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Mr. JF


Ross Report; Home of Ross.

[Important notice: the Ross Report was boring this week. So lower your expectations on this thing RIGHT NOW. Thanks.]

  • For some dark, twisted reason, J.R. reminds us of WrestleMania IX and the patheticness that was the 'toga party'. You know, if Jimbo wants to keep himself respected, the last thing we need is imagery like that. Oh, and he liked his return at WrestleMania XV.

  • Another WrestleMania memory Ross has is when he talked to Gorilla Monsoon. I suspect that Jim brings up these serious matters in his on-going quest to ruin my chances for making up jokes. Without being an insensitive asshole. Well in any event, Jim is certain that Gorilla is watching WMXVI from Heaven. . . while macking on Momma Ross.

  • The Rock, Triple H, Mick Foley, the Big Show, Chyna, Road Dogg, Ivory, Mr. Ass, Rikishi, Steve Blackman, Mideon, Test, and D'Lo Brown are wrestlers. "Saturday Night Live," "Live with Regis and Kathie-me" (huh?), "Late Night with Conan O'Brien," "The Today Show," "3rd Rock from the Sun" and "The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn" and various MTV specials are TV shows. You do the math, because Jimbo can't be bothered.

  • Mick Foley doesn't need the money, but he agreed to win the title in the main event of WrestleMania and get a shitload of cash anyway. The sacrifices this guy makes. . .

  • In J.R.'s mind, Triple-H is the MVP of the WWF superstars at the moment. He'll start painting his face white and wearing a baseball outfit very soon.

  • Can you believe that this is the first WrestleMania for Chris Benoit, Kurt Angle, and Chris Jericho? And can you also believe that it's the second for Bull Buchanon? It's true!

  • Chicago fans will pop for anything! Chicago fans good little lemmings.

  • Let's not forget about Steve Austin. Let us never forget about Steve Austin. Don't you dare forget about Steve Austin! He's still alive, you know.

  • Jimbo and the King will be at WWF AXXZZXEZZXZ this Friday. So will some small time indy promoter named Shawn Michaels.

  • On Friday, April 28, The Rock will be murdered in Puerto Rico.

  • Aw, rats, talk about Brian Pillman. Utilizing dead people just for the purposes of giving me a hard time writing jokes is LOW, Jim!

  • WWF Inzzurrexxzion will be coming to the UK, and there might even be actual WWF stars there. I bet them Brits are loning for their dose of Mideon.

  • WrestleMania ticket prices are higher Road Dog on a SmackDown! taping.

  • Obligatory BBQ sauce mention.

  • D'Lo Brown will be moved to the next level if he plays his cards rights. Jim Ross believes that the combination of preparation and opportunity is the key to success. He saw that on Oprah a few weeks ago.

  • Congratulations, Kurt Angle, you are the lucky recipient of a J.R. Blowjob of the Week! It's hard to make out what he's saying as his head is bobbing up and down, but I think Jim talks about how he liked Angle's commentary on RAW, amongst other things.

  • More WrestleMania hype. Hardyz vs Dudleys vs Edge & Christian will be exciting, and chances are good that Jeff Hardy will kill himself.

  • Jim gets excited when he hears about the high ratings the WWF gets. Tuesdays must be fun for Mrs Ross.

  • J.R. tells us, as he does every week, that the TV tapings this week should be hot.

  • Bye.

    /Mr JF
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