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Mr. Mean




Let me just write this out loud: David Arquette won WCW world heavyweight championship. Yes, I can confirm that I'm awake. It really did happen.

I've been gone for a while so it's time for Mr. Mean to rant.

It still hasn't sunk in. David Arquette won the WCW world heavyweight championship. But wait a minute. Isn't Arquette the 98-pound weakling who got sand kicked in his face in the famous Charles Atlas ads? Actually, he weighs a whopping 150 pounds. I don't know if this is ever going to sink in.

Of all the stupid things WCW has done in recent years, this has to rank as the worst. How many wrestlers have worked their butts off trying to get over only to see Eric Bischoff get Hollywood dust in his eyes and put WCW's top belt on an actor who isn't even a wrestler? Unbelievable, just unbelievable.

Let's take a look and see what this means. Others who have held the WCW world heavyweight title include Harley Race, Ric Flair, Ricky Steamboat, Bill Goldberg, Sting and Chris Benoit. So now we've got to include David Arquette in that list.

Professional wrestling has always been and always will be a work. The most important title is getting over. Those championship straps aren't the same as the ones in boxing. Well, wait one on that. I think boxing is a work, too. Let's just say that winning a WCW title isn't the same as winning the World Series. Fair enough.

But once upon a time in wrestling history, titles really did mean something, namely the focus of great storylines. The belts didn't change hands every week. Bob Backlund held the WWF title for nearly six years! Yet he was still involved in some great angles. I could write pages and pages about classic title matches. Here's a few. Ricky Steamboat defended the WCW title in a grueling best-of-three match that lasted 54 minutes! Flair submitted in one of the falls. This was at a time when Flair rarely did any jobs, making the impact even heavier. Every minute of that match was compelling.

And how about Race needing seven piledrivers to stop Terry Funk. That was at a time when a Harley Race piledriver meant end of story. Funk couldn't answer the bell for the third fall but so what. He was way over while doing a job.

Finally, the Greensboro Coliseum crowd popped loud enough to bust eardrums when Lex Luger and Barry Windham beat Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard for the world tag team championships. Why? Because Luger and Windham had defeated the unbeatable Horsemen. That was followed up by what I still think is WCW's greatest angle ever: Windham becoming a Horseman. Oh, for the good old days.

Maybe by the time this gets posted, Arquette will no longer be champion. If he holds that title for even a week, the possibilities are ugly. Who would have to sell for this guy? Answer: someone Bischoff wants to bury. Ugh.

Finally, would you believe it's possible to no-sell while doing a job? Sounds funny, huh? Well, it is possible. Mike Awesome was faced with having to job the ECW title in order to get his release and join ECW. So Paul Heyman decided to embarrass Awesome and WCW by having him job the belt over to Tazz! So a wrestler under contract to WCW had to lay down for a wrestler under contract to the WWF.

It didn't last long. Ref bump, run-in DDT by Tommy Dreamer and choke out by Tazz for the pin. But Awesome had the last laugh, as related to me by John Petrie of Slobberknocker Central. Immediately after he was pinned, Awesome got up and left the building. He didn't lay there motionless for several minutes or even do a stretcher job. I love it. Heyman got snookered on that one. He could have wrote in a stretcher job and Awesome would have been forced to comply. Also, Heyman proved he is Vince McMahon's lackey.

And I am out of here for now. Hey yo to all of you!

Mr. Mean
Powerbomb Press

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