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Guest Columns

Ian Serotkin



Part 1: Obligatory Shots Out And The Like

Lot of ground to cover...

I got the job over on Shooters!  Effective November 1st, I'll be their official Nitro reviewer.  Yes, that means I'll be watching Nitro in its entirety every night, so send your cards of condolence now.  It's a great site that I've followed for quite a while, so be sure to go and check it out [especially after November 1st! :) ] at

I'll be keeping my two "halves", so to speak, almost completely seperate...I'll continue to do the WWF PPVs and assorted other heatrate reports over here, but the only place you'll be able to get the Nitro reports is over on Shooters.  Don't cry, it's just a click or two away!

I don't buy WCW PPVs, because, well...if you saw last night's effort, you know why (according to just about every review of it up, anyway).  I figured Hogan was going to do something screwy...I'd say that his whole situation now has a 99.9% chance of being a work.

Prediction: Goldberg's victory over Sting last night will in fact turn out to be non-title (as the announcers originally said) to set up Sting vs. Goldberg for Starrcade. 

Smackdown is still off the air in my area.  Stupid execs. 

Stupid Mets.  I knew they were going to lose that last game after the 7th inning or so...Ordonez, who was something like 1 for 25 in the series, should NEVER have been allowed to bat with the bases loaded.  That was the first of many mistakes for the Mets that sealed their doom...such as walking in the FUCKING WINNING RUN WITH THE BASES LOADED.  I could have lived without that part.  Finally, I thought the Mets were going to give me something back for going to Shea in the early nineties and being one of so few people their that we got our own personal usher and security guard...maybe next year.

Part 2: WWF 10/23 House Show Review

This won't be a formal heatrate review.  Why?  Frankly, because this was the first event I'd ever been to live...and it was much more satisfying to just cheer and boo like a fan instead of concentrating and trying to view things objectively.  (ie: I marked the fuck out).  The match order might be wrong...sue me.  Hopefully I at least have all the matches right...

I was LIVE at the Allstate Arena (formerly the Rosemont Horizon) outside of Chicago, Illinois!

We got to the show half an hour late due to my idiot friend parking at the Rosemont Theater instead of the Rosemont Horizon.  He then suggested that we just walk to the Horizon, since he thought it was right across the street and we had already paid ten bucks to park.

It was over three miles.  (We stopped after a few blocks and got a damn cab ride, but the damage was already done).

So, I missed the first match, which I was Mid(a)e(i)o(u)n and Viscera vs. The Godfather and someone else.

As we got there, Finkel was introducing Debra (huge pop) as the guest ring announcer for the next match, which was...

Match 2: D'Lo Brown vs. Prince Albert for the WWF European Championship.

Crowd was really into this one, which surprised me until I realized that D'Lo is from Chicago.  Fun match, D'Lo really kept the crowd into it with his Bobbin' Head antics.  D'Lo hit the frog splash after seven or eight minutes for the pin.

Match 3: The Big Bossman vs. The Big Show

Pretty funny...Finkel's mic didn't work during the intros.  Bossman came down and some tech guy handed him a new mic--it didn't work either.  Don't know if it was planned or not, but it was hilarious.  Big Show just beat his ass all over the arena, ending in a double countout (yes Virginia, they do really happen).  Wight came to the ring after that was announced and went nuts, chokeslamming Prince Albert (who ran out), the referee, and a few other assorted officials.

Match 4: Edge and Christian vs. The Dudley Boyz

Dudleys did their standard mic work; Edge and Christian came through the crowd as usual.  Buh Buh did a GREAT job of drawing heel heat from the crowd when he was on the outside, surprising the hell out of me.  I think that the Acolytes came out and interference...but I have no idea who won :)

Match 5: Chris Jericho vs. Mankind

Jericho came out (no fireworks) and got on the mic, running down the Rock and Sock connection and complaining that he wasn't in Mick's autobiography (which he had a copy of).  Mankind came down, got on the mic, and gave a hilarious interview.  The jist of it was that Mankind actually had written a chapter about Jericho--about his legendary matches against Juventud down south--but upon further review had determined that that chapter had absolutely sucked.  A few minutes into the match, Mankind threw Jericho to the outside and it looked like Jericho legitimately got inured--the ref kept going over to see if he was okay, and Foley took off his mask and threw it down.  Foley also went over to check on Jericho a few times (this went on for a few minutes), and on the third or so time Jericho sucker-punched him!  I think most of the crowd (myself included) bought it...Jericho did a great job of selling it, and both the ref and Foley looked genuinely concerned.  Jericho blocked Mr. Socko a few times and eventually whacked Mick with his autobiography and locked on the Liontamer for the win.  Crowd was not pleased.

Match 6: Test vs. The British Bulldog

Test got a lukewarm reaction...that's what happens when you take a guy off TV for almost a month.  Stupid bookers...he was getting terrific pops before he left.  DBS got decent heat, surprisingly.  I have no idea who won this match, but it wasn't very good.

Intermission.  Took a look at all the overpriced WWF memorabilia and watched all the white trash pass by.

Match 7: The New Age Outlaws (w/catchphrases) vs. The Hollys (w/o Scale Holly) for the WWF Tag Team Championship

Really subpar match for the two teams, crowd completely went to sleep after the NAO intro (which really is awesome in person).  The Hollys won. I think a chair was involved.  Does anyone know who the hell Crash Holly really is?  I've never heard anyone write who he was or what he did before he came to the WWF.

Match 8: Val Venis vs. The Rock

And the crowd goes BONKERS.  Rocky didn't talk before the match, and everyone got pretty disappointed.  Standard Rock match, he gets the Rock Bottom and People's Elbow for the clean win.  He grabs the mic after the match (after he teased going backstage), exclaimed how happy he was to finally come back to Chicago, and sang a heartwarming rendition of the Smackdown Hotel.  I got that fuzzy feeling deep inside.

Match 9: X-Pac and Kane vs. The Acolytes in a Texas Tornado match.

Pretty funny--as Finkel was announcing the Acolytes (he'd been neutral the whole night), he said "and, a great tag team that I am proud to be associated with, The Acolytes!"  I guess you had to be there.  He kept clapping and cheering for the Acolytes during the match...funny stuff.  After the Acolytes lost, Farooq grabbed Finkel and blamed him for the loss, then unloaded a few shots on him.

Match 10: HHH w/Chyna vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin

Champion entered first because CRZ called in and specifically requested it.  TRADITION!  Interesting that Chyna was at ringside, considering they've been hinting breaking the two of them up.  Anyway, standard HHH/Austin match that we've all seen before.  Chyna throws a chair into the ring, and Helmsley or Austin (don't remember which) gets DQ'd for using it.  Bulldog came out to help, then some other heel came out too (Venis?) until Rock finally came out for the save.  A couple of Rock Bottoms, a couple of Stunners, everyone's happy.  Rock and Austin do the cute little staredown, then Rock walks off.  Austin climbs the ringposts and drinks ten or so Steveweisers.  He starts to walk off, gets nearly backstage, then runs out and...drinks some more.  Everyone thought he was going to grab the mic, but we were not so blessed.  Shortly after, we left and hailed a taxi to get us back to our car and went back to Chicago to get pleasantly drunk.

Part 3: Thoughts

Being at a show live was just...great.  The workrate might not have been the best (no Hardyz) but who the hell cares?  All the big names were there and they all did their schtick; everyone had a good time and goes home happy.  What more could I ask for?  Well, maybe I could ask that next time my friend parks at the right building...but you get the idea.

Ian Serotkin
Jobber-at-Large and Founder of the Heatrate Cru
[slash] wrestling

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Guest column text copyright (C) 1999 by the individual author and used with permission