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Jim Ross, Jr.



January 18, 2002

Finally, America's favorite Okie has gathered enough thoughts over the past two weeks to write a column that I would call a "good read." I refuse to send crap into CRZ. If the only material I have for the week is a silly Chuck Palumbo and Billy Gunn joke it's best that I take the week off. That's why I am a leader at slashwrestling. Through my writing I inspire each and every one of you. I am the wind beneath this website.

What's with that flip belly-to-belly suplex that The Rock uses during his matches? It's very unorthodox from where I sit. The Great One needs to be more careful and employ a less reckless abandon style. The Federation injury list is longer than my weekly grocery list. I've noticed this for a while now, but last week on Smackdown, The Rock was quite reckless during that hot tag sequence against Chris Jericho.

If you ask me, toilet humor draws money. Rikishi and Booker T. gave us a situation on last week's Smackdown that we haven't seen on WWF television before. They gave us edgy TV that no doubt will have fans lined up at the box office to buy tickets for future Federation live events. I believe that 90% of Americans have minds that lie in the gutter anyway, so the Federation needs to give that portion of the audience what they want. In the future we may see an uncomfortable situation when Billy Gunn is caught stuffing his tights... with Chuck Palumbo's headband! Chuck sees this and is so turned on he pops a boner! This will get a lot of laughs out of the "boys" in the locker room.

I love the chemistry between Christian, Lance Storm, and Chris Jericho. Throw in either Kurt Angle or Test and you have a group of guys capable of stirring up some shit.

It has come to my attention that referee Teddy Long has a very unorthodox refereeing style. My source has informed me that he gets on his hands and knees to make the count and it makes him look like, "a total douchebag." I have not noticed this, but will definitely look into this and hopefully nip it in the bud.

Kurt Angle may indeed be the next Ric Flair. Once again he carries Kane to another great television match. Just imagine what Kurt is capable of doing with Kane given 15 minutes on pay-per-view.

>From where I sit, my dear old daddy and Vince McMahon sitting on a couch talking is a proverbial ratings killer. A grumpy old man and by God the man some people refer to as Satan aren't going to sell tickets. They do nothing for the bottom line. The only time I remember these two drawing a number was 2 weeks after Survivor Series '97. Vince had a black eye then too, by the way.

I'm quite sure the Royal Rumble should deliver big this Sunday. Match-ups like The Rock vs. Chris Jericho for the Undisputed Championship and Edge defending the Intercontinental Championship against William Regal should make the show worthwhile alone. Then you have the Dudleys vs. Tazz & Spike for the WWF Tag Team Championship. This should deliver as all four are very familiar with one another. Jazz and Trish will put forth a good effort for the coveted Women's Championship. However, many questions surround the Royal Rumble match itself. Stone Cold, The Game, Undertaker, Kurt Angle, Big Show, Kane, Rikishi, Booker T., DDP (like he has a snowball's chance in Hell), Mr. Perfect, The Godfather, Val Venis, and Goldust are some of the superstars competing in this year's event. Should be an outstanding night of sports entertainment.

Now that Booker T. has adapted to the WWF "style" of sports entertaining, it might be best to push him to the moon. This man grew up in the ghetto. South Park in Houston, Texas to be exact. Booker was a rabblerouser who had some run-ins with the law. He did some hard time in the slammer. It was there he won a "toss my salad" bowl ring. And somehow Booker managed to turn his life around and become a sports entertainer. Now as a part of the WWF, he's at the pinnacle of his sports entertainment career.

In my opinion, a revitalized lightheavyweight/cruiserweight division would be a solid re-addition to Federation programming. Nobody is working harder on this project than Good Ol' J.R., Jr.

Right now somebody is sitting in front of their computer saying, "How much more can he talk about drawing money? He sounds like a broken record." Well, folks, I talk about drawing money because that's the bottom line in any business. Around 1 o'clock in the afternoon Monday I heard a radio advertisement for Raw that evening. The promo guy mentioned Ric Flair and his feud with the "evil" Mr. McMahon. Then I heard the screech of Stephanie's voice and the promo guy mentioned that she was back along with Triple H. No mention of any matches. Just hyping the McMahon family once again. What casual fan who heard this radio ad is going to tune in based on that information? Odds are the fans who have tuned out did so because they were tired of seeing the McMahon family plastered all over television. It's the same old same old. Exactly why was Vince McMahon so against seeing The Rock or Steve Austin win the Undisputed Championship? Other than the same old, "he's Mr. McMahon and Mr. McMahon is a bad person who does naughty things" line that angle had no rhyme or reason. The McMahon family is no longer a draw. I don't know a soul on this planet who would buy the Royal Rumble just to see 56 year-old Vince McMahon attempt to wrestle.

It has come to my attention that a up-start wrestling promotion who is putting out infomercials to sell their product (Good lord) is interested in signing Triple H's shoulders. The Rock's sideburns (circa 1999) and Shawn Michaels mullet (1993 version) have already inked 3 year deals with this promotion, but the Federation plans on making a solid offer to keep The Game's shoulders in the WWF.

Rumors are swirling abound about possible Federation returns for Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, and Hulk Hogan. Why it is the Federation's intention to get younger and create new stars, these three men will make a tremendous impact and provide a much needed boost to Federation programming. That's the corporate line the office will feed the media and shareholders.

And now the honest truth: I remember back in the day (1998) a grumpy old man in a black resistol hat would interject comments into his commentary about "no has beens on our roster" and "we're only looking to get younger" and other lines to promote the WWF and rundown WCW. With Hulk Hogan, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash coming in to add to Ric Flair and Vince McMahon on the "old fart" list the roster seemingly isn't getting younger. SPIN THAT WITH A BULLSHIT CORPORATE LINE, JIM! YOU BARBEQUE SAUCE EATING BASTARD!

I'll be back on Martin Luther King Day with my post Rumble opinions.

J.R., Jr.
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