Forget your three I's, remember your 3 D's: Dartmouth Dan Doomsday, baby! That's right, I am the World's Most Dangerous Columnist, the Pride of 2Dope, the SEMI-GRAND SHIT DISTURBER AND RIGHTFUL WCW INTERNATIONAL WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION TRIPLE D, bringing you the most electrifying column in sports entertainment today, the Device...and Bill Apter's answering machine at WOW has him doing a Dusty Rhodes impression and referring to himself as "Wonderful Willy"...just thought you might like to know. What a week we are having in the world of wrestling, eh? We'll discuss it a little during and after this EXTRANEOUS BULLSHIT:
LAKERS UPDATE: We win. You lose. End of story.
MARCH MADNESS: Well, I was more or less right about Stanford...now if only I had picked UNC to beat them instead of UConn...oh well, that's five bucks of my hard earned cash going right down the ol' commode. Not like I was expecting to win my pool or anything.
STRATUS' STATUS: OK, she's hot. OK, she's got Test. But the T&A gimmick is about as funny as the Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea, and in case you hadn't figured it out, that would mean that it's about as funny as your average monologue from The Magic Hour. What's more, why would a beautiful woman like Trish pal around with a hairy ape like Prince Albert? Albert may be an above average worker, but he completely negates the presence of Stratus. Hey, I have an idea! "Prince Albert with a Hot Can!"
TAPE RECOMMENDATION: I just bought a copy of RF Video's "Ultimate Rey Mysterio, Jr." and I'm very impressed. They did screw up the clip job on a cage match from Mexico, but there are some great matches on the tape involving Rey against the likes of Juventud Guererra, Psychosis, the Eliminators, and Ultimo Dragon. Highly recommended for any Rey Jr. fans.
OK, enough bullshit...on to the week that has been in the world of professional wrestling...more specifically, one development that has the potential to shake the wrestling world to its very core...not really, it means a lot, because there is no denying that...
Maybe I was right the first time. After all, Eric Bischoff was, for a time, the most hated figure in professional wrestling among the "smart" community. With his lips firmly planted on Hulk Hogan's ass off-camera, and with his sickening on-camera attempts to pander to smarts, it was easy to hate Bischoff. He was considered, for a time, the embodiment of everything that was wrong with World Championship Wrestling.
It does not escape my sense of irony that six months after his unceremonious departure, Eric Bischoff is considered as someone who could once again make everything right within WCW.
Don't fool yourself with images of Jay Leno, Dennis Rodman, and the KISS Demon. Eric Bischoff could, quite possibly, be EXACTLY what WCW needs.
You may recall two weeks ago, as I recommended that WCW hand the book to Bret Hart, I said that WCW needed a leader with motivation. As he returns to WCW after six months off, I believe that Eric Bischoff is motivated. He is coming back to prove that he can do it again, that it wasn't just a fluke. Furthermore, the fact that he's made mistakes is a benefit. It's called WISDOM. It's what happens when people made mistakes.
When Vince Russo and Ed Ferarra came to WCW, they were perceived as smrat, and with good reason. They had done good things with the WWF. They had vision. But the one thing they didn't have was wisdom. They had never seen one of their ideas tank out in front of fans, because Vince McMahon always had the final say. When they came to WCW and their ideas tanked, they didn't seem to have any idea what to do. The first time around, Eric Bischoff faced the exact same problem. He saw his ideas tank out, and he either wouldn't or couldn't change course fast enough to please the REAL "Powers That Be." This time around, though, Eric Bischoff will have to be more conservative financially. This is good, when you figure that this will probably eliminate all those horrendously bad celebrity matches that were a trademark of WCW during the promotion's fall from grace. But it also means that WCW won't exactly be able to go on high-priced talent shopping sprees as they used to. In light of this fact, I have devised my own suggestions for Mr. Bischoff as he figures out how to bring WCW out of the basement.
EXPAND THE USE OF THE TV TITLE: As much as I like seeing good ol' Hacksaw Jim Duggan with the TV strap around his waist, my plans for the TV title include his losing the strap and retiring. As far as a future champion is concerned, I think that WCW should put the belt around Norman Smiley, but that's just part one of my plan. Part two involves putting the TV title up for grabs on every WCW show. The main event of every Saturday Night will be a TV title match. The opening match on every Nitro will be a TV title match. At some point during every Thunder, there will be a TV title match. And in these TV title matches, I'd have a mix of old WCW faves like the Disco Inferno, La Parka, and the Cat, plus young talent from the Power Plant.
CRUISE CONTROL: Bischoff's return will indeed be good for the cruiserweight division. Once one of WCW's selling points, the cruiserweight title has gone from an undeserving champion to a less deserving champion, and then to an even more undeserving champion (Madusa, Oklahoma, the Artist...can you tell I don't like him). With Bischoff back, we should see the belt go to someone like Psychosis or Chavo Guererro, Jr. Kidman can helap hold down the fort for a while, but he needs to be elevated. "The Juice" should help, too. The general idea, though, is that we need to see more of the 8-10 minute cruiserweight matches that where a standard during the magical 83 weeks.
WHEN IN DOUBT, HOLD YOUR BREATH AND COUNT TO TEN...NO, MAKE THAT THREE: My favorite holdover from the Russo era, Three Count has a lot of potential, and they showed it again on Thunder. While they may still be green and sloppy, that kind of thing matters more to people like Herb Kunze than it does to Joe Q. WrestlingFan, and just seeing spot after spot after spot, however sloppy, will keep the WCW faithful coming back for more, especially when you put Evan, Shane, and Shannon together with the Jung Dragons.
CHECK YOUR EGOS AT THE DOOR: If Bischoff is to succeed again, he needs to be the boss. He needs to keep Hogan from controlling the show too much, both in terms of his own character and in terms of his buddies. Don't feel it necessary to break Hogan's spirit, just don't favor him over the Stings and the Flairs and the Goldbergs. Flair is particularly important, because he caused Eric so many problems the last time around, and because he's one of the few WCW regulars who still gets over. Goldberg was one of the great successes of the Bischoff era, so Eric will probably want to depend on him again. I'd suggest much jobber-killing to give the guy back his reputation. The problem facing Goldberg now is that he was made to look too vulnerable by Russo and Ferrara. The one time the WCW Sledgehammer of Plot worked was to make Goldberg into a monster. He needs to become a monster again.
Once again, I only know so much. The rest (all of it in fact, since Bischoff probably won't read this) lies in the prepared hands of Uncle Eric. Can he take the ball and run with it one more time? Only time will tell. Until next week, I'm Dan Doomsday, thanking you for dropping by and reading, because READING IS FUNDAMENTAL!!! Goodnight, everybody!