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/5 November 2000
WWF Sunday Night Heat


Guest columnist: The Cubs Fan


Earlier today: the Dudley Boys take the subway with a table? New York is an interesting place. They run across a Santa on their way to WWF NY. Apparently, Buh Buh Ray has Santa Claus issues. Wait a minute, that's an evil Santa - he just called someone on his Santa cell phone to tell them the Dudleys were in the building.

We are LIVE in WWF New York and Michael Cole's microphone isn't loud enough. The Dudley Boys didn't leave since that clip, they're still here...

Cue the music, the curtain goes up, and the Dudleys are on the stage, standing on tables. I put the under/over on 3 tables used tonight. Buh Buh has a mic: "WWF New York! Both: "Wasssuppp!" And on and on. D-Von: "The Dudley Boys have come home for the holidays. The Dudley Boys are hosting Sunday Night Heat Live! Live! In WWF New York, Times Square on M-T-V! Now you see, tonight, it's not about tables, tonight it's not about the Right To Censor, tonight, it's not about Edge and Christian, oh, no, and even hell, tonight, it's not even about the WWF Tag Team Titles. Tonight is about having a Dudleyville Merry Christmas." Buh Buh Ray: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, did I hear you say it's not about tables? My brother D-Von ["Tables" chant by the fans] you must have had just a little bit too much eggnog in the back, because you know and these sick people in New York know that it's always about the the tables!" "Brother, testify!" Some Christmas music started up. "This morning the Dudley boys took the tables and we came down 42 street, and we walked down Broadway, and then we walked right in the front door of WWF NY. I said a couple weeks ago right down the block in Madison square that if putting people's through tables is wrong, I don't want to be right." Here's the Santa from before, making an entrance on the stage. "Ho ho ho, now hold on a minute there Dudley Boys, if it's about the holidays, then we should put the tables away. And spread good cheer. We'll go in the back and drink hot cocoa with sugar and spice." Another "Table" chant" "It's Christmas time." "Take your good cheer, and shove it up your big red pimply Santa Claus butt." "I think we should go talk about this in the back, gentlemen." "If you as so much think about touching those tables, this will turn into your own personal Holiday Hell. Now get lost!" "Sorry, Santa." Hit the Dudley's music and we all leave."

Your hosts are Tazz and Michael Cole and they wonder what Buh Buh Ray's problem with Santa is. I'm more wondering who's under that beard - Harvey?

Here's an ad for Christmas Chaos. And one for Smackdown 2. 

We're back in WWF NY, sponsored by Chef Boyardee, Twix, Burger King and Buh Buh's problem with Santa.

Backstage, Santa is knocking on the Dudley dressing room and D-Von steps out "Listen man, you need get out of here. Buh Buh doesn't want to see you. You've given me everything I've wanted Christmas, but you've left Buh Buh out. You've always forgotten him and he's been good since he was a little kid." "D-Von, D-Von, I may be Santa, I am mortal, and there are children, yes, there are children that I sometimes overlook.  Now, that is a mistake, and I'm sorry. But I'm Santa Claus, come on, let me make it up to him! Come on D-Von!" "It's up to you." "It's Christmas!"

Tazz is annoying me, doing a little worship as we go to his good friend Tiger Ali Singh in the ring.

Tiger Ali Singh (w/Lo Down) are in the ring. "You people and your attitudes are beneath us! We realize that the millions of viewers that watch this program on a regular basis are prejudiced. We are not taxi drivers!" Cue Too Cool's music. Oh, this is a match.

Too Cool vs Lo Down (w/Tiger Ali Singh) - Tazz has a problem with ring announcer Tony Chimel. Too Cool are wearing Lugz shirts. Someone in the restaurant is wearing taped glasses. Scotty and Chaz start, with Chaz with a shot to the back, corner whip, reverse, kip up, back suplex, land on feet, Scotty right, right, right, whip, clothesline misses, flying forearm doesn't. Tag to Sexay, bearhug lift by Scotty, running man, off the ropes, Hart Attack. Body slam as Scotty leaves the ring. Running man, D'Lo in but misses the clothesline and gets a backdrop drop. Kick caught by Chaz, enzuiguri is not. Tazz and Cole are talking about. Sexay dances on the second rope and dances but Tiger stun guns him on the top rope. Choke. Chaz with a corner whip, Sexay rebounds out into a clothesline. Tag to D'Lo, hold him for D'Lo's right, right. Cole: "Where is this story going?" Tazz: "No where." Well then. Right for Scotty, Sexay is thrown out so Chaz and Tiger can beat on him. Cover, 2 count. Right. push into the corner. Lift on the top rope, slap. Superplex blocked. And again. D'Lo gets a front suplex to the mat, and Sexay waits for him to get back up to jump off the second rope with a clothesline. Time for the race to the tag, as the Clap gives Sexay the energy to tag in Scotty. Chaz doesn't make his tag, so it's a right, right, lid off, whip, reversed, Chaz head down too soon, reverse neckbreaker. Cover, 2, D'Lo breaks it up. Everyone in, Double whip, double flapjack on D'Lo. Scotty of the ropes, bulldog, take off the Lugz shirt, W-O-R-M.  Sexay pulls Tiger in, bulldog on him. Sexay is pulled out by D'Lo, and Scotty gets attacked before he goes to the room...double back suplex by Lo Down, Chaz covers Scotty and that's good enough for 3. (4:26)

Backstage, Buh Buh and Santa are having words. "All I asked for was chutes and ladders! When I was 9, the G.I. Joe with kung fu grip! When about I was 13, all I wanted for Christmas was my first issue of Playboy - okay, that I understand. And this year, all I asked you for was Mick Foley's Christmas Chaos, and I had to go buy it myself because I knew you wouldn't give it to me! Now, you ask me for forgiveness?" Buh Buh hits him in the (fake) gut with the book. "That's about it in a chestnut shell." "Chestnuts, walnuts, why don't you-" "Hold on Buh Buh, maybe you should just give Santa a chance. It's Christmas." "Fine!"

Backstage, Santa's now sitting down on the couch. "Ha ha ha. SO, what do you want for Christmas Buh Buh?" "I ain't sitting on your lap." "Buh Buh, you better not pout. Come on, what do you want?" "We want what everyone else wants, (Both:) We want wood!" "Wood! Ha ha ho! Well, if you want wood, you better be good for goodness' sake, it's for your own good you know. Ha ha ho." 

Michael and Tazz discuss this ongoing story. Tazz doesn't trust this Santa Claus. Moving on, the Smackdown 2 Smack of the week is the APA returning to beat up T&A. Which segues right into...

Test (w/Albert and Trish) vs some XFL hype - Hey, Test can take this one easy.

Test (w/Albert and Trish) vs Bradshaw (w/Faarooq) - Not so much this one. Tazz is still annoyed at the ring announcer. Test attacks Bradshaw as he slides in the ring. Right, right, right, right, whip, shoulderblock. Cole goes over the whole story (except for the part about Crash and the rest of the Hollys) of this feud, blaming APA's injuries on T&A. Turnbuckle shot, knee, corner whip, clothesline, corner whip, clothesline, back suplex, all by Faarooq. Whip, reversed,  Test head down too soon, right, chop, right, chop, one arm DDT.  Both up, knee, corner whip, this time Bradshaw gets a knee. Big and all kinds of painful boot to the face by Test. Lots of punches, on the mat, and Test misses badly on some more as Bradshaw is unsuccessful getting up. Boot choke by Test, (Tazz is singing his own variations of X-Mas carols), choke by Albert. Test has him up and beating him in the corner, kicks and punches and stomps and that sort of thing. Corner whip, clothesline. Test's right arm hurts, as it has since that one arm DDT. Is that the same arm Jeff Jarrett hurt that one time? Bradshaw out with a clothesline. Bradshaw goes for a powerbomb, low blow while Trish provides the distraction, DDT by Test, cover for 2. Big snap suplex for 2. Whip, head down too soon, swinging neckbreaker from Bradshaw. Cover, 1 count. Right, right, whip, reversed, big boot. Whip, back elbow by Test. Corner whip, reversed, Bradshaw moves out of the way and Test goes chest first into the corner. Albert pulls Bradshaw out and they fight, Faarooq is over to save, but the ref's watching that and not Trish grabbing a chair and throwing it to Test. Bradshaw back in the ring and the ref's still watching Albert and Faarooq - chair shot, and Test ditches the evidence before covering. 1, 2, 3, maybe this feud isn't over yet. (4:01) Faarooq is in the ring even before the 3, but T&A make a hasty retreat.

It's the Holiday Edition of Tazz's kitchen, with Dudley Boys. This week's recipe: Christmas Artichoke Casserole, hold the artichoke. 

Ingredients needed:
Pepper lid.
Whip Cream
JR's Barbecue Sauce
Castrol GTX

Make sure to include the containers the ingredients come in for extra flavor. "D-Von, open the oven!" Tazz mixs up with his plastic blow up bat.  It takes about 2 seconds to cook and rises to the oven above, so it's probably better to put in the lower oven. Also, the cheese, barbecue sauce and cream make artichoke.

This is what Times Square looks like. This is what a "1-800-Collect sponsors the Royal Rumble" ad looks like. 

Royal Rumble replay (with no sponsor?) replay takes us back to 1/18/98, as Mick Foley shows up three times during the night. Back at WWF NY, Tazz reminds us last year that he debuted at the Rumble. What will happen this year? (Quick guess: The title will NOT be vacant and up for grabs for the winner of the Rumble.)

The Hollys are out. Molly's looking nice in her Miss Claus outfit, while Crash and Hardcore are in their wrestling gear. Look at the merchandise you can buy at WWF NY. Now we'll look at the ring again Crash and Molly get microphones. "Seeing as this is the holiday season, on behalf of the entire Holly family, I'd like to which each and every of you one of the merriest merriest merriest Christmas's of all time ever and ever and ever! " "We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas" and Crash gets smacked in the back of the head by Hardcore before he continue 'singing'. "Shut the hell up!" "Come on!" "Now you remember what happened at Thanksgiving, don't you?" "It's the holidays!" "Do you remember how long it took you to get that turkey leg out of your-" "Cousin, what are you doing? You weren't supposed to say that!" "Now look, you Santa loving elf look-alikes, you can dream all you want about chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, Yuletide carols being sung by a bunch of folks that dress like Eskimos. I don't give a damn about any of it!" "Oh cousin, you big old Scrooge, we're just trying to wish everyone a merry Christmas, and you should do the same! Now don't be a mean one, Mr. Grinch, it's Christmas time in the city!" "You know what cousin, I'm not scared of you. If you don't wish someone a merry Christmas, I'm gonna, I'm gonna-" "What are you going to do, Rudolf?" "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle All The Way!" - Hardcore's goes to choke Crash, but one family disaster is prevented by - Kai En Tai (w/flags)? You know, Taka and Funaki are reunited, and it feels so good. Also, we're borrowing a WCW gimmick for this segment - perhaps Kaz sold his old friends the power to lip sync to someone else's words? Taka: "You Hollys, you sing, you dance but can you fight?" "Indeed!" "We well make you pay for your crazy American antics and your insolent behavior." "Indeed!" "Hold on a minute here, are you guys challenging us?" "You are correct,  silly apple-pie-eating American girl!" "Indeed!" The boys in blue rush the ring, and immediately get attacked by the Holly guys. Clothesline for both, Crash with a whip  into a molly clothesline, and a punch causes Funaki to escape. Hollycaust on Taka - Alabama Jam. and TAKA 's heading for the ramp too. TAKA talks "Today you have won the battle but the war is far from over. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" "Indeed!" Molly gives Hardcore a Santa hat, but he's not to eager to put it on. Crash has on his, but it probably doesn't help. There you go." "And a happy new year-" "Everybody have a happy Christmas and a happy new year."

Backstage, Santa's talking to the Dudleys. "I want the two of you to be my little elves. I know when you're asleep, I know when you're awake. It's the holiday time, you can make a change, you can make this world a better place. No more violence. Buh Buh, no more tables, okay, No!" "No more tables?" "Violence is wrong, Santa does not like violence or tables." "Violence is wrong?" "Now you're getting it. My little elves." 

Michael Cole and Tazz talk about the Rock being voted one of the 25 most intriguing people in the People magazine. And, here's the poll from earlier this week where the Rock was voted the person most people want to have dinner with. Tazz is on the cover of WWF Magazine, but he barely gets it out before we're on to a commercial.

Odd. A WCW Starrcade ad is played right here. And it's not the generic one - it actually pushes the main event.

WWF Slam of the Week, presented by 1-800-Colect, is Rikishi getting chokeslammed off the top of the cage.

Tazz plugs the magazine again. He said nothing good about Cole in the piece. Now, onto the Hell In The Cell match, as Rikishi's still in the hospital, and Cole's (purposely?) unclear if Triple H is as well.

Road Dogg (4) & K-Kwik (4) vs Bull Buchanan & Goodfather (w/Steven Richards) - They get in most of their song here, but RTC cuts them off before it's over. Backstage, Santa is talking to the Dudleys about the evils of Rap Music and what great people the RTC are. K-Kwik and Road Dog are wearing generic football jerseys. Kwik and Bull start this off. Lockup, knee by Bull, shot to the back, right, whip, hiptoss, Kwik lands on his feet, shoulderblock but Bull's unmoved, another running shoulderblock but Bull's only wobbly, off the ropes, flying headscissors does take the big man down. K-Kwik kips up, then does the splits, then celebrates a little more, and then he's punched to the mat. Tag to Goodfather, who charges at Kwik and gets a drop toe hold. Whip, reversed, blind tag to Road Dogg. K-Kwik slides under, and a double right from Kwik and Road Dogg. Double jumping pulling elbow drops by that team.  Road Dogg with a whip, reversed, right, right, right, funk punch goes for Stevie but Stevie is off the apron. Goodfather hits Road Dogg from behind, knocking him out of the ring. Bull and Steven beat him on the outside, with a whip into to a Bull Clothesline. Road Dogg thrown back in. Cover, 2, kickout. Cover, 2 kickout. Choke on the ropes. Goodfather distracts the ref so Bull can choke him. Turnbuckle shot. Snap mare into a chinlock. Road Dogg tries to get the fans behind him, and they do. Gut shot, gut shot, gut shot, up into the corner, corner whip, reversed, Bull runs into a boot, they both clothesline each other. Race for a tag, Road Dogg makes his, right, right, right,  spinning punch by Kwik to knockdown Bull. Whip, reversed, clothesline misses, flying forearm for 2 till Goodfather is in. Everyone in with the RTC controlling, Bull throws Kwik out, and he's attacked by Steven, but quickly takes care of him. RTC both off the ropes, Road Dogg ducks the double clothesline, Goodfather charges towards Kwik and falls out of the ring when he pulls the ropes down, while Road Dogg handles Bull.  Kwik in, Road Dogg with the bearhug and Kwik with the high axe kick - Tazz says Bull got his Hat Rack Cracked. (4:31) RTC beats the crap out of K-Kwik and Road Dog in the ring as Tazz decides to check out a few minutes early - he's got some business. Shoulderbreaker on Kwik - bicycle kick to Road Dogg - trash talk all around.

Backstage, "The tables are bad and violence is wrong and things are going to change." "I promise you from the bottom of my jelly belly." Tazz breaks in. "First of all, the Dudley Boys will continue to put people through tables. Second, you guys promised a Dudleyville Christmas. You cooked Christmas Casserole, and it was great, now, let's go out there and sing songs!" "Sing songs!" The Dudleys leave, but Tazz corners Santa. "And you, sit down, I don't know who you are, but you ain't Santa. You better watch your back, before I choke your ass out." "Well, you're not going to be that orange post card this year, are you young man?" Tazz has already left, and Santa's gets out the cell phone. "Mr. Richards, on to Plan B. Yeah. Under control."

Tazz is on the stage, with top hat. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Buh Buh and D-Von, the Dudley Boys." Buh Buh sits up to the piano. "New York, we're going sing a little Christmas Carol here." They sing Deck the Halls. Buh Buh plays like he got piano lessons when he was a kid and he's trying to remember them. Santa is out again and tries to hit Tazz with his toy bag, but gets punched out by everyone. "D-Von, get the tables!" Superdrop through the table. Tazz throws the sack (with a big ol' RTC Censored sign on it) on him too. We've got more time, back to singing! Here's a replay. Santa's still out, so the Dudley's talk to the fans - Buh Buh says "Wassup" as we close out.

The Cubs Fan
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