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As we near the end of 2000, and since I'm stuck home sick without a party to attend (officially, I'm on call, but I was ready to duck out before getting sick), and since I haven't contributed anything column-like in....umm, forever...I thought I'd go back to the fifty resolutions I made back in February and see how well 2000 turned out for me. God knows why YOU'D be interested in it, but I thank you for being interested enough to click. Away we go!

The last time I made a New Year's Resolution was about ten years ago when I said "I resolve to stop making New Year's Resolutions" and I've stuck to it ever since. It's the only one I've ever managed to keep. Besides, all the things that people resolve to do are PROBABLY things they should have thought about starting to do a lot earlier than January 1. Self-improvement should not be fixed along the lines of the calendar!

I just included this again because it bears repeating.

  • I resolve to provide a Nitro report every week - no matter how much it pains me

    Every week there was Nitro, I was there. Not as painful as it COULD have been...but close!

  • I resolve to provide a RAW report every week - no matter how large the percentage of talking and walking gets

    They've really spun their wheels at times, but again I managed to come through 52 times.

  • I resolve to provide a SmackDown! report every week - but at the rate that show is going, I could probably start rerunning old reports and be about 83% correct about what happens

    With the move to TNN, SmackDown! is now getting more viewers than RAW...and I think it's back to being more RAW's equal than a B-show.

  • I resolve to provide a WXO report every week - as long as they stay in business, or until I get so bored with it I hand it off to someone else

    Who knew I'd be done with WXO right about the time I finished typing that sentence?

  • I resolve to find a way to get Galavision lucha libre shows. If my cable company won't pick 'em up, I'll harrass my parents to make tapes for me.

    The first resolution I failed. I bug my parents enough, so I never asked them. Looking back, I'm not sure why I ever thought I'd have the time to WATCH lucha...but I still miss it a lot.

  • I resolve to find some good help with the shows I'm NOT reporting on, instead of the clowns with faulty VCR's that kept volunteering last year (just kidding, Barnwell).

    I didn't really pick up on this one, either. I've had some fabulous volunteers step in, however, so other shows have by and large been well-represented on the [slash]. Wonder where Larry Musso went, though...

  • I resolve to help Marc Taylor, mdb, E.C. Ostermeyer and especially Chris Jones find some higher profile gigs if they ever feel too big for the [slash].

    Marc quit, sadly. mdb got the WrestleLine Thunder gig but quit. EC got Saturday Night on WrestleManiacs, but the SHOW quit. Then he got Worldwide, but it became mostly recaps only, so I pawned off the WrestleManiacs Thunder gig on him. Still, he's still with WrestleManiacs...probably no thanks to me. Jones seems happy being the most-hit-man-not-named-CRZ on the site, what with loading his reviews chock full of search engine keywords most used by perverts.

    Next year, I'll probably try to get The Cubs Fan a regular gig on WrestleManiacs...I wonder if he's asked them about Jakked yet...

  • I resolve to change the name of my wrestling website to [stroke] wrestling if I get one more columnist from the United Kingdom

    All the Limeys gave up and stopped writing! Where art thou, Richard Craig? (He'll actually be back with a big part of the Year in Quotes next month)

  • I resolve to find some more free time - I used to spend HOURS playing Yahoo! pinochle; now, I think I haven't been there for around six months

    Failed. I don't think I managed ONE pinochle game on Yahoo! I blame my four months of non-connectivity, constant updating of the [slash], and the fact that I don't work graveyard anymore and thusly have to WORK at work (sometimes).

  • I resolve to attend every WWO show I find out about - including the ones that only get advertised on the Spanish channel where I'm not expected to see them.

    I don't know if the WWO made it around this year or not. Meltzer thought he'd caught wind of a show but he never said for sure. Maybe they stuck to SoCal?

  • I resolve to meet Hector at one of those shows as well, so he can tell me what the heck they're saying when they grab THE STICK.

    Hector's gone AWOL...too bad, too, because I *still* have a MiniDisc I've been meaning to send him.

  • I resolve to FINALLY break down and attend an APW card - but not to tell anybody when I do it so I can be incognito.

    I was going to do this last night, actually, but I ended up staying home sick. So I managed to miss EVERY APW card all year. I *will* make one next year.

  • I resolve to go back to regularly poking fun at all the other online columnists, thereby increasing their hitcounts, pulse rate and inclination to lash back at ME in kind. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    This really worked well, didn't it? :) Actually, I think I pretty much ignored everybody most of the year...much to their chagrin. It definitely keeps me out of trouble...but it also causes people to talk less about me, so I don't know. Besides, things really shook out in 2000 - is there anybody left worth sparring with?

  • I resolve to FINALLY buy a new car - a 2000 Beetle

    Err...maybe a 2001 Beetle. Stock prices haven't been kind to me.

  • I resolve to keep my 1963 Beetle, however

    Did THIS one, though! :)

  • I resolve to work a pledge drive for my PBS station at least once this year

    Oh, good intentions. But I failed on this one.

  • I resolve to continue to intermittently appear on Modesto's public access "Star Trek" discussion show, because I'm not ENOUGH of a geek without doing that

    The show went under in 2000 - but I did do some off-camera production work for the public access. The cable company is in the middle of a sale, however - I anticipate public access will be torched in 2001.

  • I resolve to continue to answer more email than all the other online wrestling folk out there

    You tell me - how'd I do with this one? Unfortunately, losing DSL really hampered me towards the end of the year.

  • I resolve to start calling myself "the Hardest Working Man on the Internet" - if Zach Arnold will let me, since he's REALLY the Hardest Working Man on the Internet

    Zach Arnold went insane; it was really very sad. Calling myself "the Hardest Working Man on the Internet" lasted about ten minutes (although it *is* probably somewhere on the EDGE's archives)

  • I resolve to think about making REAL MONEY off this gig sooner or later

    I thought about it...and continued to not. :)

  • I resolve to make it to the final round of qualifying of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" at least once

    I failed to be persistent enough to continue to enter, so you never saw me on "Millionaire."

  • I resolve to visit New York at least three more times in a non-"Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" capacity - and if I can't do that, to at least get to Vegas again

    Made it to NYC twice, for a total of three weeks. Not bad.

  • I resolve to visit Minnesota in late July, if Otto invites me again and the plane tix are cheap

    Otto *did* invite me again, but I couldn't swing the price of a flight. BIG tax problems kept me from spending money from around April to around November. I will hopefully have planned better by NEXT July.

  • I resolve to visit Scaia the next time a PPV is in his area, if he'll have me and the plane tix are cheap

    Hmmm, I don't remember a PPV in Ohio...were there any? I still need to get back to Scaia's for some heavy drinking, though. It's sad that he's such a target amongst certain segments of Internet wrestling writers and fandom, because there are very few Internet folk I can imagine hanging out with, just shooting the breeze, and have as much fun as with Rick.

  • I resolve to see my brother in San Diego a couple times as well - the plane tix are ALWAYS cheap

    Oops. Sorry, bro!

  • I resolve to clear up my citizenship question once and for all and FINALLY get a passport

    Haven't done it yet.

  • I resolve to reread every book by Douglas Adams yet again - and throw in Douglas Copeland's "Microserfs" for good measure

    I thought I'd have time to READ? I'm still trying to get through "Bodyslams."

  • I resolve to go ballistic on Tony Schiavone as he deserves it, and not cop out because he MAY answer email

    Tone's really toned it down...or rather, he's looked less annoying sitting next to The Mark most of the year.

  • I resolve to learn the names of the three kicks X-Pac includes in the trifecta he performs in EVERY matchup - no kidding, I've got RAW episodes from 1995 where he's doing the same damn thing!

    I think I settled on front kick, front kick, jumping back heel kick.

  • I resolve to get laid


  • I resolve to get laid - again

    ...and done.

  • I resolve to masturbate a whole lot when I'm NOT getting laid

    For some reason, this was everybody's FAVOURITE resolution when I first wrote this column. (I seem to remember Luke particularly liked it...whih was greatly unnerving) Needless to say, I followed through on this resolution - but not as much as I would have liked!

  • I resolve to finally find somebody who will sell me or make a trade for old episodes of the ":20 Minute Workout"

    Hey, anybody got any old episodes of the ":20 Minute Workout" on tape? Wanna make a deal?

  • I resolve to bug that Canadian dude who said he would sell me some and then had his postal carrier steal them EVERY SINGLE TIME

    He actually came through! Have you ever had a tape deal take TWO YEARS? *I* have!

  • I resolve to find a copy of Gloria Trevi's "Brincos y Jalones," while I'm so busy looking for tapes of hot chicks in spandex working out

    I thought I'd found a place that was still selling it, but they've had me on "backorder" for a million years. I need to go to the Disco Azteca down the street and see if they have it. It's an old shack - probably got all SORTS of videos from 1994 still in shrink-wrap

  • I resolve to appear on radio a lot more than I did in 1999 - and flake on a lot less people (sorry, Eric) who wanted me on the radio

    Moved up to a national stage with Ron and Fez (twice), appeared on...hmm, three or four stations, although I can't recall ANY of their names at the moment. I was set to appear on WrestleLine's "The People's Real Audio" show, but it turned out a disaster and they never released it. Oh, and I was on the EDGE, too. If I had the free time, I'd try to regularly call in to WCW Live and Meltzer's show, too, just for the hell of it. Of course, if I *really* had the free time, I'd do my OWN radio show - WrestleLine wanted to bankroll it, but they didn't want to bankroll ME, so I couldn't make the time investment.

  • I resolve to contribute at least "mediocre" original content to EmZee and ShootAngle every one to two weeks - and maybe a few other sites as well. Speaking of original content, I hope that keeping it "original" will set an example for others

    This didn't last, did it? Actually, I wasn't doing TOO badly until I picked up Thunder and started recapping eight hours of television a week. In retrospect, I probably should have cut back a lot earlier...

  • I resolve to try to score a serious interview sooner or later - I'm sure WrestleLine would be THRILLED to get an interview of ... say ... Chad Damiani

    Hmmm, I wonder if Damiani would answer my emails...

  • I resolve to interview Hyatte, interviewing me - if he's up for it

    This is a hell of an idea. I wonder why I forgot about it?

  • I resolve to hang around the EmZee Delphi forum being generally a pain in the ass (that shouldn't be too hard, eh)

    Wow, whatever happened to the EmZee Delphi forum? Oh yeah - they DELETED it

  • I resolve to slow down on my music buying - unless I find lots of stuff I'd like to buy

    Forced to comply thanks to Irwin R. Schyster...but I had a nice flurry towards the end of the year

  • I resolve to continue to help the MiniDisc format succeed - it's digital, shockproof and tiny!

    I bought MY share!

  • I resolve to lose ten pounds - why not, everybody else always says it

    Not only did I lose them, but I found them, lost them again, then found them AND some friends. I'll roll this one over to next year...or roll over next year, tubby.

  • I resolve to sell my hair this year - for the right price

    Hmm...I didn't do a THING with my hair this year.

  • I resolve to get WrestleLine credentials for EVERY event appearing in Northern California - hell, they need to do SOMETHING for me

    I *did* get WCW credentials every time, but I only got about half the WWF opportunites. They tend to be...obstinate.

  • I resolve to finish the "1999 Year in Quotes" before it becomes a bad joke (oops, too late)

    Done! I wonder if the 2000 Year in Quote will come any sooner?

  • I resolve to celebrate WrestleLine's anniversary of the WrestleManiacs absorption with something that will piss them off like I've never pissed them off before

    I had a killer idea but it didn't pan out. By the next WM anniversary, we'll all be counting down to the contract's end, anyway, so no chance to repeat

  • I resolve to try to take women's wrestling seriously - as soon it's promoted seriously

    Guess what? WOW!

  • I resolve to make a difference - somehow - in some way

    If you make it vague enough, ANY resolution can be successful.

  • I resolve to NEVER write another "bullet points" column again.

    Since I stopped writing columns altogether, this one was EASY. ;-)

    SEE YOU IN 2001!

    [slash] wrestling

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