DOUBLE ROCK BOTTOM
Everyone knows by now that WCW gave itself a rock bottom last Wednesday when actor David Arquette won the world heavyweight title.
Monday Nitro came around and it was time for the fun to come to an end. And so WCW came to its senses and took the belt off the 150-pound goliath.
But as Diamond Dallas Page would put it - I don't think so!
Let's hear what the guys running (is that a typo, should I say, "ruining?") WCW have to say.
"We sold that rock bottom so well last week, we thought we'd do it again," said Eric Bischoff. Sorry, Eric. You didn't "sell" that rock bottom on WCW last week. It was a shoot all the way.
The other half, Vince Russo had this to say: "Everyone knows wrestling is a work. So it doesn't matter what the champ's name is!"
This angle is so bizarre it's funny. What probably isn't funny to Time Warner executives is WCW's rock bottom ratings. They see the millions AND MILLIONS of fans clicking the remote away from TNT.
Tank Abbott did the honors Monday night. He probably said, "What the heck, since I can't wait to job to Goldberg, I'll just job to David Arquette in the meantime." At least they didn't bury Abbott. It took a run-in diamond cutter by DDP to finish off Abbott. I guess that means DDP doesn't care about being a four time, four time.....ah, forget it. Remember, this is WCW where angles don't make any sense.
Arquette even tried to just give the belt back, saying DDP and Jeff Jarrett can battle for it at Slamboree. No way, says Double J. Now that's a good one. A champ can't vacate his title. What will they come up with next? That's a scary thought. I have an idea for Vince and Eric: why not put over the wrestlers? Nah, that makes too much sense.
I have a great angle for Arquette's reign. Why not have him defend it 24/7 like Crash Holly does with the WWF Hardcore title? I could then go to a WCW show, lie in wait when the wrestlers show up, take down Arquette, DDT him in the parking lot and pin him. Mr. Mean is the new WCW heavyweight champion of the wooooooorld! Well, at 225 pounds, at least I'm a legit heavyweight.
At least they had Scott Hudson at the announce table. Hudson came up with a jewel when he made a reference to the Shockmaster gimmick during Norman Smiley's match with Crowbar. The Shockmaster was one of the most embarrassing angles in WCW history as it stumbled out of the gate and never got up - no pun intended. Taking you back years ago, Ric Flair was hosting a "Flair for the Gold" talk show segment when this new, powerful Stars Wars-like force (played by Fred Ott) was going to come on the scene. Yeah, he came out all right, tripping over his own feet and his 400 pounds literally fell through the wall on the set and crashed to the floor! Flair was laughing so hard he had to run off the set. Nope, it wasn't supposed to be funny.
Notice how I said NOTHING about the Smiley-Crowbar match? Silence speaks volumes.
The Shockmaster gimmick was stupid in the first place and deserved to be buried right away. Fine, so why not also bury a couple of stars who are making their return to TV. Kevin Nash punked out Kidman, who was getting over like crazy with his heel mic work. So out come Rey Mysterio and Konnan for a 3-on-1 beatdown. No, it's a 1-on-3 beatdown! Later, Nash busted out the windows on Konnan;s truck while Rey Rey hid. So much for their credibility as tough guys. Nash is back in the saddle. Sigh. Does anyone remember that match with Randy Savage when Big Sexy booked himself over 13 run-in guys? It's just like Rambo taking on the North Vietnamese.
Sting is now forever a cartoon figure. How else can you explain that he can get smashed over the head with a gravestone and yet somehow make it back to the arena and punk out Vampiro. It's just like the bad guys never running out of bullets in the movies.
But it sure does look like WCW is running of the bullets.