ONE SATURDAY MORNING
Let's just take a look at a new tape. I wanted to go in chronological order, but *I* get LAZY. And besides, this tape has some kick ass matches on it. None of which feature your favorite and mine, Hulk Hogan.
So, here is MY review for...
WWF Invasion 1992
Sean Mooney is the biggest jackass in the world. And what the HELL do these producers think when they place all these morons in Star Trek uniforms and have them pretend they are in outer space? Anyhow, we are welcomed into the Starship Enterprise where Simon Allen of Hartfordshire, England has requested a crappy match. Just who is that retard playing the klingon?
Match #1- Hulk Hogan Vs Typhoon (w/ Jimmy Hart)- Interesting match as Typhoon is former Hogan lackey turned heel, Tugboat. Who, by the way, was the head cheerleader for Hogan after Earthquake put him out of commision in 1990. Let me run to my room and get my wristband! "Hogan" chant starts right away. Lock up and Typhoon shoves Hogan. Hogan looks shocked. Hogan tries again and shoves Typhoon back into the corner. He follows in for a 10 count punchfest. Face rake, to the other side and follows in w/ a clothesline. Hogan nails Jimmy Hart as he was on the apron. Back to Typhoon w/ another rake to the face and now Hart grabs Hogan's leg. Typhoon attacks from behind and pounds on Hogan. I wish he would let out a "TOOT! TOOT!" arm motion, like he used to. Typhoon grabs a bearhug now and after an exhilirating time span of 1 minute and 30 seconds, Hogan breaks out. Smell the ****'s! To the buckles, avalanche SPLASH! Typhoon covers...1...2...kick out, time to Hulk Up. Punch, punch, punch....irish whip, boot to the face, legdrop....1...2...3. (5:31) Whatever.
My Take: When I said "kick ass matches...none of which include your favorite and mine, Hulk Hogan" I meant it. THAT was NOT a kick ass match. That match was not good. 2 out of 10.
(I'm disappointed that you didn't mention Hogan saying "FORMER FRIEND!" about a MILLION times during this match - CRZ)
Back to the Mier Space Station as Mooney and his merry crew of geeks are interrupted by Ric Flair and Mr. Perfect. "Mooney, I'm champion everywhere...forget about Orion's belt, forget about any other belt. This is the WWF Championship belt. It's intergalactic and the bottom line is it belongs to ME! Whoo!" Give me a hell yeah!!!
Match #2- Bret "Hitman" Hart Vs Ric Flair (w/ Mr. Perfect) for the Intercontinental Championship- This was recorded before the 1992 Royal Rumble. Flair is carrying the old NWA title and current version of the WCW title w/ him. Play by play is ON for this match. Hart talks trash to Prefect. Mooney calls Flair "vivacious", oookay dude. A "whoo" by Flair and they lock up, side headlock, Flair tries to pick up Hart, but Bret comes back down, holding onto the headlock. Off the ropes, shoulderblock, back up and another headlock by Bret. Flair rolls Bret over and gets a 2 count. Both men back up, to the corner and a clean break. Both guys gather themselves and they lock up. Armbar by Bret, to a headlock and back dodwn. Flair tries the same move and Bret comes back down holding the headlock again. To the corner, clean break? No, slaps are exchanged and Flair goes down. Another slap and Flair goes down once again. Another lock up , headlock by Flair, shoulderblock, off the ropes again, drop toe hold by Bret. Going for the Sharphooter, but Flair grabs the ropes. Hebner shoves Flair and the crowd pops. Another lock up, test of strength....wristlock version. Hart is going down, fighting...goes down and nips up. Flair breaks the hold. GREAT match, so far. ANOTHER lock up and Flair grabs a headlock, pulling Hart down, nip up, back down, nip up and a headbutt. Flair nails a knee to the sternum. In the corner, chop is followed by a closed fist to the face. Flair thrusts his hips at a lady at ringside....or a guy, I can't tell. Bret w/ right hands...10 count punch is turned into an inverted atomic drop by Flair. Knee drop and a cover gets 2. Flair covers again w/ his feet on the ropes and another 2 count. Hart goes chest first into the buckles and Flair covers again w/ his feet on the ropes and the crowd goes nut. Flair gets up and screams "Shut up" at everyone. "Bret" chant begins. Hart w/ right hands, back and forth, Bret gets the upperhand. Headlock again, into the ropes, sleeper by Flair. Bret then charges to the corner and Flair crashes head first. Bret then tries an atomic drop, but Flair counters w/ a kneebreaker. Figure four is now slapped on. Flair using the ropes and finally Bret reverses the hold and it's broken. Flair tries to suplex Bret to the outside from the apron, but Hart reverses it. In the corner flair begins to chop away. Bret pulls down the straps and now comes back. Heabutt. Right hands to the gut, to the corner, Flair Flip...on the outside, Flair to the barricade. Back inside and a backbreaker, going for the sharpshooter again and Perfect drags Flair to the ropes. Another attempt and Flair pulls Hart out of the ring. Ric tries to suplex Bret back inside and Bret floats over, roll up gets 2. Back to the headlock goes Flair, Hart tucks underneath Flair and bridges back up, raising up and a backslide gets 2. Headlock again, of the ropes, shoulderblock by Flair, chops exchanged and Flair goes over the top w/ a european uppercut. Flair goes for a piledriver on the outside, but Bret turns it into a backdrop. Flair trying to get back in. While Flair distracts the ref, Perfect pulls Bret off the apron and Flair gets the countout win...(19:48)
My Take: For a match that ends at about the 20 minute mark, a count out finish really is disheartning, but what the hell can I do? I'll give it a better critique after the next match. In any case...8 out of 10.
Back inside the Apollo 13 as Lord Alfred Hayes speaks in a scottish accent. He still sounds like an idiot.
Match #3- Shawn Michaels Vs Ric Flair (w/ Mr. Perfect)- Flair starts hitting on ring announcer Mike McGuirk as soon as he gets in the ring. Lillian Garcia my ass! Lock up starts the match and a clean break, whooo! Lock up, off the ropes and a side headlock by Shawn. Headlock by Flair, shoulderblock, hiptoss by Michaels, and back to a headlock. In the corner and shoulderblocks by Flair. Chop. To the other side, Flair charges, Shawn jumps out to the apron as Flair crashes into the buckles. Shawn leaps to the top and hits a sunset flip for 2. Back to the headlock...break out. Flair w/ a shove and Shawn slaps him. Flair to the outside. Back in...in the corner, chops by Flair, reversed, 10 count punch by Shawn. Flair TRIES to turn it into an invered atomic drop, but it's blocked. Flair rolls out to the arpon and Shawn suplexes him back in. Flair begs off and pokes the eyes. Chops in the corner again, but Michaels fights back. Do you mean to tell me that Michalels didn't want to job back then either!?!! Let the man have some offense god damn it!! Backdrop out of the corner by Shawn, to the other side, Flair Flip. Michaels goes after Flair and nails a DDT. Flair pounds on Shawn inside and tosses him out. Shawn on the apron and tries a sunsest flip, but Flair hits a right hand. Both men up and Michaels w/ a dropkick. Off the ropes and Prefect grabs his leg, Shawn goes down, knee drop by Flair. Back up and in the corner. Can Flair take over now? Nope, Shawn fights back. Flair going to the top and Shawn slams his off. Elbow drop is followed by the superkick. Flair gives Shawn a "fist"signal and Michaels goes to the top rope and nails a fistdrop for a 2 count. Clothesline and Flair goes over the top rope, Shawn tries a pescado, but crashes into the railing and is "out cold" as Flair climbs back in. Now Marty Jannetty comes to ringside and tosses Shawn back in, Flair covers, feet on the ropes...1..2..3 (10:01)
My Take: This was right before The Rockers split up and I don't know who requested this match. It must have been Shawn or some shit. He controlled the whole damn match and both Mooney and Hayes praised him as being the one that they "would like to see compete as a singles wrestler". I don't care. Compared to the previous match, there was NO psychology, even for a Flair match. At no point did Flair target a body part or anything of the like. So I *suppose* this was just a singles tryout for Shawn of some sorts. Nonetheless, a good showing by Michaels. 6 out of 10 though. I mean, sheesh, it's Ric Flair you bastard!
Match #4- Legion of Doom Vs The Beverly Brothers (w/ The Genius) for the WWF Tag Team championship- Hawk is still in reasonable shape here. Of course the Beverly's are a team I thought had a catchy entrance song and that's about it. Animal does some power stuff to start off before he tags Hawk. Hawk comes in and beats up both the Beverly's for a little. Beau nails Hawk from behind and we hit the normal tag team match formula. Hawk and Blake collide, but there's no tag to Animal. Blake tags Beau back in and they miss a double clothesline. Hawk comes back and clothesline them both. HOT TAG to Animal, clothesline for everyone. Bye bye Genuis. Animal w/ a powerslam for 2. Blake nails him from behind as Beau and Hawk fight on the outside. Blake misses a legdrop off the second rope and Animal props him up on his shoulders, Hawk off the top rope...Doomsday Device...1..2..3. (6:59). Still tag team champions.
My Take: I was interested in the L.O.D for aboutt a couple of months. Then I never saw them wrestle Demolition and I stopped caring. A throw away match as the L.O.D. really didn't have any good challengers...The Natural Disasters? Oh yeah, sure...2 out of 10.
We're back w/ Sean MOONey in outer space and off into the "Endromenic Galaxy" where I hope they disintigrate into dust....until then, let's catch some Manager Cam action...nooooo!
Match #5- El Matador Vs Million $ Man Ted DiBiase (w/ Sherri)- The gist of this is that Sherri is wearing a microphone for this match. Meaning, we get to hear nothing, but her screaming and ranting. I can't wait. Sherri and DiBiase talk forever as El Matador struts in the ring. Yeah, yeah, tacos, funny. Start the damn match already. Bell rings and Tito clenches his fist so that Sherri can complain. So obviously this match will cater to spots that will require Sherri to act stupid and start yelling. "Hey ref, do something else besides being an idiot, you dummy." DiBiase and Santana trade collar and elbw tie-ups followed by clean breaks. "Come on Teddy Bear, get Taco Bell." Atomic drop sends DiBiase to the outside. Blah, blah, blah, shut up. Tito grabs DiBiase and Sherri, smashing their head together and Sherri is STILL talking. Back inside, DiBiase in control, suplex gets 2. Fistdrop, head to the buckles. DiBiase tried the opposite corner, but it's he that crashes head first. Right hands by Tito, now going for "El paso de muerte", which he hits, but DIbiase rolls outside. What a surprise. Santana follows and both men get counted out (8:39) Sherri tries to nail Tito w/ her shoe, but hits DiBiase instead and we're out as Sherri runs to the back.
My Take: It was a Tito match, when does he ever win? It COULD have been good, but again, this was a ridiculous gimmick match and the gimmick didn't serve to put over either guy. And if you WERE to do this manager thing, why pick Sherri to wear a microphone? 3 out of 10.
Heey, now we go to a video store where The Nasty Boys show up. They harass the manager and ask him where the WWF videos are. They find the section and a customer tell them that he loves them. They shove him out of the way and look around. "Hogan Forever? Are you crazy?" "Piper? He's a jerk!" "L.O.D? Who cares!!" Then the manager comues over, trying to lay down the law and he gets the tapes dumped on him and silly stringed. Now the Nastys are running the store and order 3,500 Nasty Boys videos. A customer asks for ballet videos..."Ballet?"... and he gets bombarded w/ videos as well. Har, har.
Match #6- Big Boss Man Vs Hercules (w/ Slick)- Another one of those matches that you just have to wonder as to why they book. I mean, this is early 1992 here and Hercules served no purpose after Power & Glory were split and even then, that sucked. As for the BossMan, well, what'd he ever do after the big I-C title push of '91? He gets a pop yeah, but then the crowd sits on their hands. This is your usual match, w/ Herc hitting some clotheslines. the announcers make no reference to the past between Slick and the BossMan. BossMan reverses an irish whip, Her ducks a clothesline, BossMan Slam....1..2..3. (6:57)
My Take: YAWN! 2 out of 10
Match #7- Virgil Vs Million $ Man Ted DiBiase (w/ Sherri) for the Million $ championship...Special Ref: "Macho Man" Randy Savage"- There's some dissension between Savage and DiBiase to start the match. Well, as long as the wrestlers can keep continuity then I can be glad. DiBiase taunts Virgil, who has the title for this match, I might add. Both men, lock up and that starts into punches right away. DiBiase rolls out and Sherri tries to console him. You see, much more likeable she is w/ NO audible sounds coming from her? Back in and Virgil w/ right hands...irish whip, backdrop and Savage counts for 2. DiBiase complains of a fast count. Irish whip again and DiBiase catches Vigril with a kick. Now some stomping and a chinlock. First resthold on this video in a couple of matches. Anyway, Savage checks, Virgil says ..."Noo, nooo, there ain't no quit in this bad, baaaaad man." Or something to that effect, he may have just shaken his head no, I think. Clothelines galore by Virgil and now a dropkick, 2 count. DiBiase suplexes Vigril a couple of times and now goes to Savage again. Savage gets upset and now DiBiase nails him w/ a right hand. Savage goes flyin to the outside. Dibiase applies the Million $ Dream no and Savage climbs to the top turnbuckle. He hits DiBIase w/ a double ax andle and drapes Virgil over him...1..2..3. (8:24) Sherri tries to come in, but Savage scares her off.
My Take: Nice little match there. Matches like these make Colisuem Videos worthwhile. Something different, but not as CORNY or DULL as that Manager Cam thing they tried earlier. 5 out of 10.
HEY, the Disney Channel is showing a video tour of The Pirates of the Carribean ride at Disneyland. Oh man, it even has the pirates chasing those women and wanting to get under their skirts. Of course, that was before those damn Civil Rights groups got involved...now the pirates chase the women to get the food they're carrying. Right. Wouldn't want to the let the pirates get lucky....
Match #8- Randy Savege & "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan Vs Jake "the Snake" Roberts & The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer)- Undertaker is a lot younger and thinner here, I should say. As is Jake. Undertaker and Hacksaw start and that goes nowhere. Not that the Undertaker was very talenetd or anything, but damn was he into that character. I think it was Survivor Series 1993 where The Undertaker didn't get into the match until about the 15 minute mark and he NEVER grabbed onto the ropes to hold onto or even moved from his spot very much up to that point. I mean, it's like he was dead. Anyway, Jake tagged in now and did Savage. Savage kills him and tries to go after him some more , but The Undertaker tagged in and now pummels Savage. Tag to Hacksaw and he gets the tar kicked out of him. Short clothesline by Jake and his DDT attempt is stopped by Savage as he comes in and gives him a clothesline. Finally Savage just grabs a chair from ringside and nails The Undertaker and nails Jake w/ it for the DQ at (6:12)
My Take: It was just really odd to see The Undertaker back when he was THE Undertaker. I know people have to re-invent themselves sometimes, but there's no comparison as to which version is better. The match was crap...3 out of 10.
Meanwhile....back on some planet...Captain Kirk and Spock are lost and need help. Thanks for watching Invasion '92...goodbye.
Final: Umm, okay. So THAT was the main event? The video just got worse and worse w/ almost every match. All the good stuff at the beginning, the middle treaded water and the end just sank the whole thing. The goofy outer space feel didn't help matters either. With one match near a 10 and everything else w/ a 5 or less, this tape doesn't make for good renting material.
W/ 31 out of 80 being the total score...that's not good. If you see this tape, you might want to pass it up.
If the world don't end come Monday....I'll see ya next week and enjoy the arrival of the new year. I hate football by the way.