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Dan Doomsday




Undertaker was the heel, he had Paul Bearer as his manager, and Kane was the face. But Undertaker was AGAINST Vince McMahon, while Kane was WITH Vince McMahon, albeit unwillingly. Confusing and non-sensical storylines have ATTITUDE - get it? Man, if Vince ever tried to answer the simple question 'Are Kane and Undertaker brothers?' to the press, the stock would drop another 3 points, I'd bet.

-Scott Keith, Rant for Survivor Series 1998

Anyone, and I mean ANYONE who complains about the goofiness of the Kane angle should be bound, gagged and made to watch the entire Black Scorpion fiasco from start to finish, with no bathroom breaks.

-Scott Keith, Rant for Clash of the Champions XIII

Hey Scott, have fun! And do me a favor: Say hi to the Scorpion for me, will ya? Thanks, you're a pal.

Hello, everyone, Dartmouth Dan Doomsday back with you, bringing you another edition of the Device, referred to in some circles as the most electrifying column in sports entertainment today. Or maybe not. Anyhoo, before CRZ bugs me about it: yes, Chris, your Kings ARE ahead of my Lakers...for now. Give the Lakers just a little bit of time. In other news, my loyalty to the Jets has been just a tad compromised thanks to Dartmouth alum Jay Fiedler, who is tearing it up with Miami. And for anyone who's looking for good music, the song of the week is "Camera One" by the Josh Joplin Group. Okay? Good. Enough extraneous bullshit, time for some wrestling talk. And this week's Device is entitled...

Lucha Runs Wild...Again

When someone at WCW with a sense of humor decided to run that Glacier vigniette a while back on Nitro, it got me thinking. No, I don't want to see Glacier again, because as we all know, Glacier sucked. The entrance was goofy, the wrestling was unspectacular, and I was half surprised that Bischoff didn't feud him with Sting (Sub-Zero rip-off vs. Scorpion...get it?). But who or what could WCW realistically bring back from its past to help get things moving again. They've been looking solid lately, but they need that jump. So where can they find that jump? The answers might surprise you...


Now, I'm not saying that Psychosis and La Parka are the cure to all of WCW's ills, but you'd be surprised.

Yes, La Parka has been an Internet (and Rantsylvania poll) golden boy. Yes, Psychosis is one of the better luchadores out there. But what makes me think that will make these two an asset to WCW?

Well...we have Jeff Jarrett in a feud with Kidman, Konnan, and Rey Misterio, Jr., right? So Jarrett recruits longtime Konnan/Rey rivals Psychosis and La Parka to replace the bumbling (and workrate-impaired) Harris Boys. There's history out the wazoo in Mexico for Rey, Konnan, Psychosis, and La Parka, and let us not forget that it was Kidman who unmasked Psychosis in WCW. The feud would be helped tremendously. In adittion to the obvious benefits of some hot lucha sequences in the eventual six-man, it creates all kinds of very watchable matches for Nitro: Konnan vs. La Parka, Konnan vs. Jarrett, Jarrett vs. Kidman, Kidman vs. Psychosis, Kidman vs. La Parka, Rey vs. La Parka, Rey vs. Psychosis, Rey/Kidman vs. Psychosis/La Parka, Rey/Konnan vs. Psychosis/La Parka...need I go on? Plus, La Parka's chair and Jarrett's guitar make a pretty good team in themselves!

Plus, with the resurgence of Chavo Guererro, Jr. (which I LOVE, by the way) as crusierweight champion, the show-stealing performances of Three Count and the Jung Dragons (Knoble and Karagias are hacks, and the whole 'Net knows it, so let's not talk about them), and the team of Jindrak and O'Haire gaining experience, adding a couple of proven ring talents like Psychosis and La Parka to the roster creates all kinds of great matches for Nitro and Thunder.


Last time we saw the belt, it was around the waist of one Hacksaw Jim Duggan on an edition of WCW Saturday Night, the title disappeared when Russo and Bischoff stripped all the champions at the beginning of the New Blood Era. Months later, Russo is history, Bischoff is trying to buy the company, Duggan is a Canadian turncoat, and "The Mothership" has crashed into the ground, seemingly forever. And the title? It's a part of WCW history...but should it be? Absolutely not! The TV title should be brought back and put on Norman Smiley. Smiley can then defend the belt at the beginning of every Nitro and PPV, halfway through Thunder, and as the main event of Worldwide. Opening a big show with a title match, and featuring a wrestler as over as Smiley has been (despite the bookers' best efforts to ignore him), gets the crowd going, and gives the show a "big" feeling. Having a title match on every TV show period makes every show somewhat important. I mean, Worldwide is a throwaway and everyone knows it. Why not change that? I may have said this before, but they didn't listen then, so sue me.

All right, that's enough for me for this week. Besides, if Scott's reading, he has some 1990 WCW to watch...HAHAHAHAHAHA...Scott Keith reading this column, that's a good one! OK, I'm outta here. Until next week, I'm Dartmouth Dan Doomsday, and this has been the Device.


Dartmouth Dan Doomsday

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