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/7 May 2000
WWF Sunday Night Heat by Alex Beckers




05-07-2000 WWF SuNDAY NiGHT HeAT RePORT (taped 05-02-2000)

As I understand it, we've got a Val Venis vs. Saturn match coming up tonight, and I can't say that I'm disappointed. Two nice matches from them last night on Jakked -- Saturn had a good (but not great) match with Joey Abs, and Venis had quite a nice little bout against Julio Fantastico.

My question -- is Fantastico on a developmental contract, or is he pay-per-appearance? He's got some nice moves, and I'm hoping he's going somewhere with the company.

Enough blabbering -- here we go...


3 DAYS AGO -- Saturn pulled Malenko off of Crash Holly, thus breaking up the Radicalz unity! We learn that Saturn's bugged that he hasn't held a belt yet.

EaRLIER ToDAY we say Perry and Dean walking down a hallway. Malenko's a little bugged, but he and Saturn make up. They shake hands -- ten to one they're at each others' throats by the end of the show.



And here's that match...


It kills me to say it, but Saturn's new music is growing on me. It makes a lot more sense if he's turning face, I can say that much.

Nice line from Hayes: "Do you think Perry Saturn has EVER been in a good mood?" I guess he wasn't watching Perry's last days in WCW... he was FUNKY then.

"Saturn sucks" chant comes up right off the opening bell. So... here's a question: What the heck is Perry's finisher? He beat Abs with an elbow drop last night, not the Rings of Saturn as I expected.

Brawling to start, back and forth. A few wrestling moves, slow pacing. Venis gots tossed out -- Saturn running -- PLANCHA!

Announcers are making big news of Jericho hitting Vince at the end of Smackdown last week... looks like Jericho is now a permanent fixture of the uppercard, which I'm sure no one is upset about.

Saturn into the steps as we get a replay of that through-the-ropes dive, then dropped onto the near barricade. Venis in charge now, back in the ring -- dual corner clotheslines, but Saturn comes back with a t-bone suplex. Michael Hayes just used "whattamaneuver"! Man, get your own catchphrases!

More offense from Saturn, Venis slammed in the center of the ring -- Saturn going up top, NICE elbowdrop, but gets only two! Venis drops him neck-first onto the ropes to come back. Lots of elbows from Val and a big back body drop. But Saturn pokes him in the eye and spins him through an over-the-shoulder facebuster. Another two count!

Saturn telegraphs a back body drop off the ropes, allowing Val to put him down in the middle of the ring. He's going up for the Money Shot -- but out comes Malenko! Val comes off the turnbuckle and walks to that side of the ring as he and Dean exchange words. Malenko's backing off. Val goes to pick up Saturn, who sweeps him from the mat. Savate kick! Saturn back to the ropes -- and Malenko trips him up! Guess Dean-o didn't quite buy that apology. Saturn staggers forward into a fisherman's suplex from Val! 1... 2... 3! (4:49)

Our hosts are MiCHAEL HaYES and KeVIN KeLLY.

STiLL To CoME -- recaps, recaps, recaps!

BaCKSTAGE, EDGe and CHRiSTIAN wander across a white board with booking on it. "Too Cool versus the Dudleys? Sunday Night Heat needs some help!" SING it, mah brotha! They decide that sitting on the commentary table would spice things up. More of Edge and Christian "shooting" isn't something I'm gonna turn down.


Now WWF TaG TeAM CHaMPIONS EDGe and CHRiSTIAN are out to tell the audience what we at home already know. As a treat to all of us, they will be coming out later to do COLOR COMMENTARY! (And they get booed! Good job!) They pose for pictures, and then they're out.

BaCKSTAGE, some construction guys (actually pool hall buddies who owe some money) are fixing up the APA office. FaRROOQ seems surprised, and even more surprised at the shiny new motorcycle that BRaDSHAW has apparently "accepted as payment" from someone who didn't have any cash. Now, that's all well and good, but what about the MACK TRUCK that the camera pans over to see? Bradshaw to the construction guys: "Um... ah reckon you're gonna have to make that door a tad bit wider!" That's beer money and THEN some!

Also BaCKSTAGE, AL SNoW is meditating (to achieve a new center of seriousness) and continuing to use the Lethal Gimmick. STeVE BLaCKMAN arrives, and seems pretty cool with Snow's new look and attitude. They're reforming their team! Snow says that if he hears anyone say "Head Cheese", he'll go out into the audience, rip off their head, and spit down their neck! (Somehow I doubt we'll see that at 7pm on a Sunday night, but hey, whatever.) Blackman: "That's what I like to hear." As he walks off, Snow stops him to offer him a rice cake -- plain. Blackman: "That's my favorite flavor!"

If you're gonna fill a segment with skits, THAT is the way to do it!



Oooh, this should be cool. We get some shots from TWo WeEKS AGo when Blackman proved to Snow that he really WAS sick of Snow's idiocy.

Funaki and Snow start off with some FAST martial arts action. "Head Cheese" chant fires up -- Snow's a bit busy being taken down by Sho with a huracanrana to go out and kill anyone. (Probably for the best.) More martial arts in the corner and Snow takes control. Funaki tries an axe handle off the top but takes a kick to the gut for his trouble. Blackman in for a doubleteam.

He telegraphs off the ropes and Funaki hits a dropkick, allowing him to tag in TAKA. Back and forth as Blackman dropkicks TAKA's ankles but then misses an elbow drop. Another "Head Cheese" chant -- Snow's on the outside so I suppose they just called his bluff. TAKA comes off the ropes with a dropkick attempt, but Blackman catches him in a wheelbarrow position and falls backwards, droping TAKA on his head.

Hey, they just referred to TAKA as the former LHW Champ! Now THAT is continuity, baby!

Al comes over the top rope with a legdrop on the down Michinoku, as Kevin Kelly helpfully mentions that Snow has a black belt in kempo and a brown in ju-juitsu. Cool, I was wondering if he actually did know some martial arts, it shows. (Unlike, say, X-Pac, who if he DOES know martial arts, DOESN'T show it.)

Snow back in to try a double slam on TAKA, but he turns it into a double DDT! He makes the tag to Funaki -- he hits the ropes and Al pulls him out, wheelbarrow drop on the ramp! Blackman's watching this, and TAKA dropkicks him out. Both Lethal Weapons on the floor, Taka up for the Asai moonsault... Snow and Blackman up a bit early in fact, gives them too much time to kill. I spoke too soon! They catch the moonsault and turn it into a double slam on the floor!

Blackman and Sho in, Blackman covers for two. Sho rolls under a Lethal Kick attempt and hits an inverted atomic drop, giving him time to tag in TAKA! TAKA is on fire! Dropkicks all around, but Snow nails a spinebuster to end that rally. Blackman handling TAKA inside, Snow takes out Funaki on the outside... now Blackman's got TAKA in position for the veg-o-matic, Snow up, and TAKA is DEAD. Pin is incidental. (4:21)

NICE match. While I do like crazy Snow, lethal Snow is pretty damned cool too.

Kelly, apropos of nothing, starts talking about Chyna and Eddie Guerrero, but we quickly learn that he was just setting us up for the:

WWF ReWIND from SMaCKDOWN - LaST THuRSDAY is Chyna brutalizing the REAL Latina heat, Lita. Go buy Aggression! (No really, don't.)


That is NOT an "all-new" Cover Me! I saw that episode advertised MONTHS ago! You LIED to me! YOU BASTARDS!

Again, our lying bastard hosts are MiCHAEL HaYES and KeVIN KeLLY.

Wow, our first full-length ReCAP and it's already 7:30! We got some stills (still?) from Backlash, as well as clips from RAW and Smackdown!, as the yadda-yadda Regime threw everything they had at The Rock and Earl Hebner. (Well, maybe not EVERYTHING. So... why doesn't Vince just FIRE The Rock, if he hates him so much? Sorry, I'll be quiet...)

Mmmm... seeing Tori reminds me of how much I wanted to be a dollar bill earlier this week... NNGH.

That was kinda neat, full-screen words: "CHAOS ENSUES". Gotta love it.

Whoops! The cut-out of HHH that they just used still shows him with the Championship Belt!


WCW Slamboree ad -- BWAH HA HA HA HAA! Anyone out there who purchased a PPV with David Arquette headlining, I dare you to email me and explain WHY...

GoDFATHER (with prosti... er, ho's) vs. D'Lo BRoWN

Ho's are having some trouble getting down the ramp with their heels. Also, they're oddly subdued -- guess there's somewhere they'd rather be...

It's time... once again... for everyone to SLAVER like the PAVLOVIAN DOGS that we are!

Let's all remember how, 3 WeEKS AGo, D'Lo sky-high'd his old buddy and made a name for himself.

Godfather on offense to start with punches and a hip toss. More elbows, he's off the ropes with the running-around-legdrop -- and he's mocking the Patented Legdrop!

Later we'll be seeing video of a parking-lot confrontation between Chris Benoit and Tazz... probably to explain why we won't be seeing much of the Human Suplex Machine for a bit.

D'Lo dodges a rush in the corner, puts Godfather down and hits a NICE springboard moonsault. But then he taunts the crowd rather than going for the pin. Elbow off the ropes and more jawing at the crowd. Then he chucks the Godfather over the top rope. Whipped into the steps, and the steps go flying!

You know, if Godfather really WANTS a pimp-in-training, there's always referee Tim White...

Rolled back into the ring, telegraphs a backdrop, and Godfather nails a heel kick to take both of them down. Ten count is on!

I'm sorry, but these two at the announce table are just TERRIBLE at transitioning from topic to topic.

Both men up at around five, Godfather blocking and counterpunching. HUGE clothesline. And again! Monster back drop! D'Lo crawls... to the corner?! DUH! HO TRAIN! This is over... but D'Lo wriggles out of the Pimp Drop! Off the ropes, crossbody from D'Lo -- but Godfather rolls him up! 1... 2... 3! (3:47)

One of Godfather's better matches, but an odd little ending... Hayes suggests Godfather was holding D'Lo's trunks, but neither the ref nor the cameraman were in position to see it. Afterwards, D'Lo takes out the Godfather with a leg lariat, and nails him with the Frog Splash. You betta recognize! Kelly: "The Godfather doesn't deserve this!" Ummm... he's a PIMP! It's ILLEGAL! He should be in JAIL!


Judgment Day is coming... and creeping the hell out of us as it approaches, too...

While I'm as glad as anyone to see Thomas Lennon (The State, Viva Variety) getting work, even he can't convince me to match some fruit in order to get some loot.

The WWF BoOT OF THe WeEK, from RaW IS WaR - LaST MoNDAY is a couple of Baltimore Ravens going for the Hardcore Belt. But the Houdini of Hardcore got away once more... DECIDE AND CONQUER!

Next we get a ReCAP of the Benoit/Jericho matches from Backlash and RAW. What, for HHH/Rock at Backlash we could only get stills, but we can get clips of the IC match?

EaRLIER ToDAY, TaZZ approached CHRiS BeNOIT in a parking lot... words were exchanged... a staredown ensued... and then Tazz went to get back into his car. Then (get this) Benoit KICKED the car door shut on Tazz's ARM! My god! I'll bet that TORE his BICEP! At least we know that when Tazz gets back, he'll be feuding with Benoit and not Saturn...



We'll have word on Tazz's condition tomorrow.

Backstage, we see that Edge & Christian have rewritten the booking board -- "Edge & Christian on commentary, with Too Cool vs. Dudley Boyz". Edge: "I smell ratings!" Hayes: "I'll bet the ratings for this quarter will SHOOT through the roof."

Yes, once more it's WWF TaG TeAM CHaMPIONS EDGe AND CHRiSTIAN. A few sound bites -- Edge: "Some more insider lingo, eh... you mean we're putting ourselves 'over'?" Christian: "What kind of eye doctor prescribes glasses without lenses?" Edge: "Yeah, they do remind me of the Bushwackers." (This leads into some more insulting comparisons.) Edge: "We don't do anything illegal! We do 'run-ins'!"

Meanwhile, a match is going on.

Scotty and D-Von start. Flying shoulder tackle from Scotty gets some celebrating. D-Von tries to throw him out, but Scotty holds on and stands on the apron. Back in, monster hiptoss, and a moonwalk! Drop toe-hold, tag to Sexay, doubleteam is on! Double pose, double elbowdrop!

Sexay continues to work over D-Von as the crowd starts chanting for a table. Hot crowd tonight! D-Von comes back with a shoulderblock out of ther corner. Buh Buh Ray tagged in, but eats a full-nelson front Russian legsweep. (No, really!) Sexay whipped to the corner, but Buh Buh gets NAILED with a kick to the face as he rushes in. Grand Mastah up top, goggles are on, missile dropkick!

Suplex from Buh Buh Ray to turn the tide, but he telegraphs a back body drop (a spot we've seen in EVERY MATCH TONIGHT) and takes a kick. Sexay up for a 'rana, but Buh Buh catches him and nails a SWEET sitout powerbomb! Holds the legs, but gets only two.

Possibly blown spot next -- Sexay whipped to the corner, goes for Buchanan's springing clothesline, but Buh Buh Ray's too far out and he hits the mat. I guess it was intentional as our announcers praise the Dudley's "elusiveness". Scotty calls to the crowd but eats a fist. He comes in, drawing the ref -- D-Von up, headbutt to the groin!

D-Von tagged, corkscrew elbow off the ropes! Buh Buh Ray tagged BACK in, puts Sexay up top, going up for a superplex, but Sexay fights back and pushes him off. Flying clothesline! Ten count is on. Buh Buh crawls... to the wrong corner! (Haven't seen that in a while.) He realizes his mistake and tags in D-Von, but Sexay leaps to his corner, and Scotty Too Hotty is in! And he's on fire!

Huge back body drop on D-Von, sets up for a DDT. Buh Buh Ray tries to save, but Scotty ducks the clothesline and Sexay tosses him out. Double DDT on D-Von! Scotty hooks the leg, 1... 2... no! D-Von pulled up, off the ropes, Sexay with a gutshot, and Scotty comes down on D-Von's back with a somersault double axe-kick! (Cool!) Scotty hooks again, but AGAIN gets only two.

Buh Buh Ray's on the apron, Sexay comes over the top and hooks the legs, trying for the powerbomb... BBR holds on to the ropes... but no, powerbomb to the floor! D-Von whipped into the ropes, running facebuster as he comes out, sets up for the WORM! Edge on headset calls for an "R.I." (my home state!)

Christian's distracting the ref... Scotty's in worm position, SPEAR OF DOOM! (And Edge even caught his sunglasses on the first bounce!) Outside, Sexay rushes Buh Buh but gets dropped on the barricade. Both Dudleys in the ring, Sexay whipped to the ropes, 3D! D-Von gets the pin and we are OUT of here! (6:34)

GREAT Heat this week. But wait a second... what was up with that one APA sketch that went nowhere? I guess it's in their contracts that they have to been on TV every Sunday night or something. We'll see... next week!


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