You are here
Guest Columns




The Left Turn at Albuquerque

Remember those old familiar Saturday morning Looney Tunes cartoons. You know the ones where Bug Bunny is hastily burrowing his way to some distant, fun location, but when he pops up topside, he's lost? Bugs looks up, asks where he is (and its never where he wants to be) and then decides-AGAIN-that he should have made that left turn at Albuquerque. But he didn't. So now, he's stuck in some fucked-up situation-AGAIN-that no matter how remotely amusing to some, mostly sucks and brings him nothing but misery and hard times. We never know what would have happened if he had made that infamous left turn, but we know it had to be better than whatever situation he was currently in. It HAD to be.

Yeah, RAW has been kind of like that lately. The show has been a series of right turns that should have been lefts and it just looks like its not going away soon enough for the majority of us. Instead of finding their way along the recycled wrestling angle highway to hot, hate-filled feuds and intriguing in-ring match-ups, the RAW writers have found their way either to the graveyard of 80s prime time soap opera storyline rejects or the cutting room scraps of 80s horror flicks. There are probably some soap opera angles that would be passable in sports entertainment (if supported by awesome wrestling at the very least), but the necrophilia shit serves no one any real purpose. If there were ever a time to hit that "reset" button, right about now seems good.

Unless the Fed is pulling a seasonal Halloween push for the Brother's Grim, then it literally makes no sense to push Kane as the face main eventer of RAW when it's RVD that has issue with HHH. Kane hasn't truly had crowds salivating to see him since those instances where he was friends and or feuding with X-Pac has he? We won't even get into the fact that RVD is one guy the RAW crowd is into (see also: T, Booker). It was RVD that got screwed out of his title match with HHH last month and then had a re-match (on free TV no less) where he got screwed again. And while I understand that he now has issue with Flair (who helped him lose both matches), shouldn't that just be a passing issue handled in the fourth quarter hour of a RAW near you so that he can go and tap HHH on the shoulder at about 10:55 EST and the crowd can go apeshit?

Shitty, tasteless storylines and booking aside, this right turn RAW has taken alarms me for other reasons. More than anything, it overshadows the fact that there are some talented people on RAW who get lost in this head in the dirt burrowing bullshit that leads to simulated mannequin fucking skits with Night of the Living Dead overtones. People like Booker-who desperately needs to be pushed to the roof as a legitimate challenger to HHH along with RVD. People like Goldust, who quietly has become one of the workrate highlights of the show, especially in terms of selling and tag matches. People like Chris Harvard-who has natural heel charisma and promise, if nothing else. People like Storm or Christian or Jericho-or any other half-decent worker on the roster whose work is immediately eliminated from your mind the moment you hear references to semen or see HHH pretending to fuck a corpse in a casket. People like HHH-who are so much better than this shit.

Since the writers obviously don't know how to find their way to the kind of booking that lead to the great feuds of 2000, we can only sit in dreadful (or hopeful) anticipation each week as they burrow towards us each Monday night. When they pop-up and look around, let's hope they made that turn they always seem to miss of late. When Bugs Bunny gets lost along the way, it always seems to end up in an entertaining fashion that makes you not miss his intended destination and want more of his hilarious antics. When the RAW writers miss and get lost, it just makes you want to miss RAW.

Or something like that.

I'm out.

[slash] wrestling

Mail the Author

Comment about this article in Wienerville



Design copyright © 1999-2002 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright © 2002 by the individual author and used with permission