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Matt Spaulding



The "Thank-God There's a PPV This Weekend" Edition

...and Owen gets his old tag team partner back.

As for Owen's brother... well, we'll see what he has to say on Friday.

OK, MAYBE A LITTLE MERCY: 5 for 7... We had two injured Acolytes, thus no APA/T&A tilt... Walls of Jericho ON THE CAGE~! Jericho rules... Crossface countered into a DVD? The HELL?... WWF PPV Title Match = No DQ = Cue The F'n Run-Ins... Cool, Rocky worked over the knee first, at least... Didn't Mick tell Austin that nobody would go to jail?

OWF UPDATE: I'm the new U.S. Champion. Beat The Shooters' Chris McMurtry on Wednesday.

THE CULPRIT: It was Pat Barker who made the Conquistadors/Power Rangers villains connection I pointed out last week. Pat's young enough to have thought the Power Rangers were cool, but I suspect he didn't.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Michael Cole: "How do you study the Brooklyn Brawler?" (SmackDown!, Oct. 26) How, indeed.

All right, here's the deal:

I've had a shitty week because of this damn Subway Series. (All work-related. I dislike the Mets, and the Yankees inspire feelings of complete apathy.)

I haven't had time to think of a topic.

It is now 12:15 a.m. Eastern time on Friday, and I don't have time to think of one now.

Therefore, I'm cutting to the chase.


Three Rounds Of Kickboxing For The "Commissionership" Of WCW: Stacy Carter (w/Miss Jones) vs. Iron Mike Sanders

Mike Sanders, the only one of the Natural Born Thrillers with his own personality, has been handed Vince Russo's on-air role as the on-air booker. This stands in direct contrast to The Cat's authority as WCW's commissioner, and the two have butted heads over this issue before.

You know, they tried this on a Nitro about 15 months ago with Cat and Jerry Flynn, I believe, and it didn't get over then, either.

Is Sanders still Cruiserweight champ?

What I'd Do: I actually like Sanders, but he's not ready for such a high-profile spot. Cat wins.

What They'll Do: Something tells me Sanders is getting a promotion.

DNA Match: David "Total Lack Of" Flair vs. Buff Bagwell

Ever since it was revealed that Stacy Hancock-Kiebler was pregnant with a child that is NOT David's, he's gone back to psycho stalker mode to find out who the father actually is. He thinks it's Buff. Buff hasn't denied it, but he thinks David's an idiot. David wants a DNA test. He gets to wrestle Buff instead, apparently.

What I'd Do: Well, obviously, someone needs to initiate some sort of sex education program for the locker room. I mean, we can't have wrestlers fathering illegitimate children left and right. It's bad PR. And I also have to say that a backstage skit involving WCW wrestlers getting lectures on birth control would be FAR more entertaining than a David Flair-Buff Bagwell wrestling match.

Part of me actually wants Buff to be the father so we can MOVE THE FUCK ON.

What They'll Do: I suspect that they might do just that to wrap the angle up, since everyone's marking time while the fate of the company is being decided.

Mixed Tag Team Match: The Transition Player Shane Douglas & Torrie the Fembot vs. The Non-Barbaric Konnan & Rosie Perez

I'll be honest with you... I have NO IDEA how this feud got started.

All I know is that WCW is going to put poor, untrained, unqualified Torrie Wilson back in a wrestling ring on PPV. Somebody should get her out of there. Samuda's probably already on his way, though, and I have to work this weekend.

What I'd Do: Watch something else.

What They'll Do: Well, Torrie's better-looking, so I say Douglas will win.

Mike Adequate vs. Vampiro Jobs Again

OK, Vampiro comes back THIS WEEK and challenges Awesome to a match for Havoc. Whatever. It shouldn't suck, but NOBODY will care.

Oh, and Awesome's still doing that lame 70's gimmick, not that anyone cares.

What I'd Do: Well, since Awesome's due a title shot post-Havoc, and since he's facing Vampiro under circumstances eerily similar to the Awesome-Kanyon match at Spring Stampede, I'd put Awesome over.

What They'll Do: DUH. It's Vampiro. He's gonna job.

Hardcore "Title" Match: Carson City vs. The Aptly Named Sgt. A-Wall

Sanders set up a mini-tourney to crown a new Hardcore champion. Reno and A-Wall met in the finals. A-Wall won, but Sanders reversed the decision and gave Reno the belt. This is a rematch.

What I'd Do: Have Reno retain via chicanery, since Wall's even useless in the hardcore division.

What They'll Do: Methinks they'll move the belt to A-Wall here, since they seem to like the fact that he's a taller Scott Steiner.

Handicap Match For the Can-Am Title: The Poor Man's Kurt Angle & Historical Wood vs. His Name Is Hugh Morrus, DAMN IT

Hacksaw Jim Duggan joined the MIA before Fall Brawl, then turned on them AT Fall Brawl to join Team Canada. Now that Lance Storm's heat has been killed, Duggan's the most over guy in the stable. That's not right.

Did you know that this is Morrus' third U.S. Title PPV shot this year?

What I'd Do: It still doesn't make sense for Lance to lose the belt to Morrus.

What They'll Do: With that in mind, I think WCW will do the unexpected... and let Lance retain.

The REAL Franchise vs. The Greatest Intercontinental Champion Of All Time

Jeff Jarrett has taken to questioning Sting's heart. Jarrett says that Sting is a washed-up has-been who doesn't have what it takes to be a player in WCW anymore. Jarrett's been dressing up as the old Sting, face paint and all. Jarrett has NEVER been more entertaining without beating up women. Not that I condone that.

Sting no-sold a table spot during the Australian tour.

Early rumors suggested that Havoc was supposed to feature some sort of transformation where maybe Sting would go back to his old haircut and facepaint, but it looks like those plans have been put on hold at best.

What I'd Do: Bring Sting out in one of Jarrett's old "Double J" get-ups, with the long hair and everything, then have him slaughter a stunned Jarrett.

What They'll Do: Probably some DQ finish to keep the storyline going up until whenever the ending is.

Triple Threat Match For the WCW Tag Team "Titles": Just Another Pair Of Jobbers vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. & Billy Kid Man vs. The Dancing Imbeciles

Jindrak & O'Haire won a battle royal to crown new tag champs after Disco Inferno cost Rey Jr. and Juventud Guerrera the belts. Disco then turfed himself out of the Filthy Animals and began tagging with the returning Alex Wright and playing with an inflatable duck. They actually won the belts in Australia before Sanders-mandated hijinx caused them to lose them back. Shane Douglas's issue with Konnan brought Kidman back into the Animals' fold to replace Juvy, which makes some since, seeing as how he was part of the group the first time around.

What I'd Do: The last good tag champs WCW had were Rey and Kidman around this time last year. That works for me. Give them the straps again.

What They'll Do: Champs retain in a screwjob ending.

Handicap Match: Goldberg vs. Kckhronniychk

The last thing we heard out of Vince Russo was that Goldberg was pressed back into duplicating his winning streak. He has to get to 174 without losing or his ass is fired, and apparently any decision he's involved in counts towards the streak.

I think Sanders turned Kronik heel to provide opposition for Goldberg at this show. It's not as though you could tell or anything... they don't have any heat left. And Brian Adams still sucks the big one.

What I'd Do: Squash Adams, then take a little more time with Clark.

What They'll Do: Even WCW's not stupid enough to blow this angle. Goldberg wins.

WCW World "Title" Match: Booker T. vs. The Pumpster

Remember after Spring Stampede when Steiner won the U.S. Title Tournament and he was feuding with Booker? Well, Booker had to miss Slamboree because of a minor injury he suffered while taking a Mike Awesome powerbomb (which led to Morrus's third U.S. Title PPV match). Consider this the blowoff, five months and two pushes of unequal merit later.

What I'd Do: Booker, clean, because I hate Scott Steiner.

What They'll Do: Sigh. I can't get excited about this because Steiner's going to fucking win.

Small Packages:

  • Now we know - Crash weighs 213 pounds. Thank you, Mr. Chimel.
  • And how long did it take the WWF to whip up the mini-angle after Lilian Garcia called Benoit "Jericho"?
  • A release Frankensteiner?
  • Did I just miss it, or did Jim Ross not mention Saturday's Oklahoma-Nebraska game at ALL?
  • This Jericho thing may finally get Kane the vaunted heel heat he's been seeking.
  • Rock gets a win with the Sharpshooter?

    NEXT WEEK: It's already time for November To Remember? Damn. And I'll have a column, too... I PROMISE.

    Matt Spaulding

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