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Scott Christ



Scott originally sent this to me back on 16 July, and I promptly lost it. I'm VERY sorry and apologise! Fortunately, this still holds up even almost three weeks later. ;-) - CRZ

Internet Pro Wrestling for Dummies

Welcome! This is the official Internet Pro Wrestling for Dummies guide. We will cover a variety of things pertaining to Internet Pro Wrestling, such as:

  • Unique Terms

  • Universally Accepted Opinions

  • How to Accept Bias

  • How to Get Started in the Internet Pro Wrestling World

  • The Internet's General Feelings About Certain Wrestlers

    Thats not all we'll go over, but its a start. First, lets start with a few unique terms that are often used in the Internet Pro Wrestling world, shall we?

    Unique Internet Terms

    "Smart": A smart is a pro wrestling fan that understands the business of pro wrestling. They know [or pretend to understand] why storylines develop in the manner that they do, who will get the next major advancement [or "push"], and other things that casual fans can predict but are generally wrong on. Smart fans also heavily consider workrate when determining which wrestlers are considered "great", and tend to turn against anything that is popular in the mainstream of the industry.

    "Mark": A mark is a casual fan, the one that companies actually market to. They cheer the good guys, boo the bad guys, think Vince McMahon is a no-good, low-down piece of shit, and generally just have fun watching the shows.

    "Smark": Tricky one here. A "smark" is, more or less, a smart attempting to rebel and return to being a mark. They want the smart fans to stop raving about workrate and return to liking the orange man in the yellow underwear. Smarks are generally about as realistic in form as someone who honestly likes The Cure.

    "Workrate": How good a wrestler is at his craft. Chris Benoit, for instance, is generally regarded as having a very high workrate. The Big Boss Man, conversely, is not.

    "Work": 99.1% of everything you will ever see on wrestling television in your entire life. Something that is scripted, planned out ahead of time, and part of the show.

    "Shoot": The other 0.1% of what you will see in your lifetime of wrestling television. These are things that are not part of the script in any way, shape, or form.

    "Swerve": When the company runs an angle with the intent of shocking you, and with the intent of making you watch their next television show.

    "Worked Shoot": When something is said, or done, that is in all reality true, but remains scripted and part of the storyline. For instance, when Vince Russo insulted Hulk Hogan at WCW Bash at the Beach 2000, the things he said were, indeed, true, but it was all bullshit to make your dumb ass watch Nitro.

    "Push": When a wrestler receives a healthy amount of television time and an angle in which to attempt to get over and/or move up in status.

    "Mis-Use": When someone that is generally liked on the internet [see: Brown, D'Lo] isn't the recipient of a push, or is the recipient of an atrociously bad character.

    "Underserved Push": When a heatless bastard receives a push for God-knows-what reason. [see: Boss Man, Big]

    Universally Accepted Opinions

    There are things in wrestling that are, for whatever reason, just perceived as "the way things are", and it is nearly impossible to sway opinion on the matters in question. Lets get introduced to some of them.

    Great Pay-Per-View Shows

    There are many here, but the ones that are considered for "Best Show Ever" are the focus. Here is a short list of some of the internet's favorites:

  • WWF Wrestlemania VIII
  • WWF Wrestlemania XIV
  • NWA Chi-Town Rumble
  • NWA Music City Showdown
  • WWF Wrestlemania 2000
  • WCW Spring Stampede 1999
  • WWF Backlash 2000
  • ECW Anarchy Rulz 1999
  • WWF Royal Rumble 1992
  • WWF Canadian Stampede

    There are several more very good-great shows out there, but, for now, those don't matter. Go out and find a copy of every single one of those shows, and watch; make yourself like them, no matter what. Because its just the way it is.

    Terrible Pay-Per-View Shows

    Like before, there are several, but here is a short list of the most God-awful, shit-reeking, putrid attempts at pay-per-view on record:

  • WCW Great American Bash 1991
  • WWF King of the Ring 1995
  • NWO Souled Out
  • Heroes of Wrestling
  • WCW Halloween Havoc 1992
  • WCW Uncensored [year does not matter]
  • Basically anything from WCW in 1999
  • Pretty much anything from WCW in 1998
  • WWF Wrestlemania IX

    If you'd like to torture yourself, watch some of those shows. The first four ARE required viewing by the 'net, so that you can call yourself a true wrestling warrior for being able to sit through each of them.

    Great Matches

    For this guide, we will stick to American wrestling, because things from Japan are often evil and spew green shit in your face if you don't watch it. Here's a short list of matches that must be given ***** on your scale:

  • Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat, Wrestlemania III
  • Ric Flair vs. Ricky Steamboat, Chi-Town Rumble
  • Ric Flair vs. Ricky Steamboat, Music City Showdown
  • Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart, Wrestlemania X
  • Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon, Wrestlemania X
  • Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker, Badd Blood
  • The 1992 Royal Rumble Match
  • Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin, Wrestlemania XIII
  • Any ECW encounters between Eddy Guerrero and Dean Malenko
  • Most ECW encounters between Chris Benoit and Al Snow
  • Bret Hart vs. Davey Boy Smith, SummerSlam 1992
  • The Steiner Bros. vs. Sting and Lex Luger, SuperBrawl

    These are all required viewing. Don't argue.

    Terrible Matches

    The sub-title says it all. You HAVE to hate these matches. They're just...not very good. At all.

  • Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man, Unforgiven 1999
  • Big Boss Man vs. The Undertaker, Wrestlemania XV
  • New Jack vs. Mustafa, Living Dangerously 1999
  • Hollywood Hogan vs. Roddy Piper, Starrcade 1996
  • Hollywood Hogan vs. The Ultimate Warrior, Halloween Havoc 1998
  • Hollywood Hogan vs. Roddy Piper, Halloween Havoc 1997
  • Hollywood Hogan vs. Sting, Starrcade 1997
  • Brian Adams vs. Steve McMichael, Road Wild 1998
  • The Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzales, any event

    Ther are more, of course, but thats just a quick listing. For humor, it is recommended that one view the Hogan-Warrior match from Halloween Havoc 1998, simply to chuckle as Hogan fumbles with some sort of wick and lighter, attempting to produce a fireball.


    Okay, now we get specific. Again, we stick to simply American wrestling, because of the aforementioned problem with the Japanese, and lucha libre is purely ridiculous, anyway. We'll also stick to just those athletes who are active in either the World Wrestling Federation, World Championship Wrestling, or Extreme Championship Wrestling. Lets see how wrestlers stack up.

    Excellent Workers

    Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko, Eddy Guerrero, Lance Storm, Billy Kidman, Tajiri [even though he is Japanese, and will spew green shit in your unsuspecting eyes], Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Edge, Christian, Kurt Angle, D'Lo Brown, Super Crazy, Jerry Lynn, Rob Van Dam, Chris Jericho, Booker T, Chris Kanyon, Vampiro, Taka Michinoku

    Very Good Workers

    Juventud Guerrera, Lieutenant Loco, Perry Saturn, Al Snow, Essa Rios, Disco Inferno, Scotty 2 Hotty, Grandmaster Sexay, Little Guido, Kid Kash, Nova, Kaz Hayashi, Shannon Moore, Shane Helms, Crowbar, Triple H, Crash Holly, Hardcore Holly, Mike Awesome, Jeff Jarrett, Steve Corino, La Parka, Shoichi Funaki

    Competent Workers

    The Rock, X-Pac, Rey Misterio Jr., Ric Flair, Shane Douglas, General Rection, Corporal Cajun, Buh Buh Ray Dudley, D-Von Dudley, Justin Credible, Rhino, Rikishi, Gangrel, Chazz, Steve Blackman, Kane, Diamond Dallas Page, Bill Goldberg, Buff Bagwell, Curt Hennig, Sting, Danny Doring, Roadkill, Chris Chetti, Mikey Whipwreck, Test, Albert, Val Venis, Billy Gunn, Yun Yang, Jamie-san

    Bad Workers

    Chuck Palumbo, Shawn Stasiak, Demon, Lex Luger, Scott Steiner, The Big Show, Scotty Anton, Bryan Clarke, Brian Adams, Konnan, Angel, Balls Mahoney, The Artist, Buff Bagwell, The Godfather, Evan Karagias

    Bad Workers, but Entertaining Enough to Get Away with It

    Bradshaw, Faarooq, The Undertaker, Terry Funk, Tank Abbott, Ernest "The Cat" Miller

    Horrible Workers with No Business in the Industry

    Rick Steiner, Road Dogg, New Jack, The Wall, Big Boss Man, Bull Buchanan, Viscera, Mideon, Sid Vicious, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Hulk Hogan, Davey Boy Smith, Stevie Ray, Big T, Major Stash

    The Excellent Workers will generally give you at least a watchable match, and are all capable of ***** in a good situation. Very Good Workers can work together or work with an Excellent or sometimes even a Competent Worker to a possible ***** match, and generally will provide you with a good match. Competent Workers need the right mix and chemistry with their opponent. Bad Workers will rarely give you anything above "not terrible." Bad Workers, but Entertaining Enough to Get Away with It can sometimes produce a pretty decent match on a good night, but generally just do things away from the ring that they're better off with. And the Horrible Workers with No Business in the Industry are just what it says. These men are barely above a point where the Internet Pro Wrestling contingent would wish for their deaths.

    Non-Wrestler Wrestling Personalities

    This section deals with promoters, bookers, announcers, and others who are readily visible personalities in the pro wrestling world, just not wrestlers.


    We're going to stay with active guys here, again, and go over some of the names that are currently involved with booking and promoting.

    Vince McMahon - The head of the WWF, and a true genius, even if he is a rotten human being. He basically created "sports-entertainment."

    Eric Bischoff - An idiot who used to bring Verne Gagne his coffee, sat around in WCW bringing other guys coffee long enough, then stumbled upon the job of head booker. The only thing he's ever done right is give us long matches with cruiserweights. Other than that, you hate him.

    Vince Russo - Sometimes he has some good ideas. But, thats about 1/23000, and he is generally regarded to as the most useless and idiotic bastard in the front office since the likes of Dusty Rhodes.

    "The WCW Booking Team" - This is the group of men that help write WCW's TV shows with Russo, and help Bischoff book the events. This group consists of Terry Taylor, Ed Ferrarra, Johnny Ace, and Disco Inferno, with Chris Kanyon being a rumored contributor. The opinion on these guys is that while they aren't perfect, WCW is certainly better off when their ideas are in the forefront.


    Jim Ross [WWF] - Whereas he was better back in the late 80s and early 90s, he is still the best announcer in the business.

    Tony Schiavone [WCW] - An absolute moron.

    Mark Madden [WCW] - Lee Marshall 2000, with more stolen material and possibly lamer jokes.

    Jerry Lawler [WWF] - Occasionally funny, and sometimes even knowledgable. He's well liked overall.

    Bobby Heenan [WCW] - Washed-up, but a sentimental favorite because you enjoyed his work when you were younger.

    Michael Cole [WWF] - He's green, he knows nothing about wrestling, and you hate him as much as you do such former WWF luminaries as Todd Pettengill, Craig DeGeorge, Stephanie Wiand, and Sean Mooney.

    Kevin Kelly [WWF] - He's improving, but still not well liked.

    Joey Styles [ECW] - Pretty knowledgable, very entertaining, and just a generally damn good announcer.

    Cyrus [ECW] - The best color man to ever live.

    Joel Gertner [ECW] - A fat tub that makes penis jokes frequently. Not much to note, but when he's on his game, he's not bad at all.

    Okay, that pretty much covers the non-wrestler wrestling personalities and how you should feel about them to be part of the Internet Pro Wrestling community. Lets move on.

    How to Accept Bias

    Its simple: The WWF is number one, WCW is shit, and ECW is falling apart and turning into garbage. Japanese marks probably grow evil goatees and will likely spew green shit in your face if you question them.

    How to Get Started in the Internet Pro Wrestling World

    There are a few paths. Lets examine the most common.

    Starting Your Own Website

    This is a tough route to getting your name noticed, because you first have to get people to actually come and see your site. If you do this, free websites can be registered at Tripod, Angelfire, Xoom, 8m, Geocities, Spaceports, and Fortune City, among other places. You must learn HTML, or your site will look like complete shit using some "easy builder." Again, this is a rather tough route to take. Not recommended.

    Submitting Work to Major Sites that Post Things

    The two that come to mind immediately are with the Rant Crew, and CRZ's [slash] wrestling. These sites get pretty good hit totals, and will allow your work to be seen by fans of major internet names. This is the recommended path to go down on your way to superstardom.

    Bugging Internet Wrestling Personalities

    The Internet Wrestling Personalities [IWPs] will be covered right here, for those of you wondering. You can get a quick rise to the top, possibly, if you bug enough IWPs and they actually bother to look at your work and think its any good. Here is a short list of IWPs, and the websites you can find their work at.

    Scott Keith, Rantsylvania and WrestleLine
    CRZ, [slash] wrestling and WrestleLine
    Sean Shannon, Rantsylvania and WrestleLine
    Chris Hyatte, 411wrestling
    Rick Scaia, WrestleLine
    Dave Scherer, 1wrestling
    Bob Ryder, 1wrestling
    Mike Samuda, WrestleLine
    Ben Miller, WrestleLine
    Blake Norton, IGNWrestling

    This is a short list, of course, but visiting any of the sites they work for will also introduce you to other, lesser-known IWPs that you can e-mail frequently and annoy.

    The Internet's General Feelings About Certain Wrestlers

    This is where we cover how the mass perceives some of the biggest names in the industry currently.

    The Rock [WWF] - While he is unquestionably the biggest name in the game these days, he is generally frowned upon. When his first heel turn came in 1997, he was loved by all. When it picked up momentum in 1998, the smarts got even MORE into him. As a heel, he's received pretty well. As a babyface, however, he is nothing more than a catchphrase-spewing, lazy, four-move brawler that does nothing but take up time that Taka Michinoku could be having.

    Triple H [WWF] - The top heel in the business, without question. He's also stepped up his workrate, not relying so heavily on knee-based offense anymore. His stock on the internet has risen all year.

    Steve Austin [WWF] - A cripple that no one wants back, because he's popular, and as such, he is a useless piece of shit taking up Taka Michinoku's TV time.

    The Undertaker [WWF] - Fat and old, he needs to retire before he hurts someone. Although people do generally admit to being a fan of his on some level, they still think its time to hang 'em up.

    Hulk Hogan [WCW] - The biggest bastard to ever live, but, according to the so-called "smarks", we all loved him when we were five and should continue to love him today, no matter what. Still, you hate him if you want acceptance.

    Kane [WWF] - There is...pretty much no feeling toward Kane. No one really cares. He's a very agile big man, good for his size, but he's just...there.

    X-Pac [WWF] - Lazy, arrogant, and should be fired. A 180-pound Kevin Nash.

    Kevin Nash [WCW] - Lazy, arrogant, and should be black listed from everything involving pro wrestling.

    Scott Hall [WCW] - A lazy, arrogant alcoholic with no more purpose to serve. The general feelings for Hall have gone from "great character player and credible worker" to "I hope he gets his personal problems worked out" to "Fuck him, I don't want to hear about his sorry ass ever again" in the span of about two years.

    Shawn Michaels [WWF] - One of the greatest wrestlers to ever live, but, still, he was a member of The Clique with Nash, Hall, HHH, and Sean "X-Pac" Waltman, so he's still a smarmy, arrogant, lazy bastard that probably deserved the horrible back injury which ended his career.

    Bret Hart [WWF] - While a great worker in his prime and pretty well-loved in his prime, he is now just a whining, pathetic shell of his former self.

    Bill Goldberg [WCW] - Two moves, undeserved push.

    D'Lo Brown [WWF] - Several amazing moves, undeserved burial.

    Big Boss Man [WWF] - Probably the most hated man not named "Hulk Hogan."

    The Big Show [WWF] - One-year wonder.

    Sting [WCW] - Arrogant, uncooperative, and should retire.

    Vampiro [WCW] - Great wrestler, good [if not stolen] character. He'd go a long way if they'd just quit jobbing him.

    Billy Kidman [WCW] - A future superstar that nearly had his career ruined by Hulk Hogan.

    Ric Flair [WCW] - The true icon of modern pro wrestling, but he should probably retire.

    Chris Benoit [WWF] - The greatest worker to walk the face of the Earth, and should be WWF world champion soon.

    Dean Malenko [WWF] - An excellent worker that is better at 40 than most guys at 25.

    Eddy Guerrero [WWF] - An underrated charisma-machine, with a tremendous workrate to boot.

    Scott Steiner [WCW] - A roided freak that strikes fear and shriveled penis jokes in the hearts of all.

    Rob Van Dam [ECW] - ECW's last great star.

    Justin Credible [ECW] - Likely to be ECW's last world champion. You do NOT like this guy, because he had involvement with The Clique.

    Road Dogg [WWF] - The third most hated wrestler on the internet, and climbing rapidly.

    The Hardy Boyz [WWF] - Amazing tag team that will be crippled in three years.

    Edge and Christian [WWF] - Funny guys that you just have to love, because they can work really well, too.

    Kurt Angle [WWF] - The new Next Flair.

    Chris Jericho [WWF] - The old Next Flair.

    Mick Foley [WWF] - "Mick's a great guy."

    Tajiri, Taka Michinoku, Shoichi Funaki, Kaz Hayashi [ECW, WWF, WWF, WCW] - Japanese guys, three of whom sport/have sported goatees, and one of whom spews evil green shit in your eyes. They're all good workers, but just don't ask for an autograph at a house show.

    Super Crazy, Rey Misterio Jr., Juventud Guerrera [ECW, WCW, WCW] - Luchadores. You like them, but they're not THAT great. Well, besides Super Crazy.

    There are, of course, more, but these are some main ones, and some good starters on your journey through the Internet Pro Wrestling World.

    The Internet Pro Wrestling Community

    Its EXCITING! Its FAST! Its INSIDE INFORMATION! So, what are you waiting for? Get to a wrestling site, read and read and read, have opinions formed, and then try writing your own column somewhere! And, last but not least, good luck.

    © 2000 Scott Christ
    Rant Central

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    Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission