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WWF Sunday Night Heat by The Cubs Fan




It would be really neat-o if the WWF pulled out this clip, but in case they didn't.

ONE YEAR AGO ON HEAT: Gillberg returns to the WWF and issues an open challenge for his Light Heavyweight belt. The (re)debuting Essa Rios (w/the debuting Lita) run out and squash the ever loving crap out of him, to win the title. THAT was Essa Rios' biggest match ever - till tonight.


We're in New York and Times Square and you think you know them...

Edge and Christian strut out to the stage. Edge will start. "Greetings to all of our fans here in New York City. And congregations on being a part of history, on, on being part of the greatest Sundie-Sunday Night Heat ever! And that's because Vince McMahon himself asked us to co-host the show." "And that's right, and we'd like to give a shout out to our boy Tazz - thug in the house, yea!" E&C raise the roof. Tazz: "Glad to see you!" C: "Sorry Michael Cole, we think you're a dork." "On the greatest Sunday Night Heat ever, you people are going to see our buddy, the WWF champion, Kurt Angle take on, in a non-title affair, esssssssa rrrrrrrrrrrrrios." "Also in action tonight will the Undertaker and Kane. And if they happen to be victorious tonight, I hope they like the taste of victory, because tomorrow night, they're gonna get totally curbstopped, by us on Monday Night Raw!" Crowd is feeling mixed about that. "Now, we know what all you people came to see. So, without further ado, for the benefit of those with flash photography, we will now pose for five seconds only!" They do. "You're welcome." "Well, I hope you people enjoyed it, because that's all you're gonna get, because, as I look out here, I see the biggest collection of smelly, pimply faced New York City reakazoids I've ever seen [big boos] and we're not going spend one more minute here, not alone one hour. We're out of here." "See ya."

Tazz and Michael Cole talk - What's Vince gonna think of E&C checking out early? Undertaker and Kane are here. (Well, not here, I think they mean they'll be on the show.) Also, Essa Rios vs Kurt Angle, non-title. That Essa Rios graphic must've been sitting around forever. 

Edge and Christian are outside already. Edge: "What do we do now?" "I dunno, let's go throw some firecrackers at the homeless!" "That's a good one, but we always do that. I have idea, MTV is a block over. Ha ha And you know all those requests we sent in to host TRL that went unanswered?" "Yea." Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "You know I am!" "Let's go kick Carson's Daly's ass!" This IS the best Heat ever. The crowd seems behind it.

They're at MTV Studios and trying to get past the receptionist. "We're here for Carson Daly." "Um, it's Sunday night guys, Mr. Daly's not in." "That's okay, we're here to, um, deliver something." "Totally." "Can I get a name, please?" "Edge." "Is there a last name with that?" "What, are you writing my biography? No, it's just Edge." The name's not on the list. "Betcha it's under my name - check Christian. It's just Christian." Ha. "Nothing." Edge: "I got it - it's probably under our stage name. Look for Essa Rios." When he looks in the book, they slam his head into the table and run inside the studios! Watch out for the MTV logo spotlight!

Back to the announcers - Tazz thinks it's funny, Cole thinks they stand a chance of ticking off Mr. McMahon.

Haku (w/Rikishi) vs Weider Results Slam of the Week - Rikisihi and Haku beat Too Cool on RAW.

Haku (w/Rikishi) vs Scotty Too Hotty (w/Grandmaster Sexay) - I don't think this is going work out too much better. Haku charges Scotty before the bell, shots ot the back, turnbuckle smash, kick to the back, choke with the boot. Whip, clothesline, elbow drop. Choke. Pick up by the hair, chop, chop, corner whip, down goes Scotty. Meng celebrates, lots of body blows in the corner. Hype of Raw as Meng does a Tongan dance - headbutt. Meng looks at Sexay, as he tries to get his partner right in to it. Scotty's crawling the wrong way, over towards Rikishi. Rights by Meng, Scotty starts to get up only to get an elbow. Eye rake. Choke on the ropes. Whip, clothesline misses, Scotty's doesn't work too well, the second is better , the third gets turned into to a powerslam. Meng off the ropes, elbow drop misses. Meng is  up and dizzy - Scotty's sees the opportunity - bulldog, no, TONGAN DEATH GRIP! Meng pins his shoulders to the ground and it's over. (2:48) Tazz puts it over big. Meng puts it back on, and Sexay is into to break it up - ooh, superkick ends that - and here's a butt drop. These two can do just about whatever they want.

They're on the (empty) TRL set - and Edge is looking for Carson. "Carson, ready for your beating? Come on little buddy! Come on porkchop!" "Hey, Edge, look what I found - I was totally tooting through reakaziod dork Caron's wardrobe, and I found this - the guy made a doll of himself, what a a freak!" "(imitating Carson, badly) Yea, I'm Carson Daly, and I make Steve Blackman look like Robin Williams and I totally suck compared to the real hosts of TRL, Edge and Christian." Edge gives the doll a couple elbows. They make fun of Carson clothes, and his holding the microphone with two hand on the cover the TRL book. Edge looks out on the street - he thinks he sees Carson's Daly - no, what he does see is guy with a Kane's mask on. Edge freak out and they both decide to leave.

Now they're out on the street, where Edge saw Kane person. Edge decides to get a cab, and the Kane mask guy shows up just as he does. Edge is back with the cab (that fast?) as the mysterious person disappears. E&C decide to get out of there.  

Earlier today, Chyna signed a book for Michael Cole. Here's video of her signing the book for other people. She's #3 on a list of some sort.

Crash (w/Molly Holly) vs Big Albert - Again, Crash is hitting on some chick in the crowd (not one we see) and Molly has to pull him down the ramp. Tazz tells us that they've fought 613 times, with Crash winning at WM (and in the KOTR tournament.) Foreman  by Crash, but you can guess how good that's working. Albert has him up in the double choke, but Crash punches down, kicks and punches in the corner - double chop and a biel away.  Albert holds Crash by the head,  to keep him away, but Crash kicks Albert hard in the right leg to make him drop his arms, and then charges at him - but Albert moves out of the way. Now Albert charges Crash in the corner, but Crash moves out of the way, drop toe holding Albert as he comes out. Albert stops that by sitting down on his knees, and then rights for Crash's head. Headbutt. Picking Crash by his shirt, and throwing him by the shirt toward the corner, Crash kips up, Albert catches him on his shoulder and pushes him towards the floor, Crash lands on the apron, Albert's punch is blocked, Crash's is not, Crash to the top - cross body is caught and Crash is rammed into the corner. Shoulder to the midsection, kick. There's Molly. There's Crash getting dropped crotch first on the top rope. Crash falls to the floor. Right. XFL ref. There's Molly. Here's the announcers. Crash thrown back in - slingshot into the second rope. "Crash didn't need his head anyway." Crash rolls out to save himself, but Albert pulls him up to the apron - reverse suplex into the ring! Cover, 2 count. Cover again, 2. Cover, hooking the leg this time, but still 2. Bearhug, Crash trying to punch his way out of it, Face bite works better. Forearm, forearm, headbutt stops that. Of the ropes, big elbow comes out empty. Crash up with punches, but he's thrown in the corner. Albert charges in, gets an elbow.  Charges in, Crash gets out out of the way, then jumps on Albert, lots of rights but Albert isn't going down. Albert is staggering, Crash going to the top. There's Molly. Albert is dizzy for a long time - missile dropkick for 2.8! Fans thought he had it.  Crash with more punches, but Albert's looking like "that was too close - enough of this" and gets a choke, then the double choke - aaaaaaaalbert Bomb. (4:14) Tazz calls it the Baldo bomb, which is either a inside joke to Albert's Memphis gimmick or a sign of a name change to come. Cole, of course, thinks that's the name of the move. Anyway, they should do a feud between these two if they have nothing else to do (and they never do.)

XFL has stuff you can buy. "You can't escape it." You know it.

Beavis vs Butthead! N`Sync vs Backstreet Boys! It's sweeps month on Celebrity Death Match.

Christian and Edge are a sunglasses stand. "I'm telling you, I saw Kane." "It couldn't be Kane - It couldn't!" "Kane, crazy guy in a Kane mask, does it really matter?" "Here, get a pair of crazy-ass sunglasses, it'll make you feel a little better about this situation. C'mon." Christian tries on a pair, looks in the mirror, and sees Kane mask guy standing across the street from them. They both take off.

Kai En Tai come to the ring. Tazz doesn't like these guys anymore - did they turn face without telling us? I guess that whole Acolytes thing makes them a face. Tazz talks about bringing us the dark side of Michael Cole in a weird segue. "Ah ha ha, fools, the forces of good have reigned for too long! In case you are not aware, we despise good for we are eeeeeeEVIL! Therefore, we have decided to issue an open eeeeevil challenge!" "inDEED!" "Whoever feels they are more evil than us can step forward to prove themselves - and prepare to die!" Kai En Tai get leveled - by Kane's fireworks. Kai En Tai seem to be thinking they might be able to take him 2 on 1. Unfortunate, then, that Undertaker rides out next.

Kai En Tai vs Undertaker & Kane - Neither guy wants in. TAKA makes the mistake of getting on the apron near Kane, so he's pulled in to start the match. Press slam. Big boot for Funaki. Hanging vertical suplex for TAKA. We look at Undertaker thinking. Picking up TAKA with a choke hold - choke slam, one, two, Funaki breaks it up! Perhaps that's not a wise idea. Funaki begs away from Kane, but backs up in to Taker - delayed choke slam for him. Undertaker says something to Kane. DOUBLE LAST RIDE. Kane covers TAKA for the win. (1:42) How lazy - Funaki didn't even tag in that match. Double power to the people.

Coming up, Kurt Angle and Essa Rios.

Right now, E&C are looking for the subway. The guy they ask rather talk about Subway sandwiches and other delis. Then the Kane guy shows up and E&C run off. And the guy's still talking about sandwiches. 

Slim Jam Slam of the Night is from Smackdown: Kurt Angle giving chair shots to Big Show, but not being able to do the same to the Rock, so Angle helped Rock win.

Essa Rios (black and red-purple No Destiny) vs 3 Days Ago On Smackdown - Hey, Essa wearing the same tights in that shot.

Essa Rios vs Kurt Angle in a non title match - Tazz believes Essa stole the shirt. Angle has something to say. Well, give him a minute. Any time now. Still thinking about it. Nah. Okay. "I would like to say [Pause] Could you people shut up for about 10 seconds? [pause] I would like to say [pause] I would like to say to everyone here tonight, that I have agreed to accept a non-title challenge to Essa Rios. No, you people aren't hallucinating, that's just the guy I am. And Essa, congratulations, because after tonight, you will have the honor of telling your future illegitimate grand children you lost to the very best. It's true. Or as they in Spanish, 'El muy true-o, arriba.' " Tazz says Angle is tri-lingual. Circle. Lockup, knee to the gut, right hand from Essa. Turnbuckle shot, now rights hard in the corner, Essa getting beat to the mat. Knee choke. Whip, back elbow.  Pulling Essa by the hair, big back suplex. Another back suplex, but Essa lands on his feet, spin kick for Angle. Off the ropes, ducks the clothesline - overhead, belly to belly suplex stops that.  Stomping on the mat, now Angle goes out to give an elbow on the apron. "Angle sucks! Angle sucks!" On the apron. Back in, rights in the corner, corner whip, Essa moonsault behind Angle and gives him a drop toe hold. Jumping legdrop. Right, right, right, right, whip, reversed, clothesline is ducked and turned into a powerslam, cover, 2 count NO!.  Kicks in the corner corner whip,  Essa charges in, boot form Angle. Angle going to the second rope, Essa stops that with a shot to the midsection.- SPRINGBOARD 'RANA! COVER ONE TWO THRE-NO! I bought that one. More importantly, fans bought that one.  Body slam - Essa is a little slow going to the top - AWESOME moonsault gets knees. Both men down. Angle with a right, blocked by Essa, Essa hits his own. Repeat. Right, right, whip, reversed right into the Olympic slam and it's over like that. (3:37) Angle (who never bother to pull up his straps) isn't done - stomps, picking up Essa - Another Olympics Slam! Angle scares ref Tim White off, and looks around in the ring - crowd chants for Rocky.  Athird Olympic Slam!

Back out in NY, E&C are looking for a way back WWF NY - so they evict a couple from a carriage ride, and tell the driver to take them, but get this - it's the Kane mask guy. Having had enough of this (me too), E&C challenge the Kane mask guy to a fight. He squares up - and runs off! Our heroes are in close pursuit.

Tazz and Michael Cole talk about the same things once again - who is the guy in the Kane mask? We're about find out, as he's running towards the stage. E&C follow, grabbing chairs along the way. The mask is taken off - it's Brooklyn Bralwer? No one pops for him. "Let me explain, let me explain guys - first of all, you guys were going all around New York City, dissing it. And no one dis-es New York City on my time." Crowd cheers for that. "That's why - that's why I was stalking you in a Kane mask, it was me. Actually, I think it was pretty fun they way you guys were jumping, but, hold on, that was for one reason, to prove to you guys that New York City is the best city in the whole world! Let's Go Yankees Let's Go Yankees  Let's Go Yankees Let's Go Yankees Let's Go Yan-oh" Kick to the gut from Edge, and Conchairto for Brawler to shut him up. E&C are out.

There's an XFL game going on right now - go watch it - please go watch.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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