Uh-oh. This can't be happening. How could a shitty third rate writer like me, get a "job" writing here at CRZ's [slash] Wrestling!?! For those of you who don't know me, I am Shelby Kis(Or Shelb as you will know me better as down the line, if I actually stay on [slash]). I write over at ShootAngle.com, filling in for recappers whenever they can't recap a show(like what Chad Dupree and I are doing now by recapping ECW on TNN until the normal recapper comes back from vacation or something), and sometimes even writing a weekly column once a month. I think the weekly column thing is out now, since I've sorta taken it over here, but you can still read me over at SA for ECW on TNN recaps. I came here to Slash, hoping to get more readers, and some recognition. Maybe even a paying job at a big site<*wink*wink*>. The one thing I ask all readers is to email me. Please email me. I prefer you all to send porn, but I will accept Lita in bikinis and stuff. I thought I'd start my first [slash] column(and maybe last? I don't want to mention the fact that this may be my only appearance here moreoften then I should, but it could be so don't get too attached [It WILL be if you don't GET ON WITH IT - CRZ]) with some info about me.
Full Name: Shelby Harris Kis
Why did I tell you all this? Well, because I don't like jumping into things without like this and just expecting people to understand me all of a sudden.
Anyway, Since Monday, October The 9th is Canada's version of Thanksgiving, and since well, I am Canadian, I thought I'd have this column all about my favourite Canadian wrestlers.
Canadian wrestlers have been all over the place lately. Benoit head butting Stephanie McMahon on on channel, Vampiro jobbing to Sting(sigh) on the other. Hell, even on ECW we've got Cyrus. Here are my current favourites. Or Something.
#10 - Cyrus - He would be alot higher if he wasn't stuck in the now 100% dead angle in ECW about TNN. I'm hoping the ECW/WWF invasion angle goes though with, because then Cyrus will be a big part of the angle no doubt. He's great on the mic, and he can wrestle, too. If you can remember back to the "Gang Wars" area of WWF, he was the mouth-piece for the Truth Commission. Who!?! Yeah, they were that popular. He really needs to leave ECW and get anywhere else.
#9 - Bret Hart - He once was my favourite all-time wrestler. Then he went to WCW. Everything after that was just bad. It might be the fact I hardly watch WCW shows, because TSN blows goats. Might be because the booking absolutely sucked. Still does. Bret Hart is still a wrestler in-ring worker, and he's still decent on the mic(He never was the greatest on the mic... but he wasn't the worst). While a WWF jump doesn't seem likely, Bret Hart needs to get out of WCW, even if it means retirement... or even worse; ECW.
# 8 - Val Venis - When Val first debuted in the WWF with the porn star gimmick, he was probably one of WWF's biggest young stars. It appeared that he had a huge future ahead of him, but then... he basically disappeared from the upper mid-card area, and became a Sunday Night Heat regular. He's held the IC title afew times, but up until recently he's been boring. He got some heat back by joining T & A, but it was nothing compared to joining Right To Censor with Steven Richards, Goodfather and Bull. I feel RTC will be the WWF's top heel group within a year. They are already getting HUGE heel heat, and when Vince McMahon originally brought a PTC-gimmick based wrestler into WWF(Sign Guy Mushnick), he promised that he's confront him on Raw and like kick his ass or something. Now, that RTC has actually gotten heat, don't think for a second Vince wouldn't do the same with them. With Val in the stable, expect him to get IC title atleast one more title, and possibly even some World title shots.
#7 - Test - I spoke about T & A above, and Test is the man that "T" stands for(many others say it has something to do with Trish Stratus' massive breasts, but I beg to differ). He is one of the most under-rated and underused men in wrestling today(up there with D'Lo, Mike Awesome and Crowbar). He debuted in WWF and his first match was a main event, so Vince and Co. know that he's talented. If you've ever seen Test wrestle at indys, then you'll know that his Flying Elbow drop finisher isn't the only thing he can do off the top rope. He can do moonsaults and other high flying moves off the top like a cruiserweight.
#6 -Vampiro - I only first heard of Vampiro when he debuted in WCW. I was almost immediately impressed with his style and look. It's too bad I had to hear about him in WCW and not WWF or ECW. WCW is not the place to be for talented wrestlers, no matter what Vince Russo says. Vampiro is in a feud with Sting. I think. Or maybe it's Great Muta and the Demon. No, wait, he's defending the Juggalo ChampionSHIT Championship title. Oh, wait, ICP left WCW again(not that it matters, Evil Dead is the rightful champ). Russo really needs to learn how to treat his talent, especially this guy. Put Vampiro in a tag team with someone, and DON'T HAVE THEM TURN ON EACH OTHER. Then let them win the tag titles. Then after they lose them, let them both go after singles titles. But, don't let them feud. I recommend Crowbar as his partner- minus the Crowbar gimmick.
#5 - Lance Storm - SIGH. How Russo has ruined another one. When Storm debuted in WCW, I was so glad he wasn't being misused. Opps. Spoke WAAAAYYYY too soon. Now, he's in the biggest joke of an angle ever. I mean, c'mon, did a monkey book this shit!?!Have Storm dump the rest of Team Canada and go back on his own. Have him feud with some wrestlers that he doesn't need to carry to good matches(Kanyon, Jeff Jarrett, Booker T, errrr... remember when people used to watch WCW for good wrestling? Those days are long gone!). Build him up to the World Title, and have him hold it for awhile(holding world title for awhile in WCW=2 weeks) and keep him in the main event level. Then his contract will expire and he can be used right in WWF.
***NOTE: Incase you haven't noticed yet, I am a WWF fan. I except to get dozen of emails from people complaining that "WCW ROOLZ and WWF SUX"***
#4 & 3 - Edge & Christian - These guys like totally rule. Since debuting in WWf, I've been a fan of Edge. But, compared to Edge of 2000, Brood Edge so totally reeked of poopie-ness. Great on the mic, great in the ring, and Canadian. Damn, that's such a totally good combo. Christian on the other hand, I wasn't so sure of right away. But he's just as good if not better on the mic and in the ring as Edge.
#2 - Chris Benoit - He was probably the only reason I would sometimes tune into Nitro. Then he jumped ship, and I had everything I needed in WWF. Since coming to WWF, Benoit has improved his mic skills, and been in less-generic angles. He gives a mean head-butt, too. Especially to a certain female McMahon.
#1 - Chris Jericho - I've always been the biggest Jericho mark ever. Hell, if you ask me one thing I can remember about WCW Wargames '98, it would be Chris Jericho's promo. That's the only thing I remember, which means the PPV blew- but it was a WCW PPV, that included the Warrior, so... Jericho's been slipping in the entertainment department, lately, but he's still cool. He does need a serious heel turn ASAP. And stop using the lionsault so much, Chris. Please.
Well, there ya go. Blah. Now onto some other stuff.
ECW on TNN is a show which lately has been improving... except in the ratings. With WWF on TNN now, you'd think TNN would maybe advertise ECW more/at all. With Jerry Lynn as World champ, TNN can actually advertise ECW without wrestling fans making fun of ECW for having the SHITTEST WORLD CHAMPION IN THE HISTORY OF OUR GREAT SPORT(copyright Tony Shavonie)! With Lynn as champ, it's obvious that he's gonna drop it to RVD soon, but atleast Credible's not the champ. Man, did he suck as champ. It was Just Increidble how much he blows. Get it? Just Incredible! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(copyright Tazz)! Ahem.
So... WCW is up for sale, eh? I really hope this helps things. By helping things I mean murdering Russo and then folding the company. And if the buyer wants to pretend he still owns WCW, they can just burn 8 Million Dollars every year.
<sniff> What's that smell? <sniff, sniff> Smells like...<sniff>... WCW MARK HATE MAIL!
Apparantly, WWF is starting a record label called SMACKDOWN! Records. I kinda hope this isn't true, because I think it will fail. Even with Cypress Hill and Disturbed already rumored to be signed. A WWF record label wouldn't be taken seriously without atleast 3 top five albums, and even then it would only be taken half serious. Until wrestling in general is taken more seriously, McMahon shouldn't start any more big projects that have to do with WWF(like naming the record label after Smackdown!). Until that time comes, just release WWF related CDs(like the Classic Piledriver: The Album) through Sony or something. I don't really know all the info on this yet, so if I've f*cked(am I allowed to say the "F-word" on slash?) (Do you even VISIT this site, dude? - CRZ) up big time, and WWF ends up doing something completely different, don't blame Canada, blame yo momma.
'm running out of stuff to talk aboot. I'm trying to make my column bigger then 20KB but I don't see it happening. Ah well. CRZ says I get a column if I don't suck... or I if I do it's ok, too, because he's scared of me. 'Tis true. Sigh. Get used to this BS talk, because I do it often. I should stop now before it gets really bad. Shit, too late.
Any ways, I'm outta here. Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with all your feedback, and WCW mark hate-mail and stuff.
Napster Recommendation: "Hot Dog" - Limp Bizkit(look for "ego" at the end of the filename or it's fake)