You are here /wrestling
Guest Columns

Jerry Root




Damn you Sir Isaac! Damn you and your three laws of motion.

As most of you know, and few of you care, I was on vacation last week. Took a few days, took my sons and flew out to California to visit my family. So I was out of the loop on the whole Wrestlemania situation, and generally didn't care about what was going on, and then when I got home, imagine how I felt when I logged in to CRZ's site and checked on the results from the Wrestlemania exercise in self promotion.

I have gone through a whole series of emotions, from being absolutely pissed ("Hey, who booked this crap") to self flagellation ("Hey, you're not as smart as you thought you were, eh buddy?").

I've since settled in to mute acceptance ("It's over, deal with it!").

However, the main reason I haven't submitted anything is as I said earlier. Those damned laws of motion. Especially the 3rd law. You know the one. "A body at rest tends to stay at rest until acted upon by an outside force".

Well, this body was resting quite comfortably until my muse finally woke up and decided it's time to make a return to the exciting world of wrestling opinion. ("Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one and they all stink". Lesson learned the hard way)

I'm going to bypass the Wretlemania stuff because that's ancient history and has been beaten to death. Plus, there are plenty of writers out there who have said anything that I could say and have said it more eloquently than I ever could.

So, let's skip to the outside force that finally got me going. I was reading Mr. JF's rundown on the Ross report. One item that stood out was the rumored return of Foley in a non-wrestling role.

Since Vince is obviously enamored with the past (why else would he replay the "Evil Vince" role and put the Rock in the SCSA role?), why not go all the way back to the 80's and give Foley an interview segment? I have very fond memories of Piper's Pit (and all the imitations, including the Flower Shop et. al.)

Every writer I read seems to agree that Foley is golden on the stick. What better place for him than in an interview segment? Yeah, these things tend to degenerate into brawls, but that's Foley's forte, and he can still give/take a good bump.

At least this way his wife and kids wouldn't have to worry about him taking any more insane bumps from the top of a cell, or getting his clock cleaned with a barbed wire covered 2x4.

But then again, who knows, he may end up at an announcer, ala Gorilla Monsoon. I'm sure he could get into some great sparring matches with Lawler, and give JR a chance to concentrate on his verbal fellatio on SCSA and The Rock.

Of course, it was after I wrote that last paragraph that I realized jut how much I miss (and I mean, really, really miss) Gordon Solie.

Time to put this one to bed. Now that I am back in motion, Newton's 2nd law will (hopefully) take over.

Jerry Root
[slash] wrestling

Mail the Author



Design copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission