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Jim Saccaro




Massive shout-outs this week and much luv 4 life yo up in this bitch 4 all my peeps in da projecs duke. Also, a quick hello to my man Mark X. What's up buddy?

Obligatory shoutout to Rick aka Jockkid aka wrestlekid. If you are reading this e-mail me ASAP!!

The bad news, I was sick this whole weekend. Luckily, it wasn't anthrax, but I was sick as hell since like Wednesday. But I can stare at a screen now without piercing pain, so I am good to write.

The good news, my laptop is officially fixed. Although, I will miss the kick-ass IMacs in the computer lab, It's good to be able to write whenever I want and to be able to get up for a "refreshment break" in the middle of writing without digging for a floppy.

LETS GO YANKEES!! Oh that's 2 down and1 to go!!

Good to be home this weekend. I was inspired by several stories I heard to write a piece in the forums about a political philosophy I developed. The concert for NY was awesome to watch this weekend.

Happy B-day to my man Slam the stuntman from 106.1 WBLI. We had a good time celebrating this weekend. What you and your al-ke-hall and me and my Halls (breathe my pasty friend!!). Haha get it? It's not and inside joke folks, just a really crappy one.

Finally, everyone I have been so proud of this country for not only standing up to terrorism, but strengthening from it. But lets keep improving ourselves. Let's get that Karma level up there!! Give a dollar to a homeless guy, walk an old lady across a street, pet a stray dog, let's everyone do at least one nice thing a day. Lets show the world what a great nation is all about. As long as returning to normalcy doesn't constitute caring about useless bullshit like Britney Spears and Jlo's skimpy outfits (or those two, period, for that matter) and as long as it doesn't mean that everyone will go back to caring about themselves and themselves only, I think we will be better off. I really think that if this country can improve itself because of this attack it will do more to hurt the terrorists than any military action we can do. Also, for those of you saying that if I say the "pop" world is BS I have to say that wrestling is BS too, hear this: Wrestling might be "fake", but at least they admit it. They're the only entertainment medium that actually owns up to how "fake" they really are. So choke on that one, slapnuts.

Ok, there's a column in here somewhere.

Yesterday, I had a bizarre premonition. It happened at 12:00, an hour after RAW went off the air. Wayne Gretzky appeared to me in the form of a burning cigarette. Yes THE Wayne Gretzky. The same Gretzky that holds every single NHL record. The same Gretzky that scored 100 points in a game. The Gretzky that played his final 10 seasons with a prosthetic arm. The Great One that rescued a burning orphanage of kids and then arrived in the nick of time to score 35 goals and lead his team of Special Olympians past the Canadian National Hockey team for the 1988 Olympic gold medal. Yes, that Gretzky. After he appeared, he bestowed upon me 10 wrestling commandments to be revealed to the world when the time is right. Tonight, my children the time is right for the first commandment to be revealed:


Before he vanished into a cloud of ashes, Gretzky told me that to him "2 McMahons are 1 too many, and that 2 McMahons are like 4 and 4 are like 2 in the eyes of Gretzky. After deliberation, I concluded that he means that as long as there is 1 McMahon on TV, things are cool, but "too many McMahons spoil the pot" and that certainly is true here. I suddenly remembered something I had hid away many years ago and went on an expedition to retrieve it. I dug up an old metal sheet I recovered from the UFO that crashed in my backyard 15 years ago. No matter how many times you fold it, it unfolds back into a creaseless sheet in SECONDS. It also had some strange writing on it. Sure enough when I looked, it had a mathematical equation on it. On one side of the equation was 4 symbols: a toupee or hairpiece + a piece of wood or some kind of board + a pair of giant round objects + a figure of a man with 2 left feet. On the other side of the "=" was a frownee face inside of a box. My translation: too many McMahons = unhappy viewer.

Then I ran the name McMahon through my Bible DeCoder software. I got the following words and phrases clustered with it:
"Screwed Bret"
"Heof many h's will bang"
"Viewers like one at a time"
"Nice Jugs"
"You're Fired!"
"Wrestling Plumber"

Through the cryptic messages one gets, you get the impression that too many McMahons is NO GOOD for ratings.

My conclusion:
One McMahon is great, 2 is barely tolerable, 4 MAKES ME WANNA TURN THE FRIGGIN CHANNEL!!! Jeez, how long do we have to wait before the McMahon grandkids make an appearance on WWF TV? To they get to even leave the womb before they swerve the fans and turn on the Rock or do we get treated to the first ever "Fetus McMahon on a pole" match? If you wanna shake things up and have a different McMahon on TV, do it while removing the current TV McMahons!! This is overkill.

That's all. I am still very sick and just wanted to write some stuff.

Quick Raw Thoughts
I thought the whole show kicked the llamas ass, minus the opening interview and the opening tag match. I really enjoyed the hell out of myself. Great show this week.

Till next week,
Out like Aunt Nellie's patute.

Jim Saccaro

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