Stealing the boss's catchphrase? Could I BE any more dumber? Agghh, no I'm stealing material from Matthew Perry!
I'm back. Seeing as CRZ is still off gallavanting around NYC, I have absolutely no idea when this column will be put up, so I'll tell you that it's being written on the evening of Saturday 11th November, with reference to the previous week's programming. And apologies for last week's absence-I have had one of the most hectic weeks of my life. I won't bore you with the details, suffice to say it was really, really, stressful.
Yessir, it was indeed a busy week, wasn't it? Debuts, exits, title changes, heel turns, face turns, everything you could ask for in an action-packed seven days of wrestling. There's just so much to write about-so let's get started...
As usual I'll put the cream before the crap and pass comment on the WWF's efforts this week. And what a week it was for the boys at Titan-Vince must be walking around with dollar signs in his eyes, proudly wearing a "Victim Of The Crossface" T-Shirt. His purchase of the Vanilla Midgets in January is finally firing on all four cylinders, and who'd have thought that it would be the reteaming of the Radicals that would do it? Eddie, Benoit, Dean and Perry are looking at some serious heel heat now, and thanks to the continued rub from main-eventer Benoit, all four guys will stay fresh as a daisy. There's only one thing wrong with the happy family picture of the Rads posing on Monday night-Terri. The argument for the four guys reuniting was that they were all great wrestlers, but because they didn't participate in all the sports entertainment crap they weren't getting a fair shake. Now tell me why they still have Nipples following them around-she is pure ratings death. I've never liked her, and she just doesn't fit with the image that the four guys are going for.
From girls I don't like to girls I love-Molly Holly. Oh yes. It was a great moment to see her bounding out with Crash Monday night-she is a real woman. Great figure, nice big butt, good actress-she is now my favourite WWF female. My best friend Erica, the Hardy Boyz lovin' nutcase, is pleased too-she's long been campaigning for women of a fuller figure to appear on wrestling. You got your wish Erica!
The Goodfather and Bull Buchanan holding gold in the WWF...who'da thunk it? Their match with the Hardyz was excellent from the usual suckfest we get from the two stiffs, and I do buy them as champions. But nothing good can come of it. It was pretty obvious that Matt and Jeff were carrying the goons on RAW, and it's also plain to see that Steven Richards and Val Venis are the standouts of RTC. Goodather and Bull Buchanan are not excellent technicians, and don't have a lot of experience as a tag team. They are pretty much an average power duo. The win'll give them a bit of a boost, but leave it at that and give the title push to someone else...T&A. Now HERE'S a power duo. Their sophomorish pranks with the APA office and childish treatment of Crash have entertained me, and Albert is one mean-lookin' dude. They get consistent heel heat, have more continuity than the RTC, and have a hot chick in their corner too. Give them a chance with the belts. You won't be disappointed.
Kane/Chris Jericho-bleh. The explanation was good enough, as was Jericho's mean streak re-emerging. But the whole feud just smacks of time-filler for two guys with no direction. And I don't see the payoff exactly thrilling me either.
And so, onto the big one...As a longtime DX fan, I enjoyed the reunion of the Green 'N' Black on Monday, and thought that their victory didn't really damage the Rads in any way. And then they drop the bombshell...Triple H was the man with the wrench. This made me run through a variety of emotions. Shame at not even MENTIONING him in my "Who's The Accomplice?" column last week, anger in a classic markout at a heel, then confusion as to what the Hell they are doing. Granted, Triple H is much better as a heel, and is almost Flairish in his manipulation of the fans. But I thought that there was one number one heel in the WWF at the moment-what happens to Kurt Angle?!? I'm sorry, but this turn throws up so much more bad than good. Rikishi's explanation that "The Rock never meant a damn to him" destroys every promo that the big man's cut over the past month, and Triple H being behind it destroys the reasoning behind Rikishi's involvement full stop. And the assertion that we are supposed to believe that all the hostility betwen Hunter and Rikishi earlier this year was staged is laughable. And what about the payoff to the Triple H/Kurt Angle programme we've desperately been awaiting? Sheesh.
And so, here is my solution to that little mess-TURN KURT ANGLE FACE. The fans love him as it is. It will hand us the payoff to Hunter/Kurt. It will keep Kurt's main event heat alight. And it'll be damn funny. Have Kurt defend against Triple H at Armageddon this December and rop the title to him, setting up Austin's final run at glory at WrestleMania XVII. It makes sense, people.
And now, onto Atlanta...one thing impressed me this week-Crowbar winning the Hardcore Title. That made putting up with the crap so much more bearable. But not bearable enough. The programme still reeks. There are plot holes everywhere. Ric Flair is being gravely mistreated. Jeff Jarrett is rapidly losing heat every week. Kevin Nash is a face once again. Shawn Stasiak was a pivotal part in Nitro's main event finish. Billy Kidman is being screwed over constantly. Booker T has been made into Scott Steiner's personal whipping boy. One of the Jung Dragons was actually revealed to be white all along. The Cruiserweight Champion spends most of his time wearing a suit. Mike Awesome is still dressing in John Travolta's castoffs. Tony Schiavone remains on commentary. And the secondary strap is on a guy named Hugh G. Rection. Someone buy this place and fix it up, stat.
Finally...Our boys in Philly. What a week it's been for Paul E. A fair pay-per-view last Sunday, culminating in the elevation of another good talent, November To remember didn't exactly rock the casbah, but didn't stink to badly-and ECW is STILL a Hell of a lot more entertaining than WCW. Chris Chetti's finally rode off into the sunset, to join Tazz in the land of short-guy opportunity, and he gave Nova a nucge up the ladder along the way. And Rob Van Dam's title of Biggest Ego In Philly is now suddenly in jeapordy, for Scott Hall has made his debut. Now THAT'S a shocker. This is probably the best place for Hall in his waning years-a promotion where he's a pirhana in a goldfish bowl, where he can do what he wants. A promotion where he can turn up drunk, to be greeting by Jim Fullington sayin "I love you, you're my best mate you are...hic..". A place where he can rest easy that he'll never lose heat-because he's a worthless pile of grabage and the fans'll see straight through him. I hope Sandman canes the Hell out of him, then shows him how you REALLY get drunk on a wrestling show. That'll learn 'im.
That's a;; I can be bothered with this week. I'll be back Teusday night with a BRAND NEW column name and big props for the guy who suggested it. So gimme a shout at firstname.lastname@example.org, and I'll see you real soon. SHOW ME LOVE!!