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Matt Spaulding



Strictly Unfinished Business

THE PEOPLE'S MAILBAG: John Lister offers another 2-0 2/3 falls match:

Strike Force once beat the Bolshevieks [sic] 2-0 on a Saturday Night's Main Event. I can't remember what I need to buy at the grocery store, but I can remember 12 year old finishes. Pretty tragic, huh?

That it is.

And this can't only be happening in tag matches. I mean, there are two other guys RIGHT THERE, for Foley's sake. It shouldn't be happening AT ALL. Weird, yo.

OWF UPDATE: Well, it took a beer bottle to the head, but Scott beat me for the Cruiserweight title last week.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Tazz: "That was NOT a German suplex, that was a Northern Lights suplex, and a DAMN good one, I might add. Does Vince pay you to do this, M.C.?" (SmackDown!, Sept. 7) Who knew Tazz could be so funny?

We'll start off this column with one of the cooler moments of the year (in my opinion, anyway), when we found out that it was Test who called the cops on Triple H last week on SmackDown!. Part of what made this work was that it was a legitimate Shocking Swerve - up until he came out, all of the signs pointed to Kurt Angle sticking his nose in Hunter's business again.

But the bigger issue was that it resurrected Test's role in the entire HHH/Stephanie saga after he'd been pretty much kicked to the curb for the last nine months. His promo did what the best swerve promos should do - it offered an explanation for his actions, it reminded us of the circumstances that led to all of this in the first place, and, in this special case, it gave us another unexpected swerve - he was only in it for the money and the power, not for Stephanie. This last part's important, because it (in theory, at least) paints Test as a schemer and a player in his own right, and makes Triple H look like the guy who outsmarted the rookie; beating him at his own "game", as it were.

If that wasn't enough, the WWF is also reviving the "Who ran over Austin?" saga, with Austin himself making a videotaped appearance on SmackDown! (which was hard to hear over the rabid crowd; YOU tell ME he's not still over) calling out the person who ran him down at Survivor Series. That two minutes got people talking about that angle again, and restarted speculation as to who was behind the wheel of the Rock's stolen rental car.

Just to do some early speculation of my own, Billy Gunn - who most people thought had initially done it - has gone on record as saying that he's been cleared to return on the 24th, the day of Unforgiven. This would make sense for a few reasons: the driver allegedly had long, blonde hair; DX was back as a force and harassing Austin and Rock at the time; and Austin's stated that he'd like to work a program with Gunn to help him get to the Next Level. I'd also like to add that Gunn may have done it and used Rock's car to get back at Rock for humiliating him in the Kiss My Ass match at last year's SummerSlam.

Some recent rumors have Chris Jericho as the culprit, which, given his apparent lack of direction recently, also might not be a bad idea (it'd get him instant heel status), but I wonder about what kind of explanation you could come up with, as there's no built-in motive for Jericho.

Personally, I initially thought it was the absentee Undertaker when it first happened, but Shane McMahon's return at No Way Out and subsequent alliance with the Big Show changed my mind. Even now,I still think Shane was involved somehow; maybe not driving the car, but driving the plan.

What can I say - I'm a continuity mark.

This all leads me to a question I'd like to ask you.

Who really drove the Hummer?

You may remember this WCW angle from over one year and three nWo's ago. Kevin Nash was feuding with Randy Savage over the World "Title", and this Hummer kept showing up in the parking garage and attacking Nash. At one point, WCW actually tried to trick us into thinking it was Sting, who was scheduled to tag with Nash at the next PPV against Savage and Sid. They never did resolve the angle.

I know, I know, on April 10th, we saw Eric Bischoff ram Hulk Hogan's limo with a white Hummer, but come on. We ALL KNOW that Bischoff wasn't really driving it last year. I want you to figure out who was. And while you're at it, I'd like to hear your theories on some other "unfinished" angles of recent years.

Small Packages:

  • So THAT'S why they called it "Russo's Revenge." To bore us to death so we'd all stop criticizing him for overdoing things.
  • And you're asking for trouble if you put more than three people inside a cage anyway.
  • Mick's right - genital warts do NOT rule. That's what I'm told, at least.
  • What The Hell Kane Did To Benoit On Raw was probably an inverted suplex. I blame the ropes.
  • All of the jokes that can possibly be made about Stephanie's outfit on Raw have already been made, so I won't bother.
  • Nice to see I wasn't the only one rooting for Eddie during his tirade.
  • I've said it before, and I'll say it again: X-Pac has heat with Jericho. That's the SIXTH time now. I want an investigation. I don't think Horowitz ever jobbed to the same guy that many times in a year.
  • Admit it... you've missed the Undertaker's ropewalk. And you marked out like a five-year old when he did it on SmackDown!

    NEXT WEEK: Fall Brawl predictions. For right now, I'll predict that this show will truly suck.

    Matt Spaulding

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