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Matt Hayden




According to feedback, there may be some life still left in Nitro booking columns, so I'll keep doing them until nobody wants to read them anymore. Booker T and Kidman jobbing to the Harris Bros....... I don't even know if I could've come up with that one. Thanks to WCW for making this so much easier for me.

(Kevin Nash, Goldberg and Terry Taylor are sitting on a park bench in Atlanta. They are casually chatting, when the conversation jumps to tonight's Nitro.)

Goldberg: ............. they don't like that bread Kevin. They like whole wheat.

Nash: They're ducks, Bill. They don't care. White is good enough.

Taylor: It actually depends on the kind of duck. Mallards would prefer the whole wheat, but -

Nash: Hey, Terry, isn't Nitro tonight?

Taylor: Yeah......... jeez, I really don't want to go through that crap again this week. I was hoping you wouldn't bring that up. I hate Mondays.

Nash: Couldn't we just forget about the show for now and book some matches at the last minute?

Taylor: Hmm......... no, we've done that for the last 40 weeks now, and it hasn't gotten us anywhere. Maybe we should try something different.

Goldberg: Count me out. The doctor says my arm is still months away from healing. Too bad Russo booked me to punch out a limo window. Next thing I know my arm is gushing blood.

Taylor: Yeah, he was also gonna put the title on Abbott, remember that? Eric would even be better to have in the company than Russo was. I wonder what Eric is up to these days anyway?

Nash: There he is.

(Nash points to a man picking up aluminum cans with a pointed stick. He's collected about half a bag.)

Goldberg: Oh, I see him. (shouting) Hey, Eric........ haven't seen you around. What's up?

(Bischoff looks up and spots the men sitting on the bench. He puts his head down and wanders away, picking up cans in the opposite direction until he's out of sight.)

Goldberg: Oh well. At least he gets to spend time outdoors.

Nash: Yeah.......... but on to Nitro. My ankle is nearly better, Terry. How about you book me over Sid tonight for the title?

Taylor: Actually, Kev, I was thinking of putting some young guys over: Kidman, Vampiro, you know. I was thinking maybe Booker T could pull off the upset for the belt.

Nash: Oh.

Taylor: Uh...... you could squash Big Al if you want.

Nash: No thanks. My ankle is acting up again and I can't wrestle on it.

Taylor: .............. oh. OK. Hey, Bill, what do you think about giving Booker the belt tonight?

Goldberg: Yeah, sure. We need to mix things up a bit. Booker deserves it. Maybe he can give us a boost.

Taylor: Fine. Booker over Sid for the belt.

(The men suddenly hear a loud noise overhead. They look up to see a red and yellow chopper descending into the nearby field. It lands and Hulk Hogan steps out and walks over to the bench.)

Taylor: Hulk???

Nash: What's up?

Hogan: Hey, brothers, I heard that you guys went for a walk. I thought that you might be talking about tonight's Nitro, so I decided to see what was going on. I had no idea where you went, but then I remembered that Goldberg loves feeding the ducks. You had to be here.

Goldberg: Yeah, yeah, you know me better than I know myself.

Taylor: So what do you think we should do tonight?

Hogan: I was thinking maybe I could go over Sid for the title.

Taylor: ..........yeah......... well, we already have the title booked to be put on someone else, actually.

Hogan: Someone else? Who?

Taylor: Booker T.

Hogan: C'mon, Terry. We're tryin' to revive this company, not sink it further. Booker has no charisma.

Taylor: Hulk, he's fast, strong, lots of moves and he's a team player. I think it's the best thing for us now.

Hogan: Terry, Booker isn't a legend. After I cut a few classic Hulk interviews, I'll have the crowd eatin' outta my hand. Then after I wrestle a match and they see the legdrop again, they'll wonder how they ever survived without me. Trust me.

Taylor: Sorry, Hulk. We've tried this before, and you just don't get the ratings anymore.

(Everybody freezes. An uncomfortable silence follows.)

Taylor: What?

Nash: Don't worry, Hulk. He's been in the WWF for a while. They push anyone over there who has heat. He doesn't understand the way things work.

Taylor: What do you mean?

Goldberg: OK, Terry, it's like this. You were in the WWF. They give everybody a chance to perform, and if the crowd likes them, they get pushed. You're in WCW now. We do business different here. Certain people are going to win the title, and certain people are not. WCW knows right now who's going to be pushed and who's not. Nothing can happen to change it.

Taylor: And Booker is not one of the ones to be pushed?

Nash: Nope. He can do whatever he wants, and he's still be feuding with guys like the Harris Bros and Big T. It doesn't matter how much the crowd responds to him or how impressive he is in the ring.

Taylor: Don't you see? That's the reason why -

Goldberg: And Hulk is one of the guys enjoying the perpetual push. Hulk chooses when he wins the title. It's the pecking order here - everybody understands and accepts it.

Hogan: That's right, Terry. I want to win the title this Monday. I'll defend it against Piper at the next event and we'll go from there.

Taylor: Piper? I was thinking that Booker could win it and we'd have a three-way match between him, Kidman and Vampiro at the next PPV. Three great workers in the ring, and they'd all benefit from it. The fans would love it too. Everybody wins.

(Hogan, Goldberg and Nash laugh).

Goldberg: Hey, Terry, it's nice to dream, but let's get back to reality. Booker is not in line for a push, and neither is Kidman or Vampiro. Those guys'll be jerking the curtain.

Taylor: I think they'd be better off wrestling -

Hogan: Listen, Terry, Booker, Kidman and Vampiro can wrestle the Harris Bros and Big T in a six-man tag match. They'll lose, but it won't be a total squash. A squash wouldn't be fair.

Taylor: Can't you guys see what's wrong? You have to push whoever's drawing heat...... like Norman Smiley.

Goldberg: Can't.

Taylor: Why not?

Nash: Norman doesn't have any friends in management. It's a requirement for a push.

Taylor: .................

Hogan: So I'll be getting the belt tonight. Glad we had this discussion boys.

(Hogan spots Bischoff in the distance collecting cans).

Hogan (shouting): Hey, Eric, I think I can get you back in the company, brother. How would you like to go over Jarrett for the US Title? I can make it happen.

(Bischoff drops his pointed stick and runs over to Hogan, giggling like a schoolgirl.)

Bischoff: I love you, Hulk.

(Bischoff kisses Hogan on the top of the head.)

Hogan: Hey, I missed that, brother. You can go over Vampiro too, if you want.

Bischoff: Hey, that'd be great. Can I no-sell his offense too?

Hogan: Sure. Let him get in a small package or two, though.

Bischoff: No problem. It's great to be back on board, guys.

Hogan: Hey, anything for a friend, Eric. And that's what's important around here........ friendship.

The sad thing is............... this probably *is* the way WCW is booked. All feedback is greatly appreciated.

Matt "Blackjack" Hayden
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