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Mr. Shh




So, yeah, we were presented with a situation on Monday that doesn't look good...on the surface anyway. Triple H accused Kane of murdering Katie Vick (Fick...whatever). There are two things that the guy who runs this site likes to say when recapping bad wrestling angles: the first is (to paraphrase), ooh, I can't wait to see the wrestling matches that'll come from this! The second is (again, to paraphrase) why should I, as a viewer, invest any emotion into this character? Taking these two factors together, I say that you could throw any soap opera bullshit storyline at me, so long as it gives me a) a wresting match (good, or otherwise - that's not the point) and b) a reason to care, one way or the other, about the characters involved. Maybe I'm an idiot, but this angle has the potential to be good.

So, in 1997, Vince Russo created Kane. Apparently, it was decided that the Undertaker needed a little brother to play as antagonist. But, you see, Kane was thought to be killed in a fire that was set by his older brother (who set the fire? I forget). But actually, Kane survived, and spent years in seclusion living with the scars caused by the fire, waiting for the right day to come extract revenge against big brother.

Now, I'm a math major, so I have no idea if what I'm about to say is even close to being true: The great thing about Kane is that he's so easy to write for. The more freakish and the more hideous you make someone, the easier it is to write for him or her. In my opinion, phyical scars are a great writing tool. If you have a character with scars, the first thing you do is write a story about how the person got the scars. Then you can write a story about how certain people react when they see the scars for the first time. It is also very easy to get an audience emotionally involved with someone like this: fear, anger and sympathy are just a couple of emotions that you can easily get from your audience.

So, anyway, back to the story. How many years did you say Kane was hiding in seclusion after getting burned by the fire? Well, it was probably many years. What was he doing all that time? Just huddling in corner, rocking back and forth like Mankind? Probably not.

Instead of being like the story of Sen. Palmer's son - a murder being covered up as an accident - the story about Katie can be an accident that's being presented as a murder. So, then, who is Katie? Well, most likely, she's a former infatuation of Kane's. The way I picture it, in the years after the fire, Kane spent his days on a hill above town (maybe a small New England town) and watched day in and day out as the townsfolk went about their business. He never showed himself to anybody...he just sat and watched. One day, he spotted this beautiful young woman, and fell instantly in love. Everyday, he would see her and wanted so desperately to show himself, but he couldn't. So, he began "stalking" her - to her house, to her work, etc. He snooped around at night, trying to find information. He eventually found out her name was Katie. And he began sending letters to her, telling her how beautiful she was. Very soft tone, very poetic, nothing threatening, almost harmless. Katie, perhaps quite na´ve, falls for Kane through these letters, and eventually writes back about how badly she wants to meet him. But Kane can't show himself...ever (because of the scars, you see). After enough convincing, Kane finally agrees to meet the town church's bell tower. You can finish this story yourselves...Kane reluctantly shows his face, Katie freaks out, and in the chaos, accidentally falls from the bell tower to her death. Poor Katie. Poor Kane. Kane sat trial, and was acquitted, but while on the stand, he couldn't help everyone's eyes fixated on his scars. So, after the trial, Kane left town...and began wearing a mask.

So, those bastards Triple H and Ric Flair spent the last week digging into Kane's past trying to uncover any skeletons in his closet. Kane has to have skeletons in his closet, right? Just look at him...he's a freak! And because he's a freak, it's not gonna be hard to convince people that Kane actually did murder a girl named Katie. Who's gonna find out otherwise, anyway? Who would believe in Kane's innocence enough that he would actually bother trying to find the truth? That's right, it'll be Gregory Helms who uncovers the truth and sets things right (as people on Wienerville have already pointed out).

But what happens to Kane until Helms does find out the truth? Well, it took Kane five years of being a wrestler to finally come out of his shell and start acting like a fun-loving freak. He's stealing kisses from Terri all of a sudden? And Terri likes it? That was all cool, but what happens now, when Terri runs into Kane in the back? Will she ignore him? Will she even look at him? Will she speak to him, short of calling him a "murderer" or "freak?" What about all the friends Kane has made in the locker room? Booker T and Goldust to name two. Booker likes to call Kane "this big red freak right here," but now, what will he call him? Triple H and Flair have set the wheels in motion to make Kane feel like an outcast again, just as Kane was coming to grips with his appearance and his past. This story will bring back everybody's prejudices that gradually disappeared as Kane became more of a fun-loving freak.

You might be saying, "yeah, but what about those wrestling matches that'll come from this?" Easy. First, obviously, is Triple H for bringing this up. Then, what happens after Helms proves Kane's innocence? Guys like Goldust and Booker T who might have snubbed him - are they going to come around and apologize and try to make friends again? How's Kane gonna react? Will he start acting like a monster again and take them and everybody else down? Or will he forgive and forget, and they all team up (with the Hurricane of course) to take down Triple H and Flair for good?

So, if anybody thinks this is stupid and doesn't belong on a wrestling show, then just remember the moral of the story: it's all Vince Russo's fault.

Mr Shh

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