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Top 10 "Quick Fixes" that will get WCW rolling again:

10. Return to the old days by giving away Smackdown! events on Thunder, i.e. "HHH beats the guy with a 20-minute interview."
9. Re-team Buff Bagwell and Scott Steiner to face members of production crew in gauntlet matches.
8. Re-tool WCW Worldwide into hour-long explanation of the continued existance of "Misfits In Action".
7. New Three Count single: "Hootie-Hoo With Three Count."
6. Replace Lenny Lane with Terry Bollea; change oversized sign to read "Use Me, Brother."
5. Like ECW, attempt to reach MTV audience by staging tag team match--Franchise and Torrie vs. Peaches and Herb.
4. Fill Nitro over-run with 7-minute "This Week in WCW Motorsports".
3. Dump Johnny Ace in favor of more experienced booker of finishes--Dusty Rhodes.
2. Continue to give Booker T a breakout, fresh, marketable personality by having him debut the "Booker Elbow" and the "Layin' the Book Down" DDT.
1. Bring back two-headset announce team, featuring Scott Hudson and a big rock.

Top 10 least popular exhibits at WWF New York:

10. "Items Under $20" case--Holds Mark Henry keychain, PMS T-Shirt and Al Snow's personal appearance contract.
9. "Friends of Pat Patterson" VHS collection.
8. Video wall featuring WBF competitions on continuous loop.
7. "Before They Were Stars" area featuring all pre-97 work of Hunter Hearst Helmsley.
6. "Re-assemble Mick's Spine" kiddie-zone puzzle.
5. "Interactive Jim Ross Booking Experience", complete with 357 different reasons for "Brawl for All 2000".
4. Steve Lombardi kissing booth.
3. "Virtual Stinkface" thrill-ride.
2. "Cut Your Own Promo" section, with personal instruction from Steve Blackman.
1. The Mae Young Birthing Chamber.

Top 5 SummerSlam matches, with booking suggestions:

5. Grudge Match--Rikishi vs. Tazz
     Special Stipulation: Rikishi must not eat Tazz.
     Best possible ending: Face turn allows sold-out crowd to appreciate Tazz's dancing ability.
     Worst possible ending: Rikishi tries another Superfly leap, this time from the balcony; naturally, Tazz no-sells.
4. Tag Match--Hardyz vs. Dudleyz
     Special Stipulation: Crowd must wait 15 seconds before chanting "Tables, Tables".
     Best possible ending: 20-minute technical wrestling exhibition wows crowd without anybody getting killed.
     Worst possible ending: Bubba Ray debuts "Space Flying Dudley Death Drop", injures all four participants, Lita and six security guards.
3. Big Man Match--Kane vs. The Big Show
     Special Stipulation: Count-out changed from 10 to 285 to accommodate athletes' speed.
     Best possible ending: Shane's Squadron interferes in three minutes, before anybody gets tired.
     Worst possible ending: "Kane, let's see who the real man is--let's make this an Iron Man Match!"
2. WWF IC Title match: Val Venis vs. Al Snow.
     Special Stipulation: Hell-in-a-Cell, No-DQ, Inferno, Hardcore, Anything-to-Make-It-Interesting Match.
     Best possible ending: Match ends without either wrestler tapping an artery in an attempt to make the crowd pay attention.
     Worst possible ending: Snow loses, then says something about a "Kennel Rematch".
1. Triple Threat Match--Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley vs. Trish vs. HHH.
     Special Stipulation: None, really, but it's subtitled "Hunter's Dream"
     Best possible ending: Y2J's sneak attack on HHH leaves the two ladies to practice hammerlock reversals for 15 minutes.
     Worst possible ending: Addition of Kat as special referee causes Jerry Lawler's head to explode, wiping out first three rows.

Top 5 upcoming online polls during WCW Nitro, including the options given by the booking team:

5. Who should be the next #1 contender for the US title?
     a. Tygress
     b. Kwee-Wee
     c. Miss Hancock
     d. Daffney
     e. Judy Bagwell
4. What should be the stipulation for tonight's Mike Awesome vs. General Rection match?
     a. "Caged Heat"
     b. No-DQ
     c. Brass Knuckles
     d. Last Man Standing
     e. Winner gets an awful joke of a nickname *and* a bunch of fat chicks.
3. Who is the biggest breakout star of "The New Era"?
     a. Tank Abbott
     b. Lieutenant Loco
     c. Juventud Gurrera
     d. Chuck Palumbo
     e. Mark Madden
2. What should lead off the 9 p.m. hour?
     a. Extended interview with the Demon.
     b. 15-minute fight scene featuring the Jung Dragons vs. The Cat.
     c. Shoot segment with Scott Hudson and Norman Smiley.
     d. Promo for WCW Reload, featuring Chad Damiani and his merry band of pranksters.
     e. A commerical.
1. What should Booker's next "over" catchprase be?
     a. "Don't hate the game, hate the instruction book."
     b. "Save the drama...for the Dalai Lama."
     c. "I'm rubber and you're glue...sucka."
     d. "I got two words for ya: What lawsuit?"

Top 5 rejected nickames for Shane McMahon's stable:

5. The McMahon-Benoit-Show-Angle-Edge-Christian Fac-Gime-Corporate-Ministry, Esquires.
4. Well, It's A of guys for The Rock to beat up.
3. Kurt Angle's Wrestlers For Abstinence 2000.
2. Can-Am Connection II--New Formula!
1. Paul Wight and the Five Dwarves.

Snappy Closer--Top 5 suggestions for special 5th-column celebration edition of "The List" (reader response will determine):

5. Touching, serious column about the importance of psychology in Sabu matches.
4. Improv special--Readers suggest topics, writer fills in numbers (also known as "WD's already running out of material" edition).
3. Finally begin the long-awaited internet feud with that "Burning Hammer" guy.
2. The first-ever All-Wrestling Edition of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" (a.k.a. "Who'll steal this idea before next Tuesday?" edition).
1. Abandon list format for "Ask the Rick II" special.

E-mail appreciated (voting closes Friday, bribes accepted and welcome), Plugs encouraged, Slash rules, etc., etc., etc.

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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission