EVEN BETTER THAN THE REAL THING
The Original Nitro Fantasy Booking
Even Better than the Real Thing - The Original Nitro Fantasy Booking by mdb Standard Disclaimer: Moves to the end of the show. Because I don't need lots of talk to start the show.
Opening credits, pyro, highlight packages, all that junk. Vampiro vs. 3 Count! Buff vs. Booker for #1 US title contender! Jeff Jarrett vs. Tank Abbott for the US belt! Hennig vs. Luger! Arn makes his decision! Sid and Hogan and Sting are here!
Terry Funk vs. Brian Knobbs- Terry talks about Dustin and about Knobbs claiming to be hardcore and all. Dustin comes out to interfere in the match, Knobbs gets the pin, they doubleteam. Norman comes out to make the save since he's aligned himself with Funk before and fought Knobbs over the hardcore title before. Knobbs and Dustin leave their separate ways. Norman teaches Funk the Wiggle.
Kidman and Chae talk in what they believe is privacy, but is actually on Kidcam: "Cmon Chae, Torri won't be here for another hour." "I can't Billy, I've got practice." "You don't need to practice." "I've already been late or missed a dozen Nitro Girl practices the last two months." "Chaeeee." "Alright Billy, you scoundrel, you know I can't say no to you." Commercial
Vampiro talks a little about life and the future and matches and stuff.
Gene interviews. La Parka translates for the Young Dragons. "We are young, but we are training hard and we're going to prove ourselves to the world here in WCW." Juvy and Psicosis interrupt midway through, distracting La Parka from his pantomime, though the speech continues as normal. "Whassup witchu?" La Parka shrugs, gestures to the Dragons, gestures to Gene. "Man, they're not raza." La Parka starts a strut to explain, but Psicosis grabs his chair and whacks him, then he takes the chair to the Young Dragons as Juvy hits cast shots. Gene runs off. The Dragons and LaParka are laid out. Juvy picks up the mic. "Finally, the Juice... is leaving." Juvy and Psic leave.
Three Count vs. Vampiro - PPV setup screwjob match. The match is non-title, 3 Count want practice for their match with Knobbs. They do their song and talk trash about no talent punk rockers who scare away the girls. I wish I had the time to waste writing out the script for stuff like this. Anyway Vampiro completely dominates the start. It's supposed to be a gauntlet match but it works out to be a three on one. 3 count start to hit some high spots but can't make the pin. Finlay, Knobbs, and the Dogg come out to settle scores. 3 Count run from Knobbs and the Dogg, Vamp and Fit brawl through the fans.
La Parka and the Young Dragons talk strategy. Skullcaptain's got a chairshot for him, a chairshot for the Dragons, a chairshot for his homies, and a dozen for Juvy and Psicosis.
Hogan arrives at the arena! Commercials.
In the back Idol and Lane: Lane "Hey, remember when I was cruiserweight champ before?" "Yeah! You were the best champ ever. Who'd you lose the title to?" "Hmmm. I don't even remember losing the title." "Oh well, we'll win it back tonight!"
Paisley tells Prince, who's listening to his mellow music while reclining in a chair and strumming a guitar, it's time.
Gene interviews Jarrett and the Harris Boys. Gene informs Jeff of his match tonight. US title defense against Tank Abbott? Conspiracy! That slapnut Kevin Nash can't stop the Chosen One. At the end of Uncensored the real nWo will have all the gold!
Lane vs. Prince - Lane enters first. Idol should get to carry signs again saying whatever he wants on those signs, I don't know if he's tired of the sign thing himself though so it'd be up to him. Match ends when Idol and Paisley get in a (cat?)fight. Prince wins by DQ.
Bam Bam Bigelow visits the Paisans. "Disco, look, I got an offer for you." "One I can't refuse, I suppose." "Yeah, listen, you know I've got a score to settle with the Wall." "Right, so?" "Well WCW isn't too happy with this guy either. He's already hurt two guys but they can't fire him without getting a lawsuit, so when I went to them they were all too happy. All I gotta do is get you to sign the contract. It's a match, the Paisans versus me and the Wall. Of course it'll really be a three on one beating to straighten this guy out. We're going to teach him a lesson." "Look Bam Bam, I'm the manager of champions, I don't care about your problems. My guys are tag champs, we've got a big match against the nWo Harris Brothers at Uncensored to get ready for." "I thought you might say that. Take a look at this." Bam Bam pulls out a envelope full of money. "20 thousand to help me beat some sense into him." Disco greedily tries to snatch it immediately. "I'll give it to you when we're in the ring. You understand." "Hey sure thing." Bam Bam gives Disco the contract and walks off.
Torri arriving at the arena, as seen by Kidcam. She notices the cameraman. "Hey! That's Billy's camera! You punk, give me that." She walks quickly to the cameraman who holds the camera away from her reach. "Gimme that or I'll kick your ..." Kidcam cuts off. Commercials.
Kidman looking for Torri finds Dustin Rhodes instead. "Hey Dustin, you seen Torri?" "I think the real question is, has she seen you?" "Huh?" Dustin walks off. Kidman continues looking.
Hulk Hogan comes out to the ring. "I've been on the Yavaipa reservation training with strapmaster Jimmy Hart. The casts are off. Ric Flair, at Uncensored I'll take the skin off your back, but I'm here and ready to go. Curt Hennig, come on down, I got a proposition to make." Curt makes his entrance. "Now brother, we've never really been on the same page, but tonight, what do you say we team up and take out Team Package?" "You and me vs. Luger and Flair? That would be just... flawless." They shake hands.
[ed. note - I wrote this before Nitro. In many ways their setup is better. I admit it. I guess I just don't want to spend the time to do all the intros and 'wrestling' before the screwjob just to set up the match.]
Team Package arrives! In a lockerroom Arn paces. Tonight Arn will have to make a decision! Still to also come: The Wall vs. Bam Bam and the Mamalukes. Jeff Jarrett vs. Tank Abbott! Commercials!
Pretaped interview with Buff outside a hotel. He'd really like to wrestle Booker, he'd really like to be US champ his leg hurts right now. nWo girl #4 is going to try to make him feel better. And, uh, can I borrow your camera?
Psic vs. Kaz - Rematch because of all the bad stuff last week. Winner gets a title shot at Uncensored. La Parka with Kaz, Juvy with Psic. Kaz gets the clean win. And La Parka hits the chairshots on Juvy and Psic for revenge. La Parka dances and struts and raises the hand of Kaz.
Flair and Luger walk and talk. He'll make the right decision.
Kidcam shows Torri in the control room. Torri: "Yeah fine, show me whatever you want. When I tell Billy about this he's going to..." A gloved hand appears. Stop. It points to a screen. Torri looks. The guy at the control panel reluctantly pushes a button. The footage of Kidman and Chae begins to play. 'You scoundrel, you know I can't say no to you.' Kidcam films Torri running out of the control truck. Commercials.
In the ring the Nitro girls are doing a dance number when Torri hits the ring and goes after Chae. [ed. note Yeah they had taped and planned a Kidman & Torri vs. Prince & Paisley match for WCWSN that this angle would impact. Things could be worked out.] Security breaks things up.
Gene interviews The Wall. "Tonight it looks like they've got you backed into a corner. They're not making it any secret, it's going to be three on one tonight." The Wall holds up three fingers. He holds up one finger. He smiles. "No problem." And walks off.
Team Package comes to the ring. Flair talks down the crowd, says if Torri wants to ride space mountain, see him after the show, but right now, they're going to add the newest member to Team Package and when they face Hogan and Hennig tonight they'll have no chance. Flair calls out Arn. Arn comes out to the entrance way. "You'll have to beat Hogan and Hennig on your own, Team Package." Arn leaves. Luger is upset, Flair convinces Luger that Arn's saying that once they beat Hogan and Hennig they'll proved to him how good they are and he'll join." "What do I have to prove to him?" "I know, I know, but Arn's stubborn. You told me I had till tonight. Tonight's not over. Main event, you and me take out Hogan and Hennig, and Arn will have to say yes."
Bam Bam who has Disco and the Paisans with him. "Hey Wall, you think you'll get over by injuring other wrestlers? You think you're big time? Well tonight you're going to get some sense beaten into you."
Gene interviews Booker. He gets #1 US title contender status by default. New Harlem Heat bumrush him. "You ain't got nothing sucka!"
Bam Bam & Wall vs. Mamalukes - The Mamalukes are on the way to the ring. Bam Bam makes his entrance. Disco meets him. Bam Bam hands Tony the envelope. "When the match is over you get paid." Disco puts on a headset so he can make sure Tony doesn't steal the money. Mamalukes and Bam Bam in the ring as The Wall comes out. Mamalukes are ready to take on the Wall. The Wall points to Bam Bam who is standing behind the Lukes. The Lukes turn around and Bam Bam hits them with a double clothesline. Wall tosses Vito out of the ring, Bam Bam hits Greetings from..on Johnny. Disco is outraged and goes to the apron. Bam Bam knocks him off as Wall chokeslams Johnny. 1,2,3 new tag champs. Bam Bam and Wall shake hands and laugh and walk off with the gold. Disco and the Paisans try to recover.
Kidman tries to see Torri but Doug won't let him in the room. You can hear lots of commotion in the room.
Tank does the shadowbox thing and Jeff does the walk thing cuz they's up next. Commercials.
We're back with during the break footage. Mamalukes are at ringside and mad. Disco is trying to calm them. He's got the envelope from Tony. "Hey, look. We got their money. We'll get a rematch and get the gold back, until then we'll..." He opens the envelope and the money has been replaced by newspaper clippings. Disco thinks Tony has conned them and lunges for Tony but the Mamalukes hold him back. They know it was Bam Bam.
Tank Abbot vs. Jeff Jarrett - Jeff in the ring. Short mic bit running down the crowd and hyping himself and the PPV. Harris Bros attack Tank at the entrance. Big brawl, punch knocks out one Harris, Tank sends the other through a table. Jeff runs down ready to hit a guitar shot. Tank tackles Jeff before he can use the guitar. The Harris that took the table spot staggers into the brawl. Tank goes to work on him. Jeff is going to go and grab his guitar but Sid is out and has the guitar. Jeff turns and bam! Sid hits the guitar shot on Jeff. Sid laughs. Punch takes out the Harris boy. Tank sees Sid and he's not happy. He goes after Sid. Security breaks things up. "You're scared of me Sid. I kicked your [mute] last time."
Hogan and Hennig warm up in the locker room. Hogan shows the straps he's got. "We can break in these straps tonight."
Flair tells Luger "He'll make the right decision." Commercials.
Hennig & Hogan vs. Flair & Luger - Team Package first. Hennig and Hogan with separate entrances. Match can be whatever they feel like putting into the match. Hennig turns on Hogan. Triple team beat down on Hogan. Arn Anderson makes the save, but Hennig and Luger turn the tide and hold him up. "Natch, either you hit him or your out of Team Package." Flair hesitates. Out comes Sid. The heels toss Arn out of the ring to prepare for Sid. Hogan is ready for a comeback. Hogan and Flair pair off, Luger and Hennig double team Sid. Out comes the nWo for revenge. Jeff takes over fighting Sid. Harris bros take on Luger and Hennig. Here comes Sting! He sends the heels running. Hogan, Sid and Sting close the show dominate in the ring. Arn is outside the ring not sure where he belongs now.
From here: Well Thunder could easily have matches with any of these guys. I'd give Tank another shot at the title on PPV with Sid advertised as wrestling two matches, first Tank then Jeff. Jeff can interfere in the Tank vs. Sid turning it into a three-way. I'd want Jeff to get the belt but if he doesn't want it, I'd let Sid retain, move it to someone who does want the belt on the Nitro next day or week. Let Sid and Tank feud. Sting can return to main eventing. Hogan can remain in meaningless matches for the rest of his contract. The Team Package drama can continue with whatever other twist. The undercard direction is less important and pretty self-explanatory. Kidman will explain that Chae was just showing him how to dance. Torri won't believe him and there's plenty of directions to go with that soap opera. (I think my fave in mind right now is to have Shane or Shannon of 3 Count do a solo love ballad to her. Yeah sports entertainment but I can have a jealous Kidman hit the ring and put on a good match to follow up the angle.)
Standard disclaimer 1: Fantasy booking is easier than actual booking. I completely understand this. In reworking Nitro I try to remain aware of the realities of pro wrestling in general and WCW in particular. That means not having Scott Hudson piledrive Mark Madden through the announcer's table, as fun as that would be. I try to use the same wrestlers WCW used on their actual broadcast. The few exceptions are made in cases where it seems obvious to me that the people are available and capable of the role I put them in.
Standard disclaimer 2: Until WCW starts paying me to do this, I can't bother with spit and polish. I put about two hours into this. 15 minutes into setting up the matches and the rest typing out the scenes off the top of my head as I go along. Please ignore spelling errors, words without proper capitalization, etc.
Standard disclaimer 3: I do not do this to prove how smart I am or how stupid WCW is (though many may infer just that). I do this to a) prove that WCW still has the talent to put on a good show at any point they choose if they'd just use their people effectively, with foresight and good intention and b) allow myself to go into Thunder with good thoughts toward WCW instead of simplely thinking how much Nitro sucked and how there is no reason to expect a good show from the promotion anytime in the near or distant future. All comments good and bad are welcome.