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To the tune of "Cowboy" by Kid Rock


Well I'm a packin' up my bags an I'm a head down south
Where gimmicks are in need of a script and a mouth
Find a spot in GA and chill like Bisch
Bring a TV writer who smells like fish

Well I'm a, Vinnie Roo from N-Y-C
With a real bad accent but a love for TV
Gonna hook up with Ted, who pays the most
And I'll run this show up and down the coast

I'll be working with Flair, take Liz on a date
But the first thing gone are those Cruiserweights
All those titles, I really wanna
Toss 'em the trash, the fans don't want 'em

Start a brand new era, for all the right reasons
While I count all my loot on the top of Four Seasons
Vinnie Mac is finally gonna lose
You know I'm headin' down south because I really wanna be a...

Russo baby (With a tough guy talk and a scrawny body)
Russo baby (Hire Madden and I'll demote Bobby)
I wanna be a Russo baby (Writing all night 'casue I've got no life)
Russo baby (Maybe next week I can get Flair's wife)

I'll bet you hear the ratings climb when I settle in
It sounds like...when Ralphus breaks wind
Turn 'em face, turn 'em heel, at the drop of a hat
I fired Scott Hall, but I'll bring him back

I'll push Tank Abbot, and The Demon too
And what the hell, the Three Count Crew
Put Judy Bagwell on center stage
And they'll remember who did it, the man they call

Russo baby (Change my champ every thirteen days)
Russo baby ('Cause all the Internet Smarks are gay)
I wanna be a Russo baby (Book my show right on the fly)
Russo baby (I won't quit until McMahon dies)

(Rock part)

Yeah, Vinnie Roo, I'm a step inside
To this big squared circle and I'll tell you lies
I'll jump and bump around like mad for Flair
It'll put me over and the fans will care

I'll make Chris Kanyon take a fall from the cage
I'll do my shoots that will break that kayfabe
Hire a stuntman to fall for Sting
'Cause he's too busy with that Christian thing

Push David Flair right down your throats
And while I'm at it, get a couple of ho's
For Big Poppa Pump that 'rioded freak
Then have him turn on Nash every couple of weeks

Why you wanna pick on me?
Next time you step, you'll be jobbin' to Kee-Wee
Production woes, and Duggan HOOOOOOOOOS!
I'll make all the ladies take off their clothes

Blame it on Kevin, let him take the fall
If they don't like it they can (RADIO EDIT)
I'll run this place right into the ground
And I won't care if the buyrates are down

(Russo) With the fake blood falling and smashing tables
(Russo) Maybe next year I'll call Greta Gables
(Russo) Make Arquette my next World Champ
(Russo) Do what I want, I don't give a damn
(Russo) I'm that man that'll make a star...
(Russo) I'm that man that'll make a star...

The Critic2K
"Saving the world, one puff at a time"

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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission