...AND MARKING OUT
Well True Believers, it's Wednesday and I'm officially fried. With all the swerves so far this week --first from Raw and then from the Presidential Election, my brain and heart have officially been overwhelmed. First Triple H reforms DX, then he goes heel; the Rock gets clobbered and taken out of the main event; Angle FINALLY gets a mean streak; RTC wins the Tag Belts (what?); Gore wins Florida; Gore doesn't win Florida; Nobody wins Florida; Bush wins the election; wait, Bush didn't win the election just yet because he didn't really win Florida even though Gore called him and conceded victory and then called him back and took back his concession---AARRRRGGGGGHH!! I don't know what to think right now so, as promised last week, after watching Raw and too many hours of election coverage:
10 Things I Think I Think (shameless stolen from Peter King)
1. I think that Hunter Hearst Helmsley is probably the most cunning wrestler in the sport who currently has backstage power. He never really wanted to go face, or so the reports said. He is smart enough to realize that the main event face side of the WWF is pretty full with Austin, Rocky, and Undertaker, followed closely by Chyna, Jericho and others right below, while the side of heeldom was a little more open with only Angle, Benoit and Kane as the top tier players. His best chance to stay in the main event mix is to be a heel. And now, he's a heel again. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big HHH fan, and HHH being the driver/culprit/mastermind makes sense since it was DX who lured Austin out to the parking lot last November. Maybe it was Triple H who dropped the cinder block on Austin and who pummeled the Rock with that cart; he is, after all, a ruthless bastard who will do anything for power. I will withhold ultimate judgment for now, but this heel turn also raises a number of burning questions like:
2. What about Kurt Angle? I think that I am afraid for his run as champion now that Hunter has usurped the top heel spot again. Sheesh, just when Angle was developing a mean streak and claiming that he wasn't going to be a whipping boy, old Hunter breaks out the sledgehammer and changes everything. Don't get me wrong, I dig the Angle-as-vulnerable-heel thing, but he needs to destroy SOMEBODY, even if it is in a cowardly way, in order to get some more heat and legitimacy as a wrestling threat.
3. I think I now feel totally cheated in regard to the whole HHH/Stephanie/Angle story. Where does the WWF go from here? Hunter's moving on the mix it up with Austin now, but Angle is still managed by Stephanie, Hunter's wife. Angle has kissed Stephanie, admitted he has feelings for her, and dissed Triple H at every chance. How can they not argue over this? Would any married man in America - wait would any single man with a girlfriend-- stand for this kind of blatant disrespect? Are we to believe that they are friends now? And that this whole argument has been a hoax? Where is the payoff? Everybody seemed to be looking forward to Steph leaving HHH for Angle. People were even speculating that her "sickness" last week on Raw was a pregnancy angle and now - nothing? The WWF needs to end this angle with an acceptable finish and not just blow over it because they want both Kurt and Hunter to be heels.
4. I think that I would like to know what the hell happened to the singles pushes of Benoit and Guerrero? I think that I am sour on the idea of the Radicalz reforming. Don't get me wrong, I was a big mark for the four horsemen and love the idea of a badass, take-no-prisoners quartet of villains, but really, this reeks of "WCW's Lance Storm and Team Canada." Benoit and Guerrero were OVER. Eddie, at his size, had main event heel heat. Benoit was doing his best mic work ever. Both were established and singles competitors and now they are saddled with Malenko and Saturn, two quality performers who just haven't gotten over. It's a waste of talent. Having OVER talent attempt to elevate undercard talent too soon is a mistake. Will Saturn and Malenko get a good rub or will they suck away Benoit and Eddie's hard-earned heat? Didn't the WWF just try this with Jericho and X-Pac after Y2j'S Last Man Standing match with Triple H (oh, I'm sorry, did I just imply that X-Pac is mired in the mid-card? My bad!)? Isn't WCW doing this to Lance Storm? Weren't they both colossal blunders? Sheeesh...
5. I think the WWF had better find some new advertisers quick, fast and in a hurry. It is one thing to watch a wrestling show and be bombarded with 8 different ads two times each. It is quite another thing to have to watch the same ad every single commercial break. THQ made a wrestling video game called No Mercy, in case you didn't know by now.
6. I think that the reason I don't watch Monday Night Football until Raw is over is because after Raw went off the air at approximately 11:10 EST, the Vikings-Packer game was only in the third quarter and the score was tied at 13. I was able to watch the rest of the game and not feel like I had missed anything too crucial. The games usually don't get really good until the second half, which usually starts some time during the last half-hour of Raw. ABC is never getting their football audience back, especially if WCW turns it around over the next few weeks (yeah, like that'll happen - but, you know, their shows have had more of a sense of purpose and direction lately).
7. I think CRZ is right when he says that Billy Gunn becoming Billy G is stupid and gay. In the current era of realistic gimmicks, this is the best the WWF can do? Mr. Ass becomes Billy G? I guess he can't be BadAss Billy Gunn anymore, because they already have one BadAss (hint: he's American and rides a beautiful Titan bike) even though Billy was BadAss before the Undertaker. Talk about gimmick infringement. Can you believe that the writers actually got paid for this?
8. I think that Kane's explanation was a lot better than leading us believe that his feud with Jericho was over spilled coffee, but not quite as good as I would have hoped. Again, since writers are getting paid, how about some writing beyond the main event storyline? Kane hates Jericho because he's pretty?!? Are they attempting to turn Jericho into HBK? Is that a good thing? Do they think anyone in the heterosexual male audience actually gives a damn what Kane thinks of Jericho's appearance? Oh wait, if the angle works Jericho will finally go over to the main event and become an even bigger fan favorite than he is today and then HBK could come out of retirement to feud with Jericho over stealing his gimmick (being pretty and all) and becoming more popular than HBK and...ah, nevermind.
9. I think that I marked out (just a little - okay maybe a lot, quietly in my basement, by myself) over the following moments on Raw:
(a) Austin and Rocky meet in a dressing room: Austin says he's gonna whoop some ass. The Rock says, "Oh yeah, you should whoop some ass. But you ain't gonna be whooping the Rock's ass, cause he had nothing to do with it." HA! Their staredown was cool. Not quite as cool as the dueling promos last week, but cool nonetheless, IMODO. (I like Rock, sue me)
(b) Edge and Christian kazooing Chris Benoit's theme complete with words: "Chris Benoit is here and he's really mad, Chris Benoit is here and he's really angry!" HA! Edge and Christian remain the most hysterical part of WWF programming.
(c) The end of Angle's promo: "Kids love me, dammit!!" Ha! Um, maybe you had to be there...
10. I think I'm tired of thinking. Or typing. Or both. Send feedback/hatemail to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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