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I will take your soul and devour it.

Mmmm.... tastes like chicken.

Really. Try some.


I? I? I am CyanIndigo. There's a good chance that I'm going to ruling the world with a multi-sex harem at my feet in the year 2005. So use your calender and mark it down now.

And just to clear things up for the new believer:

I have breasts and a dead sexy boyfriend, so I wouldn't tend to think I'm a man in "cyber-disguise." (ooh, stealth-mode! Look at me, I'm CRZ!)

I'm writing this in my university's computer centre, so I can't be that old.

I'm living in Canadadanadanadia, which means I can't be sane.

I'm obsessed with wrestling, so I can't fake the godly knowledge needed to write this.

I fake nothing. Remember that.

And yes, there is a point to all this. I have stuff to say!

Uh....good stuff.



Hm, hm.

*looks at fingernails*


De ba dis ka do.


Here's the thing that tops my sporadic list, and the biggest of the notes this week (I am one lazy chiquita these days. Hola!):

The idea presented to us last week by HHH that the Rock was going to be forced to "start from the bottom" again.

Started out good, great in fact. Make him face the Brooklyn Brawler, gets the Rock all infuriated, AND showcases the fact that even when he's not in the main event, the man can wrestle and the man can entertain.

Then what do they do? They screw it up, pretty much ignore the fact that they set that rule last week, and put the Rock in the RAW main event against the ever-stellar Chris Benoit in a cage.

What the fuck??? Why would you do that if you just said.... never mind. NEVER MIND.

And yes, that's the obligitory pissed-off minute of the week.

That's it for that. Moving on to the little notes (trust me, it gets better):

Isn't it interesting that the fans were chanting for RIKISHI to come in and save the Rock on RAW from the HHH / Big Show attack?

And isn't it ironic that Rikishi Phatu's ass is more over than Billy Gunn's ever was?

If the general public believe that the Big Show vs. HHH at Wrestlemania is going to suck... doesn't that say something about the Big Show? HHH has proved he can put on great matches. Paul Wight?

He has a big gut. We know that for sure. Suck it in, prat!

Kudos to the person who decided to have Crash Holly defend the Hardcore Championship 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It's new, it's entertaining, and it helps distinguish Crash from Hardcore (which is somethign I've touched on as a necessity in previous columns)

I've determined something: Two giant men slapping each other around generally sucks..... UNLESS something interesting is at stake.

To Mae Young, I salute you. (without a sha-wing)

I'm not sure whether she was hurt or not when Buh-Buh Ray Dudley powerbombed her through a table, but if she's OK, that was the BEST BUMP I've seen in a while (excluding "The Mick" of course, that's a given) from any of the women. Can you imagine doing that when you're 77 years old?

That goes double for that Bronco Buster she pulled on Buh-Buh first. I'm sorry, I'm a woman, and I STILL think that is just WRONG. Ew, ew, ew. GAH.

Oh.... my heart skips a beat everytime I hear the crowd chant "X-PAC SUCKS."

And speaking of the 1-2-3 Skid, I hear rumours that it's going to be him vs. Kane. AGAIN. At Wrestlemania. Except this time the ring might explode. Grand.

Kane is an upper-card wrestler with the occasional shot at the title....but...he is never going to be champion again. I sincerely doubt it, and it's unfortunate.

You know what? I am damn happy for Too Cool and their firecracker popularity. Brian Christopher has been working the circuit for a long while, as has Scott Taylor. They've been trying for years to get over with the fans, and they have. Good for them.

Isn't it funny how Chris Jericho, fantabulous man that he is, already is having his catch-phrases said for him by the crowd, a la Rock?

My friend "Preacher", who I watch wrestling with at my Canook bar, mentioned that he had said back in January (when Bob Backland appeared and participated in the Royal Rumble) that Bob Backland would return and manage Kurt Angle, since they were both over the top "good boys" (well, except for Bob's little psycho spell a few years back), and both were amateur wrestlers with similar backgrounds.

Does Kirk Angel really need a manager, though? He's more over than half the roster.

You ALL KNOW you're watching Saturday Night Live on March 18th. Don't deny it, you ALL ARE.

Hey! Steve Blackman has SIGNS in the crowd! Holy shit!

And Steve, if you're looking for a new trademark finisher, I'd go with that top ropesolar plexus kick you presented this week on RAW. Very nice, very nasty-looking.

I get the feeling that Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn will be the kind of wrestlers that primarily put the new and pushed talent over. Kind of like Al Snow.

Can Edge really make it as a solo star? I realize that the WWF is teasing at a Edge / Christian split (and if it happens, you can count on Terri Runnels being Christian's new manager) but Edge is lacking something. Wonder what.

Why is Viscera on RAW? Is there still hope that he's going to get over? Come on now, boys!

The Big Bossman and Prince Albert got useless pretty fast.

Eddy Guerrero still has to listen to the chants of EDDY SUCKS in the WWF. Unreal. The man never gets a break. Where's he going to fit in when he heals up?

Is it just me, or does Tazz seem to do the J-O-B an awful lot?

I think Chyna is better as a bodyguard figure rather than a full-time wrestler. She loses some of that awesome intimidation when she's panting and sweating and.....moving on.

I think Esse Rios needs some better music, some sort of mic time, and a whole lot more of Lita. She is NEAT. Trained by the Hardy Boys.... I want to know what else she can do.

I think it's time for a drink. And a nap. And an orgasm.

Ciao. Ride your scooters until I return.

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Keep your spit to yourself.

Seduction Artist for Hire

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