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/6 February 2000
WWF Sunday Night Heat


by Alex Beckers


02-06-2000 Heat Report (Taped 2-1-2000)

Two weeks off due to PPV-hype and the Super Bowl... but now I'm back, with an entirely new format! You see, I was getting bored with the archetypical recap style, mastered by the likes of CRZ and Sean Shannon. So here's something a little more interesting, and also something that allows me to avoid a play-by-play...

(note... apparently at the beginning there's a bit where the MSP hire the APA... Acolyte Protection Agency. But my $%$@ roommate started the tape too late...)

WRESTLING SEGMENT: The Mean Street Posse vs. Too Cool

The match is actually Rodney and Joey Abs vs. Too Cool, as Pete Gas plays guest commentator. MSP ambushes to start. Too Cool takes control with simultaneous cornerpost crotch jobs. We get the simultaneous posing elbowdrops. The Posse beats on Scotty for a bit. Double clotheslines from Scotty and Abs, both men striving to make the tag -- Sexay in and he's ablazin'! All four men in for the Worm on Rodney. Pete Gas leaves the announce table to pull Rodney out of the ring. Rikishi runs in and chucks Gas into the steps. Rodney and Abs are gesturing towards the entrance, trying to call for the Acolytes, who do not arrive. Rikishi takes out Abs while Rodney tastes the "Hip-Hop Drop", apparently the new name of Too Cool's finisher. And your winners: Too Cool.

High Points:

  • "Rodney sucks" chant from the crowd.
  • Pete Gas surprisingly tolerable on headset.
  • Grandmaster Sexay working the crowd into a froth.
  • Doubleteam suplex turned into a double DDT by the Grandmaster.

    Low Points:

  • Brilliant commentary: Pete Gas - "He can't do that!" Michael Cole - "Well, he just did!" Pete Gas - "Buh... buh..."
  • No appearance by the Acolytes -- clearly it was intentional, but it wasn't explained very well. Plus I just love those two widdle guys!
  • After the match -- Cole and Kelly claim that Rikishi's sunglasses are magical, and contain all of his dance powers.

    The Skinny:
    Blah. Seen much better from both groups, but nothing actually bad in the ring. ER (Entertainment Rating): 4.0/10

    WRESTLING SEGMENT: Sho Funaki (no entrance) vs. Christian

    Ooooh, this should be good. Slow to start -- headlocks, shoulder charges. Two rolling suplexes and then a face-first suplex by Christian gets him a two count. Christian lures Sho outside, then slips underneath and pulls his feet out. Springboard plancha! Back into the ring, two count. Cole and Kelly pimp for the XFL. Funaki takes charge with a facebuster (? - bulldog but palming the back of the head) and double foot slide to the face. Funaki takes him to the corner, where he hits this nifty little flipping DDT. Picture the two wrestlers set up for an inverted tornado DDT, and then Sho flips over Christian's head, taking him down on the top of his skull. Hook of the leg after an elbow gets him two. Goes to the corner again, tries a tornado DDT but Christian counters it into an inverted atomic drop. Christian hits a neckbreaker, and he's back in charge. Side Russian legsweep gets two. Funaki tries the somersault DDT again, but Christian holds the ropes and slams him down. Tomakaze, and there's the win. Your winner: Christian.

    High Points:

  • Rolling suplexes from Christian. I just like the sound of that: "rolling suplexes".
  • Springboard plancha. You can never go wrong.
  • Somersault DDT.

    Low Points:

  • Weak forearms from Sho getting out of a headlock, but that's pretty standard WWF.

    The Skinny:
    A bit slow between spots, but entertaining nonetheless. ER: 6.5/10

    RECAP SEGMENT: We see a recap of the XFL announcement press conference.

    The Skinny:
    I really just don't give a rat's ass about the XFL chatter. Until the games are on the air, I don't want to hear any more about it. ER: 1.0/10, only because it didn't actually offend me or cause me anguish.

    WRESTLING SEGMENT: The Big Boss Man vs. Val Venis (Champion) for the European Championship

    I love the chance to take notes on title matches. Val starts off with punches, quickly reversed by the Bossman. More brawling, then the Bossman gets knocked outside after a shoulder charge. Brawling outside, then back in for more punches and kicks. Fisherman's suplex with a bridge gets Val two. Bossman hits a DDT! Covers... and a two-count! And in come the APA? They savagely attack the Boss Man, as Prince Albert walks to the ring and gloats. "Hey Boss Man, I just kicked your ass without breaking a sweat!" The Acolytes' music plays. DQ.

    High Points:

  • Hot chick in the audience during Val's entrance.
  • Val Venis can even make the Boss Man look good. Well, better.

    Low Points:

  • Each man hit ONE wrestling move.
  • As much as I like the Acolytes, having them beat up the Boss Man is not a good use.

    The Skinny:
    I like Venis, Albert, and the Acolytes. Why didn't I like this segment? I suppose because the wrestling was blah, and the story is boring. ER: 3.3/10

    PSA: Various wrestlers tell us not to try this at home. I saw Mick, Jericho, Chyna, the Hardys, and Faarooq.

    RECAP SEGMENT: Recap of the Radical's entrance into the WWF.

    The Skinny:
    They didn't show us Guerrero dislocating his elbow, thank God. Overall a nice bit of highlights, and HOLY FUCK THESE GUYS ARE IN THE WWF! This is just such a great time to be watching. ER: 6.0/10

    INTERVIEW SEGMENT: "Coach" talks with the Boss Man.

    The Skinny:
    By doing cowardly underhanded deeds, Prince Albert has learned the killer instinct from the Boss Man, and is making him proud. To be honest I liked this story better when it was the Undertaker and the Big Show, since the Undertaker is just inherently more threatening. (Lord of Darkness or a prison guard -- who do YOU fear more?) ER: N/A, too short.

    THE SMACK OF THE NIGHT: Two Dudleys put two Hardys through three tables.

    WRESTLING SEGMENT: The Headbangers (w/cones) vs. The Hardy Boyz

    Before the Hardys come out, the 'bangers laugh about Terri being sent to the hospital. They say they've seen Terri staring at their cones. I know I've caught myself staring at hers... Mosh and Matt start it off pretty quickly. Big hiptoss by Matt. Goes up top, moonsault and gets two! Jeff in, simultaneous somersault legdrop and elbow drop, and off come the shirts! Thrasher, "the power of the duo" tagged in. Jeff hits a crossbody and gets a one count off the lateral press. Doubleteam on Thrasher, with an assisted leg lariat! While Jeff staggers, Mosh nails him and tags himself in.

    He sets up Jeff on the apron and hits a springboard clothesline to the outside. More doubleteam on Jeff, who bumps like a bouncy ball. Thrasher covers and gets two. Jeff hits a sunset flip and gets basically a ten-count, but the ref is being distracted by Mosh. Mosh comes in and the Headbangers hit Jeff with a leapfrog rope choke. Mosh lures out Matt and Thrasher chokes Jeff some more while the ref puts him back into the corner. Mosh goes for a powerbomb, but Jeff turns it into a drop kick and drags himself to Matt for the tag after kicking Mosh away one more time. Simultaneous legdrops on Thrasher (crotch for Jeff, second rope for Matt). Matt covers, but Mosh stops the count at two. Jeff is thrown out, Mosh takes Matt over with a Pimp Drop and Thrasher nearly gets three. Mosh is outside, and Matt hits a neckbreaker -- "The Twist of Fate" on Thrasher, followed by a Senton Bomb. Unless you're X-Pac, that match is over. Your winners: The Hardy Boyz.

    High Points:

  • Pretty much all of the Hardys' suicidal spots. I just keep telling myself that they're packing the money away for when they can't walk...
  • Mosh's springboard clothesline.

    Low Points:

  • Cole's attempt at outrage over Mosh mocking Terri.
  • Kelly on the Hardys taking off their shirts. You can actually hear the jealousy. I hope it's just an attempt to act.
  • The ten-count sunset flip. I just don't believe Jeff could really hold Thrasher there that long.
  • Matt trying to get Jeff to tag. Stomping his foot, yelling, "c'mon!"... he just sounded petulant.

    The Skinny:
    It's hard to go wrong with the Hardyz. I really do hope that Jeff is just selling well after each and every Senton Bomb, otherwise he may not last another year... A little slow in the middle, but otherwise excellent. ER: 7.0/10

    RECAP SEGMENT: The Boss Man, Prince Albert, and the APA.

    The Skinny: Bleagh. ER: N/A.

    WRESTLING SEGMENT: Prince Albert vs. Viscera

    Why do I highly doubt we'll see a clean finish here? Lockups to start. Albert gets a rear waistlock -- not sure what he was gonna try but he gets squashed in the corner. After a whip, Albert tries to slam Vis... actually gets him up before falling backwards. The bigger man stays on top and gets a two count. He follows up with some whips, punches, and a bear hug into a big powerbomb. Another two count. Albert makes a comeback, following up two clotheslines with a sunset flip attempt. Luckily he's bright enough to roll away from the inevitable sit-down. More corner work, ended when Viscera gets a belly-to-belly suplex. And out comes the Big Boss Man. He stalks to ringside while Viscera nails a huge Samoan drop. He goes to the ropes, and Boss Man "nails" him in the head with the nightstick. Albert gets his scissor kick, and the pin. Your winner: Prince Albert.

    High Points:

  • Albert nearly slammed Viscera. That woulda been cool. Huh huh.

    Low Points:

  • Both men flailing at each other in the corner. Reminded me of a chick fight I saw in seventh grade.
  • Bossman's lovetap with the nightstick. Not to mention the fact that even WITHOUT it, the scissor kick still would've hit.

    The Skinny: Who really cares? Albert can't carry Viscera to a good match, and I just don't care about this angle. I really think Albert vs. one of the ex-WCW'ers could be pretty damned cool, hopefully will get that when this crap is over. ER: 2.0/10

    Overall: A mediocre Heat, even with the Hardyz, which is pretty damned disappointing. Average ER: 4.2 in 7 segments. Wrestling ER: 4.6

    Email me and tell me if this is better, worse, irrelevant, etc... thanks!

    Alex Beckers

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