/16 January 2000
|WWF Sunday Night Heat
|by Alex Beckers
01-16-00 HEAT, Taped 1-11-00 from wherever we saw Smackdown...
(Apologies... I went on-line looking for info on someone and got caught up in the whole WCW Souled Out clusterfuck situation, so this won't have my "thoughts at the time" aspect to it, unless I can fake it... my "thoughts at the time" were mostly, "MY GOD, what are they gonna DO?" On the plus side, for all I know I have Benoit's sole heavyweight championship, AND last WCW appearance, on the same tape...)
Oooh a new "coming up next" segment!
Interesting that TNT chooses to re-air "Kindergarten Cop" co-starring Penelope Ann Miller while hyping that "true-story" thing about the teacher and her student... starring Penelope Ann Miller... or is it? Screw it, let's get to the wrestling already...
"BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM!
A pathetic attempt at transcription.
Kurt gets on the stick, prompting an "asshole" chant. Angle talks about how he's still undefeated, there are a lot of guys in the locker room gunning for him, and this may be Christian's greatest night, if he ends the unbeaten streak! Umm... how about the night he won a BELT? Yes, the same belt currently on Gillberg, but it meant something THEN!
Quick fireman's carry from Angle to start. Pause. Christian with some brawling, goes for the tomokaze (I think) early, but Kurt gets out, throws him to the corner, and hits a drop toe hold coming out. Mat wrestling insues, crowd's chanting "Angle sucks". Kurt thrown out, Christian hits a springboard plancha! Angle thrown back in, Christian does some sort of arm-scissor into a rollup, but only gets two.
Christian takes Angle to the corner, going for the tornado DDT, but Angle holds him up and throws him into the turnbuckles. Big splash, goes for another but no one's home. Christian grabs him from behind, Angle reverses, big german suplex! Angle goes "Wooh!" Christian into the other corner, Angle still on the attack. Scoop slam in the center of the ring, and then a chinlock. Christian powers to his feet, both men run the ropes, both go for a cross-body, and both men are on the canvas. How do they know which way to jump so they don't just smack face-to-face? Probably some simple rule, like they told us in acting class when we had to kiss -- always go right...
Ten count is on, back up on three. Christian hits a Russian leg sweep, and a back body drop. It's too bad we KNOW Angle's streak doesn't end on a Sunday night before 8pm. Christian rushes the corner, gets a boot to the face. Goes for the tornado DDT and hits it this time! Kurt rolls out for a breather, but Christian brings him back in. As Christian climbs into the ring, Steve Blackman is out to whack him in the back! Steve rolls Christian in, and here's Edge, watching his brother's back but just a bit too slow!
Christian hits the tomokaze in the center of the ring, but the ref is too busy watching Blackman and Edge brawl up the ramp to notice. I want a big red trenchcoat like Edge's. Christian tries the tomokaze ONE more time, but Angle reverses into his finisher, and the streak lives on! (4:23)
Our hosts are Kevin Kelly and Michael Cole!
The Mean Street Posse are upset that Kaientai ended their greatest win opportunity last night on Jakked. "All our lives, we've gotten whatever we wanted, and now we can't get a win?" I think the logic there speaks for itself, but at any rate, the MSP plans to go after Kaientai and take them out before the match.
The Slam of the Week is HHH's pedigree on Mankind through the announcer table.
Jeff Hardy (w/Matt and Terri) vs. Prince Albert
Feeling each other out to start. Jeff starts, going corner to corner and popping out with a twisting luchamove that takes Albert down for two. Albert sends him to the ropes, but he lands on them, balances briefly, and then moonsaults to his feet when Albert lunges. VERY cool, especially since Jeff follows up with a dropkick that takes Albert over the ropes. TOPE CON HILO! Albert didn't even get his arms up! The shirt comes off as Matt tells us who the man is!
Back into the ring, Jeff pops over the ropes into a sunset flip for two. Jeff to the ropes again, but Albert catches him with a shoulder charge. Albert puts Jeff into an inverted wheelbarrow, into the ropes, and falls backwards, pulling Jeff into the second rope. Gorilla press slam, no wait, that's an ULTIMATE WARRIOR SLAM! GOD I marked out for that move when I was kid -- just popped him into the air and walked away. I STILL mark out for it. HUGE double underhook suplex, cover for two.
Our announcers have segued from talking about MSP looking for Kaientai into talking about Tori's habit of getting people into trouble with Kane. The segue was made via the Chyna/Jericho thing and the fact that Jericho's here tonight. Generally they tell us these things for a reason...
Albert still in control, send Jeff to the turnbuckles, pulls off his shoulder straps and goes for the blind charge, which NEVER works. Jeff goes for a huracanrana, but Albert catches him, lifts him up over his head (Albert's hands holding Jeff's belt) and POWERBOMBS HIM. My god.
Terri on the apron protesting at this vicious display of wrestling talent, and the referee is distracted and doesn't see the Big Bossman coming to the ring with a nightstick. Albert beckons for the stick, and the Bossman throws it... over his head, to Jeff Hardy! Nightstick shot to the Prince! 1... 2... 3! (3:20)
Meanwhile, the MSP is looking for Kaientai, and they find Rikishi coming out of a bathroom stall. Rodney makes the mistake of making fun of the smell in the stall, so Rikishi destroys them. Then he blows air out of his mouth rapidly and repeatedly.
Aigh! It's the Great Old One-sponsored Snickers ad! Giant fishmen? Hands with mouths? Do I have to SPELL IT OUT to you people?!
The plays of the week are to "Ya life's on the line" by Fifty Cents. I liked "Sugar" better. Wait a minute... WWF plays a song called Sugar... one week later, Bob Mould, former front man for a band called Sugar is back in the WCW booking committee! Coincidence? YOU BET YOUR ASS IT IS!
D'lo Brown (w/Tazz hype) vs. Buh-Buh Ray Dudley (w/D-Von Dudley)
Buh-Buh takes it to D'lo early. Off the ropes, shoulder block. Off the ropes again, arm drag, and then another! Back body drop! Buh Buh Ray returns the favor, body dropping him outside, where D-Von waits to beat the crap out of him. Buh Buh comes out and gets whipped into the steps.
Back into the ring, D'lo goes hi, flying cross body into a lateral press for two. D'lo tries to go off the ropes but D-Von grabs his leg. As D'lo yells at him, Buh Buh Ray comes over and hits a belly-to-back suplex. "Who's the man?!" Vertical suplex. Cover for two. Buh Buh Ray yells at the ref, and D'lo tries a schoolboy and gets two. A clothesline takes D'lo off his feet. Headbutt to the groin! Tossed out again, and D-Von on the attack again, then tossing Brown back in. Big chest slaps from Buh Buh Ray. Off the ropes, the Dudley telegraphs, and D'lo tries a sunset flip! It takes a while to get the bigger man off his feet, but he does, but only gets two. D'lo off the ropes, right into a side slam.
Buh Buh Ray tries a splash and misses. Scoop slam from D'lo, and the patented leg drop. Hooks the leg, but gets only two. The Dudley goes off the rope, D'lo hits a flying elbow, covers and again gets two. Buh Buh Ray is staggering. D'lo tries a... vertical press? But gets powerbombed, and then sat on. Cover -- 1... 2. Buh Buh Ray tries to set D'lo up for D-Von's headbutt off the top ropes... but ref Chad Patton won't allow it! And D-Von's being thrown out of ringside!
Buh Buh Ray, distracted, is taken by surprise by D'lo's offense. But it's short-lived as D'lo gets nailed with a Samoan drop. Buh Buh Ray's up to the second ropes, yells "Screw you!" and misses the butt bomb. Has that EVER hit? D'lo up -- SKY HIGH! Pin -- 1... 2... 3! (6:00)
Meanwhile, in the plot section of tonight's program, Rikishi looks damned pissed in the locker room. He asks if Too Cool's got his back. They affirm... and they're gonna take out da posse.
We see a recap of last week -- Mick Foley, Mankind, Cactus Jack, whoever the hell he is...
Backstage, Tori's getting a drink from a cooler. Kaientai wander over, and they mutter at each other in Japanese. Tori mishears them, they mutter at HER in Japanese, and she takes off, enraged. Poor Kaientai, they're gonna die and they don't even know WHY...
Wait... how was this MSP's plan? Or was this just a coincidence? I'm confused...
The HOLLYs are out! Hardcore says he pinned Chyna, and he pinned Jericho, so he should be Intercontinental Champ! Kevin Kelly: "Nice scale." Michael Cole: "It's calibrated, y'know!" I COULD DO THAT JOB. At any rate, apparently Hardcore doesn't really understand the difference between a tag team match and a solo match. But he wants a match at the Rumble. He'll fight either of 'em.
Chyna is out (with the Kat) and she accepts the challenge.
Jericho is out, and he doesn't trust Chyna to defend the belt, so HE's gonna wrestle the match. Much discussion ensues. But Hardcore "Brains" Holly suggests they make it a Triple Threat match. And they accept, to much rejoicing. And THAT's out of the way.
I liked it better when mainstream angles didn't show up on Heat, I think. I miss seeing the Acolytes kill people in the extra time.
Jericho starts to say something about his Jericoholics, and Holly cuts him off, telling him to shut up. Then Hardcore steals the "never, eh-ehver" line, saying HE will be the undisputed champ. That was kinda neat, Holly cutting of Jericho and all.
Meanwhile, on a more expensive channel, Konnan is being taken off in a stretcher. Oh my God, THEY KILLED KONNAN! You bastards!
Mean Street Posse vs. Kaientai
MSP enters the ring, but backstage we see Kane destroy Taka and Funaki, including a chokeslam on Taka through a table.
The Posse thinks they're gonna win by forfeit, but out come Too Cool and Rikishi.
Mean Street Posse vs. Too Cool and Rikishi Phatu
Just a thought... if they wanna turn Rikishi into a monster heel, maybe have Too Cool pull him back into the ring to dance one time too many, and then he kills and eats them, Pepper-style. I coulda been a bookah...
See you next week... unless all I have to say is, "They hyped the Rumble" in which case I won't bother... but let's think positive here!