I've got one word for you - overbooking.
Or put another way, instead of how many people can you stuff in a phone booth, how many angles can you cram into each segment.
Finally, instead of Toys R Us, how about WCW: Overbooking is Us.
If I gave myself enough time, I'm sure I could think of more but I think everyone gets the point. Week in and week out, WCW gives us writers plenty to make fun of. The WWF can put on a 10-man tag team match and it comes off looking great. Instead of building up something like that, WCW just lets the whole locker room run in.
The first thing we got Monday night was Ric Flair cutting a promo on Arn Anderson, whom he has promised to deliver to Team Package. Thank goodness I taped that classic they put on last Wednesday. This one wasn't quite as good. Why? Because Arn brought Hulk Hogan out. Sigh. If I get my way, Arn is going to swerve Hogan and become a heel again. Sorry, it didn't happen.
Instead, Hogan runs in to attack Flair. What Flair's got, Hogan ain't selling. Yet he sells a shoulder injury when Lex Luger swings the bat. Go figure that. Hogan won't sell for a legend yet he'll sell for a jabroni like Lex Loser. Worse yet, they seemed to have forgotten the script from Thunder. Luger warned Flair that if he didn't bring Arn into Team Package, not only was Arn history, so was Flair. Well, Flair didn't deliver but Luger didn't kick him out either. Then again, what do WCW and sensible storylines have in common?
If you like spotfests, you would like 3-Count versus the Yung Dragons. I know I did.
Flair and Luger cut a promo saying Arn made a big mistake. OK, Lex, you've got another chance to turn against Flair. Nope, it didn't happen. But, see, if it did, Flair would be a babyface. So why did they have Luger cut that deliver Arn or else promo last week? My head is starting to hurt.
What on earth was that deal with El Dandy, Silver King and Skye? It was kind of funny. Of course Skye is easy on the eye but she has potential on the mic as well.
The Wall's mega push continued. His match with Bam Bam Bigelow was quickly tossed when he handcuffed Bam Bam to a corner. But who cares? David Flair and Crowbar did so they could keep helping put over The Wall. Devon, you've got to swing the crowbar a little harder than that. The Wall didn't sell but there was nothing to sell. Flair's was a little bit better. Then we came to the point where the Wall laid Crowbar on a table and chokeslammed Flair through both. Yes, it was crowd-pleasing but I still don't care about The Wall.
You know the story now is that Bam Bam brought The Wall into wrestling and I guess we're supposed to believe that he's like Frankenstein's monster. But The Wall was introduced as Berlyn's bodyguard. So I guess that means The Wall moved to Germany after he got into the wrestling business. It's time for the ibuprofen.
Jeff Jarrett's swerve on letting the girls stay out with him and then sending them back is getting kind of old. It's the cheapest kind of heat you can get. Jarrett said he would be taking a break or something like that. You mean no guitar shots and no run-ins? Gee, who was doing this booking? I wonder if anyone noticed how Sid called Jarrett "Double J" a couple of times. Better yet, I wonder if the WWF noticed.
I can't believe they wouldn't let Stevie Ray say "fruit booty" during his promo. Yet the camera panned on a sign that said "Francine 4:69." Go figure. Just the sight of Stevie Ray, Ahmed and Swoll makes me laugh.
What made me laugh even more was the segment with Paul Orndorff asking that freak with the 28-inch arms to come to the Power Plant. It's so depressing. I train real hard and my biceps are a mere 18 inches. As my dad would say about that dude, "Do you think he's on the stuff?" And Big Poppa Pump (another "natural" freak) is going to come back and whip that guy's ass! See, I can book.
So now Lodi is being called Rave instead of Idol. Did they just leave off a letter? Their match with Booker and Kidman may have been the best segment of the show. It actually told a story. Gosh, in WCW. They have been teasing friction between Booker and Kidman. And they further that when Kidman stole in and pinned Lane after Booker did all the work. Who's going to turn heel? Booker might do so and rejoin Harlem Heat. But Kidman might make the turn and has expressed an interest in doing just that. He's already getting some boos.
Why is Kidman getting booed? Because of Torrie Wilson. Here's my theory. They are a pair in real life. Kidman waltzes out to the ring with Torrie. He's flaunting it. That pisses off a lot of guys. If some guy did that in my face, I'd want to DDT him on the concrete. I see loads of potential here. Kidman could work the mic and brag about having one of the most beautiful women in the world. He could be over huge as a heel.
When it comes to wrestling, Luger sucks so bad that even a technician like Curt Hennig can't carry him to a decent match. So we get the Sullivan solution: DQ and run-in. Only problem was it was Hogan making the save. Even worse, Hogan gets all the post-match mic time. Hennig doesn't get to say anything. Sigh.
Now for the comic relief, we give you the Dog versus Norman Smiley. It would be easier to say who WASN'T involved in this match. The Dog immediately attacked the referee yet there was no DQ. Remember, this is WCW. Of course, Brian Knobbs had to run in to help Dog. And that meant the Demon had to run in to help Smiley. And Lane and Idol had to run in because.......oh heck, I don't know. Smiley got the win for what it's worth. At least he's over. Then the Dog bit the ref on the leg! Scott Dickinson is a mailman posing as a referee! Gosh, that was funny. Chris, does this mean mailmen are blind, too?
Terry Funk has still got it as he displayed in the hardcore match with Knobbs. Once again, they emptied the locker room. Evan Karagias and Shannon Moore ran in. At least there is a storyline connection with Knobbs. So Funk won. He gives thanks by joining Knobbs in punking out two thirds of 3-Count. That was fine with me. But Dustin Rhodes has issues with Funk so he runs in along with a bull rope and a cowbell and lays out Funk. At the same time, Knobbs pasted the Evan and Shannon all the way to the back. Well, it was entertaining.
Sid Vicious and Vampiro took out the Harris boys in a tag team match. Sid went over big with a chokeslam and powerbomb. OK, where was the ref bump, Jarrett run-in and guitar shot? Perhaps Sullivan had to go to the bathroom, where he was ambushed by Chris Benoit, meaning someone else had to book this match on the fly. Or they couldn't overbook because the guys were tired from the other run-ins and needed to save themselves for the main event. Or the Hummer driver held them up. Or........
The main event had Flair, so I would have a right to expect something above mediocre. That jabroni Hogan, miraculously recovered from his shoulder injury, still won't sell for Flair. Sigh. Of course, everything broke loose. The ref somehow didn't see Luger nail Hennig with the bat. But he did see himself get shoved by Hogan. That meant a DQ. What? Since when did a ref bump mean a DQ? Hogan still got the upper hand but Liz got in a bat shot. Then Flair and Luger went to work on Hogan. OK, Lex, you've got one more opportunity to stick to what you threatened last week. Nope, he didn't boot Flair out of Team Jabroni.
Then the lights went out. Oh, no! Midnight is back. No, actually it was Sting. And Vampiro was in the ring wonking on Flair. Why didn't the Dog come out and attack the referee? If they had more time, he might have.
Eventually the show ended and my head quit hurting.