UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL
May the Gods be kind, and kill you before I do.
I am CyanIndigo, a doyenne of desire, a petit, an internet ninja, a woman of many talents and many, many names. (Because I am just that cool.)
Around yonder tracks, I'm known for either being mildly schizophrenic, or being a 40 year old in a poser's body.
Take your pick. Whichever suits you.
I get in such screwy moods when I write these damn things. Hm.
DA BIG STUFF(that's the cool way to say it, dont'cha know)
Yes! Once again the WWF has utterly fucked up the main event at a PPV!
(Oh, I'm sorry. La WWF la baise. Pardon my French!)
What do I mean? Well, the general idea that the main event has been switched so many times, back and forth, that we're all confused, and frankly, I don't know if the general fanbase anticipates the main event as it might have should this new Fatal Fourway have been announced earlier.
Think of this: Wrestlemania needs hype, hey, it's the biggest show of the year. The main event has been switched around five times since January's Royal Rumble. Fans have heard it all, and they've seen EVERY variation of the four main eventers that you can think of.
Rock vs HHH got heat. Foley vs Rock never happened, but was hinted at. Big Show vs Foley (see the previous example) HHH vs Big Show made us all want to shoot ourselves. The Rock vs. Big Show vs. HHH made us all take a breath. Now it's Mick vs Rock vs Big Show vs HHH.
I blame the Internet. (No, not you.) The WWF has a lovely tendancy to enjoy screwing up the rumours and tidbits that continously float around on all these webpages. It's been hinted at for weeks that it was going to be a Triple Threat Match at Wrestlemania. So what happens? Two weeks before BAM! It's on RAW, and everything's turned around.
That's another thing. Why would you have such a PPV quality match on RAW? Shouldn't you save the PPV matches for the PPV? Especially with the MacMahon involvement, I think it was a waste. Can Wrestlemania live up to it?
If anyone can, it's HHH, and I must send props to that dashing Hunter Hearst-Helmsely for taking the "damn-good heel" spot in my heart. Classic, and very, very smart. Yell at the fans. Tell them to respect you. Tell them that they'll have no choice but to bow at your feet (damn Queen of England.....revolution!)
Have fun lines for internet columnists to play around with, like "Get down on your knees for me." (insert obligitory Stephanie MacMahon comment here)
Not to mention that HHH's heat with Vince MacMahon is far more interesting and hot than it was with Steve Austin. Screw Austin altogether, don't even bother coming back. Where the hell is he going to go? He doesn't fit in anymore.
My brainstorm of the week!
Chyna could be the manager of champions.
Now, technically, she WAS the manager of a champion, but that didn't last long with the whole corporate mess last year. We've seen her with Chris Jericho, moreso as a bodyguard than anything else. She's teaming with Too Cool (I think?) at Wrestlemania.
Not to mention that while her wrestling skills are so-so, she kicks ASS as an enforcer. Remember back when she first debuted? She's not as big, but she's still intimidating. She lost some of that when she wrestled on a regular basis, since her stamina was lacking and she got sloppy. But as Jericho's "friend", she still gives off a presense. Wrestle occasionally to prove points, and enforce. That's what I think.
And it's not a bash against women, so put your firebombs away. I AM A WOMAN. I can't bash myself.
THE QUICKIE (notes)
Your Assignment: "one of these things just doesn't belong here." Find it and you get a cookie. Your choice of cookie.
IT'S ABOUT BLOODY TIME.... that the Road Dogg got boo'ed. <grin> A 30+ man who tries to rhyme-rap and wears a canvas hat.... that ain't right. Especially when his best friend is a 1-2-3 Skid.
Tori the Turbo Slut is a honest-to-god member of DX. How do I know? She's in the damn video for that new RUN DMC cover of "Degeneration-X!"
Her, and "Sore Knees" Stephanie MacMahon. Great. That's intimidation for you right there. DX! Booga!
I sound like the biggest woman basher ever.
I'm figuring that since the Hardys are one of the most popular, up and coming teams around, that they'll get the belts at Wrestlemania. Remember, it is a three way ladder match, and ladders seem to be second nature to the boyz.
And on a related note, Edge and Christian are not nearly as hot and popular as they used to be.
QUESTION OF THE WEEK: When Rikishi Phatu slaps his ass before going to the ring, and before executing a crushing manoever...can that be compared to the Ken Shamrock punch-my-face "I'M IN YOUR ZONE!!" psych-up? Is that the zone he's looking for when he smacks that dimpled thing? Does that.... say something about him?
Did Shane and Stephanie ever think they'd be so involved in WWF storylines?
Austin at the April PPV? Hope not. I've gotten used to life without him, or the Undertaker for that matter.
Bull Buchanus at Wrestlemania? Hope not. (Are you sure that's not Goldberg? I heard it's one of the guys from the Truth Commission.)
The mark of good television: I had no idea who was going to win the Triple Threat match on RAW this week. Not a clue. That's a beautiful thing.
Eddie looks good, fit. I look forward to him wrestling again.
Terri's looking a little.... old.
Trish Stratus..... has BREASTS. Good god. And she's a Canook like me! Whoo! There is hope to turn the dirty Americans towards the luscious flavours of Canadia women!
Scotty Too Hotty is more over than Grandmaster Sexay, and not because of the Worm.
What is so dominating about the X-Factor???
Head Cheese ain't going to last.
It has been brought to my attention that there is a way to tell who will win and who will not! Apparently, I'll test this out myself, but:
When the man says "guarantee" (ex. Vince MacMahon) it happens.
When the man says "guaran-DAMN-tee" (ex. Rock) it doesn't happen.
Welcome back HardCore Holly!!!
Test deserves better that to be teamed with Prince f'ing Albert.
And to expand on that fun word, fucking Mideon. OY. Fucking MIDEON.
I am AQUATAR! Sea Monkey Warrior!
Dream of the Week: Chris Benoyt vs Chris Jericho in an Iron Man Match (a la Wrestlemania 12.) OOH.
Actually the really interesting thing would be the verbal battle between Michaelangelo and myself, considering he's a Benoyt mark and I'm a Jericholic.
Who has the advantage? The power?
That's right. <grin>
Hey, I heard there was a poll a while back on the Emzee Delphi Forum about the forementioned painter and myself, about what happened to us after that joint thing we did together!
You mean.... you couldn't guess?
Hm. Hm. Hm. <smiles>
That's it from me. I bet minimal amounts of money that I won't get top billing and the other guy will. Whatever. (For minimal amounts of money, I could persuade the webmaster to reconsider his placement of your byline on the front page... - CRZ)
Remember what the Lord CTD says:
Always eat your vegetables. If they had the chance, they'd eat you.
This is the loopiest column I've ever written. Bring on the tranqs.