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Mr. JF


Ross Report; Home of Ross.

  • J.R. took last week off, because he simply doesn't give a shit about the Internet.

  • "Bad Ass" Billy Gunn will need surgery for his shoulder injury, and will be out for 3-4 months. This is exactly what happens to wrestlers who go all-out in every match, trying to please the fans with big moves and difficult stunts. It also happens to people like Mr. Ass. Other injured wrestlers include Hardcore Holly, Stevie Richards, Val Venis, Gangrel, and TAKA Michinoku, all of whom will return within a few weeks. X-Pac has a bronchial infection, no doubt due to all them Bronco Busters he does. Har-har. Ross then makes the obligatory mention of Steve Austin and the Undertaker so we won't forget all about them. No return date for Stone Cold, but if all goes well, Undertaker could return as soon as December.

  • Davey Boy Smith is a druggie.

  • gets six million page views per day! gets six page views per week!

  • A one hour version of SmackDown will be airing in Russia, starting in June. Layinski the Smackinski Downski!

  • Stevie Richards will be contributing content for WWF publications. Let's hope he doesn't break his fingers while typing.

  • Darren Drosdov will be writing stuff for, and his rehabbing is progressing. It's a nice gesture from the WWF that they are taking care of him and keeping him employed doing meaningless things in order to avoid getting bad press.

  • SmackDown does monster ratings in New York, Memphis, and Houston. Thunder does monster ratings--. . . Oh wait, it doesn't.

  • Tori will be doing promotional work for the Insurrextion PPV in the UK. Also, in a rerun from a joke I did two weeks ago, she'll also visit her boyfriend, webmaster and Penthouse Pet Elliot Sparks.

  • Chris Jericho, Terri Runnels, Ivory, Test, Chyna and Stephanie McMahon will be in LA for the annual cable TV convention. It's too bad that it's always more eye candy than actual wrestlers who are picked to represent the WWF for these things. Well, at least two of them aren't just valets. Go Test! Go Chyna!

  • Speaking of Chyna, her freaky appearance has landed her a role in 3rd Rock (the first episode in which she appears will air March 14) and a pictorial in the RAW magazine, where she shows off her hideously enormous silicone boobs. She's writing a book, tentatively titled "I Have Hideously Enormous Silicone Boobs."

  • XFL. Who cares?

  • Rikishi Phatu and Too Cool will be wearing even more LUGZ apparel. Product placement is here to stay, baby! Just you wait until the Budweiser Frogs come out on Nitro to badmouth Rick Steiner.

  • WWF AXXESS tickets will be available in California today (Saturday). J.R. loox forwardz 2 it.

  • Spelling words with Xs and Zs gives them ATTITUDE!

  • Lots and lots of autobiographies being written by wrestlers, but it'll be hard to top Foley's book. Watch out for Eric Bischoff's "Have a Million Dollars - A Tale of Blood and Checkbooks", Tito Santana's "Have a Stereotyped Gimmick - A Tale of Blood and Armlocks", and DDP's "Have a Scummy Day, A Tale of Scum and Scumscum".

  • According to Variety, SmackDown! is in the Top 10 most watched shows by Black and Hispanic audiences. WCW's is toroughly dominating the "Rednecks with three teeth" demographic, however.

  • "Rumors of backstage friction between The Rock and HHH are not accurate from where I sit." Ross sits in the "WWF employee who'd never admit to any dissention whatsoever" seat, if you're wondering.

  • Because the WWF has little to do with music, MTV are giving them lots of exposure.

  • Ratings: RAW's are great, Nitro's are pathetic.

  • Billy Gunn was on Sabrina yesterday. Like anyone cares.

  • "You sold out! You sold out! You sold out!" Congratulations to you, SmackDown! tapings in Boston.

  • Mark Henry is fat.

  • The Big Show will be shooting a commercial for Chef Boyardee. Well it's a big can of ravioli.

  • More MTV. For fuck's sake, Jimbo, give me some material.

  • The Rock hosts SNL on March 18. "Dwayne's World! Dwayne's World! Party time! Excellent!"

  • Regarding the above "Dwayne's World" thing. I know it's a repeat, but if Ross keeps writing the same tidbits each week, I sure as hell can make the same jokes. I'm a lazy bastard. Deal with it.

  • Edge and Christian will get elevated to the next level. Christian needs to learn to speak English if he wants to reach his full potential, however.

  • Al Snow's back injury will cause him to be off house shows, but he will be on TV continuing his fine work of getting Blackman's "dull" persona over. Blackman plays his role to perfection.

  • Caryn "Lawn" Mower annoyed the crowds during breaks at the SmackDown! tapings last week. She'll be on TV whenever the WWF can be bothered to come up with a role for her.

  • Trish the Babe is a babe. In fact, she's so much of a babe that Ross feels he needs to mention her every week in the Ross Report despite the fact that she's yet to debut. She gets the Oral Pleasure of the Week. Lucky bastard, that J.R.

  • "Why is it that some people allow the fame they gain from our business to change their personalities. . . and not for the better? Talents that use our business simply as a "stepping stone" to "real" work should not be featured on anyone's TV show. However, to use the name identity cultivated within our business to develop another career while maintaining respect of our product and its performers is another matter all together. Unfortunately, many "cross over" performers usually dump on who brought them to the dance." Damn you, Todd Pettingill!

  • Jimbo's real feelings regarding the Oklahoma character come out! It's a poor satire! The ratings for it suck! Ferrerra is a moron with an incest fetisch!

    /Mr JF
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