhere in the near future...maybe in a month or so. It just seems too convenient that Benoit and Malenko are fighting Road Dogg and HHH and Billy and Chyna are feuding with Eddy. I have a feeling they will all come back together in the end. Because I don't care if this his Main Event push #456 for Mr. Ass, he will never be on top, because he just doesn't have what it takes. So I see a reunion with the floundering Road Dogg as inevitable..whoo hoo, can you feel the excitement...can you note the sarcasm....

Speaking of DX, I was actually was happy to see Tori...even though she looked absolutely usual...because she got to do what I would love to do and that is slap X-Puke across the face. Go what are they going to do with her now?

Some other breasts that returned were Debra's puppies...I guess having sex with the one of the biggest names in the business gets you a lt. Commissioner job...ohh I can't wait to see what she has planned (yes...that's sarcasm again) and was it me or did her breasts just look more gigantic than ever?

Speaking of returning...of course the person I was most ecstatic to see return to action tonight was TAKER!!!!! When Regal came out and started his wonderful good will ambassadoring I was wondering who the hell was going to cut him off, then the bong...bong...Hey! Hey!...I have to say I was marking out like a madwoman. It is amazing how much this poor guy has had to overcome to get back to the ring...from what I hear he is planning on spending the rest of his career putting the younger guys over...GO Mark and welcome back...I hope you stay healthy.

Speaking of guys who have had a long road back to the ring, Austin took on Rikishi in a seriously unthrilling cage this huge Austin mark Vinnie emailed me and very politely asked me not to be so hard on the returning Rattlesnake, and rereading over what I just wrote about Undertaker, I can say the same thing about Austin. This guy has had a hell of a lot to overcome to get back to the ring, so I give him credit for that. My biggest problem with Austin is that even though the WWF was running very smoothly without him, now that he' s back it just seems that his storyline is the most important and had taken over everything, and personally I am not to excited about his storyline...I respect his hard work and determination to come back, I respect what he has done for the business, I just don't really like him, his wrestling (and I use the term loosely) style or the Rikishi storyline...well let me amend that. I actually do like part of the storyline and that is who is Rikishi's accomplice? I don't for one minute believe it is the Rock, instead I believe it is someone who hates the Rock and is trying to destroy him. What blew me away was that when Rock said he had Rikishi's back during the cage match the crowd booed loudly, and then when Foley came out a few segments later and mentioned the Rock's name there were a bunch of odd...maybe they would be able to pull off a heel turn for Rocky after who do I think the accomplice is...I have a few guesses, but not from any concrete proof, so I am going to hold back revealing anything for now...

Now a few comments about my favorite storyline going on in the WWF right now...the explosive Kurt Angle/HHH feud. Damn can things get any more heated between these two...simply awesome. I loved Steph's whole "I'm so sick" good acting by the little princess...and I could tell the whole time HHH was sitting by her side that he was just biding his time before he would pounce on Kurt...well perhaps I should amend my description because after the comments HHH made to Mick Foley I wouldn't want to give any young readers any wrong ideas...but HHH did say he wanted to make Kurt his bitch...he did say it....hehehehehehe..."I love it when you talk dirty"...Mick said that...not me, although I have to echo these the Game is looking great out there...I truly never thought I would be a HHH fan...but now I can't get enough of this guy...and the reaction from the crowd for him is amazing!!! Him and Kurt put on one hell of a match... I couldn't believe that Kurt actually let him do that Pedigree through the announce table again, esp. after it went so horribly wrong at Summerslam, Kurt is a bump machine...he has no problem getting the snot beat out of him, in fact its part of his character...and to end the match, HHH left carnage in the ring, much to the delight of millions of people...even though I love Christian, I was happy to see him being laid out by the pedigree as well...HHH kicked ass last night, and his match against Angle at Survivor Series is going to be fierce.

One last comment about RAW...the verbal exchange between Chris Jericho and the Rock was one of the best things I have seen all year. It was an instant classic, and absolutely brilliant. Both men were so intense, and so on that it came across as flawless...I was blown away...and guess what, their match kicked ass too...of course I would have preferred to have Jericho win, but this is definitely a step in the right direction for Jericho...and I have a feeling that Kane will put him over in their upcoming feud (I mean doesn't Kane put everyone over) so hopefully, he is headed for the Main Event sooner than later...if HHH wins the belt back at Survivor Series and I hope he does, he has about a million cool feuds waiting for him...Jericho and Benoit being on the top of my list..

Enough WWF talk, let me switch to ECW for a this weekend marks hopefully the first time I will be able to see Jerry Lynn in like a I am psyched. I don't really know what most of the matches are, but I know the Main Event is a three way dance for the title, Corino/Credible and Lynn...can we say awesome...I also heard that Super Crazy will be I will do everything in my power to try and see this PPV...and I am still holding my fingers crossed for ECW to get some kind of TV deal...

That's all for me today...just in time...I need to be getting out of here...Halloween festivities planned for tonight. Until next time...

[slash] wrestling

Mail the Author



Design copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission