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Regenerating the D-Generation

GANG GREEN UPDATE: 6-1; sole possession of first place in the NFC East; looking more like a team of destiny by the hour. God damn, I love football, especially when it involves 23-point comebacks in the space of 10 minutes. These guys sleep for three-quarters of the time, but god help you if you don't have both an insurmountable lead and a top defense by the time the fourth quarter runs around. Wait a second: The Dolphins supposedly had both, so there goes THAT theory. :) I will personally be in the house on Sunday afternoon at Ralph Wilson Stadium where the desperate Buffalo Bills (the jewel of many upstate New York NFL fans) will take on my Jets. And Al Groh is hands-down your NFL Coach of the Year.

(In case anyone cares, you can expect the previous segment each time out until the Jets are either eliminated from the playoffs or until they win the Super Bowl and the XFL rolls around. And CRZ, I only steal the GOOD segments.)

THIS TIME IT'S RIGHT: I mentioned the "funkified" version of the title of my column last week, but for some weird reason it didn't carry over to the Web version. Hopefully by PUTTING IT IN THE COLUMN itself this time should remedy the problem. (This is to answer the questions of the several people who e-mailed me saying that the title was no different.) (Hey, I'm not a MIND READER here - CRZ)

To the meat...

ISN'T D-X TIRED AND WORN OUT? WHY BRING IT BACK? The reason, my friends, is simple. Newton's Third Law states that "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." In a similar manner, the seventh Reismarkian Wrestling Postulate (and if you've wondering what the first six are, I'll be revealing them as the weeks go by) states for every tag team, there must be another of equal size on the opposite side of the fence. Many fans were overjoyed at the first D-X reunion a year ago this week, but were quickly disappointed to discover they would be a heel organization this time around. With the return of Billy Gunn and the face turn of Triple H nearly complete, it's time to bring back D-Generation X to counteract a certain heel organization. (I'll let you know which one later.) But I figure that merely reuniting the old crew won't be enough; that would merely give it a "been there, done that" feel. So I figure some new blood needs to be injected into D-X once it comes back into existance. And my selection for that is...

The Dudley Boyz??

Mmmm-hmmm. I know a lot of you would skeptically treat the idea of the Dudley Boyz being in D-Generation X because of their past squabbles (remember the time Buh Buh Ray was trying to put Tori through a table?) and because their gimmicks don't exactly match. Reismarkian Wrestling Postulate Number Four: It's not the gimmicks, but the opponent pairings that matter when putting together a faction such as D-X. Case in point: Did you really expect the Acolytes to be members of the Ministry of Darkness way back when? I didn't think so. The Dudleys' current gimmick (the table-crashing and Wassup? mark-outs) actually would mesh very well with D-X, despite it being fundamentally different. When D-X was a face faction, it was all about going against established order - can you say table-crashing represents order? The Wassup spots, when paired with the mic meanderings of D-X members, would attain a whole new meaning. In this respect, the gimmick matches up well with the faction I will pair them with. Take a guess who before I set the whole monster up...

THE SETUP: Most of the action takes place at Survivor Series, but there is one crucial situation at the pre-PPV Smackdown. First, the Dudleys take on Too Cool in a match to determine who will face the Hardys for the tag team titles at Survivor Series. The Dudleys dominate the match, D-Von goes to get tables, but guess what... they're not there! The klaxon siren wails and the Right to Censor (ANSWER! ANSWER! ANSWER!) comes out. Steven Richards goes into a promo about how they confiscated the tables under the ring before the start of the evening; how table-crashing is immoral, shouldn't be seen on national television, and yada-yada; and that as long as the Right to Censor is around there will be no more table-crashing. The RTC then rushes the ring and attacks, causing a DQ win for the Dudleys (so they get the shot.)

1. First match for the purposes of the setup is a Survivor Rules match pitting the Right to Censor (sans Ivory) against Mr. Ass, Road Dogg, and Too Cool. The match ends when Eddie Guerrero makes his way out of the crowd in a long trench coat and hits Mr. Ass (the last survivor on his team) on the head with a blunt object, allowing the RTC to pick up the victory. Afterwards, Eddie removes the trench coat to reveal a shirt and tie; he is the newest member of the RTC. (This makes sense considering his initial reaction to Chyna's Playboy shoot.)

2. Second on tap is the Tag Team championship pitting the Hardy Boyz against the Dudley Boyz. It's SUPPOSED to be a tables and ladders match, and we get plenty of ladders. However, when the Dudleys gain the edge and go for the tables, the RTC comes out AGAIN to prevent them from using them. The RTC knocks out both D-Von and Buh Buh Ray, leaving them at ringside. This allows the Hardys to recover and climb the ladders to retain the Tag Team championship.

3. Next is the Intercontinental title match; the long-awaited culmination of the Chyna-Guerrero pairing as they hook it up for the title. Chyna manages a few spots in but Guerrero dominates the direction of the match (mostly because of the frequent RTC run-ins). The shocker comes when the Dudley Boyz come out to get some revenge on the RTC, laying the whole faction out at ringside (the ole' black ninja style of defense again) and hitting a 3D (sans table) on Eddie Guerrero, giving Chyna the opening for the pin and the IC title.

But it all comes down to 4. The main event; a fatal four-way pitting Kurt Angle, Triple H, Chris Benoit, and the Rock in a one-pinfall match (whoever gets the first pin wins the title; the champ does not have to be pinned to lose). To make a long story short, the faces dominate for most of the match, but things get interesting towards the end. The Rock is thrown into Stephanie McMahon on the apron by Benoit (knocking Stephanie out). Triple H only sees the Rock slamming into Stephanie, gets pissed, and Pedigrees the Rock. He then exits the ring to tend to Stephanie, leaving the Rock as open game for Benoit and Angle, but the two can't decide who'll get the pin. While the Rock makes the comeback, Stephanie stirrs in a chair next to the commentators table. Triple H asks one more time if she's alright before turning back towards the match... but Stephanie stands up and lowblows him from behind! Benoit is thrown over the ropes onto Triple H by the Rock, who then exits the ring and continues to fight with Benoit near the Spanish table. Triple H is tossed back into the ring by Stephanie, and Angle is setting up for the Olympic Slam when the lights go out. All of a sudden, two lines of trailing pyro appear (like the ones in the Dudleys' entrance), but they're green instead of the usual red. Bam, but instead of the Dudleyville theme song, we get the original D-X mix (NOT the Run DMC version, since that's representative of evil D-X). The lights remain out for about thirty seconds after the song starts up, and when they come back on, Angle, Stephanie, the Rock, and Benoit have all been laid out by Chyna, Road Dogg, Billy Gunn and the Dudleys. Triple H hits the academic Pedigree for his fifth WWF championship, and D-X celebrates with the familiar stuff in the ring.

The next night, the D-Xers come out to start the show and do a skit mocking the Right to Censor. The real RTC comes out, a fight breaks out, and presto; instant faction rivalry.

WHY DO THIS? The most important reason for bringing back D-X to feud with the RTC is that the RTC is being underpushed by the WWF. A long term war with the rebel, authority-hating and demeaning D-X is the perfect thing for RTC, because they get a mega heel push with a feud that becomes the co-dominant one alongside the Austin-Rock-Rikishi fiasco.

Plus, it would be great for the fans to be able to say "Suck it" for a little while longer.

YET ANOTHER SHAMELESS PROMO: Check out the Civilization Gaming Network, baby!

NEXT TIME, SAME CHANNEL: A plan to pump some life into the Light Heavyweight division; why Edge & Christian are possibly the best tag team to ever exist in the WWF. Until then, I leave you with...

THIS WEEK'S UNBELIEVEABLE MOMENT IN WWF HISTORY: The Big Show destroys the Big Bossman's automobile with a forklift and a dumpster - under the watchful eye of a cop.

Remember when the police DIDN'T get involved?


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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission