A LETTER TO SANTA
First of all, I am sorry it took me this long to write this letter. Hopefully CRZ will be able to get it up on his webpage before you come on Christmas Eve. If not, it will make quite an interesting read after Christmas. I am leaving you cookies and milk out, along with carrots for your reindeer. This year, instead of telling you what I want for Christmas, I decided to be in the giving mood and let you know what I think you should give to others. After all, Christmas is about giving.
For CRZ... never mind, you already gave him two weeks of no Nitro.
For The Acolytes, please leave them some beer money and a future tag title reign.
For Kurt Angle, please share some milk and cookies with him and exactly whatever you left him for this past year so we can see more of the same in 2001.
For Jim Ross, someone to buy his freakin' BBQ sauce so he'll shut up about it. That, and college football to be over so he'll shut up about the Sooners too.
For Jerry Lawler, those red and white Lugz he was drooling over on Raw because he'd look really hip in those.
For Tazz, continued awesome color commentating. He has single-handedly made Heat fun to watch again.
For Edge and Christian, continued comedy and continued success.
For the Hardys, eight more lives because at the rate they are going, they'll be needing them.
For Chris Jericho, a real world title reign.
For Chris Benoit, a real world title reign.
For K-Kwik, no more getting rowdy. Please.
For the Baha Men, somebody to tell them who let those dogs out so they'll SHUT UP ALREADY.
For Lo Down, less turbans and more wrestling.
For TAKA and Funaki, maybe anything close to a tag title reign. At least in an actual angle.
For Al Snow, another European title reign.
For Mideon, some clothes.
For The Rock, more interviews where he's allowed to coast (like the one with the impersonations of the other five in the Hell in the Cell).
For Goldberg, some kind of angle we care about.
For Jeff Jarrett, more world title matches with Booker T.
For Booker T, more world title matches with Jeff Jarrett.
For Stevie Ray, taking over Madden's spot on Nitro on a permanent basis.
For Bobby Heenan, a return to my TV somehow. Maybe cohosting Livewire?
For Mark Madden... he's hopeless. Sorry, Santa.
For The Dudleys... well, I guess you'll probably be skipping their house.
For Crowbar and Daffney, this mini-push continuing.
For Stacy Keibler, announcing who's baby she's having already. This last thing I wrote for [slash] was a few months ago and was my take on who the baby belongs to, and we STILL don't know.
For David Arquette, less 1-800-CALL-ATT commercials and no time on TNT or TBS.
For Kevin Nash, retirement as a pro wrestler.
For Lex Luger, a year without face/heel turns. Yeah, I don't think it can happen either.
For Elizabeth, a return to Luger's side. She's the only good thing about him.
For Norman Smiley, a return to hardcore land and the level of support he was at before Ralphus came along.
For Ray "Glacier" Lloyd, success with his returning gimmick. He's a hometown guy, I have to support him.
For Meng, a chance to follow Kwee-Wee's lead of ripping off a SNL character, with Meng being the Ladie's Man.
For Ron Misterio Jr., some way to lose those horns. Please. Save us.
For Konnan, a vegetable garden.
For Hulk Hogan, the torture of having to sit and watch nothing but "Mr. Nanny", "Suburban Commando", and "Santa with Muscles" for 48 hours straight.
For ICP, never appearing on my television again.
For Mike Awesome, just keeping the career killer thing and staying as far away from fat chicks and Gary Coleman as humanly possible.
For the Slim Jim people, new straightjackets. Randy Savage still breaks out of those after over a year.
For Ernest Miller, a phone card (you know, to call his mama. Yeah.).
For Billy Gunn, new music, a new gimmick, a new look, some new moves... yeah, pretty much everything.
For Gangrel, a match on... gasp... SmackDown!
For Michael Cole, just give him some hair tips.
For Linda McMahon, the acting ability that apparently went to the other three family members and skipped her.
For Mae Young and Fabulous Moolah, the chance to never appear on television again.
For Stone Cold, a visit to AA.
For Rena Mero, more of the continued success that she's had since she left wrestling. What do you mean "what continued success?" She's a big star, you know.
For Road Dogg, best of wishes with his problems but no more getting rowdy or anything related to his current persona either.
For The Undertaker, a book on how to make those STEEL steps stand on end like that. It'd sell millions.
For the viewers at home, not having to watch any matches involving: A) Big Bossman and B) X-Pac.
Ditto on matches involving: A) Mark Madden and B) Gene Mean. Double if it's against each other.
For Lilian Garcia, cue cards or something.
For ECW, major good luck.
For WCW, a turn-around.
For the XFL, success against the odds.
For the fans in general, another good year. We got some really good stuff out of the WWF and... well, really good stuff out of the WWF. May you please allow 2001 to bring us continued fun programming, this time not only on TNN, UPN, and MTV but also on TNT, TBS, and maybe even USA.
I hope you take this letter into careful consideration Santa. Have a safe trip!